


Unbreakable

by bilgegungoren00



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, James Olsen (minor) - Freeform, Loneliness, Longing, M/M, Minor Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Tags will be updated, Unhappiness, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unwanted marriage, chapters with triggering content will be indicated in the notes, losing someone you love, may contain triggering content, mentions of abuse, mentions of beating, mentions of domestic abuse, multiple POVs, single mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-01-25 14:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 147,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12534276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bilgegungoren00/pseuds/bilgegungoren00
Summary: People should be happy on their wedding days, right?Kara Danvers had been in love with Mon-El Gand. They'd fallen in love with each other in high school, and after surviving through the years no relationship lasted more than a year, she thought they'd be together forever... That is, until he left her last year of college, without a word. Alone...and pregnant.Wanting to give her daughter a perfect life, Kara is determined to forget move on from Mon-El. She has a new job, a fiance whom cares about her and Amelia, and a wedding coming up in a day. Yet when Mon-El shows up at her door and her life makes an unexpected turn, she realizes... It won't be as easy as she hopes it will be.





	1. Pancakes

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello y'all!!!
> 
> soooooo i know i haven't been around much, especially with multichapter fanfics, but there is a very, very good reason for that, which is... i've been working on this very long and intricate fanfic that is about *goes to the document to check the word count* ... 150,000 words?!?! wow. i'm impressed with myself. lol.
> 
> so that means there's 150,000 words coming your way, all of it written (okay, ALMOST all of it, since i technically didn't finish the last chapter yet, but whatever. i'll probably finish it by the time i'll have to post that)
> 
> okay, i don't wanna say too much before the fanfic (because i don't want to reveal much, since i feel like the whole story being mysterious is what makes it interesting) but i have one thing i need to say: as you might've realized, i haven't tagged Sanvers in the relationships tag. and the reason for it is that, while there WILL be Sanvers, it will be minor, and God knows how much i hate when i see a fic tagged Karamel that doesn't actually have much Karamel in it. so...just wanted to point that out. 
> 
> also, another thing. i really, really, REALLY want to thank my beta, @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain, for all of her edits and support for this story. seriously, i would never be able to finish this without her. I LOVE YOU SWEETHEART. 
> 
> anyway...hope you enjoy this!
> 
> p.s. new chapters will be updated once every two days. so that means chapter two will be posted on Monday. just wanted to let y'all know :)

The wedding dress was beautiful; Kara couldn’t help admitting to herself as she watched it, hanging in front of her closet. It was a strapless dress with a simple bodice, but the skirt, as if to contrast with the simplicity of the top, consisted of layers of chiffon on top of one another, creating a wave-like pattern. There was a ribbon wrapped around the waist, a blue one; she’d only gotten it after her sister claimed that it highlighted the color of her eyes. It all came together better than she could’ve ever expected, especially since she barely spend any time looking for it.

Yet, still… She absolutely hated the dress.

She could feel a crinkle forming on her forehead as her eyes traveled on it, a part of her just wanting to rip it apart or throw it out of the window—just get rid of it. She’d hoped… She’d hoped if she hung it in a place she could see, she’d grow to like it, she wouldn’t feel that initial resentment towards it, but…it was yet to happen. Though it wasn’t _that_ surprising that she despised the dress. It wasn’t so much about what it _was,_ but what it _symbolized._ A wedding. Marriage. Commitment. Happiness. _Love._

Everything she ought to feel _one day_ before her wedding…but didn’t.

People should be happy on their wedding days, right? Well, a day before their wedding, but it was…it was still the same logic. Marrying the person you loved, promising to be together with them as long as you lived… That was something everyone looked forward to. And she…she’d gotten especially lucky in that department. James, her fiancé and soon to be husband, was an amazing guy. She didn’t even know how else to describe him. During the two years she’d known him, he’d proven to be loyal, responsible, disciplined, caring, kind… She could go on, and still there wouldn’t be enough good adjectives to describe him. And… And on top of that, he got along really well with Amelia. He was one of the rare guys she’d met that didn’t get freaked out about her having a child. Most of them ran away the moment they heard that, but James… He’d stuck around, and not only that, he’d taken care of Amelia; he’d offered her a love that even surprised Kara sometimes. He’d become the father figure Amelia needed and deserved. She should be more than happy to be marrying a guy like that, someone who was _so much better_ than _he_ could ever be.

No. _No,_ she would _not_ think about him, especially not today. She had a wedding to get ready for, and the last thing she wanted was to mope over someone that didn’t deserve even one drop of her tears. In fact, she should be laughing, dancing, happy despite what _he’d_ done to her, show him that she didn’t need _him_ to be happy.

Fortunately, right at that second the doorbell rang, saving her from her own thoughts. She immediately shook off the sadness as she turned around and tiptoed out of her room, as to not wake Amelia up. It was early in the morning, barely 9 a.m., and it was a Saturday; the girl deserved to sleep on a day off from her kindergarten.

She closed the door of her bedroom behind her before she moved to the front door, opening it to reveal a grinning Alex. Relief washed over Kara’s shoulder at that. She’d asked her to come and pick Amelia up, at least for a couple of hours, so that she could have some time for herself to…think, and sort things out. Now that all the wedding preparations were complete and she didn’t have anything to keep herself busy with, all of her thoughts, hesitations, doubts…sadness… _pain_ …was catching up to her, and she didn’t want Amelia to be there to witness it. The little girl had a way of seeing through her whenever she was sad, as if they had some psychic mother-daughter connection, so Kara was _sure_ she’d know that something was up. And the last thing she wanted, before the wedding, was to upset Amelia, because she’d been so excited when she found out her mother was marrying James and they would be a family. Kara didn’t want to crush her hopes with her own feelings. Amelia deserved better than that.

“Good morning!” Alex cheered, strolling in when Kara stepped back, finding herself smiling despite herself at her sister’s joy. And she knew deep down that it wasn’t because of the wedding—if there was one more person that was as reluctant to go through with it as she was, it was her sister. Yet… Yet Alex also knew that she would marry James, and she understood why she was doing it, so since that was settled, all she could do was be there for her little sister, try to cheer her up and put a smile on her face. “Look what I brought you.” Alex whirled around at that to face Kara, lifting her hands to reveal two cups of coffee, and a bag of doughnuts. Kara could feel her mouth watering even at just the mention of the sugary goodness.

“You’re amazing,” she told Alex as she grabbed the doughnuts from her hand and walked to the couch. She plopped down. “I love you.” She ignored the fact that she hadn’t even had her breakfast as she opened the package, grabbing one of the chocolate-glazed doughnuts. Her favorite. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?” She buried her face into it, losing herself at the chocolate explosion in her mouth for a couple of seconds, as Alex sat down next to her. Her smile was still on her face, as Kara saw through the corner of her eyes, yet this time… This time it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, you’ve said it a couple of times,” she mused with a shrug, bumping her shoulder against Kara’s, before her expression turned into a serious one. Kara felt her stomach dropping at that, knowing what was coming afterwards, and continued chewing on her doughnut, albeit a bit slowly now. She’d suddenly lost her appetite with Alex’s tone. “How are you feeling?”

Kara couldn’t help shooting a glare at her sister. Alex pressed her lips together and nodded. “Right. Of course. Not good. Noted.”

“Thot’s not…” Kara tried to say, her voice sounding unintelligible because of the piece of doughnut in her mouth. She tried again after swallowing it. “That’s not true. I’m happy.” She looked at her sister, licking her lips to get one last taste of the chocolate glaze, yet even that failed to make Alex laugh. Kara pressed her lips together and forced away the feeling that were squeezing her heart. “I’m _happy,_ Alex,” she repeated, as if emphasizing _happy_ would make it more real.

It didn’t.

“Kara, you do know that repeating something doesn’t make it more believable, right?” Alex asked as she scooted closer to her sister, watching her every move as Kara grabbed another doughnut from the package. She pursed her lips at it without taking a bite, so much so that Alex finally put a hand on her shoulder and leaned forward to look at her eyes. “This is about James and the wedding, isn’t it?”

Kara scowled at Alex at that, and when she saw her opening her mouth again she shoved the doughnut in it in order to keep her quiet. “No,” she argued, feeling a crinkle forming between her brows. And no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get rid of the damn thing. _“No,”_ she said again, more weakly this time, as Alex sent an unamused look her way and pulled the doughnut out of her mouth. She chewed and swallowed at an incredible speed, interjecting Kara before she could say anything else.

“You’re crinkling,” she pointed out, her eyes flickering to Kara’s forehead briefly. Kara scowled again at that, knowing it only deepened her crinkle, at least until she felt her sister’s hand over hers. Her eyes were shining with genuine concern, something that put Kara into a serious mood almost immediately. Even though she knew exactly what Alex would say. Even though she could recite her words at that point, for she had heard them way too often. “You don’t have to marry James if you don’t want to, Kara.”

Kara couldn’t even muster a sigh as she ducked her chin, wondering how the words still felt like a blow to the chest, even after hearing them too many times. And… And she knew why. Because Alex was _wrong_. It didn’t matter that she didn’t want to marry James, or she wasn’t in love with him. It didn’t matter that James didn’t make her happy like…like _he_ once did: dopey grin, butterflies in the stomach kind of happy. It didn’t matter that she didn’t feel that when she was with James, because at the end he would be an amazing husband and a father, and Amelia would have the family she deserved. Kara was not about to let _him_ take that away from her; she would never let Amelia live without a family just because _he_ was nothing but a selfish, uncaring, manipulative jerk.

“You and I both know that that’s not true, Alex,” Kara countered, her voice breaking mid-sentence. She pressed her lips together to pull herself together, and when she was sure her voice wouldn’t shake, she continued. “It’s not about what I want.” From the way pain flickered in Alex’s eyes, she knew that her sister understood she was talking about Amelia, her daughter, her baby girl, who mattered more than anything in the world for Kara, even her own life and happiness. If being with someone she didn’t love meant that Amelia could have a proper family, then she’d do it in a blink, no question.

“Then at least try to be happy,” Alex said almost as an answer to her words, putting a hand on Kara’s knee. “Amelia can see through you whenever you’re sad. If she knew that you weren’t excited for the wedding…”

“I know,” Kara whispered, cutting Alex’s words and pressing her fingers to her temples. She closed her eyes briefly. “Trust me, I know. I’ll…” She took a deep breath and forced her lips to curl into a smile, no matter how sour or fake it felt. “I’ll try.” Alex searched her face for a couple of seconds at that before a smile pulled her lips too, yet from the way it didn’t reach her eyes, Kara understood that the smile she’d faked wasn’t so convincing. She hoped Amelia wouldn’t be able to see that.

“Anyway,” she said, partly to change the subject, partly because she wanted to be alone as soon as possible, “let me get that little monster up before it’s too late.” Alex only nodded as an answer before Kara tiptoed back into her and Amelia’s room, walking around her bed to Amelia’s slightly smaller one. An almost smile pulled her lips at the sight of the little girl, spread under her pink blanket with her feet peeking out from underneath, her light brown hair spread on her face. She looked so innocent, so peaceful sleeping that for a moment, Kara didn’t have the heart to wake her up, but instead just wanted to stand there and watch her little baby for a couple of seconds more, who continuously reminded her that despite the fact that her relationship with _him_ crashed and burned in the most horrible way, something good had come out of it. Amelia Alura Danvers.

Kara managed to snap out of her stupor in a couple of seconds and leaned over the bed, gently pushing Amelia’s hair away from her face and putting a kiss on her temple. “Hey sweetie,” she whispered, kneeling down to get eye-level with her. Amelia didn’t even move at first, still asleep, reminding Kara of how hard it was to wake _him_ up too. She quickly pushed away that thought and focused on Amelia, cupping her cheek. “Come on, it’s wakey-wakey time,” she continued, a bit louder this time. _That_ made Amelia stir in her sleep as her eyelids flickered briefly, filling Kara’s chest with hope that maybe this time it would be easy to wake her up…at least until she buried her face in her pillow and groaned. Even though it sounded unintelligible, Kara knew _exactly_ what she was saying. _Five more minutes._ And she knew from experience that allowing those five minutes did not end well.

“But Aunt Alex is here,” Kara objected, wrapping a strand of Amelia’s hair around her fingers, “and she’ll take you out for breakfast.” With that Amelia stilled, moving her head away from her pillow, her face scrunched up as she listened intently despite her closed eyes. Kara couldn’t help smiling. “She promised me that if you wake up right now, you might even get pancakes.” With that Amelia’s eyes snapped open almost immediately. Despite the fact that she’d just woken up, they didn’t look sleepy at all, they were shining in a perfect combination of gray and blue, just like _his_ always did.

“Pancakes?” she asked in a small voice, searching Kara’s face as if to see if she was telling the truth. The corners of Kara’s lips tipped up.

“Uh-huh.”

“With mapye syrup?” Kara couldn’t help laughing at the fact that Amelia still struggled to pronounce the “L”s, despite turning five a couple of months ago. Granted, it was still young for her to talk perfectly, but still Kara found her mistakes utterly adorable.

“Uh-huh. But only if you get yourself out of the bed right now,” she said to her daughter as she straightened up, knowing Amelia would be all up for it since Kara didn’t always let her eat pancakes. She had a tendency to go…overboard with them, and one time, a year ago, she’d eaten them so fast that Kara got worried she might get sick. Ever since then…sugar was limited to Amelia. Especially if she ended up liking them as much as _he_ did…

Amelia jumped out of the bed so quickly, taking Kara out of her thoughts, that she didn’t even have time to be surprised. The little girl swung her legs down her bed.

“Pancakes!” she clapped, a grin on her lips, trying to rush at the bedroom door from under Kara’s arm, her pajama pants brushing the floor. Kara grabbed her from the waist and lifted her up in her arms as a laugh burst out of her chest. She extended her hands to the door. “Mommy, pancakes!”

“You will get them, I promise,” Kara promised as she put Amelia down on her bed. Her daughter was looking at her with pursed lips and wide eyes, her straight hair falling over her shoulders in a knotted mess, her pajama top slipped down her shoulder. She looked exactly like one of those naughty children in the movies that always made Kara laugh—though at those times she hadn’t realized how _hard_ it would be to have a daughter like that, and especially to raise her alone. “But first we need to get dressed,” she continued, shaking away her thoughts and bumping Amelia’s nose with her index finger. “You don’t want to go out in your PJs, right?” The girl pursed her lips as her shoulders slumped.

“No,” she mumbled quietly. Kara chuckled at that.

“Good. Then wait here,” she said as she turned around, walking to her closet to grab something for Amelia to wear. She deliberately ignored the wedding dress hanging on the door and instead went directly to Amelia’s clothes. She took the first thing that came to her hand, which was a pink plaid dress that she remembered James bought a couple of months ago for Amelia’s birthday. And she only knew that because she would never get something plaid, knowing the significance of it. This might be the only plaid thing in her house. But… Well, it was from James, and Amelia loved everything that James gave her, so she refused to get rid of it. Besides, it did really look good on her, just like…

Seriously, Kara needed to stop comparing every single one of Amelia’s actions to _him_. Of course there was a part of her that inadvertently did that, still, even after six years, yet it had become more and more frequent in the last couple of days, so much so that at this point it became utterly annoying. It was as if some part of her was trying to prevent her from going through with the marriage, reminding her that there was certain someone that she still couldn’t forget or let go of.

And all she could say to that part of her brain was that that _asshole_ wasn’t in her life anymore, not for the last six years, and it was about time she forget him. All he’d done was break her heart anyway.

She immediately pushed away any thoughts of _him_ as she got out of the closet, lifting the pink dress in the air. Amelia’s eyes almost lit up at that as she started grinning. Well, Kara wasn’t lying when she said Amelia liked the dress. If it was up to her, she’d wear it every day.

It took about five minutes to get Amelia into that dress, brush her hair to get rid of the knots, and tie it in two cute pigtails. By the end she looked like a little princess, sitting on the edge of the bed, humming a song Kara didn’t even recognize as she slipped her brown flat shoes on her feet. She then smiled up at her daughter, squeezing her thighs briefly. “All ready to go!” she announced, and with that…Amelia let out a small scream as she pushed Kara away and skipped to the door, opening it on her second attempt with her little hands, and rushed into the living room. All Kara could do was follow her with a laugh on her lips. She found her on the couch with Alex, straddling her as she let out a small chuckle.

“Hey, little princess,” she said as she pulled one of Amelia’s pigtails. Amelia didn’t even seem to mind it as she giggled, putting her hands on her aunt’s shoulders and looking at her intently.

“Will we get pancakes?” she asked out of the blue, before she even said good morning or anything else. Kara had to press her lips together to keep herself from laughing as she stood in front of the couch, watching Amelia and Alex, wondering how she’d gotten so lucky to have…this in her life. A family. Something she could call home, especially after what happened, especially after thinking she’d never belong somewhere again. But now, looking at Amelia and Alex, thinking about her best friends Lena and Winn, and even her reporting job with her boss Cat Grant… She realized she had a home, she had somewhere she belonged. Maybe… Maybe this wasn’t exactly what she planned for her future—she _especially_ wasn’t planning on having a child when she was barely 23—but that didn’t mean this wasn’t good. It might not be perfect, but it was…good. She was at least content with it.

“What, not even a good morning for your aunt?” Alex asked, taking Kara out of her thoughts. Amelia pursed her lips at that, completely ignoring Alex’s question.

“Pancakes?” she said again, and this time neither woman could help their laughs. Yet still, Kara could see the confusion in Alex’s eyes as she lifted her brows at her. She sighed exasperatedly.

“They were the only way to get this little monster out of the bed,” she explained as she plopped down on the couch, right next to Alex. “So I hope it isn’t too much to ask you to take her to her favorite pancake place?” Alex just chuckled exasperatedly at that, looking at Amelia’s hopeful expression, giving it a couple of seconds before she answered.

“Fine, okay, yes. We’ll get you pancakes.” And the smile that appeared on Amelia’s face at that, completely happy, was worth the decision. She clapped her hands excitedly as she shifted in Alex’s arms to look at her mother.

“Yay! Pancakes!” She hugged Alex again, resting her cheek on her shoulder. Kara smiled at that briefly before she leaned forward.

“Amelia?” she said to get the little girl’s attention. Amelia’s steel gray eyes snapped open, focused at Kara through her lashes. “What did we say when someone did something for us, do you remember?” Amelia was usually good at this sort of stuff, unless she got way too excited about something, which she occasionally did. It took her a couple of moments to remember, and then she lifted her head.

“Thank you,” she told Alex in a confident but thin voice, making Kara’s chest flutter with pride. Sometimes, it amazed her how smart her daughter was. She was definitely mature for a 5-year-old, as if she also had to grow up fast with Kara, who had to accommodate to working and taking care of a child, alone, right after university. It had been…a challenge, yes, but the outcome had been worth it.

“You’re welcome,” Alex told Amelia at that, grinning at her, before she lightly slapped the girl’s back. “Now we should get our butts out of here before the restaurant is out of pancakes, right?” She grabbed Amelia by the waist and put her on the floor lightly at that. Kara couldn’t help glaring at her.

“Alex, language!” she warned her sister. All Alex did, as Kara followed them to the door, was chuckle at that and glance at her over her shoulder.

“She’s bound to learn it sooner or later, Kara,” she said with a shrug as she grabbed the door’s handle. All Kara could do was roll her eyes at that and ignore her sister as she knelt down, grabbing Amelia’s arm softly so that she can turn to her. She smiled and tapped on her cheek.

“Give your mother a kiss,” she said, her smile widening when she saw Amelia beaming at her. The girl reached forward and wrapped her arms around her mother before planting the kiss she wanted on her cheek. Amelia was smiling widely too as she pulled back.

“Love you, mommy,” she said, and then, in a matter of seconds, all that forgotten, she turned to Alex, grabbing her hand to pull her outside. “But we have to go! We can’t be late for pancakes!” Alex only chuckled at her niece, shaking her head, but when she turned to her little sister, a serious look crossed her eyes. She leaned forward to press a kiss on Kara’s cheek.

“I know Amelia’s happiness is important,” Kara felt her whisper in her ear, too low for Amelia to ear. Alex rubbed her arm at that as she continued. “But your happiness is important too. Don’t forget that.” And with that she pulled back with a wave, closed the door after herself and Amelia, and left, leaving Kara in the middle of her living room, stunned.

Kara couldn’t do anything for a couple of moments, thinking about her sister’s words. Because…if Alex was right…that meant she couldn’t go through with the marriage. She wasn’t happy with James, not really. Yes, she might be smiling, laughing, and she might have moments of happiness, but it never lasted. It wasn’t… It wasn’t true, fulfilling happiness that you felt every day of your life.

But that didn’t matter. That was what she reminded herself as she shook her head and went to make herself coffee. The fact that she wasn’t happy or in love with James didn’t matter, not when Amelia’s happiness was in question.

She grabbed the coffee when she heard the telltale beep that signaled that it was done, and went to sit on the armchair by the window, watching the sun rise in the sky. Her mind drifted off at her relationship with James and how they’d gotten to the point they did, because… She knew she wasn’t in love with him when she started dating him. Yet she hoped that, over time, slowly, she’d fall for him. He was an amazing guy after all; not falling for him would be the ridiculous thing. Yet still, after three years, she felt nothing more to him than she did when they first met. Certainly not like how she once felt about…

_Him._

It’d just been way too easy to fall in love with _him_. Granted, they were in high school when they met, freshman year, and in those years falling in love was all everyone wanted. All _she_ wanted…and in that mentality, it was really so easy to fall for anyone that showed a bit of interest in you. But with him… It’d been different. Something that Kara couldn’t pinpoint, not immediately at least. Because they hadn’t fallen in love _quickly;_ in fact, it’d taken them a year and a half to officially start dating, three times the time it took her to get together with James. But that wasn’t because he was hard to love. It was because being with him came so easily to her that it’d taken both of them quite a bit of time to realize that they felt more for each other than mere friendship. But ever since they got together… They’d become inseparable. They hadn’t broken up, not even once. They fought, of course, often; their personalities were quite different from each other, yet at the end of the day they always stood by each other, cared about each other, _loved_ each other. People always said that high school relationships rarely lasted in long-term, but they…they’d lasted. For more than six years they’d lasted, at least until…

She immediately shook away those thoughts, not wanting to think about him more that day, and instead focused on her coffee. James. Amelia. Anything else. Because… Because no matter how her relationship with him might’ve been, no matter how long it might’ve lasted in the past, at the end it had ended, which meant she should look forward and move on. With someone like James, who loved Amelia so much, whom Amelia loved so much, and who was ready to take the role of Amelia’s father so willingly that it sometimes amazed even Kara. Of course Amelia knew James wasn’t his father, that much Kara had to tell her when she asked about it, and she knew her daughter was still wondering who her father was, but recently… Recently, ever since she’d gotten closer with James, her questions about her father became less and less frequent, especially after Kara told her that he abandoned them, he didn’t care about them, and they deserved much better than someone like him.

She was so lost in her thoughts that it took her some time to realize her coffee was finished. She stood up, ready to dump the cup in the kitchen sink, at least until she heard a knock on her door. Her brows knitted as she looked at the time. She hadn’t been expecting anyone to come, especially not at this early in the day, and there was no way Amelia and Alex had returned so early. Amelia had a tendency to eat slowly, and since she ate a lot it took quite a bit of time for her to be finished with a meal.

But then who could’ve come?

Thinking Alex might’ve forgotten something, or James might’ve wanted to surprise her, she went to the door, completely forgetting to look through the peephole with her exhaustion before she threw it open. And she came to a complete stop when she saw who was behind it. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t even think as her mind took in the man standing in front of her with his hands tucked in his pockets, wearing a black jacket, grey tank top and jeans. She was pretty sure her heart was about to beat right out of her chest as a breathless “hi” left the man’s mouth.

_Mon-El._


	2. Iced Latte

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since i couldn't respond to all of your comments yesterday (i'll get to it as soon as possible, it's just that exams have been killing me) i wanted to tell all of you that i'm so, so, SO glad that you're excited about this! i feel so connected to this story, character-wise and plot-wise, and because i love it so much it's just incredible to see y'all loving it too. just wanted to say that.
> 
> and without further ado...hope you enjoy this chapter :)

“Hi.”

Kara didn’t even think she was breathing as she stared at the man in front of her, her mind desperately trying to make sense of what was happening. Trying to decide whether…whether the person in front of her was real or just a figment of her imagination. Trying to process that it was…it was him. It was Mon-El. _Mon-El,_ the person that she’d once loved with all of her heart, the person she wasn’t able to forget for years, the father of her child, the person she still very much _loved_ —she cut that train of thought off before it got too far. Because none of that…none of that mattered. Not when he was also the person that broke her heart so much she still hadn’t healed even six years later, the person that claimed to love her and then left her without a word or a goodbye, the person that caused her so much pain that a part of her thought she’d carry that for all her life. It was him. _It was him._

It was only when, after she realized that he was truly here and she really wasn’t hallucinating, that she realized how horrible he actually looked. Yes, it was Mon-El, but it wasn’t the Mon-El that she’d remembered from her memories, her photos, her videos. It seemed like, as far as Kara could see from under his tank top, that he’d built up some muscle, but even that wasn’t enough to hide the fact that he’d lost a substantial amount of weight. His cheeks were collapsed, highlighting the lines of his face more than she remembered, and his grey-blue eyes that used to shine brightly had been reduced to a dull shade of grey. His skin was almost sickly pale, his hair was much longer and messier, as if he couldn’t even care about how he looked anymore. The only thing he had with him was a black backpack, which was dangling off his shoulder, as if he’d forgotten about it. His gaze was trained on her, wide and shocked, like _he_ couldn’t believe that he was seeing her either, just as she couldn’t believe it a couple of seconds ago.

That was when it truly hit her in the head. Mon-El was here. _He was here._ Six years after he left her—six years of not hearing from him—he was back, right before her wedding day, right when she needed to forget him the most.

…he shouldn’t be here.

Instinct took over at that as she grabbed the door, attempting to shut it close. He shouldn’t be here. He _couldn’t_ be here. Especially not after so many years had passed, especially not after leaving her and breaking her heart, especially not after showing her how little he actually cared about her. She needed him gone. Now. She needed him _gone._

Yet before the door could slam shut, Mon-El stopped it with his foot and put his hand over it to stop her from closing it. She could feel tears brimming in her eyes at that as she struggled against him, desperately needing to close the door and forget him, forget this ever happened, and look forward. She hated how weak she felt, not only because she wasn’t strong enough to shut the door, but also because how he still affected her even after years of not seeing him. How he so easily brought tears to her eyes, how her body reacted to him with a pounding heart and sweaty palms in a way that it never reacted to James. She couldn’t have that. Especially not now. She—

“Kara, don’t,” Mon-El begged as he pushed on the door a bit more strongly. The first words he’d uttered to her, if she didn’t count the “hi”. It made her shudder all over as she bit the inside of her cheek harshly, trying to ignore how his voice was so small, thin, shaking and cracked as she pushed on the door using all her weight, trying to not let how _broken_ he sounded affect her. That wasn’t even the last thing she needed. “Please.”

“ _No_ ,” she hissed between her teeth before he could say anything else, hating the way she sounded tear strained, as she pushed again, harder this time, but…but Mon-El was way too strong for her, so much stronger that she couldn’t even move the door a bit. And she also doubted he wasn’t using his full strength, since he didn’t look like he was struggling at all. Her arms, though, felt already tired; granted, that might be due to her sleeplessness as well.

Yet it didn’t matter as she had to give up, letting him push open the door fully as anger started churning in his stomach. Anger and…something else she opted not to even think about, because holding onto that anger was far easier than letting herself think about her lingering feelings about Mon-El, and how much she was still hurting. It was far easier to be angry at him than to admit that he’d broken her heart, especially since she did not want to cry in front of him. Or at least cry because she was _hurting_. Now crying because of her anger, which happened to her more often than she wanted to admit… She could live with that. As long as she could blame her churning stomach, pounding heart, and the tears that were welling up in her eyes to anger, she’d be fine. So all she did when the door opened and she found herself face to face with Mon-El was clench her teeth and cross her arms, offering him her harshest glare, forcing herself to breathe despite air getting hitched in her throat.

She also tried to ignore the way Mon-El grimaced at that and avoided her eyes briefly.

“What are you doing here?” The question left Kara’s mouth when the awkward silence between them made the situation all the more uncomfortable. She could see Mon-El wincing visibly, whether because of her posture or her harsh tone, she didn’t know—not that it mattered. It didn’t matter if his heart was shattering into pieces because of her coldness, it didn’t matter if the bite behind her words hurt him, it didn’t matter if the thought of her hating him killed him. He’d hurt her once in the worst way possible. Why should she care if she hurt him?

“I wanted…” he started after a couple of seconds of silence, his voice shaking so badly that he had to say the words slowly to keep them from sounding unintelligible. He tucked his hands into his pockets as he cleared his throat, the tension in his shoulders visible. “I wanted to s-see you.” He pressed his lips together, as if trying to find something to say. At least that was what Kara assumed from what she knew about him, though he could be doing something completely different, since it turned out that she didn’t know him. At all. She hadn’t known it was possible to be so wrong about someone, and yet…

“I heard about…about the wedding.” His words took her out of her thoughts. She couldn’t help arching her brows at that, trying to decide whether he was being serious or not. He surely couldn’t have come back all the way to National City, back to her, six years after he left and broke her heart irreparably, six years of never calling her, texting her, even sending a damn email, six years of never hearing a word from him, to congratulate her for getting married? Because if that was the case… She’d never been a violent person, always opting to either walk away or talk things out, but she might actually kill him.

Yet his expression didn’t even change at her incredulous expression. A short laugh left her lips before she could help it. He wasn’t kidding her. He was being _serious_. She laughed again as she shook her head.

“So you’re telling me,” she started, patting herself on the back inwardly that her voice sounded normal, if not a bit clipped, “that you came here, _six years_ after you left me, _six years_ since I’ve heard from you, to congratulate my marriage?” Mon-El flinched visibly at that, his face pulled into a pained expression, and a part of Kara, which was still bitter at him, relished at the fact that she could hurt him with her words only. Because he deserved it. He deserved every bit of pain she could cause him and more for what he’d done to her.

Mon-El opened his mouth at his words, as if he wanted to say something, yet nothing came out. His shoulders were slumping under her glare. She could see him clenching his fists and struggling to find something to say, yet she didn’t look away. She quickly pushed away the small part of her that felt bad for him and kept staring at him, enjoying the way he was caving under her gaze. Enjoying the way he couldn’t even find anything to say.

“I…” he managed to mutter out finally as he shut his eyes for a couple of seconds, as if trying to gather his strength. “I don’t know.” His voice was so low that Kara barely heard him. She couldn’t help snorting at that.

“You don’t know? _That’s_ your answer?” There was no way she could hide her sarcasm, especially with the turmoil of emotions going on inside of her. She narrowed her eyes and jutted out her chin. “Come on, Mon-El. I think even a bad liar lik you can come up with a much better excuse than that.” Well, he’d managed to deceive her into believing he truly loved her for years; it wasn’t exactly believable that “I don’t know” was the only excuse he could come up with.

At least that was what she thought until he snapped at her, his voice raising slowly, so much so that it caused her to jump. “I’m not trying to find an excuse!” he almost yelled, his steel gray eyes boring into her. She couldn’t help it as her eyes widened, her heart skipping a beat. She couldn’t do anything other than watch him as he deflated, his face softening and morphing into a shamed, guilty, and painful expression. At least one that seemed like it. He swallowed hard before he continued’ his voice was shaking more audibly now that he spoke quieter and more collectedly. “I just… I wanted to see you. For…once. I wanted to see you just…just for once.” He looked so desperate for her to listen, so hopeful that she wouldn’t shut him out completely. And once that would melt Kara’s heart and immediately dissipate her anger, especially if he was hurting this much, but now… Now it just angered her even more. She could feel her stomach boiling as she clenched her teeth. He was the one that left her, he was the one that walked away and broke her heart, and he _dared_ to get hurt that she was shutting the door on his face now?

She grabbed the door to close it again before she spoke.

“Well, sorry to say this, but you lost that chance six years ago when you left.” She attempted to close the door again…only to be stopped by Mon-El, _again._ This time he actually stepped forward, his face obviously panicked.

“Kara, wait, please!” he pleaded almost frantically, turning his head to look at her eyes. She couldn’t even get a word in as he continued. “Please, give me five minutes. Just five minutes. That’s all I want. Let me just… Let me buy you a cup of coffee for five minutes.” His eyes searched her face as she clenched her jaw, ready to say no, but he was faster. “Please _,_ ” he said again, his voice shaking as Kara saw tears filling his eyes slowly, no matter how much he tried to blink them away. His hold on the door loosened as his hand fell down to his side. There was no mistaking the defeat in his eyes, as if he knew what her answer would be, as if he knew she’d close the door. Even as he repeated his plea. _“Please.”_

Kara knew she had to say no. That was the logical decision. She could see in his eyes that he would go if she closed the door, if she said no. He would be gone, forever now, and she would be free to go back to her life, focus on the wedding, her marriage, and raising Amelia with a family that she deserved. A life in which…she could never be happy. At least not in the way that she’d been happy with… _him._

Her mind had made the decision for herself as her grip loosened and her hands slipped off the door.

* * *

Kara’s shoulders were so tense as she entered the café that she was afraid she would snap at any time. She didn’t even glance at Mon-El, who was holding the door for her, as she strolled past him and dropped her clutch on a table right in the middle of the room. Granted, it didn’t allow for some alone, personal conversation, but that was the last thing she wanted right now. And Mon-El would have to settle with it if he wanted to talk to her.

She didn’t even look back at him to see what he was doing as she sat down, keeping her chin up. It took her a couple of seconds to hear his footsteps approaching. He’d only stopped for one second when she spoke.

“You know what I want,” she said with a clipped voice, clutching her hands around the strap of her purse. She could almost feel Mon-El grimace at her harsh tone, yet she shoved away the part of her that cared about that as she faked a sarcastic laugh. She briefly felt proud when it sounded real. “Or wait, maybe you don’t.” She arched her brow and glanced up at him. “How can I know that you know what I want, since I apparently didn’t know you at all? Maybe you just forgot all about me after you left.” She knew her words were harsh, and there was a time she would’ve cared about that, especially when she saw Mon-El flinch visibly, yet all she did was turn to her purse and take out her phone. She barely heard what he said next.

“I know what you want.” And then, without saying anything, without even objecting, he was gone to the register to get their coffees. Kara told herself not to look at him, not to _care,_ yet still, her eyes found their way to him. _I know what you want._ That was what he’d said, weakly, desperately, defeatedly. He didn’t even argue with her words, he didn’t tell her that she was being ridiculous, he didn’t _challenge_ her like he used to do. It wasn’t in a bad way per se, not like he was trying to demean her, but he never…he never used to take her insults without objections. But now… It was like he’d changed _completely._ There was no trace of that joyous, carefree person that she’d known—or thought she’d known—from years ago. Now he was…he was so _sad,_ so _joyless,_ as if…as if he’d lost all will to live. He never laughed or smiled, not genuinely at least, and he seemed like he was carrying this…this heavy burden on his shoulders. Whoever this was… This wasn’t _her_ Mon-El, if that person ever existed at all. That person used to know her, understand her, challenge her, love her like nobody else, but now…now it felt like they didn’t even know each other anymore.

She felt her heart squeeze painfully at that, but she immediately pushed that thought away as she focused in front of her, especially when she saw Mon-El grab two cups of coffee and bring it to the table. He put one of them in front of her with a shaky hand.

“Caramel latte,” he muttered under his breath, his eyes staying on her for one second as if he expected her to look at him, but when she kept her eyes on the table he gave up and slumped on the chair across from her. His hands were wrapped around his cup too tightly that a soft part of Kara felt worried that he’d burn them.

Yet her other, angry part just shut that thought up as she looked up, glaring at him, waiting for him to speak. _He_ was the one that invited her here, right? He should have something to say.

Yet when he stayed silent for a couple of seconds more, she couldn’t help it snapping. “Well, go on,” she urged him, “tell me whatever you came to say. I don’t have the whole day. I have a wedding to prepare for and a daughter to take care of.” The last words came out of her mouth without her intention, and she only noticed the mistake she’d made when Mon-El suddenly looked at her, surprise flickering in his eyes. She’d told him about his daughter. She’d told him about Amelia, when he shouldn’t have even known they had a daughter. _Damn it._

She slipped from her thoughts with Mon-El’s voice. “A-Amelia?” he croaked out, his voice so low that she was barely able to hear it. She pressed her lips together harshly, forcing herself to answer back without even blinking, hoping there wasn’t a crinkle on her forehead.

“Alura,” she corrected him, jutting out her chin and fixing her gaze to his. A painful expression pulled his face under the coldness of her glare. She wondered briefly if he could see that she was lying about the name—he always used to be able to see through her—and her daughter used the name Amelia, but at that point she couldn’t care. She knew what that name meant for him, and she _refused_ to let him think that she still cared about him. “Her name is Alura,” she repeated, trying to ignore the way his eyes broke at that, telling her stupid heart that he’d done worse to her. She just bit the inside of her cheek as he ducked his chin, yet Kara didn’t miss the way he blinked several times, and if she knew him, she knew he was trying to push back his tears.

“Alura,” he whispered only a couple of seconds and lifted his words. There was a sheen of unshed tears in his eyes that Kara also chose to ignore as she took a sip from her latte, and clenched her teeth. “She’s…” Mon-El continued before she could say anything, and then stopped for a second to pull himself together. “She’s a beautiful girl.”

The next words left Kara’s mouth without her intention as anger flared up in her stomach. “How do you know that?” she asked. He’d been gone for six years, never once attempting to contact her. He shouldn’t even know that Amelia _existed_ , let alone how she looked. He certainly never came to see his daughter, right?

Yet Mon-El simply shrugged at that, an almost sad smile pulling his lips. It didn’t reach his eyes as he looked up.

“I saw it online,” he explained. Kara didn’t miss the hint of shakiness in his voice. “Eliza loves sharing photos of her.” She just lifted her brows at that as a small chuckle left her lips…at least until she realized he was being completely honest. Her laugh died and she found herself searching his face for…something. She didn’t even know what it was—well, more like she didn’t want to accept what she was looking for, especially since she knew she would never find it. Mon-El might’ve…looked at Amelia’s photos online, but that didn’t mean he _cared_ about her. And the…the almost loving and painful look she saw in his eyes could definitely not be directed at her or Amelia.

She decided to ignore that as she turned to her coffee, taking a sip just to fill the awkward silence, so much so that it felt like every second stretched the gap between them, as if she didn’t already feel like she was miles away from Mon-El.

She couldn’t take it after a couple of seconds. She took another sip from her coffee before she tucked her phone into her purse. She could feel Mon-El watching her, fear flickering in his eyes.

She chose not to see that as she turned to him. “If that’s all you have to say, _Mon-El,_ ” she said, almost spitting her name out, “I’d like to leave.” She was just getting ready to grab her purse and stand up, not wanting to spend another minute with him—and no, the sick feeling in her gut wasn’t because she wouldn’t see him again—when she suddenly felt fingers circling her wrist. She whirled around to see…Mon-El. He was holding her hand, looking at her with a panicked expression.

“No,” he choked out, desperation tinting his voice. Kara was caught so off guard by how he was holding her wrist, so gently and shakily, and by the fire that his touch sent coursing through her veins that she couldn’t do anything for a second. Yet even when she managed to yank her hand away, her heart continued pounding, almost urging her to hold his hand again. Instead of that thought. she opted to focus on Mon-El, seeing pain flicker in his eyes briefly before he clenched his teeth and a blank expression filled his face. He cleared his throat and pointed at her coffee. “You haven’t finished your coffee yet.”

Kara’s brows arched at that, and a laugh left her lips involuntarily. He couldn’t have just suggested that she should stay because of coffee, right?

…but of course he did. Because no matter how much she wanted it to be wrong, he didn’t care about her. Maybe he did once, but that love must’ve died, because…because if he truly cared, if he truly loved her, he wouldn’t have left her in the first place. But he didn’t, and it wouldn’t change, no matter for how long they talked. This was just a waste of time.

She laughed again as she shook her head. “This was a mistake,” she said as she pulled the zipper of her purse harshly, blinking to keep her tears at bay. The last thing she wanted was to cry because of Mon-El in front of him. He wasn’t worth one drop of her tears. “I should’ve never come…” she continued as she took out her wallet. She focused her gaze on him before she said the next words. “You don’t care,” she stated, hating the way her voice shook, yet the way Mon-El flinched at that made it worth it. “You never did, and you never will. I should’ve known.” She dropped a couple of dollars on the table before she stood up, preparing to leave. Yet before she could take even one step he grabbed her wrist again.

“Kara, wait,” he said, pleaded really, his voice laced with pain. Yet she’d had enough of it. This was too much. She whirled around and yanked her hand back harshly, not even trying to stop her words.

“You left me!” she almost yelled, loudly enough to get the attention of a couple of people. Mon-El was so taken aback by her outburst that he couldn’t do anything but blink. Kara took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down and not make a scene, before she continued. “You left me, Mon-El, without a word, without a goodbye, without an explanation. We’d been together for seven years before that, and you couldn’t offer me any of those. So now you do not get to come and ask me to not go, especially after not hearing from you for _years.”_ She furiously wiped away a tear that managed to escape her eyes as she tried to focus on Mon-El. There was no mistaking the tears welling up in his eyes. _Good._

“You owed me better than that. I deserved better than that.” That was the last thing she whispered before she turned around and left, feeling tears brimming in her eyes and hating herself for it. She was so focused on wiping them away and holding back her sobs that she didn’t notice the two men watching her from across the street.

* * *

_You owed me better than that. I deserved better than that._ The words rang in Mon-El’s ears and continued to circle in his mind, over and over again, as he watched Kara leave, not missing the way she fervently wiped her tears. Not that he was in a much different position. Despite his heart thundering in his chest, feeling like it was breaking more and more each second—and honestly, after six years, he’d thought there’d be nothing of it left to break—he could feel tears wetting his cheeks and his body shaking. He had to clench his fists and force himself to take deep, small breaths to stop his trembling, yet even those attempts seemed like they weren’t working. He couldn’t stop shaking, he couldn’t stop the tears from filling his eyes continuously, he couldn’t think of anything but guilt, shame, and pain churning in his stomach. Because he’d done this. He’d done this to…

_Kara._

She wasn’t the girl he’d known six years ago. Not even close. He didn’t know how to explain it but she’d lost…she’d lost a spark that she used to have when he left her. Her eyes didn’t shine like they used to, her cheeks didn’t have that cute, pink color they used to have and were instead pale, her voice seemed dull and still even as intense emotions brewed in her eyes, and her body… She seemed deflated. As if someone took away her will and enthusiasm. As if _he’d_ taken them when he left. And even though he’d only left for _her,_ so that she could have a safe and happy life, he couldn’t help feeling absolutely guilty and ashamed about the situation, so much so that he didn’t even care how he must’ve looked standing in the middle of the café with tears on his cheeks and his hands shaking.

And it must’ve been because of those tears and the shakiness that it took him some time to notice something. His eyes caught them inadvertently as they were following Kara. The two men standing beside what looked like a black Range Rover in formal attire and sunglasses. It probably wasn’t that odd a thing, considering there were a lot of businesses around here, yet there was something…weird about the way they looked.

He only realized what it was when he saw the gun sticking out from under one of the men’s jacket. And his body froze when he realized that, and not only that but the way their eyes were watching and following Kara, the way they glanced at him. His mind flashed back to six years ago when he was in a similar place like this and he saw a black SUV approach him, several men exiting. He’d guessed who they were then, and he could guess who those two men were now.

And they promised nothing but danger.

… _Kara._

The thought hit him in the head before he even had time to worry about himself. Because they must’ve seen that he was with Kara, and he knew…he knew they might use her to hurt him. They might hurt _her,_ or…or worse, and he couldn’t let that happen.

His eyes caught her waiting on the sidewalk for the traffic lights to turn red, and before he even had time to doubt or hesitate he rushed out of the café, forgetting all about his coffee or anything else. He didn’t care about anything but getting Kara to safety, not even himself. The men could shoot him in the back and he wouldn’t give a damn, as long as she wasn’t hurt, as long as she was alive, as long as she was safe.

He only focused at that thought, ignoring everything else, as he walked next to Kara as fast as possible without drawing attention and grabbed her arm.

“Wha—“ she exclaimed, not having time to say anything else before he started pulling her. He couldn’t waste time by arguing with her or trying to convince her of something that she probably wouldn’t believe. He needed to get her to safety. That was all that mattered.

“Keep quiet,” he muttered under his breath to her as he tugged her close, wrapping an arm around her waist, trying to keep her struggle at a minimum and make their way to his car as soon as possible. And then… And then they could drive away, probably ditch the men behind them, and… She’d be safe. That was when he’d worry about the next step or what her reaction might be to the whole situation, not—

He felt Kara squirm in his arms, trying to get away. His already fast heart rate spiked with fear. “Mon-El, what the _hell_ are you doing?” she hissed as she pushed him away, giving him a fiery glare. Normally, even just a couple of minutes ago that glare would make him wince and send a shot of pain through his veins, but now he didn’t even notice that. He didn’t notice anything other than the fact that if she kept squirming, someone was bound to see that something was wrong.

He couldn’t have that.

“Just keep quiet and walk with me, please,” he begged as he turned a corner, almost losing his grip on Kara. Fear shot through him as he tightened his grip around her. He continued before she had a chance to object. “I know you’re angry with me and you hate me, and you have every right, but you need to listen to me and keep quiet.” He used his chance to glance at her when they stopped at a traffic light, knowing how frantic and terrified he must be looking. Maybe… Maybe if she saw that this was serious she’d listen. Because she had to see that this was serious. This wasn’t about him or her, this was…this was bigger than that. Much, much bigger than that. “Please,” he pleaded as a last attempt.

Kara seemed like she wanted to argue as she looked up to him, that she wanted to push him away, but…but whatever she saw in his eyes must’ve worked. Her body relaxed in his arms only slightly, the tension of fear staying as she gulped. Mon-El didn’t even realize he was holding his breath until he let it go, relieved, when she nodded. At least she understood that it was serious.

At least now he had a real chance of getting her to safety.

Neither of them said anything as they walked to Mon-El’s car, though he could feel his heart slamming against his ribs, almost ready to beat right out of his chest. From Kara’s pale face he could see that she wasn’t in a much different situation. His stomach coiled painfully at that for a second before he pushed away the feeling, focusing on the car in front of her. Yet still, he didn’t miss the way Kara’s hands were shaking as he opened the passenger door for her.

“Get in,” he whispered, as quietly as possible, looking behind them to see if they were being followed. It took him a couple of seconds to spot the men, walking towards them.

_Oh no._

He almost felt glad when Kara obeyed and took a seat with only slight hesitation, because he really didn’t have time to convince her to get into the car either. He forced his pounding heart to slow down, clenching and unclenching his fists several times to keep his hands from trembling. He needed to keep a clear head if he wanted to get them out of this situation.

He didn’t miss a beat, after jumping into the car, to start it. He felt almost proud that his hands weren’t shaking so badly anymore. He quickly pulled the car out of the parking spot and onto the street.

Kara’s shaky question came barely seconds later. “Mon-El,” she whispered, her voice so thin and quiet that he had to school his features to keep himself from grimacing. He looked at the rearview mirror and side mirrors to see if they were being followed, yet the black Range Rover didn’t seem to be anywhere. “What’s going on?”

He didn’t answer as he gritted his teeth, turning the car to the left lane to pass an extremely slow going car, trying to go as fast as possible without pushing past the speed limit. Yet he knew he was getting close when he saw the speed of the car.

“What is happening?” Kara repeated the question, leaning forward to look at him, her voice sounding more demanding and forceful rather than utterly terrified. He only had a second to feel glad about that before he turned the steering wheel to the right, passing by another car. And then his attention was once again focused on the road. There was a couple of seconds of silence before Kara interrupted it again.

“Where are we going?” she asked this time, her voice louder. Mon-El just gritted his teeth, not knowing what to say, because…he really didn’t know where they were going. At least not as a location, and he doubted Kara would accept “somewhere safe” as an answer. Besides, the less she knew about the situation, the better. It would give her a chance to be left alive if they were ever caught—

“Mon-El!” He was so startled with the yell that he almost lost control of the steering wheel, at least until all his training to keep his composure came back and he steadied himself. He only glanced at her when she continued, and noticed that she was grasping the side of her seat tightly, her frantic eyes over him. “Where are we going?” Her voice was shaking so much that it was a struggle not to grimace on his part. He took a deep breath, squeezing the steering wheel tightly and using it as a support before he answered, hoping her reaction wouldn’t be immediately freaking out.

“As far away from here as possible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek 
> 
> love y'all :)


	3. Kidnapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so so sorry i forgot to post this chapter yesterday. i was having a generally shitty day (you know, one of those days you think you're not doing anything for your future and you're like "what am i doing with my life?") and it just slipped my mind. i am SO SORRY. please forgive me. please?
> 
> to make up for that, i'll post another chapter tomorrow :)
> 
> anyway, hope you like this one :)

“As far away from here as possible.”

Kara froze the moment those words left Mon-El’s mouth. _As far away from here as possible…_ What did that even mean? How was that possible? Hadn’t she… Hadn’t she made it clear that she didn’t want to see him ever again? He thought… Did he really think he could just…take her away?

She was so shocked, so _angry_ that she’d completely forgotten how utterly terrified he’d looked and why she followed him in the first place. Because she knew that even though it felt like she didn’t know Mon-El at all, if he looked _that_ scared and serious, _something_ must’ve been going on. But she couldn’t think _any_ of that as she snapped.

“Mon-El, what the hell?” she yelled, gripping the side of the door to stop herself from doing something stupid, like opening said door or grabbing Mon-El’s arm to stop him while they were going… _60 miles per hour?_

Oh, god.

She tried to ignore that, and her heart that had just started to slam against her ribs, before she turned to Mon-El again. “Who the hell do you think you are? What the hell are you doing?”

…he couldn’t be kidnapping her, right? Okay, he might’ve done a lot of stuff that Kara couldn’t believe he did, but…that was not who he was. He wasn’t a kidnapper. He wasn’t a criminal. He was a…a good guy. He’d always been such a good guy that, especially in high school and college, it had always floored Kara. He would never do something like this…

Right?

She was distracted from her thoughts—and her brain that was all too ready to press the panic button—when Mon-El answered her question. “I’m trying to protect you,” he hissed between his clenched teeth, his eyes flickering to the side mirrors briefly before returning to the door. He turned the steering wheel to the left so unexpectedly that Kara found herself flushed with the door.

Which was probably why it took her a bit of time to process his words…and then she couldn’t help laughing incredulously. Mon-El’s face tightened at the sound as she pushed herself off the door, trying desperately to hold onto her seat, the seat belt, anything to steady herself. She laughed again, trying not to wince at how hysterical she sounded.

“You’re trying to protect me?” she asked, anger and disbelief dripping from her voice, covering up the utter horror she was feeling. Well, at least she was happy for that. “You kidnapped me!” Even saying those words, accusing of him of what this was, made her shudder. Because… Because he’d kidnapped her. He’d kidnapped her, he was taking her away, and—

_Oh God._

“If anything, I should be protected from you!” she continued, her voice starting to shake with fear. She didn’t miss the way Mon-El dared to roll his eyes at that, not even _glancing_ at her. Instead, he turned the steering wheel to the right this time, cutting in front of some car, earning a couple of honks. Each of them made Kara jump, as she was already feeling jumpy without the sudden and loud sounds of them. He ignored them as he shook his head.

“Trust me,” he said, his voice sounding almost breathless, “in this case, I’m not the one you should be afraid of.” Kara arched her brows at that, another hysterical laugh leaving her lips. She couldn’t even care that she sounded a bit crazy at this point. She was being _kidnapped_ by her _ex-boyfriend_ one day before her _wedding._ She had the right to be crazy.

“Yeah, that’s kinda hard to believe,” she said as she grabbed the back of her seat when Mon-El made yet another sudden movement with the car, so much so that she couldn’t help wishing he would go a bit slower. Despite wanting to get out of his car like right now, she really did not want it to be with an accident…or death.

She pushed those thoughts away. “You _kidnapped_ me,” she reminded him again. There was no way she could hide her franticness and fear. In fact, it was so audible that it made Mon-El flinch, yet she didn’t even care about that, her eyes glued to the road, praying to whatever god was up there for him to not crash into something or some _one_. She only averted her attention when Mon-El spoke after what felt like minutes, even though it couldn’t have been longer than seconds.

“I won’t hurt you, Kara,” he said, his voice calm for once, despite the frantic way he was driving the car. Well, at least he wasn’t getting faster at this point, the speed steadied between 50-60 miles per hour.

Kara retorted to his words so quickly that even she was surprised. “Well, you hurt me once,” she snapped at him, her bitterness audible, “in the worst way possible. Forgive me if I don’t believe you won’t do it again.” She waited for him to say something to her—anything, really—but he stayed silent, watching the road, not even offering her a glance. Kara couldn’t help snorting at his silence, shook her head and bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying. She could _not_ cry in front of Mon-El, not only because she didn’t want him to see that he was affecting her, but also she didn’t want to seem weak. She was pretty sure she’d read somewhere that kidnappers or attackers got scared when their victims fought back instead of giving up. They looked for weak people. So despite feeling like she was on the verge of falling apart, she needed to hold herself together and stay strong. Just hang on for a bit more.

“I’m calling the police,” she told Mon-El, letting him know that he would _not_ get away with this, before she opened her phone, managing to enter her password correctly only at the second try because of her shaky fingers. She saw, from the corner of her eyes, that his gaze snapped at her, and if she wasn’t mistaken there was true panic in them.

_Good._

“You can’t,” he choked out before she even managed to open her contacts, and then made such a sudden turn that Kara found herself flushed with the door again, her phone almost flying out of her hand. Her heart rate spiked momentarily before she managed to get her grip. She glared at him.

“You can’t stop me,” she said, feeling proud that she sounded confident. She returned to her phone, pressing on 9—

She didn’t even have time to process what happened when she saw Mon-El’s hand covering the phone and ripping it away from her. She could only scream slightly as she looked up, her eyes wide, only to see—

_Had Mon-El actually just thrown her phone out of the car’s window?_

“Mon-El!” she yelled, her voice laced with fear and disbelief. No. _No._ This couldn’t be happening, right? This couldn’t be real. None of this…

She jumped when he suddenly started to speak—scream at her, really—and startled her out of her thoughts.

“You can’t use your phone, Kara!” he yelled, his voice angry, but even the most oblivious person would be able to hear the hint of fear behind it. “Especially not to call the police, not if you don’t want us to be tracked. Not if we don’t want to be followed. It’s too risky.” Kara scoffed incredulously as she shook her head.

“That doesn’t even make sense!” she countered, which was probably true. She was… She was just a normal girl with a close to normal life, a normal job, and normal friends. She never had any problems with the police or…anyone really—until now. “Why would _anyone_ be following me? I’m—“ Mon-El interrupted her before she could say anything.

“Because she knows you!” he yelled, so loudly that it made Kara jerk as she stared at him wide-eyed. She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs and terror coursing through her veins. And when she looked at him…when she searched his face…she didn’t see the man she’d known for eight years, that she’d spent seven years dating, _loving._ All she saw was a stranger, someone vicious, emotionally unstable, and…and somehow, still utterly terrified of something. Because the man she’d known… He’d never, _ever_ yell at her—or anyone for that matter—like that. _Never._

“Because they’ve seen you,” he continued, his voice only a whisper now, and didn’t say anything else. The only sounds in the car were coming from their surroundings, at least until Mon-El pressed his lips together and shook his head.

“I…I know you’re used to doing your own thing, Kara, and I know none of this makes any sense right now,” he stammered, his voice trembling so much that if Kara didn’t know him—well, _at least_ his voice—she wouldn’t be able to understand the words. “But please… Please, listen to me on this. I need you to listen to me on this.” The sentences came out as a plea as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, enough that his knuckles whitened.

She couldn’t help shaking her head again, tears brimming in her eyes. She felt so, so weak, both emotionally and physically, the events of the last few hours catching up to her that she didn’t even have it in her to fight with him at this point. She felt her body slump as she felt the first tears wetting her cheeks. She didn’t even bother to wipe them away.

“Who are you?” she couldn’t help asking, her voice so quiet and broken. “What happened to you?” Mon-El didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, almost a minute, as he kept his focus on the road. He only answered just as Kara was about to give up.

“Too much.”

* * *

Amelia had an excited jump to her steps as Alex held the elevator’s door for her and she skipped outside. She’d been like this ever since she got her ice cream—excitedly licking it while they walked back to Kara’s house. She was so fast that for a moment, Alex had gotten worried that the ice cream would fall on the floor, but fortunately they’d managed to reach Kara’s apartment without a problem.

“Slow down, silly,” she called out for Amelia as the girl stopped in front of her mother’s door, knocking without missing a beat. She looked at Alex with wide eyes.

“You hurry up,” she said as she rocked back and forth on her feet. That earned a small chuckle from the woman as she joined Amelia in front of the door, ruffling her hair despite the girl’s complaints, and waited for Kara to answer.

Yet a couple of seconds later the door was still closed, and even more so she couldn’t hear anything from inside. She frowned as she knocked again, trying to hide the anxious skip of her heart from Amelia, who still looked as joyous as five minutes ago while she licked her ice cream. She didn’t want to worry the little girl for nothing. While yes, Kara said she’d be home, there could be a lot of reason why she wouldn’t be opening the door now. She could be in the bathroom. She could be having a shower. She could’ve fallen asleep. Or she could’ve gone to a market to buy something. There was no need to worry—not yet at least.

Still, Alex couldn’t stop the stuttering of her heart when Kara didn’t answer again. She knocked a third time, harder, even calling her sister’s name. “Kara?” she yelled inside, trying to ignore the frown Amelia sent her way. “You there?” She listened to the door, to the house for a sound, _any_ sound, but there was nothing.

She felt her throat knotting with fear now.

“…Aunty?” she heard Amelia say a couple of seconds later, and despite trying to avoid her niece’s gaze, not wanting her to see that she was worried, she had no choice but to look at the little girl. “Where’s mom?”

Alex truly hoped the smile she offered Amelia at her question didn’t look as fake as it felt. She rubbed the girl’s shoulder comfortingly.

“She’d probably gone out for a couple of minutes,” she said as she reached for her phone in her pocket, hoping with everything that she had that it was the case. But she couldn’t see any reason other than an emergency situation as to why Kara would go out. Granted, she didn’t want the wedding, and she did seem like she really needed to be alone, but… She wouldn’t run away, right? Not from Amelia surely? If Alex knew one thing about her sister, it was that she loved her daughter, more than anything in the world. She would never do anything to jeopardize Amelia’s happiness, as it was seen with her accepting to marry James. “I’ll call her and she’ll be here immediately.”

She didn’t miss a second before she pressed on Kara’s name, nibbling on her lower lip as she tightened her grip on Amelia’s shoulder, not too tightly, but enough to get a hold of herself, waiting for Kara to—

The call went to voicemail before it even rang once, making Alex almost jump in her place as she didn’t expect to hear Kara’s voice. Which meant her phone was turned off, or out of battery, which…didn’t make sense at all, because Kara, being a reporter, made sure her phone was charged and turned on at all times.

Dread started churning in Alex’s stomach as she pulled the phone from her ear, her fingers trembling so much that she couldn’t even focus on her phone. She tried to repeat, over and over again, that there was a perfectly good explanation as to why Kara’s phone would be turned off, but no matter how much she forced herself to think…she couldn’t find one. She couldn’t…

“Aunt?” Amelia’s voice was so small that Alex could almost feel her heart cracking as her eyes snapped to the little girl. There was a frown on her face. “Are you okay?” she asked softly, something like fear flickering in her eyes. Alex was pretty sure her smile looked as sour as it felt.

“I’m just gonna call James. He’ll know where Kara is,” she told the little girl, yet she wasn’t even sure who she was trying to convince: Amelia or herself. She took a shaky breath, trying to gather up her courage as this time she called James.

Luckily, he answered at the second ring.

“James Olsen.” His voice sounded almost bored and clipped on the phone, which made Alex remember that he was at work. He’d said that it had started to get a bit boring in the last couple of days, as his boss didn’t give him much challenging work, wanting him to, apparently, save his energy for “the wedding”. At that Kara had just sighed and said “Cat Grant” with a shake of her head, as if that explained everything James said.

Which, for them, it apparently did, as James hadn’t done anything but nod.

“Hey, James,” Alex tried to say cheerily, shaking off her thoughts, hoping her worry wasn’t visible in her voice. But of course James had heard that. She could almost see the man straightening up.

“Alex? Is everything okay?” Alex tried to snort at that, wincing when it sounded really forced. She cleared her throat, trying to push away her fear, before she answered his question.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I was just… I was just wondering if Kara was with you?” She pressed her lips together to gather up her thoughts. “She told me that she’d be home, but Amelia and I are here, and she isn’t answering the door. And her phone is turned off…” Her voice trailed off as she waited for James to say something, to tell her that yes, Kara was with him, they were together…but that wasn’t what came out of James’s mouth when he answered.

“No, she… She’s not here.” Alex heard some shuffling coming from the phone, yet she could barely hear it over her pounding heart. _No,_ she couldn’t help thinking. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real. This had to be a dream—a nightmare. She couldn’t focus on anything other than that thought circling in her head, wanting desperately for that to be true. She closed her eyes, counted to three, and opened them. Yet she didn’t find herself on her bed. Instead she was still in front of Kara’s door with a phone in her hand, and still…

Kara was still missing.

_No._

The last thing she heard was James’s voice ringing in her ears before the phone slipped off of her hand and fell to the ground with a thump.

“I’ll be right there.”

* * *

It’d been some time since the sun set when Mon-El finally stopped the car. During that time, at least after their initial conversation, neither he nor Kara had said a word to each other. Honestly, she didn’t even know what to say, not after Mon-El had grabbed her phone and threw it out of the car, not after he yelled at her, not after he didn’t even care that she was terrified. No matter what she said, no matter how much they argued, he wouldn’t stop the car.

Yet that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt her, especially thinking that the man she once thought she knew, the man she’d fallen for, the man she wholeheartedly believed was a good man, had kidnapped her. Hadn’t even cared about her, and there was nothing she could do to change that. So instead she’d leaned back on her seat, crossed her arms and watched outside during the long drive, not being able to help silent tears from sliding down her cheeks. She couldn’t even pay attention to Mon-El, not even when she felt him stealing glances towards her.

She just wanted this to be over. All of this. She wanted it to be a dream—a nightmare that she could wake up from. Yet no matter how much she blinked, no matter how much she forced herself to wake up from it, she always found herself in the car with Mon-El and not in her bed. Which meant…

This was real. No matter how much she didn’t want it to be, this was real.

She slipped out of her thoughts when she heard Mon-El taking out the car key. Yet even then she didn’t turn to him, opting to just look out the window. Not because she didn’t have anything to say or ask him, but she was afraid…she was afraid that he’d just explode and yell at her again if she did. And she didn’t know if she could handle hearing him yell again. She hated that it affected her, but it did, and she’d be damned if she wouldn’t do anything to protect herself from getting hurt.

Yet still, after a couple of minutes had passed in silence, she couldn’t handle it anymore, and she turned to Mon-El, at least after furiously wiping her tears away. She knew her cheeks must’ve still been wet, but it was better than nothing.

“So we’re staying in a motel?” she asked, her voice hoarse, both from crying and from the knot that seemed to be permanently lodged in her throat. She wanted her voice to sound still and deadpanned, yet at the end the words started shaking, and she couldn’t do anything to stop them. So instead of looking at Mon-El she opted to look at the motel…which didn’t look like a place she’d ever want to stay in. It reminded her of those motels in CSI shows in which a murder always happened.

She shuddered with that thought, even though she truly doubted Mon-El would kill her. At least, she mockingly thought, the Mon-El she knew wouldn’t. Now this one on the other hand…

Still, she couldn’t even feel afraid of that as Mon-El cleared his throat, once again taking her attention. “No,” he answered simply in a quiet voice, as if he was afraid he’d fall apart if he talked louder. _Well, at least he knows how I feel like._ “We can’t risk using our IDs. She… They know our names.” Kara couldn’t help snorting at that as she shook her head.

“Of course,” she couldn’t help saying sarcastically. “I don’t know why I expected anything else. Since someone is after us and trying to hurt us, right?” Mon-El flinched at her words, yet she didn’t even have it in her to feel good about that. At the end, it didn’t change the fact that she was stuck here with him, because he was afraid of someone or something hurting them.

A part of her wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that he was just afraid for their lives…but too much had happened for that. So much so that she didn’t even have the strength for it.

Mon-El opened his mouth at her words, seemingly wanting to say something, yet he opted otherwise. Instead he just shook his head, turning his eyes to the front and outside. “You should get some sleep,” he said, his voice tear-strained. Kara ignored that. “Tomorrow will be a long day.”

At first Kara wanted to argue, wanted to tell him that he couldn’t tell her what to do, but then she stopped when an idea popped into her mind. _Of course._ Once they were asleep, once Mon-El was asleep, she could slip out of the car, find a phone and call Alex. James. Her parents. The police. _Anyone._ She could let them know what had happened, and they… They could save her from this. From him. She just… She had to hold on until then. She just had to…

She had to pretend to be sleeping.

She bit back her objections as she shifted on her seat, pulling the handle to incline it down a little bit. It wasn’t comfortable, not even close, but that was better. That would make sleeping harder for her. And with the cold weather…

She felt herself shiver at that when she realized she didn’t have anything but a short sleeved t-shirt on. Granted, she really didn’t think she’d take a _trip_ with Mon-El that would require her to sleep in a car, but still… She tried to ignore her chilliness as she shivered, instead staring out the window and forcing herself to stay still…but it seemed like Mon-El had noticed it.

“Are you cold?” he asked softly, so softly that for a moment she couldn’t believe it was him asking. She opted to ignore that as she clenched her teeth. The last thing she wanted was for him to pity her. “Do you want my jacket?” he continued when she didn’t answer. This time she heard him shuffling, presumably to take the jacket off…

And she had to stop him.

“I’m fine,” she said curtly, hoping he didn’t hear her teeth clattering, and sank down in her seat. She heard him stop shuffling, and then, a couple of seconds later, he settled down on his seat too. Another silence took over the car for a couple of minutes, at least until Mon-El shifted again.

“Good night, Kara,” he said in a hoarse, quiet voice, something that sent shivers down her spine, yet she played it off as being the cold night weather. It wasn’t hard to believe that since she’d already been trembling.

She wanted to stay awake till Mon-El slept. She really did. She wanted to stay awake so that she could sneak out, yet… She hadn’t realized how tired she’d actually been as she watched outside. Her eyes had been closing on their own accord, no matter how much she tried to blink them open, reminding herself that she had a job to do. She needed to stay awake to get away from him, yet her eyes closed once, twice, and she didn’t have the strength to open them the third time. She found herself involuntarily falling into the claws of sleep, the thoughts of Amelia and Alex circling in her head, worry churning in her stomach. Yet there was also one name in her mind, one name that she normally hated to think about, but as always she couldn’t keep it away.

_Mon-El._

* * *

It took Kara about half an hour to fall asleep. And Mon-El knew that she’d fallen asleep from the way her breath deepened and her shoulders relaxed, the tension leaving her body. He’d slept frequently enough next to Kara to know her tells that indicated she was sleeping.

He couldn’t keep his eyes away from her, even though her back was to him. And he couldn’t help it as his chest squeezed, enough to render him breathless. He also couldn’t stop his heart from hurting, or keep his stomach from churning with guilt, for…for putting her in a situation like this. For putting her in danger. For forcing her to run away. This was exactly why he’d stayed away from her the last six years, and now…

He closed his eyes and gulped, yet even that wasn’t enough to stop the tears from welling up in his eyes. He pressed his lips together as he desperately blinked them away. He couldn’t cry. Not now. He had to be strong, he had to hold himself together. This… This wasn’t just about him anymore. This was about Kara too. He had to stay strong for her, to protect her, to keep her from getting hurt. He couldn’t let anything happen to her. Especially…

Especially not because of him.

So he forced himself to push back his tears and open his eyes only when he heard Kara shift on the seat. He realized that she was facing him now, her hair falling on her face and cheeks, over her parted lips and bare neck. Yet even like that, even with her pale face and the purple circles under her eyes, even with her messy hair she looked beautiful. She was… She was just so _beautiful_.

His throat knotted again, making it infinitely harder to push away his tears. He could feel claws around his heart, squeezing, squeezing so much that it almost hurt physically, and he couldn’t escape them. Because he’d done this. He’d caused all of this. He’d hurt Kara, he’d put her in danger, and now, because of him… Because of him she had to be away from her family, from her fiancé, and it was…it was all his fault.

It seemed like all he did was ruin everything after all.

He only slipped away from his thoughts when he saw Kara shiver, curling into herself. His heart cracked at that, at seeing that she was cold, and despite what she said… He couldn’t help it as he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. It would mean that he’d have to stay with only a tank top on, but he didn’t mind it. He could handle the cold, if it meant Kara was okay. And surely enough, her shiver died as she grabbed the jacket in her sleep, snuggling into it even more.

A broken smile pulled his lips at that, at the innocence of her movement. At the peaceful and unburdened look Kara had on her face in her sleep. A look she used to always have in high school and college, at least before he…

He stopped that train of thought when it made him flinch. Yet still… Still he found himself reaching forward with shaky fingers and grabbing the strands of Kara’s hair that had fallen on her face to push them away, tucking them behind her ear. He shivered when he felt her skin underneath his fingertips, as soft as he remembered, and now feeling even softer with his callused skin. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying as he pulled back his hand, yet there was no stopping the tear that escaped his eyes. He quickly wiped it away, wanting to stroke Kara’s cheek again, but not finding the strength. He was afraid that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to let her go, and that… He couldn’t have that. Not when his presence would mean only danger for her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice cracking mid-sentence. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Kara,” he continued, wanting to say more, wanting to tell her everything that had happened to him, wanting to explain why he left, wanting to apologize for being a horrible boyfriend and not being able to give her what she deserved…but he couldn’t. The less she knew, the better.

Besides, he knew better than to expect what he’d gone through would change anything. He’d lost that optimism and hope long ago. She would never forgive him…and she shouldn’t either. She should stay as far away from him as possible. He’d never deserve her anyway. She was… She’d always been worthy of so much better.

He turned away, leaning back on his seat when that thought hit him in the chest as a pang of pain. There was no way he could push it away as he felt another tear slide down his cheek, and this time, he couldn’t even feel the strength to push it away. So instead he let it wet his cheek as he watched outside, the trees ruffling with wind, barely seen under the dim lights coming from the motel. He knew he had to sleep, he knew he had to conserve his strength… Yet he also knew it would be some time before the sleep came for him. He almost felt glad that he’d gotten used to functioning with minimal sleep.

He felt other tears follow the initial one as he clenched his teeth, his lungs—hell, his whole body—burning with guilt, shame, and pain as he couldn’t do anything but stare outside. He couldn’t do anything to fix this, to turn back time before he came back to Kara, to stop the events from unfolding the way they did, no matter how much he wanted that. Wanting it didn’t change what he’d done. So he cried silently as he watched the night, waiting for sleep to come, unable to do anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek 
> 
> love y'all :)


	4. Dragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo as promised, here's a new chapter today as well! (well okay it's technically 2 am here so TECHNICALLY it's not today but SOMEWHERE in the world it's still Friday, so it still counts)
> 
> hope you like it :)

__

_The dragon looked horrifying._

_Well, okay, Mon-El knew that dragons_ should _look horrifying and spread terror in people’s hearts, but when he said the dragon he’d been drawing on his notebook looked_ horrifying, _he meant it more along the lines of_ ugly. _And he would’ve stopped drawing it minutes ago…had he not been utterly bored._

_It was only his first day, and he hated high school. He didn’t even know at this point why he convinced his parents to send him here after being homeschooled through middle school. He just… He just wanted to go out and make friends,_ real _friends, and if he had to be honest, the thought of spending four more years of his life in that house was horrifying, especially if his parents would be there. That house was filled with nothing but bad memories for him. So if going to a real high school meant he would have an excuse to go out, he’d take it._

_But of course, just as he’d done with everything in life, he hadn’t actually thought this through. Because everyone in this class… Everyone in this damn high school had a friend—except him. They all knew each other, being from the same district and going to the same middle school and all, and they all had formed small groups in the classroom to chat…while he sat at the back of the class, all alone, not even daring to lift his head and look at anyone. He’d come here to make friends, but he hadn’t considered that everyone would_ already _have friends, and now he was just too scared to go up to anyone and introduce himself._

_So he continued drawing his absolutely horrible dragon that didn’t even look like a dragon anymore…at least until he heard someone clearing her throat in front of him. His heart almost skipped a beat in his chest as his hand froze over the paper and he looked up…only to come face to face with the bluest eyes he’d ever seen watching him tentatively, even a bit fearfully, behind a pair of glasses. He couldn’t help looking around briefly, wondering whether the girl had really addressed him or he had gotten it all wrong, but there wasn’t anyone else around them. And… And she_ was _smiling at_ him _with those pink lips of hesr, her hair that looked like liquid gold falling over her shoulders in curls. He had no idea blonde hair could shine like that, because his father’s hair was close to light brown too, but it always looked very dull to Mon-El’s eyes. Or maybe it was just him being biased._

_“Hi,” the girl said at that, adjusting her glasses nervously as she cleared her throat again. Mon-El couldn’t even find anything to say as he watched her fidget, glancing at him through her lashes, until she continued. “I just… My first lesson is in this class too, and I… I saw that you were sitting here alone, so I thought… I mean, I just moved here so I don’t have friends either, so I thought… Not that I think you don’t have any friends! But you-you seemed like you could use some company, so…” Her voice trailed off as a blush crept up her cheeks, tinting them in a beautiful pink color, and despite his pounding heart, Mon-El found himself smiling. Not at the blush, per se, but at the fact that he wasn’t the only one without a friend here, that he wasn’t the only one alone, and now…now maybe he could have a friend. Maybe he could make a friend after all._

_“I thought that maybe we could…meet?” the girl continued, pushing her glasses up again as if it was a nervous habit, and Mon-El truly hoped his nod didn’t look too enthusiastic. He dropped his pen, the dragon completely forgotten, as he straightened up._

_“Ye-yeah, of course,” he said as he extended his hand to her, one corner of his lips tipping up. “Mon-El Gand.” The huge and absolutely elated smile that appeared on the girl’s face made his heart skip a beat as she grabbed his hand and shook it._

_“Kara Starr-Danvers,” she chirped happily before she pulled her hand back, her curls bouncing around her shoulders. Mon-El watched how her hair caught and reflected the light, so naturally, so beautifully, before she continued and took him out of his thoughts. “Can I sit here?” she asked, pointing at the seat next to him._

_This time, he was pretty sure his nod was way too enthusiastic when he removed his bag from the seat next to him and cleared it for her. She adjusted her white lace dress before she sat down, flashing him a small grateful smile, one that he found himself returning. There was…something about this girl that just shone like the sun, something that made him feel lighter than he ever did._

_He forced himself to shake away his thoughts when Kara’s bag fell to the floor with a thump and her eyes fell on his notebook. She frowned as she leaned in to look at his drawing, and Mon-El felt the sudden urge to hide the dragon…that looked more like a weird blob-slash-monster now…from Kara’s eyes. Yet before he could do that she was pulling the notebook in front of her._

_“Hey!” he said, trying to get it back…but it was too late. A chuckle left Kara’s lips, a chuckle that made him blush, especially when she glanced at him from the corner of her eyes._

_“Is that a dragon?” she asked, and he didn’t even have it in him to feel at least glad that she managed to recognize it. He scowled at him as he grabbed the notebook and shut it close, which only made her laugh more, and no, he refused to admit that the laugh made something flutter in his stomach. He was just_ annoyed, _for God’s sake._

_“I was bored,” he tried to defend himself as he tucked the notebook to his bag. “Sorry I’m absolutely horrible at drawing.” He half-expected Kara to agree with that, but she only put her hand on his shoulder lightly. He flinched away from the touch when she turned to him, but she—fortunately—didn’t seem to notice that as she shook her head. Instead, she ran her fingers through her hair._

_“No, no, you don’t need to apologize. I shouldn’t have laughed at that. I’m sorry. But it…it looked like a blob or something.” He rolled his eyes at that, fighting the smile that wanted to pull his lips as he watched her shrug. “Besides, who am I to criticize you when I can’t even draw a damn stick figure, right?”_

_“Really?” he couldn’t help asking as he lifted his brows, surprised at himself how easily it came to him to talk to Kara, especially since he was never that good at communicating with anyone. At least that was what all of his teachers said in middle school. But granted, it was a bit hard to talk to people when he was an only child and didn’t have anyone his age around to talk to. And now, with Kara… He couldn’t help feeling grateful for it, even as she snorted with a nod._

_“Yeah, drawing isn’t really my thing,” she confessed, seeming like she wanted to continue, but then the bell rang and a teacher, who seemed to be an African American woman at her thirties, entered. Her voice trailed off as she took out a notebook from her bag when the teacher started talking, yet she still glanced at him through her lashes. “I’ll show you some of my drawings sometime,” she promised him with a whisper before she returned to the class…and Mon-El couldn’t help the smile that was forming on his face as he watched the teacher write something on the board._

_Well, it seemed like he’d be making friends after all._

* * *

It was middle of the night when Kara woke up. Or at least she assumed that it was the middle of the night, because when she opened her eyes to look out the window, her heart beating frantically in her chest, she saw the dark outline of a couple of trees and a building through a car window. It took her a couple of moments to remember why she was in a car, why she’d slept in an utterly uncomfortable position, why she wasn’t home with Amelia, and why there was this growing pit of fear in her stomach.

_Mon-El._

Of course. Mon-El had taken her. He’d kidnapped her, claiming that she was in danger and there was someone following her, and now they were in the parking lot of a damn motel, sleeping in the car because it would be “too dangerous” for them to use their IDs. Kara had a hard time wrapping her mind around all of that. It sounded too crazy to believe, too unreal, too…crime show-y. Those kinds of things didn’t happen in real life, especially not to her. It had to be a lie.

Right?

But whatever it was, it didn’t matter. Because tonight…right now…she would get out of this damn car, go to the motel’s reception, find a phone, and use it to call Alex, the police, whomever she needed to call to get out of this mess. She couldn’t even care about what would happen to Mon-El then.

She shifted on her seat, realizing that now she was facing him instead of away from him, and she also couldn’t help feeling the heaviness over her. It was only then she realized she also didn’t feel cold anymore, and she was pretty sure the weather wouldn’t have gotten warmer during the night.

That was when she noticed that Mon-El’s arms were bare, and the only thing he had on him was his gray tank top.

And the second thing she noticed was that the black jacket he had was now on her, covering her bare arms, keeping the cold away. The jacket that she very clearly remembered she refused the previous night, despite feeling like her blood would freeze any moment. Mon-El must’ve put it on her after she’d fallen asleep, and now…

Now _he_ was shivering next to her with his bare arms _and_ shoulders, and despite herself she couldn’t keep her heart from squeezing for that, no matter how much she tried to remind herself that he’d hurt her, he’d left her, and she should not care if he was feeling a bit cold. But he’d given up his jacket for her, he’d risked getting cold for her, and…

_It doesn’t matter._ It didn’t matter. It didn’t change anything that he’d done, it didn’t change every bit of pain that she’d gone through. So she clamped her mouth shut, shoved away every part of her that felt bad for him as she ripped off the jacket from her shoulders and threw it to the backseat of the car. She could very well handle a bit of cold. Besides, she had something else she needed to focus on other than Mon-El or his damn jacket.

_Getting to a phone and calling Alex._

She lifted herself up from the seat, trying to make as little noise as possible, keeping her eyes on Mon-El to make sure he was still sleeping. And surely enough, now that she had leaned forward she could see his face, and his eyes were still closed.

She only gave herself one second to watch him, to realize how peaceful he looked in his sleep, unburdened, without anything weighing on him, like the person she remembered from her memories. Like the person she was still unable to forget, despite trying so _hard_ for years on end.

Yet after that one second passed, she pushed away those thoughts, focused back on her plan and reached for the door, opening it as quietly as possible. The click of it still rang in her ears even though she was pretty sure it wasn’t even half as loud as it felt. Still she held her breath, trying to calm her heart rate that had just spiked as she turned back to Mon-El, only to see that he hadn’t even moved. Her shoulders slumped with relief as she pushed open the door, and instead of closing it she just left it open, not wanting to risk making a sound, before she stepped back and looked at the car for a second.

She’d made it. She’d… She’d actually made it out.

She didn’t waste any time as she turned away from the car to the motel, running, following the lights that were coming from the walls. The reception. She needed to find the reception. There would… There would be a phone there, right? If only she could find the reception, she could ask whoever was there to use their phone, to call the police, to call Alex, and get out of this mess. She just needed to get a phone—

She couldn’t help a small scream from escaping her mouth when she stumbled upon a rock and fell down, feeling the cold asphalt beneath her bare arms. She was pretty sure that she’d skinned her elbows and hands, she was pretty sure they would be bleeding, and the only thing that kept her knees from getting wounded was her leggings, yet she could barely feel the stinging pain because of her pounding heart. It took her a couple of seconds to pull herself together and push herself away from the ground, to get up on her shaky legs, as heavy as her body seemed to weigh. She gulped as she shut her eyes, trying to calm herself, telling herself that the _sooner_ she reached the reception, the _better_ it would be. The sooner she called the police, the sooner she’d be back home, with Amelia, safe and away from Mon-El. Safe and alive.

She let that and the thought of Amelia fuel her thoughts as she took a step forward, and then another, moving towards the door. She could see it in front of her now, the door with the motel’s name on it that, even though she was too shaken to read, probably opened up to the reception. Only a couple of steps. Only a couple of steps more and…

She’d barely managed to wrap her fingers around the door’s handle, freedom merely seconds away…when she felt an arm wrap around her mid-section, pulling her back. She was caught so off guard when she was pulled to the side and to the wall that she couldn’t do anything but scream, her hands inadvertently going up and grabbing the person holding her to steady herself. She could only start to feel the wall against her back, and someone standing in front of her, when the utter terror of the last couple of seconds passed, when she realized she wasn’t being attacked and—

“What the _hell_ are you doing?” she heard someone hiss from right in front of her, and it didn’t take her even one second to recognize that voice. _Mon-El._

Her heart rate spiked all over again as she realized _he_ was standing in front of her. And while there was a time just his presence would be enough to calm her down, now all she could think was that _he couldn’t be here._ He was asleep. She’d made sure that he was asleep, and he wasn’t even a light sleeper. It used to take her ages to wake him up. And…and she’d barely made noise while exiting the car. He couldn’t be there. He couldn’t be…

“Kara, I asked you a question,” he asked again, his palms pressed on the wall on either side of her head, and she struggled to breathe as she looked at him. _No,_ she thought. _No, this can’t be happening. This can’t be happening._ She was so close to freedom. So close, and now…

She could see his eyes searching her face, laced with anger and panic and fear, yet she couldn’t register or process any of that, she couldn’t do anything other than look back at him, her tongue tight and her head light. It was an effort to keep her focus on him as he continued.

“What were you doing?” he insisted with a quiet hiss, obviously not wanting to alert anyone of what was going on, yet there was no way she could miss the hint of shakiness in his voice. But she was unable to come up with an answer, her mind ringing the alarm bells so harshly that it was an effort to even keep herself conscious, let alone think. But she had to keep conscious. She had to keep herself together, because Mon-El was angry, he was _angry_ , and if she broke apart… She didn’t know what he would do to her, but she certainly didn’t want to find out.

She could only watch as his eyes turned to the door she was just about to go through, his body going still momentarily before his gaze snapped back at her. Understanding flickered in them—understanding, and shock, and terror, panic, anger… There was no way she could separate one emotion from another as they thundered in his steel gray eyes, yet one was at the forefront of all of them. _Fear._

“You were gonna call the police,” he said calmly. Kara wanted retort at that. Tell him that _of course_ she was going to call the police. He’d kidnapped her. He’d kidnapped her, _damn it._ What did he expect her to do? Yet before she could find the right words, before she could find her voice he shut his eyes, slamming one palm on the wall before he pulled back. She couldn’t even be glad that he pulled back, especially when he ran his fingers through his hair, almost ripping off the strands. It seemed like he was battling with the anger inside him…and losing.

“I _told_ you, Kara,” he hissed as he stepped forward, anger dripping from his every word. “I told you we can’t call the police, I told you it was dangerous, I told you that she could trace the call, and you go and…and do _this_?” He seemed to be at a loss of words as his voice started to shake, though Kara wasn’t sure if it was from anger or fear. She was flushed with the wall at this point, wanting to get as far away from him as possible, wanting to disappear, to be anywhere but here—

“What were you thinking, Kara?” he yelled again, not being able to control his voice apparently, making her flinch. His gray eyes were burning with anger as he took several deep breaths to calm himself. _I wanted to go home,_ she thought, the words at the tip of her tongue. _I wanted to get away from you._ Yet she couldn’t even voice them as he shook his head, his shoulders slumping, the anger in his eyes turning to desperation. “What were you thinking?” he asked again, his voice cracking mid-sentence. Kara swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the knot in her throat, to pull herself together as she pushed away from the wall, focusing her attention only to the cold wind skimming over her arms to not fall apart as she looked into his eyes. She wasn’t even sure if her words were intelligible as she forced them out of her mouth.

_“I wanted to go home.”_

And then she turned away from him and left, walking away as quickly as possible without falling down, feeling her tears wetting her cheeks yet again. She couldn’t even feel relieved when she didn’t hear his footsteps following her.

* * *

Alex had her arms crossed over her chest as she stared out the window, watching the sun rise in the air, her fingers drumming on the sleeve of her shirt. 7 a.m. It was 7 a.m., which meant it had almost been one day since anyone heard from Kara, and they still had _no idea_ where she was. _None._

The moment James found out about Kara’s disappearance, he proposed that they all gather in his house. He, Alex, Amelia, and Winn, Kara’s best friend from high school and the head of IT department in CatCo. Alex at first proposed to call Eliza and Jeremiah too, her parents, to let them know something happened to their daughter, yet she didn’t have it in her to do that. Not until they were 100% sure that something bad must’ve happened to Kara.

They’d went over every possibility the previous night, talking until the clock hit almost 2 a.m., yet they’d come up with nothing. Well, okay, they’d come up with about twenty scenarios about where Kara might’ve disappeared to that didn’t involve her being in danger, but none of them made sense, not to Alex at least. She’d insisted, through everything, that no matter what happened Kara would never willingly leave Amelia, or even if she did, she’d let _someone_ know about where she was going. Which could only mean…

Something had happened. Something must’ve happened to her, and Alex didn’t know if it was a good thing or not. Especially not as a tear slipped down her face.

She quickly wiped it away as she turned around to face James and Winn. “We need to call to the police,” she said in a hoarse voice, finally bringing up the subject at hand and dropping the bomb. The previous night… Everyone was reluctant to call the police, saying they could be making a big deal out of nothing, saying that it might be better if they waited through the night to see if she’d show up, but Alex had just realized… Those were just excuses. The reason— _real_ reason—they didn’t want to call the police was that…that it would make it real. It would mean they accepted Kara was in danger…and none of them was ready for that the previous night.

But now, if she really was in danger… They had no choice. They had to go to the police, they had to try everything they could to bring her home safely. Alex stepped forward, her eyes on the door of James’s bedroom, in which Amelia was still sleeping, before she looked back at the two men. She was pretty sure her face was distorted with pain at the thought of Amelia having to live without her mother. Without Kara.

That was something Alex didn’t even want to consider.

“We’ve already stalled enough,” she told them, keeping her eyes on James as she dug her nails to her arm briefly. “We can’t wait any longer, especially if she really is in danger.” She stared at her cell phone, which was resting on the coffee table with the screen down, and bit her lip to push away the tears that somehow found their ways to her eyes. “We have to alert the police that…that something bad had happened to her.” It was the first time she’d admitted it out loud, the first time she truly accepted that Kara, her little sister, her baby sister, was in danger. She felt like she would crumble under that thought, yet she managed to hold herself together as she grabbed the phone, glancing once more at James and Winn to see if they agreed.

The only thing she needed was for them to nod before she typed the numbers they always heard on crime shows on the phone and brought it to her ear. It didn’t take long for the answer to come.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

She couldn’t keep her voice from shaking as she answered. “It’s my sister. I think she’s in danger.”

* * *

“Kara?” Mon-El could feel his voice shaking as he called her name for what felt like the hundredth time, exiting yet _another_ hallway in the small motel to look for her. His heart was thumping in his chest as he walked around a tree, his eyes skimming every single hiding place she could be in, worry gnawing his chest more and more with every passing second that he didn’t see her. “Kara?” he said again, this time louder as he whirled around, his ears following every single sound coming from around him, yet there was nothing except birds chirping and occasional car sounds.

Nothing that indicated Kara was there at least.

He muttered a string of curses under his breath as he rushed through the place, his gaze frantically searching the motel in the dim sunlight. He’d waited a couple of hours in the car after Kara had run away from him, thinking she just needed space and she’d be back on her own, but when the sun started to rise… He’d gotten worried, needing to go out and search for her, to make sure she was okay. It was eight a.m. now, which meant—fortunately—he had sun to rely on to lighten the motel and help him locate Kara, yet so far, it wasn’t working.

_So far,_ he reminded himself. There were still two more hallways he hadn’t gone to, two more hallways Kara could be in. It would work. It _had to_ work. He couldn’t even _let_ himself think of the alternative, let alone actually _accepting_ it. She surely wouldn’t do anything stupid like running away, right? She must’ve understood by now how _serious_ this situation was. It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t a lie, it wasn’t some sort of a crime show that would end happily. This was… This was real life. And in real life, _she_ was after them, _she_ wanted him dead—and consequently, right now, her too—and _she_ had the means to do that. Even though… Even though he couldn’t explain all of that to Kara, even though he couldn’t make her truly understand the gravity of the situation, not without putting her in more danger at least… She should’ve seen in his eyes that it was serious.

Right?

“Kara?!” he called again, his voice getting more and more frantic as he dived into another hallway, feeling his throat knotting. _This is your fault,_ he couldn’t help thinking again. If anything… If anything happened to Kara, if she got _hurt,_ if she… It would be his fault. Even the thought was enough to send a pang of pain through him. Kara getting hurt because of him, because… Because he just couldn’t stay away from her anymore. Because he missed her so damn much. Because her marrying someone else brought him so much pain that he’d thrown all common senseout the window and flew to National City to see her, when he should’ve been staying as far away from her as possible. And now…now because of his recklessness, she was put in danger, she could get hurt, and…there was no way he could live with himself if that happened. If anything happened to Kara…it would kill him. If staying away from her for six years hadn’t done that, this surely would do it.

He shook away those thoughts, not even wanting to consider the possibility of _her_ getting to Kara and doing something to her as he opened his mouth to call for her again…until he saw a figure in the corner of the hall, sitting down with her back to the wall, curled into herself…and he’d know those curls anywhere.

Relief washed over his shoulders at the sight of her, alive and safe and here, so much so that he almost felt his knees buckle. “Kara,” he sighed as he moved to her, not caring about how broken his voice sounded, not caring about whether she would just push him away or not. He didn’t care about anything other than the fact that he needed to touch her, to feel her, to make sure it wasn’t just a mirage. To make sure she was okay. He needed to have her in his arms, tuck her head to the crook of his neck, and—

He came to a stop in front of her when he finally managed to stop the ringing in his ears and realized what was actually going on. She was whimpering. Crying. Her face was buried in her arms that were around her legs, and her shoulders were shaking as if…as if she was trying to hold it all in but she couldn’t.

If the thought of her getting hurt had cracked his heart, this had absolutely shattered it. Because he’d done this, too. He’d hurt her too. Maybe not physically, but…but he’d still hurt her emotionally, he’d yelled at her, he’d made her cry. He was so worried, so _terrified_ of someone else hurting her that he hadn’t even considered how _his_ actions might affect her.

Disgust and shame churned in his stomach as he knelt forward in front of her. Her shoulders tensed at that and he knew that she’d noticed him. Yet she didn’t make an attempt to move. She just stayed there, silently shaking, whimpering every now and then. Mon-El pressed his lips together as he watched her for a couple of seconds, wanting so badly to fix the situation, but not knowing how, not when he was the one that caused it all. Yet he couldn’t think that—not now at least. He would beat himself up for all of this later, but now…now he had to be there for Kara. He was all she had now.

“Hey,” he whispered, reaching forward with shaky fingers to grab her wrists gently, so gently, especially when she went still under his touch. He took a deep breath as he pulled her wrists away from her face and moved his hands to hold hers, squeezing them reassuringly to tell her that he was sorry, that he was with her, he would be with her through it all. He ducked his chin to look at her eyes, which were still casted down. The words felt like they were burning his tongue, but he needed to get them out. For her sake. She needed to hear that.

“I’m sorry, Kara,” he said, turning his gaze away briefly when disgust hit him in the chest. He had to stop for a few seconds to get a grip on himself and push his tears away before he could continue. He needed to be strong for her. If he broke down crying too… It wouldn’t help anyone, and it certainly wouldn’t help him in getting her out of this situation.

“I never meant to yell at you,” he continued, his voice hoarse with unshed tears. Kara still wasn’t looking at him. “I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong of me, and…and there’s… There’s no excuse for it.” He had to clear his throat again when he sounded unintelligible, but at least… At least now, Kara was looking at him. Well, she was glancing at him through her lashes, her body still trembling every now and then, but it was still something. He hoped she could read the regret in his eyes. “I was just scared, Kara,” he confessed, his voice shaking. “I know… I know it doesn’t make anything better, but I got… I got so terrified that I didn’t think. I was afraid that if you made the call, you would not only be…be alerting her about our location, but also…you’d put Amelia in danger.” The thought made him shudder all over, and he thanked whatever god was up there—even though he didn’t really believe that anymore—that Amelia wasn’t with Kara when he went to visit her, and she wasn’t involved in this mess. Instead, she was home and safe, which was… Honestly, that was all he could want for her right now. He wanted Amelia as far away from this as possible.

He was distracted from his thoughts when Kara spoke, yet her voice was so quiet and unintelligible that he couldn’t get what she was saying. He frowned.

“Huh?” Kara looked up at that, her eyes filled with unshed tears, as she repeated herself.

“Alura,” she said, her voice cracking as pain flickered in her eyes. “It’s Alura.” Mon-El felt himself go still at that, not knowing if he should be happy or sad. Happy because…because at least she was well enough to understand his words, and even argue with him, or sad because…because she was still lying about the name of her daughter, _their_ daughter, probably trying to put as much emotional distance between her family and him, and he couldn’t stop that thought from squeezing his heart.

Yet he shook it off, opting to feel glad that at least she didn’t seem to be having a panic attack anymore, as he forced a smile at her. “Right, Alura,” he said with a small nod. “I’d… I’d forgotten about that.” He swallowed hard to get rid of the knot in his throat before continuing, yet his voice still sounded tear-strained.

“I know you hate me right now, Kara, and I know I’m the last person you want to be with, but…but please…can you come to the car with me?” He looked at her, only to see her searching his face intently, an unreadable thought behind her gaze. He squeezed her hands again. “We need to get going before it’s too late. There’s… There’s still a lot of distance to cover to where we need to go, and I… I want to go there as soon as possible, so that…so that we can be out of this mess. So that you won’t have to see me again.” Kara shuddered at those words as she shut her eyes, her shoulders almost slumping. Relief was so palpable in her features that a sick feeling churned in Mon-El’s stomach, even though technically… Technically it would be best for her to leave him. Forever.

Yet even that wasn’t enough to suppress the sickness and self-disgust he was feeling.

He tried to push away those thoughts as he instead focused on Kara. “Can you come with me, Kara?” he asked her again, as gently and softly as possible, not wanting to spook her again. “Please?” He searched her eyes with his plea, seeing the conflict in them…until she nodded. She nodded, gripping his hand to get strength from him, and Mon-El felt the last bit of tension leaving his shoulders at that.

Well, at least he wouldn’t have to fight Kara on this anymore. One silver lining in this horribly messed up situation.

“Good,” he said at that with a nod of his own, flashing a smile at her. “Now let’s get out of here.” He stood up slowly after that, pulling her with him to her feet. She immediately leaned into his body, supporting herself, as if she didn’t think she could stand on his own, not in the state that she was in. And he let her, wrapping his arm around her waist to help her walk to the car, and even fastening her seatbelt after seating her to the passenger seat.

That was the least he could do—offering her unconditional support—after everything he’d done to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	5. My Daughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- WARNING - Contains mentions of domestic abuse/manipulation/beating that might be triggering. They aren't explicitly explained, but they are included enough that I feel like I need to add this warning. It's just a flashback, so you wouldn't lose much, if anything, if you just skip the part. (It's the second scene in the chapter, the one in italics for identification)
> 
> now that i've gotten that off of my chest...hope you enjoy this :)

Kara didn’t know for how long she’d been biting the inside of her cheek, trying to keep herself from crying, but she was pretty sure that it’d been at least an hour from how numb her mouth felt. Yet her vision was still blurry as she watched outside through the car’s window, the tress and building mixing together. She blinked again, several times, to get rid of the fresh wave of tears, trying desperately to keep her eyes away from a certain someone who was sitting on the driver’s seat.

_Mon-El._

Ever since she had her…little breakdown in that godforsaken motel, they’d barely said a word to each other. Especially after they started driving again, going to…well, _wherever_ they were going. She really didn’t have it in her to ask after all that crying, and honestly, she didn’t even care at this point. Mon-El said that once they arrived at this place, she’d be out of this mess, and she chose to believe him. What choice did she have anyway?

So she kept looking outside in silence, worry gnawing at her heart as her mind wandered to Amelia. Where was she now? Kara had been very, very lucky that she wasn’t with her when Mon-El came, that her little baby wasn’t in this situation, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to see Amelia, or hold her in her arms, hug her tightly, just to remind herself that she was alive and safe if nothing else. She’d missed her daughter. A lot. And that coupled with wondering whether she was okay or not… It was hard. Kara felt like there was a huge weight on her shoulders that she just couldn’t get rid of, and it seemed like it’d be there until she saw Amelia again. Until she held her baby in her arms again. Until—

She was distracted from her thoughts with Mon-El’s voice cutting through the silence. “Kara?” he said, his voice low, and it took Kara every bit of strength she had not to turn to him, to give him the satisfaction of knowing she was listening. And he waited for it, waited for a couple of seconds until she felt his shoulders slump before he gave up. She would be lying if she said she didn’t feel any pride in that.

He cleared his throat before he continued. “Can you…” he said, as if struggling with his words. “Can you tell me about Ame—uh, Alura?” This time, though, there was no way Kara could stop herself when her eyes snapped at him. Her heart was stuttering in her chest so wildly with the fear filling her eyes that the words left her mouth without her intention.

“Why would you want to know about her?” she asked, hating the hint of shakiness in her voice. It was a struggle to keep her gaze on Mon-El, watching his face turn confused, and then painful, and try not to be affected by any of that. But her question…it was a genuine one. Mon-El cared about neither her nor Amelia. He wouldn’t have left in the first place if he did. So why would he suddenly wonder about his daughter—did he even _know_ that Amelia was his daughter? He never really made an indication that he knew. And besides…was he really Amelia’s father, minus the biological relation? He certainly never acted like it. He hadn’t even seen Amelia, or asked about her _once_ in the six years Kara had to raise her alone. He didn’t _deserve_ to be Amelia’s _anything._

She had to push away those thoughts when she heard Mon-El clear his throat yet again, shooting her a glance. “I thought… I mean, isn’t Alura…isn’t she my daughter?” His voice had started shaking at the last word as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, so much so that his knuckles had whitened.

Kara didn’t even think as she answered his question. If she stopped for even just a moment to think, she could’ve given him a more proper, logical answer, but she was so hurt and worried that at that point, she couldn’t even care how her words might sound, and how they almost defied common sense. “She isn’t.”

She momentarily found herself flushed with the car door at that as Mon-El lost the control of the wheel for a second until he got a good grip. There was no way to miss the shock that was splashed on his face. Kara muttered a curse under her breath as she realized the gravity of the situation.

She’d just told Mon-El, Amelia’s biological father, that Amelia wasn’t his child. Yet even basic math proved that for Amelia to be over five years old right now, Kara should’ve been pregnant around the time he left. Which could only mean, at least in Mon-El’s eyes right now, that either she had cheated on him, or had sex with someone shortly after he left.

No matter which way she looked at it, it wasn’t pretty. Yet Kara tried to ignore that thought, even as she saw the painful expression pulling Mon-El’s face.

“But I thought…” he started, obviously not knowing what to say, and when silence stretched for more than a couple of seconds Kara found herself crossing her arms.

“Well, you thought wrong,” she spat back, turning to the car’s window, not being able to stop her words. The lie flowed from her lips so easily that it even scared her for a moment, but she blamed it on her urge to protect Amelia, and for her little girl…she’d do anything. “After you left, I was hurting, and…and I wanted that pain to end. So one night, I got myself so drunk that I don’t remember what happened to this day.” She took a deep breath, her mind already putting together the pieces of her made up story before she continued. “I woke up next to a stranger in an unfamiliar house. That was when I got pregnant.” She couldn’t keep the accusation out of her voice as she squeezed her fists, keeping her eyes out the window, though she didn’t miss the way Mon-El flinched at her words. _Good._ As fake as her story was, he was still guilty of leaving her and Amelia, even though the way he hurt her didn’t cause her to just jump into someone’s bed.

Though, to be fair, that could’ve happened…if she hadn’t found out about her pregnancy and alcohol became a big no-no for her.

She winced with that thought as she closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath, trying to calm the anger brewing in her stomach. It wouldn’t help her one bit to snap at Mon-El, especially not in the situation they were in. So instead, she opted to look out the window, especially when he didn’t comment on her words. Though what could he say anyway? There was nothing that could make this whole thing better.

Silence stretched for a couple of minutes as tears filled Kara’s eyes all over again. And when it became unbearable, she didn’t even turn to Mon-El as she said the next words. “You should’ve never come back.” Her voice was barely a whisper, strained because of the tears that refused to leave no matter how much she tried. “You should've stayed away from me and Alura. Forever. You should’ve never come.”

That was all she could muster before emotions clogged her throat, and silent tears started streaming down her cheeks all over again.

* * *

_Kara was_ this _close to completely freaking out as she stormed out of the bus, the strap of her bag clutched tightly in her hand, and stomped her way to the familiar house. Well,_ Mon-El’s _house to be more specific, which was about a minute away from the bus station, yet every second of that minute felt more and more excruciating to her, so much so that she was outright clenching her teeth by the time she reached the door._

_But it wasn’t exactly her fault! She had the right to be freaked out. It was Friday, and Mon-El hadn’t come to school for a full week. Granted, it wasn’t the first time he did that. There were times he ditched school for a couple of days, but he_ always _let her know that he was fine. This time, no matter how much she called him or even sent an email in her frenzy…he didn’t answer._

_So now she was here, in front of his house, all her courage gathered up to confront him about_ what the hell was going on.

_She didn’t lose any time as she almost slammed her palm on the door, knocking as harshly as she could, so that he’d be able to hear her even from the far corners of his house—and he did have a big house._

_“Mon-El?” she yelled inside, stopping her knocking for a couple of seconds. “You there?” She waited for one second, two, three, four, five, and when there still was no answer she knocked again, for longer this time. “Mon-El, if you’re inside, I suggest you open the door,” she said, her voice louder, as she was beyond caring who would hear her or not. “Because I’m not leaving until I see you.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her foot tapping on the wooden porch, as she waited again. One second. Two. Three. Fo—_

_That was when she heard the lock of the door turning. Her heart jumped with excitement as she straightened up, accusations about why he ditched school for days without letting her know lining her throat…but she came to a complete stop when the door completely opened. Well, okay, not exactly when it opened, but a couple of seconds afterwards, when Mon-El lifted his bowed head to look at her. Because while she couldn’t see his face, with the hoodie that he was wearing, when his chin was ducked, now she could very_ clearly _see him…and air got hitched in her throat._

_“Oh my God,” she heard herself gasp, but her heart was slamming against her ribs so harshly that she might’ve imagined it. Though there was one thing she was sure she hadn’t imagined: the bruises and cuts on Mon-El’s face. There was one on his left eye, which must’ve been swollen and purple once, but looked more yellow now. His right cheek, from cheekbone to the corner of his mouth, was lined with purple bruises that still looked swollen, even though it must’ve been days since they happened—there were exactly four of them, matching the knuckles of a hand. There was a cut above his left brow, and another one right under his chin, and Kara was pretty sure they didn’t happen while he was shaving. And even though he was wearing a hoodie, its sleeves had ridden up slightly, revealing the beginning of even_ more _bruises. And there could be only one explanation to all of this: Someone must’ve beaten up Mon-El._

_“Oh my God, Mon-El!” she repeated, not knowing what else to say as she stepped forward, lifting her hands to hold his face and look at his bruises, but she stopped short. With the hoodie it was_ impossible _for her to see the extent of his injuries, and the last thing she wanted was to hurt him. At least more than he already was hurt._

Oh my God…

_She was taken out of her thoughts with Mon-El’s voice. “What are you doing here, Kara?” he said almost blankly, his grip on the door’s handle tight, as if he wanted to be able to close it whenever he wanted. He’d already only opened it halfway._

_But if he knew Kara at all, he’d know that she’d never let him shut the door on her, especially when he was in a situation like this. So instead she put her hand on the door and pushed it open enough to slip inside, despite Mon-El’s low complaints, before whirling around again to face him. “What am I doing here? Well, what did you expect, Mon-El?” she almost yelled, her voice quivering, as she threw her hands in the air. Mon-El winced slightly at her voice and tucked his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. She continued when he didn’t say anything. “You didn’t come to school for a week, you haven’t been answering my calls, not even that one damn email I sent you. I was worried!” She stepped forward, ducking her chin to look at his face, and forced herself to calm down her voice. It wouldn’t help to scream at him, especially since it didn’t seem like not going to school was entirely his fault. “And I was rightly worried too. Mon-El…what happened to you?” She couldn’t help it as her voice cracked._

_Mon-El didn’t say anything for a moment as he held her gaze, his gray eyes brewing with storms, before he shrugged nonchalantly, as if it was nothing, and moved to the living room._

_“Nothing happened. I just slipped and fell,” he said matter-of-factly—almost too matter-of-factly. Kara couldn’t help snorting as she followed him inside the living room. If he thought he could get away from her that easily… He was wrong. It was so obvious that he was beaten, and she was not going to leave until she got to the bottom of this._

_“You know that that is the lamest excuse in the world, right?” she asked, her arms crossed over her chest. “And I don’t think the ground could bruise your cheek in the shape of knuckles.” Her voice trailed off at the end, and she couldn’t help flinching at the idea of someone punching Mon-El in the face. She shivered as her arms fell to her sides, and she could hear desperation tinting her voice as she continued. “Mon-El, what happened to you?” She could hear the plea behind her words, begging him to tell her, to explain what happened, to let her, his best friend, in. Because they were best friends, right? They’d been inseparable ever since they met on the first day of school. They might’ve known each other for three months only, which might not be that long to some people, but in those three months, they’d gotten so close that Kara trusted him enough to tell him everything about her. And she…she truly hoped he was feeling the same way._

_Silence stretched between them as Mon-El fiddled with the fabric of his hoodie, for so long that Kara was about to give up, at least until he sighed and turned around. His shoulders were slumped as he stared at Kara’s feet, as if he couldn’t say whatever he needed to say while looking at her eyes._

_“It was my parents,” he said with a shrug, his voice almost deadpanned, and Kara wasn’t sure if it was his nonchalance or his words that made her freeze._ It was my parents. _That was what he said, right? She didn’t hear it wrong? But his parents…how could they…_

_She must’ve seemed so shocked that he leaned back on the counter and continued. “I ditched one of their business event…thingies to go to the movie theater with you last week. They wanted to make sure that I knew what I did was wrong. I was the one that brought this upon myself.” Kara was pretty sure her eyes were wide enough to bulge out of her sockets, especially because she could see on his face that he wasn’t lying. He truly believed what he said. He truly believed that he…that he deserved a…_ beating _because…because he went against his parents’ wishes? Because he went to a damn movie?_

_She felt sick. Not just because of what his parents had done to him, but because he believed that they were right, he believed he_ deserved _a beating for something so small like going to movies with friends. Though it also wouldn’t also matter if it was something big, either. No one deserved beating, no matter what they did._

_“No,” she whispered as she stepped forward, feeling anger starting to churn in her stomach._ “No,” _she said more forcefully this time, so much so that Mon-El looked up at her, his hoodie slipping off of his head. Confusion was flickering in his eyes as she continued, trying to talk over the unshed tears burning her throat. “Mon-El, you didn’t bring this upon yourself. You did_ not _deserve it.” She ran her shaky fingers through her hair so harshly that she could feel herself ripping off the strands, but she didn’t care. Not as she stared at Mon-El, making sure he understood her words and knew that she was being honest. Yet he seemed so surprised at first that she was worried her words didn’t get through his mind._

_Especially when he shrugged again, as if it was_ nothing, _and moved to the couch to avoid her gaze. He plopped down and slipped on the hood again. “It isn’t the first time that happened,” he said in a low voice. Kara arched her brows, her heart thundering in her chest, yet she couldn’t find the right words to say to what he was confessing._ It isn’t the first time that happened. _Which meant… Which meant his parents must’ve beaten him before, too. So much so that…that they made him believe it was his fault, that he_ deserved _it._

_Kara was pretty sure she would’ve thrown up if she had eaten anything at lunch. Yet instead, her stomach churned with a sick feeling as she could do nothing but listen to him continue._

_“I should’ve known better than to go against them.” Kara blinked at that, at the nonchalant way he said that, at least before anger exploded inside of her._

_“Don’t say that,” she almost ordered as she stepped forward, kneeling in front of him to look at his eyes. “Don’t you_ dare _say that, Mon-El. You did not deserve any of the shit your parents did to you. You aren’t the one to blame in this.” Her voice was shaking with the utter fury she was feeling, not at Mon-El, but at his parents and what they did. Yet there was also conviction behind her words, almost begging him to understand what she was saying, begging him to see that his parents were the ones at fault. His parents should be blamed. Not him._ Never _him._

_“Kara, they told me they wanted me to come. I should’ve—“ Anger flared in her veins at those words._

_“Well, I don’t care what the hell they wanted!” she almost screamed, grabbing his knees and squeezing them. Something cracked in her chest when he flinched at the touch. She loosened her grip, but she didn’t let him go, rubbing his knees soothingly, offering him support, until she felt him relax under her hands. Because now…looking at him…she knew why he always flinched away at people’s touches. Not because he necessarily believed they’d hurt him, but after…after enduring God knew how many years of beatinsg…it’d become an instinct for him to avoid touches. She wouldn’t be surprised if he said his parents never really offered him any affectionate touching._

_Mon-El opened his mouth at her words, but she didn’t let him speak as she continued. “You don’t deserve a beating just because you didn’t do what your parents wanted. You’re fifteen years old, Mon-El, you_ are _allowed to say no to them.” He didn’t seem like he believed her, so she repeated herself. “You are allowed to say no without a consequence. I don’t know what bullshit lies they fed you, or what twisted things they made you believe, but that is the truth. Nobody deserves a beating, no matter what they do. Especially… Especially someone like you, Mon-El.” Her voice cracked at the end as she looked up at him, forcing her tears away. She couldn’t break down, not now. She had to hold herself together, she_ needed _to be strong for Mon-El, because from the way he was shaking… It seemed like he could fall apart at any time._

_“But they’re my parents,” he said weakly after a couple of seconds of silence. His voice was so blank that Kara doubted he really believed those words, but more like he was taught that way, by_ his parents. _A sick feeling churned in her stomach, so much so that she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying._

_“That doesn’t give them the right to hurt you. They’re not your masters, Mon-El, and you’re not their slave.” She stared right at his eyes, making sure he understood her words. She rubbed his knee again. “You’re your own person. You don’t belong to anyone, especially someone that doesn’t even care about you. And trust me when I say this, because Mon-El… I care about you.”_

_It seemed like something in him snapped with those words as she watched tears fill his eyes. Something broke in her, especially since she’d never seen him cry before, not even at his worst moments, which made her wonder if it was the first time anyone told him that they cared about them. If it was the first time he saw someone offering him care and comfort, standing by him, telling him that he deserved better than someone who beat him up. A pang of pain hit her, especially when she saw the first tear escape his eyes._

_“You care about me?” he asked, his voice cracking mid-sentence, and the hope and desperation in his voice was almost a confirmation of her thoughts. She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she offered him a smile._

_“Of course I do. You’re my best friend,” she said without a hint of hesitation in her voice. A second tear followed the first one at that, and then another one, and before much time passed, tears were free flowing down his cheeks. Her throat knotted as she watched him cry for a couple of seconds, until it was too much, until she just wanted to wrap her arms around him and pull him close. Yet now that she knew why he didn’t like touching much…she was slow as she stood up and sat on the couch’s arm, right next to him. He didn’t even turn to her as he kept staring at the floor, his hands clasped together on his lap, his chest heaving with silent sobs. Her heart cracked at that as she reached for him, her arm hovering over his shoulders._

_“Do you want me to hug you?” she asked softly, leaning forward to get a better look at his face. He looked up in surprise, as if he truly didn’t expect her to say that and thought she’d just leave him alone to cry. But instead she offered him a smile that said she’d_ always _be there for him, no matter what._

_She expected him to refuse her offer, so when he suddenly reached up and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close and burying his face to her shoulder, she was the one that was caught off guard. Yet she didn’t lose any time as she hugged him back, one hand going up to his hair to stroke it gently, reminding him that she was there for him, she’d never leave him, especially when the sounds of his sobs, albeit muffled, filled the room._

_“Shh,” she whispered to his hair, resting her chin atop his head and rubbing his back. “I’m here. I’m with you. You’re safe now. You’re okay. You’re safe. I’m not leaving you.” She repeated those words over and over again as Mon-El cried in her arms, hoping he could hear her, hoping her words made it through his crying. Every sob made her heart crack more and more, so much so that she was worried it would shatter into pieces if he continued to cry, yet still she didn’t let him go. Instead, she held him tighter, pressing a kiss on his hair, waiting for his sobs and shaking to die until she let him go. And even then she didn’t go far away, only pulling back enough to look at his face and cup his cheeks._

_“You’re gonna call me if something like this happens again, okay?” she told him, her voice indicating that she wanted no objections. “You’re gonna let me be here for you. Promise me you’ll let me be here for you and help you.” After a couple of seconds of hesitation Mon-El nodded, silent tears still falling down from his cheeks._

_“Okay,” he whispered in a tear strained voice. Relief washed over Kara at that, but it was brief as she saw the bruises on his cheeks again. She traced them gently with her thumb._

_“Now let’s get this taken care of,” she whispered softly before she stood up, and he let her take care of him, never once saying a word of objection, obviously needing this just as much as she needed to know he was okay. She’d never be okay with what his parents did to him, and she’d fight it with everything that she had, but right now that wasn’t what Mon-El needed. Right now, he needed someone to take care of him, and that was what she was going to do. Everything else could come later._

* * *

Alex didn’t know for how long she’d been sitting in the meeting room in the police station, one of James’s jackets—which was so big that it fell over her almost like a cape—over her shoulders, and a cup of coffee in her hand, but she was pretty sure it’d been a long time when she finally heard a click coming from the door. She straightened up quickly, wiping away the last bit of stray tears as the door was pushed open, and she came face to face with a woman—one of the detectives that led her into this room when she and James first arrived. Yet she couldn’t remember her name, not with the haze of all that terror and fear she was feeling. She was so focused on Kara that everything else had slipped through her mind.

Well, okay, almost everything. She hadn’t forgotten about Amelia at least, making sure James was taking care of her in the break room of the police station before she let herself be brought in this room, and she also made sure that Amelia wouldn’t hear a word of what was going on with Kara. She didn’t want the little girl involved in any of this or even _know_ that her mother was in danger. Kara had been willing to sacrifice _everything_ to make sure her daughter got the happiness she deserved, and Alex would be damned if she ruined that. Besides, Amelia was barely older than five, too young to be in…in this kind of a situation where she…where she had to face the loss of her mother. Alex didn’t want her to know about that. Better that she was kept in dark until Kara came back. And if she didn’t…

That was something they’d consider… _if_ that happened. Alex didn’t even want to consider the possibility of that.

She slipped away from her thoughts when the detective closed the door behind her, a small smile on her face. “Hey,” she said as she moved towards the table. Alex attempted to stand up, her hands shaking so much as she tried to hold her chair to support herself, but it was impossible. Luckily, the detective was faster. She rushed forward immediately, a sympathetic look in her eyes, and stopped her. “Hey, you don’t need to stand up. No need for formality here.”

Alex didn’t think she felt that grateful for someone in a long time. She nodded with a gulp, not trusting her voice, as she sat back on the chair and tugged on the jacket around her shoulders, trying to snuggle more into it, to somehow keep herself from feeling cold. Not that it really helped, though she should’ve known that. Her coldness had nothing to do with the weather, which, to be honest, was pretty warm for March. It was… It was an _emotional_ cold she was feeling, if there was something like that.

“Did you… Did you find anything about my sister?” The question left her mouth as the detective settled on the chair across from her. The frown that appeared on her face was answer enough.

“No, I’m sorry, Ms. Danvers. Not yet. But we’re trying our best.” Even the smile she offered at that wasn’t enough to keep Alex from deflating. Pain churned in her stomach as she shut her eyes, trying to compose herself, trying to keep her tears at bay. She’d already cried too much for a day, enough that her throat was hurting, she didn’t need a repeat of that.

She only opened her eyes when she was sure she got a grip on herself and she wouldn’t be crying. She saw a plate of cookies in front of her. She lifted her head to look at the detective, who was resting her arms on the table as she leaned forward. She shrugged.

“I thought you might need some sugar,” she explained, gesturing at the cookies. Alex couldn’t find anything to say at that for a moment, just staring at the cookies, feeling her throat knot. She knew a cookie couldn’t make what she was feeling better, but she remembered Kara saying once that there was no situation that couldn’t be improved with a cookie. So she grabbed one with shaky fingers and took a small bite from it, even though she could barely taste it. The detective watched her for a couple of seconds, something like a pitiful look in her eyes, before she straightened up.

“Ms. Danvers, I’m Detective Maggie Sawyer,” she introduced herself, her voice soft and non-demanding. Alex forced herself to lift her head, ignoring the crushing weight on her shoulders, and show the detective—Maggie—that she was listening. “My team and I will be handling the investigation of your sister’s disappearance.”

“She didn’t disappear,” Alex found herself whispering at that, instinctively almost. Maggie stopped with those words, obviously waiting for her to continue. She cleared her throat, trying to gather together her thoughts as she chewed on another bite of cookie, trying to focus on the feel of it in her mouth instead of the haunting thoughts about what might’ve happened to Kara. She continued when she was sure her voice wouldn’t sound unintelligible. “She would’ve never willingly leave Amelia. Something happened to her. She didn’t disappear.” She didn’t know if she should feel glad that she was almost 100% sure of those words. Because there was a part of her that _truly_ wanted to believe Kara loved Amelia enough to never abandon her, but that would mean…that would mean that _something bad_ had happened to her. And Alex almost wished… Alex almost wished that she could believe her sister would run away, just so that she could at least hope for her well being. But right now… Right now, all she could feel was _fear_ for Kara’s life, knowing the only reason she’d disappear was that if she was in danger.

She was taken out of her thoughts with Maggie’s words. “Okay, let’s say she didn’t disappear. That something happened to her.” Her voice was soft, not even a hint of disbelief in it, which Alex couldn’t help feeling grateful for. At least the detective wasn’t just dismissing the idea. “Why don’t you tell me what happened, from the beginning, so that we know where to start looking for her?”

Something lodged into Alex’s throat at the thought of reciting the events of the last two days. Even _thinking_ about what happened hurt her, especially considering whatever happened to Kara must’ve happened between her taking Amelia and bringing her back. Maybe… Maybe if she stayed in her house… Maybe she hadn’t left… She could’ve stopped this. She could’ve prevented…whatever happened to Kara.

No. _No._ She couldn’t think that. As a doctor…a surgeon no less…she knew how destructive that line of thought could be, and it never helped anyone at the end anyway. Because deep down, she knew it wasn’t her fault. There was no way she could’ve known something would happen to her sister. And… And even if she stayed, she still might not have prevented this from happening. So instead of focusing on what she could’ve changed, she should focus on where to go from here.

And that started by helping the police in whatever way she could to find Kara.

She cleared her throat, blinking away her tears once again before she started. “It was… It was yesterday morning when I last saw Kara. I was… I went to her house to pick up Amelia—her daughter—and when I…when I came back… She wasn’t there.” Maggie took a couple of notes on her notebook at that.

“How long were you and Amelia gone?” she asked, her voice still gentle, but now with a hint of professionalism in it. Alex frowned, racking her brain to remember when they came back, yet she didn’t really have an exact time in her mind.

“A couple of hours?” she guessed, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “It was… It was around midday. I returned to drop Amelia off, but when I knocked on the door… Kara didn’t answer. She wasn’t home. And she… I tried to call her, but her phone was turned off too—which is…which is weird, because Kara never turns off her phone or forgets to charge it. She always answers her phone.” A slight relief washed over her shoulders when she saw Maggie nod at that, scribbling down more notes.

“So you think Kara disappeared between yesterday morning and midday?” Alex pressed her lips together and nodded.

“Yes. I…I think so. She knew… She knew I’d be coming back to drop off Amelia. She’d have called me if she needed to leave the house for a…for a long time. And she…she hadn’t called James either…” Tears filled her eyes all over again at that, and she furiously wiped them away, waiting until she felt sure she wouldn’t start crying before she opened her mouth again. “Though it’s not… It’s not surprising that she didn’t call James. They were supposed to… They were supposed to marry today but she…she never wanted it.” Her mind only caught up with her words after they left her mouth, and then she froze as her eyes widened. She looked at Maggie desperately. “Please don’t… Don’t say that to James. He’s not a bad guy. It’s just that… Kara… She’s been through a lot, and…”

“Ms. Danvers,” Maggie stopped her ramble, reaching forward to put a hand on hers. “Whatever you say here stays between you and my team. Don’t worry.” Relief washed over Alex’s shoulders as she nodded, yet she stayed silent when she didn’t know what to say. Instead, she started at Maggie’s hand on hers until the detective spoke again. “But… If you don’t mind me asking… Do you think Kara might’ve chosen to leave to avoid marrying James?” Alex’s eyes snapped up at that.

“No.” The word left her mouth without a hesitation. Maggie’s professional attitude started to crumble for a second as pain flickered in her eyes, but she got ahold of herself quickly. She shook her head.

“I know you don’t want to believe your sister would do something like that, Alex. I understand. But it’s a scenario we’ve seen way too many times. You never know.” Alex couldn’t help clenching her teeth at that, feeling tears burning her eyes again.

“No, you don’t understand, I _know_.” She pressed her lips together, pressing her palms on the table in an attempt to keep herself together. It didn’t seem like it was working. “Ever since… Ever since James and Kara got engaged, I’ve been telling her that she didn’t have to marry James if she didn’t want to. I offered her a way out at every single turn, but she…she refused. She wanted Amelia to have a real family so much that she willingly accepted to marry someone she didn’t love. She would never take that away from her daughter, especially not…not like this. She loves… She loves her so much.” Alex felt the first tears escape her eyes, no matter how much she tried to hold it back. She blinked, trying to push the rest of the tears away, but it didn’t work. She could almost feel herself crumble under the weight of the situation as she shook her head. “She loves Amelia. She’d never leave her willingly. You have to believe me. She’d… She’d never leave her.” And with that, the last thread she was holding onto snapped, and the tears that she was trying so hard to hold back started flowing down her cheeks. She shut her eyes, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Something happened to her,” she tried to whisper, though she was pretty sure she sounded very unintelligible. “Something must’ve happened to her.” That was the last thing she could choke out before sobs took over her body. The last thing she wanted was to cry right now, especially in front of a police officer, but she couldn’t help herself. Her sister was gone. Her baby sister, the person she promised she’d protect, was gone, and she had no idea where she was or what she was doing or if she was in danger or not. And worst of all, she couldn’t do _anything_ to help Kara. _Anything._ She’d never felt so helpless or desperate in her whole life. She was a doctor, she helped and healed people on a daily basis, yet when it came to her sister, she couldn’t even think of something to do, and it hurt. It hurt _too much_ at this point that she couldn’t even breathe.

She was so distracted with her sobs that she didn’t even notice Maggie standing up and taking the seat next to her, at least not until the woman put a hand on her back. “Hey, Alex,” she said, using her name instead of her surname for the first time. Alex didn’t even have it in her to look up at the detective. “I’m sorry I suggested that Kara might’ve run away. I was just going through every possibility as to what might’ve happened to your sister, to make sure we’re not missing anything.” She stopped at that, taking a deep breath, and all Alex could do was listen. “But I hear what you say about how she’d never leave her family, and we’ll consider that while we’re looking for her. We’ll do everything we can to find her. I promise.” Her voice was so soothing, so honest, that despite herself and her suspicions Alex found herself believing in her.

What choice did she have anyway?

* * *

Mon-El could feel the tension buzzing in his shoulders as he stopped the car in front of the familiar building, looking up to the third floor, feeling a shiver go through him.

Well, at least the fear of what was about to come managed to take his mind off the pain he was feeling after the conversation he and Kara had. About… About Amelia. It’d been one hour since then, an hour passing by in utter silence, yet still, he struggled to keep his tears at bay, to gulp back his sobs and keep himself together, and he was pretty sure if he didn’t have something else to focus on, he would’ve broken apart by now. At that point, he didn’t even know what hurt more: the fact that Kara didn’t want him in her or Amelia’s life, or that she’d go as far as to lie to him to make sure of that. It was not _just_ a lie, though. She’d basically claimed Amelia’s father was a drunk one-night stand, someone whom she didn’t even remember, instead of admitting that it was Mon-El. And he knew she must be lying, because Amelia had been born eight months after he left, and no matter how Kara twisted it, the birth didn’t fit the timeline of what she said.

Yet he couldn’t even argue with her, because if she’d rather a drunk stranger to be Amelia’s father than him, she must’ve been really, really hurt about what he did. So he kept his mouth shut, reminding himself that at the end it wouldn’t matter anyway. He’d have to leave her eventually, and when that happened, it wouldn’t help either of them if Kara knew that _he_ knew Amelia was his daughter. Better keep it a secret than hurt her more.

At least that was what he kept telling himself when he felt his heart shatter in his chest, as if somehow trying to reason with what happened would lessen the pain. _It didn’t._ Not that… Not that it mattered in the big picture, but still, it definitely mattered _right now,_ especially considering that what he and Kara would have to do in a matter of minutes required their A game. They couldn’t get distracted with their feelings.

He cleared his throat, focusing on what was ahead, as he turned to Kara. Her arms were still crossed over her chest, and she was looking out the window, as if the last thing she wanted was to turn to him. He pressed his lips together and forced himself to keep it together. “We’re here,” he announced in a hoarse voice.

Even then, Kara didn’t turn to him, not at first at least. He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the knot in his throat, before he continued. “We need to… We need to get fake IDs so that…so that we can move more…safely.” _So that we can stay off of her radar._ He wished he could say that, he wished he could explain everything to her, but the words just got stuck in his throat as he remembered that knowing everything would only put Kara in more danger. So he kept his mouth shut, even as he saw Kara shudder with his words, even as he watched her clench her fists, even as he knew she hated him with every fiber of her being. He’d take all of that to keep her safe.

“Why?” she asked, taking him out of his thoughts a couple of seconds later, before she turned to him. There was no way he could miss her red and puffy eyes or wet cheeks, indicating that she’d cried, that she’d been crying for some time now. It was hard not to wince at that. It took him some time to find his voice.

“Why…what?” He was truly hoping he didn’t sound as unintelligible as he felt, especially as he tried not to crumble under Kara’s harsh stare. She uncrossed her arms, dropping her hands on her lap, before she answered.

“Why are we running away, and…and who are we running away from? Why do we…” She gestured outside, blinking away her tears, before she continued. “Why do we need to go as far as getting new IDs? Who… Who are you so scared of to do…to do all of this?” She stopped for a couple of seconds, eyeing him, searching his face, obviously waiting for his answer. Yet he couldn’t even find the right words as he opened his mouth, let alone put those words in logical sentence. “Who, Mon-El?” she insisted when he stayed silent, and all he could muster, after a couple of seconds, was to shake his head. He needed to clear his throat to find his voice.

“It’s… It’s better if you don’t know anything,” he whispered, afraid that he’d break down if he talked louder. Her blue eyes turned into two chips of ice at that, indicating that she wasn’t happy with his answer, but before she could press him more, he continued. “It’s better for your safety,” he tried to explain. “I don’t… I don’t want you involved in this any more than you…already are, Kara. You have… You have a daughter to return back to.” He turned his eyes away from Kara and to the window when he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel to steady himself. “Besides, that way, you won’t have to lie to the police if we get captured. You can just say that I kidnapped you.” He couldn’t face her, though he could almost feel her flinch with his words. He tried to ignore that as he clenched his teeth together harshly, trying to ignore the way his chest squeezed with pain, before he turned back to Kara. She didn’t even bother to look at him, even though he was pretty sure he felt her gaze.

He took a deep breath as he tried to gather his words together. “Kara, I… I need to ask a favor from you.” That made her turn to him, her brow arched, as if challenging him to speak. He tried not to grimace as he cleared his throat and continued. “And I know… I know you won’t like this, but…” He clenched his teeth, reminding himself that what he was about to ask from her was necessary to get out of this with as few problems as possible, yet that didn’t mean his heart didn’t clench in his chest. Especially as Kara’s questioning glance searched his face.

It took a lot of courage for him to say the next words, especially…especially considering his and Kara’s past, everything they’d been through, and…and what he did to her. And to be honest, he wouldn’t have been surprised if she kicked his ass afterwards, without even letting him explain.

“I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	6. Candy Crush

“I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend.”

The moment those words left Mon-El’s mouth, Kara felt herself freeze with shock, her mouth dropping open. She… She must’ve heard it wrong, right? Or… Or he must be joking? He couldn’t have just suggested that she…

But there was no hint of joke or sarcasm in his eyes as he looked at her, his eyes warily searching her face. She waited a couple of seconds for him to laugh, to say that he was only kidding, and…and he just wanted to lighten the mood or something…but he didn’t. Granted, she still would’ve been angry if he joked about something like that, especially in this kind of situation, but…it was way better than the alternative. Than him…actually asking her to be…

“Are you _kidding_ me?” she found herself exploding after a couple of seconds, when her mind finally managed to process what was going on. The shock inside her was replaced with anger and…and something else she didn’t even want to think about. She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs—with anger of course, nothing else—as she pulled back from Mon-El, at least as far back as possible sitting next to him in a car. She could feel her back being flushed with the door. “You want me to be your _girlfriend_?” she spat out, her words venomous as she couldn’t help glaring at him. A part of her expected him to fight, to at least say something to defend himself, but all he did was flinch at that. He avoided her gaze, instead opting to turn his eyes to the steering wheel.

“I don’t want you to be my girlfriend,” he said weakly almost defeatedly, which made Kara think that he expected her to react this way. This wasn’t a surprise to him.

Not that it made anything better. Oh no. He was about to be surprised big time if he thought that.

“I want you to pretend like it,” he continued, taking a deep breath before he turned to her. He was clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles had whitened.

Still, that did not stop her from laughing incredulously. She grabbed the back of her seat, desperate to hold onto something, desperate to keep her head clear. “You think that’s better?” she asked, disgust dripping from her voice. She hated the way her voice started shaking at the last word, but she couldn’t help herself. Not when she thought about what Mon-El was asking from her. Not when… Not when she thought about being his girlfriend again, being close to him, holding his hand, hugging him, kissing him—

No. _No._ She couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t do it. No matter… No matter how certain parts of her body might be reacting to that thought, no matter how much her heart stuttered with excitement, no matter how her blood buzzed, she _wouldn’t_ do it. Not after _everything_ he did to her. Besides… Besides, all those reactions weren’t because she missed being close to him. Because she _didn’t._ She might’ve loved him once, with everything that she had, but that was in the past. That was before he _abandoned_ her and Amelia without a second thought, without a goodbye, without considering how his departure might affect them. Because affect them it did. She’d almost failed her final exams in college just because she was too depressed to study. She’d spent months looking through every crowd, searching for him, searching for his familiar gray-blue eyes, hoping to see a glimpse of them. She’d spent one and a half years claiming that Mon-El loved her, he _loved_ her and he wouldn’t have just left unless something happened to him. And all that… All that was for _nothing_. All that didn’t change the fact that he left her, he left Amelia, forcing her to raise their child all on her own. Forcing Amelia to grow up without a father figure, so much so that she had to accept marrying a guy she didn’t even _love_ just so that she could give Amelia the family that she deserved.

So no, she didn’t miss him, she _wouldn’t_ miss him, or love him, or ever forgive him. There was no excuse in the world that could make what he’d done okay.

Oh, and she _certainly_ wouldn’t even _pretend_ to be his girlfriend.

“You think that’s any different?” she hissed with a shaky voice. She ignored the way Mon-El almost looked like she stabbed him at that. “You think… You think I’d _ever_ want to be your girlfriend after what you did to me?” She could see the way Mon-El crumbled under the weight of her words as he shook his head again. Desperation was oozing out of him when he turned to her.

“It’s just… It’s just for five minutes, Kara. You won’t have to do anything other than holding my hand—“

“I don’t care!” she yelled, feeling something snap inside her at his words. “I don’t care if it’s an act, I don’t care if all I will have to do is hold your hand or—or stand by your side, I _won’t_ be your girlfriend.” She stopped for a second, breathing heavily, trying to push past the anger, annoyance, and that sliver of excitement she opted to ignore, to gather together her thoughts. “Not after you abandoned me. Not after you broke my heart.” She had to look away to avoid seeing the way Mon-El began shaking at that, tears filling his eyes, to keep herself from feeling sorry for him. _He deserves it,_ she reminded herself, over and over again, yet it was really hard not to grimace when he heard just how much his voice was trembling.

“I know I lost that chance, Kara,” he whispered, as if he couldn’t talk louder if he didn’t want to collapse into sobs. “And I’m not… I’m not asking you to do that because I…I want it, or I want to… I want to get close to you—“ His voice trailed off at that, and Kara used that opportunity to cut in, the heartbroken part of her getting in the way of common sense.

“Oh, well, that’s good to know,” she said with a sarcastic chuckle, trying desperately to calm down her thundering heart. “Because, just F.Y.I, the feeling is mutual—“

“Kara,” he said, so slowly, so quietly that Kara felt herself trail off without her intention. She felt the anger that had just been churning in her stomach dissipate slowly when she saw his posture, when she managed to _register_ it through the emotional turmoil going on inside her. And that was only when she realized how _distraught_ he looked. She’d thought…well, more truthfully, she’d _wanted_ to think…that this was just a game for him, that he didn’t care at all, but everything about him said the exact opposite. He was shaking all over as he grasped the steering wheel, his lips were pressed tightly together, and…

Was that a tear slipping down his cheek?

Yet before she could think about that, he wiped it away quickly and turned to her. Still, there was no way he could hide the unshed tears in his eyes.

“I wouldn’t ask this from you if we had any other choice,” he whispered, the softness in his voice catching her off guard. He gulped before he continued, as if he was struggling with his words, as if he didn’t know how to explain all of this. “The last thing I wanted was to…to bring you into this mess, but now…now that you’re in it, I’m trying my best to get you out as soon as I can. And that…that starts with getting new IDs.” He dropped his hands to his lap, his shoulders slumped, as if…as if he was just giving up. On what exactly, Kara wasn’t sure, but he seemed so defeated at that moment that she couldn’t help it as her heart ached for him. Because…

Because he obviously cared. She didn’t want him to, but he seemed like he _cared_ , and that—

_That doesn’t matter._ It didn’t matter. At the end, in the big picture, it _couldn’t_ matter.

“This… This person that we’re gonna get them from, she owes me a favor. But if…if she sniffs that something is off with me, with…us, she won’t risk helping. She won’t bother with us if she thinks it might get her into trouble. So please, Kara, please, just…just help me out in this. You don’t have to do or say anything other than holding my hand. I just… I just want to get this done so that…so that so that you can get out of this.”

It took her a bit of time to get herself together, to push the emotional side of her to the back of her mind and focus on what Mon-El was trying to say, but at the end…at the end she nodded. Because despite everything, despite the anger she felt at his suggestion to be his girlfriend, she knew one thing. He would never intentionally hurt anyone. Even after years have passed since she last saw him, even after being proven wrong about almost everything about him, she knew she wasn’t wrong about this. Especially since she could also see the honesty shining in his eyes.

Besides, she would be lying if she said she wasn’t willing to do _anything_ to get out of this situation as soon as possible. So she nodded, slowly at first but then more surely, and she could almost see the relief washing over Mon-El’s shoulders.

“Good,” he whispered with a small. “Good.” He unlocked the car doors as he swallowed hard. “Let’s just get this done then.”

Kara wasn’t planning on saying anything else as she turned to the door, but the question hit her way too unexpectedly that she couldn’t help herself as she turned to Mon-El.

“What about you?” she couldn’t help asking him, her voice low. He almost froze with those words and turned to her. There was confusion flickering in his eyes.

“What about me?” Kara pressed her lips together at that, trying to ignore her thundering heart as she clasped the door’s handle harshly. She tried to keep her voice as devoid of emotion as possible when she continued.

“Once we…get this done, will you be able to get out of this too?” She kept her gaze on him, seeing shock splash on his face at the question. Granted, she was surprised too, especially since she’d just claimed a couple of minutes ago she didn’t care one bit about what happened to him, but she couldn’t help herself. Despite everything that happened…she couldn’t stop herself from worrying about him. Well, not herself generally, but a part inside her, a part that had loved Mon-El wholeheartedly six years ago and was still unable to let that go. She was usually good at ignoring that part, especially when she was angry, but when he did something like this… When his face morphed into a vulnerable expression that reminded her so much of the young boy, who had a horrible childhood, who just wanted to be happy, who loved her unconditionally and stayed by her no matter what… That small part of her just surfaced, and she forgot every painful thing he’d put her true.

This moment… It was no exception to that. Especially as his face crumbled all over again, filling with such pain that Kara didn’t even know it was possible. He tried to shrug it off as he turned away his gaze.

“It’s too late for me.” And that was all he said before he pushed open the door and went out, leaving her in the car as she was unable to do anything other than watch him, her heart stuttering with fear. Though she didn’t know what scared her more: The seriousness behind his words, or the fact that he seemed to believe them wholeheartedly.

* * *

Alex felt utterly tired as she stood in front of the break room’s door, even though the cup of coffee in her hand was her fourth cup that day, and she was already halfway through it. Yet she could feel the exhaustion in her bones, not caused by anything physical, but it was…it was more of an emotional tiredness.

She had no idea answering all those questions about Kara’s disappearance would be this hard, even though Detective Sawyer had been utterly patient with her; she’d brought her coffee whenever she needed it and even let her finish that whole plate of cookies. Which was probably why it took them hours to finish the questioning, because whenever Maggie saw that she was getting way too distraught, she stopped, urging them to have a break. Which she was utterly grateful for…but the length of time was also another factor in her exhaustion.

Still, as she stood in front of the room, she knew very well she couldn’t look like she came back from a funeral. Amelia… It was her turn to take care of Amelia while James went in to talk to the detectives, and if she didn’t want the little girl to know something was wrong… She had to act normally, like everything was okay, like her exhaustion was because of sleeplessness and not Kara’s disappearance. Amelia didn’t deserve to carry the burden of losing her mother, especially not now, not when there was a chance Kara could come back. If she didn’t…

That was something they’d deal with _then_ , not now.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to straighten up her hair and plaster a genuine smile on her face before she pushed open the door, clutching her coffee cup tightly in her hand. She was pretty sure some of her actions looked way too tense to be real, but she was hoping Amelia wouldn’t notice, or even if she did, she would just ignore it. If she managed to keep the little girl distracted, she was pretty sure it would be no problem.

Though it seemed like she was _already_ distracted when she entered the break room, with James’s phone in her hand, playing some game that sounded like… _Candy Crush_? She’d thought that game went out of fashion years ago. Not that it really mattered as long as Amelia was kept busy, and from the way she didn’t even lift her head from the phone when Alex entered, her face scrunched up in concentration, she’d say that the little girl was _very_ busy. Her smile almost felt genuine as she watched her niece, looking all cute as she played a game like it would save the world.

She also couldn’t help feeling extremely grateful for James for thinking of a perfect way to get the girl’s mind off of what was going on, and she suddenly felt bad about telling Maggie that Kara didn’t really love James. Especially since he was smiling and laughing with Amelia, his arm wrapped around her shoulders protectively, trying to keep his spirit up for her, even though Alex was pretty sure he must be worried as hell about Kara, too. At the end… At the end, they were supposed to be married today. But instead…

She quickly shook away her thoughts when James’s eyes met hers. She forced a smile onto her face as she stepped forward. “Hey, you two,” she tried to say cheerfully, pushing a strand of her hair away from her face. The smile on James’s face faltered a bit when he saw her, yet she tried to ignore that as she focused on Amelia. “It seems like you’re having fun.” There was no way anyone could miss the strain in her voice, caused by hours and hours of crying. It would take a toll on anyone, and Alex was no exception. Yet still she kept her shoulders straight and her smile intact, especially when her niece looked up excitedly from the phone, her pigtails bouncing on her shoulders.

“Aunty, we passed two levels!” she cheered, lifting the phone in the air briefly to show Alex the screen, but before she could see anything but a blur of colors, she pulled it back, turning her eyes back on the phone. Alex felt her eyes filling with tears at that. She didn’t even know why exactly, because… This was what she wanted, right? For Amelia to be happy? But… But seeing the little girl like this… Seeing her eyes twinkle with joy… It just reminded her how easily this could fall apart. If something happened to Kara… Would Amelia be able to get through it? Would she be able to hold onto this if she…lost her mother?

She quickly shook away those thoughts when she felt a tear slide down her cheeks, and instead wiped it away quickly as she sat next to Amelia on the couch. She could barely see the phone’s screen or the candies because of the blurriness of her vision. “Wow. I’m proud of you, sweetie,” she tried to say, her voice so hoarse that even Amelia, who _hated_ anything that interrupted her, looked up at her in the middle of the game, a small frown pulling her brows. She searched her face intently, looking a lot more mature than her age, especially as she dropped the phone on her lap, even though she didn’t close the game.

“Aunty?” she said almost warily, and no matter how much she blinked, it was impossible for Alex to get rid of the tears in her eyes. She couldn’t even find her voice as she tried to force a smile at Amelia.

She was pretty sure it didn’t work, especially when worry flickered in the girl’s eyes. “Are you okay?” she asked, her eyes never leaving Alex’s face, not even giving the woman an opportunity to wipe her tears away. She prepared herself to say yes, to tell Amelia that nothing was wrong, but even though she opened her mouth, the words never came. Instead, they got knotted in her throat, burning it like fire, and all she could do was clamp her mouth shut, opting for a nod.

But of course, Amelia didn’t buy that. That girl was way too smart for her own good; she was crazy good at spotting people’s lies and read someone’s feelings. Which used to be something that always impressed Alex, but now, she wished Amelia could just return to her game without concerning herself with others. Not that she was really hopeful about it, because that just… That wasn’t who Amelia was. She was just like her mother in that way; she hated to see other people sad, especially if she could do something about it. So it wasn’t really surprising to Alex when she tucked the phone in James’s hands and threw herself over her aunt, wrapping her little arms around Alex’s waist and resting her cheek on her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, aunty,” she whispered, and all Alex could do was look at the blond curls that had fallen over her chest. Another tear escaped from her eyes as she placed one hand over her niece’s back, holding the little girl tightly without even knowing which one of them needed it more.

Especially as Amelia lifted her head, curiosity shining in her gray-blue eyes and her lips pulled into a serious look. “Is it because mommy isn’t here?” she asked. “Can’t we ask her to come?” Alex didn’t even know what to say to that as her heart stuttered in her chest. She found herself desperately looking at James, and the man must’ve seen that her tongue was tied, because he moved from his place on the couch to kneel down in front of Amelia. He put his hand over the girl’s arm, a smile on his face, a smile that looked much more real than Alex’s did. The gratitude level Alex felt for him suddenly shot up.

“Mommy is really busy right now,” he said, his voice so normal that there was no way = Alex could tell that he was lying. “Something urgent came up, so she had to leave, but she will be back as soon as she can, okay?” He rubbed Amelia’s arm before he reached up and bumped her nose with his index finger. Even though Alex could see her scrunching up her face and moving away, there was a small smile on her lips. “So don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, okay?”

“I’m not little,” Amelia muttered under her breath as she swatted James’s hand away, and despite everything, a small chuckle left Alex’s lips. Amelia’s eyes almost shone at that when she looked up at her aunt, one of her beautiful smiles on her face. “See, aunty, you don’t have to cry. Mommy will be back.” Alex really hoped her laugh didn’t sound strangled, especially as she leaned forward to press a kiss on Amelia’s hair.

“Yes, you’re right. There’s no need to be sad.” She rested her chin on the little girl’s head to hide her expression from her, and instead looked at James. Her smile dissipated almost too quickly. She took a deep breath to keep her voice from shaking. “And James… Detective Sawyer wants to talk to you,” she informed him. James’s expression turned into a serious one with those words as well, especially as he stood up. He still didn’t forget to flash a small smile to Amelia.

“I’ll be right back, sweetheart, okay? Can you wait for me?” The girl didn’t even hesitate as she nodded, especially as James twirled a strand of her hair between his fingers and made her giggle, and she also didn’t forget to wave after him when he turned away.

“Bye bye, Jimmy,” she yelled after him, and a flicker of warmth coursed through Alex when she saw James’s smile and wink at that. Whatever happened after this, whatever Kara might’ve felt for the man, she was just so glad that he was here right now, relieving her of carrying the burden of her sister’s disappearance and Amelia’s care all on her own. She honestly didn’t know what she would do if it wasn’t for him.

She only turned to Amelia when she felt the girl snuggle into her shoulder even more, looking up at her. She plastered a smile on her face before she looked down and patted her niece on the back. “You know what?” she said as she took out her phone. Amelia eyed her curiously. “I remember having some Candy Crush levels that needs to be passed…if you’re up for that?” She couldn’t help smiling when Amelia squealed in excitement and grabbed her phone, settling down on the couch next to her. Her brows were furrowed again as she gave her complete focus to the game. Alex felt a slight relief wash over her at seeing Amelia completely unburdened. Because… She might not have been able to protect Kara from…whatever happened to her, but at least she’d managed to protect her daughter from carrying the weight of that.

* * *

_Kara narrowed her eyes as she stared at the deck of flashcards in front of her, her eyes flickering between the different colors—because apparently Mon-El liked being all messy and disorganized, instead of color-coding his flashcards according to different lessons—before she picked a blue one right from the middle. She could feel Mon-El’s curious glance on her, which made the corners of her lips twitch, as she read the question on the card._

_And then her lips split into an even wider smile. Oh, she was so going to win this game._

_“You ready?” she asked, lifting her brow as she covered her mouth with the card to hide her smile, though it seemed like Mon-El picked up on that. He narrowed his eyes in a challenge as he rested his arms on the table, leaned forward, and nodded._

_“Born ready. Hit me.” Kara chuckled as she looked back at the card, adjusting her glasses, before she read the question to him._

“ _The differences in appearance between males and females of the same species.” She couldn’t help smirking, especially when she watched Mon-El’s brows scrunch up in concentration, as if he was trying to come up with the word. She started the timer on her phone. “You have one minute.”_

_“I know it,” Mon-El said, almost hissed between his teeth, as he stared at the cards desperately. “I swear I_ know _it, I just…”A giggle left Kara’s lips at his struggle as she took a sip from her latte, probably enjoying this far more than she was supposed to. She looked at her watch._

_“Forty two seconds.” Mon-El glared at her at that, not even bothering to say anything as he ran his fingers through his hair with frustration. Kara had to take another sip from her coffee to hide her laughter at that. But it wasn’t her fault! Not exactly, at least. He just looked so damn_ cute _when he focused on the lessons. Especially when it was biology…which he sucked at…which was even_ more _fun for her, since she was pretty good at that subject._

_And it also gave her an excuse to spend time with him, urging him to study, so there was also that._

_She quickly ignored that thought as she focused back on Mon-El, who was looking at his hands as if they contained the answer to the question. She barely contained her laugh by pressing her lips together before she looked at the time. “Twenty six seconds,” she announced, earning another glare from Mon-El._

_“That’s not helping, Kara,” he hissed before he came to a complete stop and his eyes widened. “Sexual dimorphism!” he almost screamed, when eighteen seconds was left for the time to be up, and there was such a huge smile on his face that Kara couldn’t even feel disappointed that he knew the word. She sighed with a small laugh._

_“Nice job, Mr. Gand,” she said as she straightened up, placing the card on his deck. “But I’m still winning fifteen to eight. Just a reminder.” Still, that wasn’t enough to erase the smug grin on his face, especially as he straightened up._

_“You’re the queen of biology in our class,_ and _both of your adoptive parents are doctors._ Of course _you are winning.” Kara couldn’t help rolling her eyes at that even as he leaned in, taking the card and bumping it on her nose. She was caught so off guard that she couldn’t help squealing a bit as she jerked back, and it was a struggle to control her laughter, especially when she saw the twinkle of joy in Mon-El’s eyes. “But that does not change the fact that I answered a pretty hard question correctly.” She stared at him stubbornly for a couple of seconds, her eyes narrowed, but she had to relent eventually. And that question had been hard…_

_“Fine, okay. You can have your happiness to yourself,” she said, throwing her hands into the air before she dropped them down. And the absolutely carefree grin on Mon-El’s face, the grin that was so rare that she savored the moments when it appeared, brought butterflies to her stomach. He usually was so burdened with everything in his life—and rightfully so, too—that it was always good to see him happy like this. And those butterflies…_

_Yep, they were just because of seeing him happy. Nothing else. Besides, she did have a date tomorrow, with_ Adam _of all people, so it wasn’t like it could be anything more. And Adam… Even the thought of him was enough to bring a smile on her face, especially since him asking her on a date last week had been a dream come true for her, literally. She was just about to accept the fact that she’d always have to pine for him from afar, and then…boom. He was there, asking her to have a dinner with him that Friday._

_She truly was hoping she didn’t sound enthusiastic as she said yes, but from the way he chuckled at her and patted her shoulder—she could still feel his touch,_ almost— _she was pretty sure he’d picked up on that._

_She was taken out of her thoughts with Mon-El’s words. He had his hand over the cards with his other hand over the watch she handed to her, a mischievous smile on his face. “So, Miss Starr-Danvers,” he started, arching his brow, “you ready?” Kara focused on their little game of studying as she narrowed her eyes, adjusting her glasses, and nodded._

_“Yep. Hit me—“ she’d started, at least until a voice interrupted her words. A very, very familiar voice that made her heart flutter as she turned around to look at the source, and there was no stopping the smile that pulled her lips._

_“Kara!” Adam walked over from wherever he was sitting to their table, a cup of coffee in his hand and a grin on his face. Kara was pretty sure she was blushing as she looked at him, marveling once again at how beautiful he was. No wonder he was one of the popular guys in school. “I didn’t expect to see you here today.”_

_She truly hoped the way she pushed her hair away from her face and chuckled didn’t look so awkward, yet she couldn’t even care about that when she saw the twinkle of joy in Adam’s eyes. “Yeah,” she said, clearing her throat. “Yeah, it was…it was a last minute plan.” She finally managed to tear her gaze away from his black eyes to look at Mon-El. She’d momentarily forgotten that he was even there—but could anyone really blame her? It was_ Adam, _after all._

_She also hadn’t noticed the way Mon-El’s smile slipped off of his face with Adam’s arrival, and the tension that filled his shoulders, as she gestured at him. “Mon-El asked me if I could help with the…the biology exam.” Adam lifted his brows and nodded, barely sparing a glance at Mon-El as one corner of his lips tipped up._

_“Well, either way, I’m glad I caught you here. So…” He stretched out the word, as if he was going to say something important, and Kara couldn’t stop her heart from stuttering as she waited for him to continue, excitement buzzing in her veins. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”_

_This time, she was pretty sure her answer sounded a tad too enthusiastic. “Yes!” she chirped, straightening up, feeling the butterflies coarse through her stomach. Adam’s smile widened at that, even as she tried to keep herself together and put on a calmer facade. “I mean… I mean, yeah, sure,” she tried to shrug it off, knowing there was no way Adam bought it. Even Mon-El seemed like he could see through her act as he grimaced. Yet Adam… He just laughed as he looked at her, making her shiver all over with the sound, before he shook his head._

_“Well, that is good to know,” he said, gesturing at her with his coffee. “But anyway, let me leave you two to your studying, and… I will see you tomorrow, Kara.” He flashed her another smile and a wink before he left, and Kara struggled not to melt with that. Seriously, how did he manage to make_ everything _look so good? Even a wink, which looked utterly ridiculous in most people?_

_She only realized she was staring at the spot Adam disappeared at for far too long when Mon-El cleared his throat and she turned to him. She forced herself to push away all the thoughts about her upcoming date and Adam, finally remembering the reason they came here in the first place—to study. But, well… It was pretty hard to do with her pounding heart._

_“I’m… I’m sorry about that—the distraction,” she apologized with an awkward laugh and tucked her hair behind her ears. “He was just… Anyway, we should get back to studying.” She’d gotten ready to turn to the cards when Mon-El interrupted her._

_“So, you and…and Adam, huh?” he asked, a hint of shakiness in his voice. Kara couldn’t help looking up at that with confusion, only to realize that he seemed burdened all over again, with his shoulders slumped forward and his face pale. She arched her brow as he continued. “Where you’re going… Is that—Is that like a date?” He scratched his cheek uncomfortably as he avoided her gaze, as if he’d rather be anywhere but there. Kara couldn’t help frowning at that as she nodded slowly._

_“Um… Yeah? You… Do you have a problem with that?” Did he not like Adam? Yes, he always seemed a bit uncomfortable when they talked about Adam, especially when she initially confessed to him that she might’ve had a small crush for the guy, but still… She couldn’t think how he could truly not like someone as amazing as Adam. But, granted, they haven’t really_ talked _about it, especially when she realized how uncomfortable it made him._

_Mon-El took her out of her thoughts as he shook his head almost a bit too fervently. “No! No, that’s not… That’s not what I was trying to say. I…” Kara couldn’t even feel relieved with that as he shook his head. “I just got caught off guard. I’m… I’m happy for you.”_

_She didn’t point out how obvious it was that he was lying about it, even though a part of her really, really wanted to. And she probably would’ve…if she hadn’t learnt, from experience, that it didn’t end well when Mon-El was pushed into something he didn’t want._

_So instead she just nodded suspiciously, taking a mental note to ease into learning why Mon-El was so reluctant about her date with Adam, before she returned to the cards. “Well, I’m glad you are. But that does not mean you can escape studying.” She tried to ignore the way he almost seemed relieved that the subject was changed, and instead pushed her watch towards him. “Now chop chop. I believe it was your turn to ask a question.”_

_“I believe it was,” Mon-El said at that and smiled at her. Though contrary to all the other smiles he’d offered her today…it didn’t reach his eyes._

* * *

Kara couldn’t remember a moment in her life in which she felt tenser than she was feeling now: As she stood in the middle of an unfamiliar office, which looked more like an empty room with a table and chair in it, with Mon-El by her side. They were standing so close that her arm was brushing his, and despite all her words about hating him and not even wanting to be close to him, a part of her was actually glad for his touch. It was a tether that kept her from completely freaking out, some familiarity in a completely strange and scary room.

She’d never thought she’d call Mon-El something familiar that she could hold onto, but… Well, the situation was extreme. And the more they waited for this “woman” Mon-El was talking about to arrive, the more afraid she got. And, well, the silence in the room wasn’t really helping either, especially since she could hear every single sound coming from inside _and_ outside the room, and whenever there was an unexpected thump she couldn’t help jerking.

It didn’t take her too long to snap, even though she’d promised herself that she’d truly not say a word to Mon-El. She found her hand moving without her intention to grasp his hand after another thump, and she turned her eyes to him. There was no way she could miss the shock splashed on his face. He probably didn’t expect her to hold his hand.

To be honest, Kara didn’t really expect to hold his hand either. But, well…extreme situations required extreme actions, right? And she’d count the fear coursing through her veins and her heart slamming against her ribs as if it was about to beat right out of her chest a very, _very_ extreme situation. Besides, despite his calm demeanor, she could see that Mon-El was scared too, maybe not to the point of freaking out like her, but certainly scared. Yet he was trying not to show it, as if somehow…somehow he was trying to calm her down by being calm himself. But despite all that… She couldn’t ignore the relief that almost washed through him as he squeezed her hand back.

And at that moment she found that she really didn’t care whatever happened in their past. She just needed someone with her, and if it was going to be him… She’d accept it. It was better than being alone.

“Who are we meeting?” she couldn’t help asking, her voice barely a whisper, and yet she still couldn’t help wincing at how loud it felt in an absolutely quiet room. Mon-El glanced at the closed door at the side, from which, according to the secretary in the front, this mysterious person should be coming “shortly”, before turning to her.

“Roulette,” he said in an equally quiet voice. Kara couldn’t help arching her brows at the name, despite the fear coursing through her. Mon-El sighed as he scratched his cheek with shaky fingers. “At least… At least that is what she goes by. She used to be…my mother’s rival in the criminal side of her business.” He cleared his throat awkwardly, and Kara couldn’t help noticing how his face slightly paled at the mention of his mother. Yet the almost… _haunted…_ look on his face had passed so quickly that it might’ve just been her mind—or the utter silence in the room that could drive someone insane—playing games on her.

And she certainly didn’t have time to think which one it was as Mon-El continued. “I’d… We’d met once a couple of years ago, and I… I promised I wouldn’t tell the police about her. So she told me that…that if I needed anything…one day…she’d help me out, and we’d be even. And she’s…she’s really good at forging fake IDs.” He pressed his lips together as he glanced at Kara, sighing when he probably saw the confused look on her face. He squeezed his eyes shut briefly and shook his head. “Trust me, you…you don’t want to know.”

This time, Kara didn’t even try to argue with him, a part of her agreeing with his words. The more she saw of…of the _mess_ he was in, the less she wanted to know. She just… She just wanted to be out of it as soon as possible. Yet still, even thinking that, she continued holding onto his hand as she gulped, needing to hold onto him— _something_. It wasn’t specifically him that she needed, but something…something to remind her that she wasn’t alone. And the closest thing to that just happened to be Mon-El.

Fortunately, at the exact moment the haunting door in the room opened, and despite the fact that the sound made Kara jump, she welcomed the distraction almost too gladly. Besides, if the person that came was this… _Roulette,_ it would mean that she and Mon-El would leave this room sooner rather than later, and she was really, _really_ looking forward to that. So she turned to the door…only to see a woman in a red gown step through it.

She could feel her breath getting hitched in her throat as her eyes took in the woman, from her brown hair to her pale skin, from her blood red lips to the… _were those snake tattoos?_ Whatever it was, everything about her screamed danger, especially as her lips curled into an almost venomous smile as she eyed Mon-El.

“Mon-El Gand,” she said in an almost silky smooth voice as she stepped into the room, her posture oozing confidence. Kara felt herself shiver when she heard Mon-El gulp, and she was pretty sure she’d gone very, very pale. And the way she stepped closer to Mon-El, almost hiding behind his arm, had nothing to do with their boyfriend-girlfriend act…and a lot to do with the utter terror that just blossomed in her stomach.

Okay, she really, really, _really_ wanted to get out of this room as soon as possible.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” the woman—Roulette—continued as she moved towards the desk, her moves reminding Kara of the slithering of a snake. And from the way Mon-El tensed…she knew he was as uncomfortable as she was feeling at that moment. Especially when Roulette’s eyes turned to her from him.

She could’ve sworn that the woman’s smile widened at that, even though there was nothing genuine or humorous about it. “And who do we have here?”

“This is…” Mon-El started, clearing his throat as if he wanted to get rid of the shakiness in his voice. “This is Kara…Starr. My girlfriend.” His posture was so stoic, his words so deadpanned that even Kara couldn’t tell he was lying, and… Well, she used to be amazing at catching his lies. That only made her even more scared as Roulette’s eyes traveled on her, as if she was sizing her up…for what Kara couldn’t really tell. Still, her shoulders sagged briefly with relief when she turned to Mon-El.

“You found a nice girl there. But I’m assuming you didn’t come here to introduce her to me.” She sat back on her chair as she straightened up her shoulders, and even from her position, which was _physically_ lower from them… Kara could feel her towering over everything in the room. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” she asked, resting her elbows on the table. Mon-El’s grip on Kara’s hand tightened at the question as he glanced at her briefly before he turned to Roulette.

“You said… You said you owed me a favor. If I didn’t tell the police about you,” he started, and Kara couldn’t help feeling impressed that he sounded almost normal. None of that fear he must be feeling was reflected in his voice; and she knew he must be afraid because his arm was shaking almost too much. Yet Roulette… She just seemed like she was enjoying the situation as she leaned back on her chair, crossing her legs, and arched her brow.

“I remember saying that. I imagine you’re here to cash that in?” Mon-El gulped again as he nodded, a bit hesitantly at first, but then more confidently.

“We’ll need fake IDs,” he stated when he was sure his voice wouldn’t shake. Something like amusement flickered in Roulette’s eyes at that, and Kara briefly thought that she’d ask why, at least until she smiled.

“But that will cost you,” she said, a fake sympathy in her eyes. Mon-El froze at that.

“But I… I thought you owed me,” he countered, a hint of shakiness in his voice. Kara could feel a shudder go down her spine as she tightened her grip around Mon-El’s hand, her fear levels spiking suddenly. Especially when the look in Roulette’s eyes turned vicious. She stood up slowly, her palms on the table.

“Yours will be free,” she said, her voice cold and completely devoid of emotion. “But hers… It’ll cost you. Of course, if you’re up for that.”

Even her nonchalant shrug rendered Kara momentarily breathless. She hadn’t even realized she was holding her breath when she looked at Mon-El, seeing his throat bob. He didn’t even try to argue when he opened his mouth.

“How much?” he asked simply. A flicker of surprise went through Kara at his submission, because a part of her expected him to argue. He… After everything he’d been through in his childhood, he’d become very outspoken about his rights later in life. But right now… Right now he was throwing all of that out the window, and…

“Two hundred dollars.” With that Kara couldn’t help slipping away from her thoughts and her eyes snapped at Roulette.

“What?” she couldn’t help croaking out. Two hundred dollars? For a… For a fake ID? Granted, she knew next to nothing about stuff like that, but still… She was pretty sure a fake ID shouldn’t cost _that_ much. At least… She would’ve never given that much for a fake ID.

Yet Roulette’s answer to that was simple as her lips curled into another icy smile. “You heard me,” she said with a shrug. “Two hundred dollars, or no ID.”

With those words Kara turned to Mon-El, who had his jaw clenched as he looked at Roulette, and for a moment she truly thought he’d disagree. That he wouldn’t pay, or…or he’d try to bargain. But he didn’t. Instead… Instead he just took out his wallet and handed Roulette the two hundred dollars as well as what looked like two photos of them, to Kara’s surprise, and didn’t even say a word as the woman took the cash gleefully and disappeared behind the door again, telling them that she would be back shortly with their IDs.

In fact, neither he nor Kara said a word until they got the IDs from Roulette and left the building, and Kara managed to shake off her fear a bit and finally register what had happened. Register what Mon-El did—for her. He could’ve left her there, he could’ve refused to pay, but he…he didn’t. Instead, without a hint of hesitation, he paid two hundred dollars just to make sure she was safe.

Her mind was so wrapped around that thought that she didn’t even realize she was still holding his hand as they made their way to the car, her heart slamming against her ribs. It took her some time to find her voice, but finally she managed to open her mouth and ask the question that had been nagging her since she gathered herself together.

“Mon-El, why didn’t you ask for a lower price?” Mon-El’s steps briefly halted with that question, so much so that she almost crashed into him. Yet all he did was clench his teeth, not even sparing her a glance as they continued to walk. Kara had to swallow hard to get rid of the knot in her throat before she continued. “Why didn’t you bargain with her?” She was met with another couple of seconds of silence, at least until they reached the car. And before he could unlock the doors and open it for her, she got in between, her eyes looking up at his face.

She tried to ignore the way their chests were almost flushed as she struggled to keep her gaze locked on his. But she refused to relent or cave in as she straightened up her shoulders, pushing back her fear and every other insecure thought as she instead focused on her question. She squeezed his hand briefly as she searched his face. “Answer me,” she almost pleaded.

At first it seemed like Mon-El was ready to object, tell her that it would be better if she didn’t know—those seemed to be his favorite words recently—but she could almost pinpoint the moment his resolve crumbled as all of his emotions flooded into his eyes, so much so that it was hard to separate one from the other. But two things were very obvious to her. Pain and…caring.

“I couldn’t risk it,” he confessed finally, his voice laced with so much honesty that Kara found herself shiver. “Not with you by my side. I couldn’t risk her…hurting you.”

And that was all he said before he looked into Kara’s eyes for one more second, and then he stepped back, unlocking the car doors and walking around to the driver seat. Yet she couldn’t forget the way he gazed at her, as if she was his entire world and he would do _anything_ to make sure she was safe, even as she stepped into the car and fastened her seat belt, even as he started driving, even as she tried to remind herself what he’d put her through when he left her that day six years ago. So she did what she did best: Try to ignore what had happened and instead focus on what was important to her, what she was trying to do when she agreed to let Mon-El take her to this mysterious place or get fake IDs: Getting back to her daughter. Because that was…that _should_ be…all that mattered.

Yet still, even after all those attempts, there were two gray-blue eyes shining in front of her as she watched outside, and no amount of blinking was enough to make them disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	7. White Chocolate Truffles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! i was working on a new one-shot (one i hope to post today and i hope that you'll love ;)) and it kinda slipped my mind... anyway, i hope you'll like it!

It was two hours later when Mon-El finally saw a motel at the side of the road, and after seeing that Kara looked absolutely tired, he’d decided to stop. They’d barely said a word to each other after they left Roulette’s place, at least…at least after he’d confessed that no amount of money would be worth risking her life—well, he hadn’t used those exact words, but that was the meaning behind what he said—yet Mon-El didn’t need Kara to say anything to know she was exhausted. Both of them barely had slept the previous night, for _obvious_ reasons, and… They both needed rest. They still had a long way to go before they reached where they were going, and it wouldn’t help if they were sleepless, especially since they had to be alert about any threats. _He_ had to be alert about any threats that _she_ could send their way, because if there was one thing he’d learned about her in the last six years… It was that he could be anywhere, any time, and there was no way to know when she could show up. That was why he had to be _extra_ careful.

And it also would be nice if they could take a shower and sleep in a bed for once. As…comfy as the car had been, Mon-El really looked forward for the comfort a bed offered.

Well, at least until he and Kara opened the door of their motel room and came face-to-face with only one bed…instead of two. And only then Mon-El realized the mistake they’d made. He’d introduced Kara and him as girlfriend-boyfriend to the receptionist, since that tended to be a cover many people didn’t suspect …but he hadn’t considered that the receptionist would give a room with one bed exactly for that reason. And since he’d forgotten to _ask_ for two different beds…

He felt his shoulders slump as he heard the door click shut behind them. He eyed Kara anxiously, only to see that she was looking at the bed too, probably thinking the same things as him. He clenched his teeth as he swallowed hard and looked around the room for an alternative, only to see an armchair at the corner.

Well, at least it would be more comfortable than a car seat, no matter how… _stiff_ …the armchair looked. Right?

He opened his mouth to say exactly that to Kara, but she was faster than him. She threw her bag on the bed with tense shoulders, not even sparing him a glance as she moved towards what he assumed was the bathroom. It seemed like when she saw the single bed…whatever progress they’d made in Roulette’s place had disappeared. Because … Because while he’d been _sure_ there was sympathy in her eyes then…now she didn’t even _look_ at him.

And there was no way he could miss the bite and coldness in her voice as she talked. “I’ll take a shower.” Mon-El tried to ignore the way his heart cracked at that as he gulped and nodded.

“Okay.” That was all he could muster as he stood in front of the door, just watching Kara wrap her hand around the bathroom door’s handle and pull it harshly…until he remembered something. _Of course._ Why hadn’t he thought about this before? Kara… She didn’t have any clothes with her. Well, she didn’t have _anything_ other than her purse, and while he had a couple of t-shirts and a spare pair of jeans in his backpack, he _seriously_ doubted she’d want to wear them. He wanted to face palm himself for not thinking about that sooner, but instead he chose to call for her. “Wait, Kara.”

She didn’t even turn around as she stopped in front of the bathroom door, her back to him. He pressed his lips together to prevent his voice from shaking. “You don’t… You don’t have any clothes with you.”

He could almost hear Kara muttering a curse under her breath. He waited for her to say something—anything, really, he could even be okay with a one-word answer—but he was forced to continue when she stayed silent. Even though he was pretty sure she agreed with him. Even though she truly _did_ need clothes. But she was… She was so angry at him, she hated him _so much_ that she didn’t even want to interact with him, even if it was about something that she needed. And he knew her enough to know that those were her exact thoughts.

He tried to ignore that as he forced the next words out of his mouth. “I… I saw a store just down the road, five minutes away. If you… If you want, I can get something for you while…while you take your shower.” He held his breath then involuntarily while he waited for her answer, almost counting down the second. And with each second that she stayed silent…he could feel another piece breaking off of his heart—and that said something, because he honestly thought there was nothing left inside him to break.

“Fine,” she said about eighteen seconds later before she attempted to get into the bathroom again…at least before Mon-El stopped her… _again._ He hated himself for doing that, but he had no choice.

“Do you… Do you still wear small?” He truly hoped that he sounded intelligible despite the unshed tears knotting his throat…and from the way Kara scoffed, he assumed she understood. Only _then_ she turned around to face him, yet her eyes were so icy that it did nothing to close the emotional distance between them. In fact, Mon-El couldn’t help feeling that he was somehow pushed away even _more._

“X-small,” she answered, bitterness dripping from her voice. Mon-El winced visibly, yet she didn’t seem like she cared one bit. “That’s what happens when someone hurts you so much that you can’t even eat.” And that was all she said before she entered the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, leaving Mon-El to only wonder whether she had heard how his heart cracked in his chest.

* * *

_Mon-El felt like his heart was about to beat right out of his chest as he stood at the corner of his street. He had no idea for how long he’d been…_ frozen… _there; it could have been a few minutes, or even half an hour maybe, but no matter how much he willed his feet to move, he couldn’t. He was just… He was just scared._

_Okay, that was an understatement. He was this close to freaking out right then and there, and instead of going through with his plan, all he wanted was to spin around and leave, throwing the flowers and chocolate in his hands to the closest bin and forget this whole thing had ever happened. That seemed like a good idea. Actually, that seemed like an_ amazing _idea._

_He shut his eyes at that thought and muttered a string of curses under his breath, most of them directed at himself for being too damn scared of something so_ simple _. Well, maybe not_ that _simple, but it couldn’t be that hard to go to Noonan’s, give Kara the flowers and the chocolate—white chocolate truffles, her favorite ones—and ask her on a date, right?_

_Right?_

_Oh, who was he kidding? This probably was the hardest thing he’d have to do in his life, and that said a lot coming from someone who’d been through a lot of shit in his childhood. He was just… He was just scared that Kara would reject him, and not only reject him, but also wouldn’t want to be friends with him anymore. Because that could happen. It was… No matter what anyone said, it was really hard to be friends with someone that you knew had feelings for you. He didn’t want that to happen to Kara and him. He didn’t want to lose their friendship over his stupid feelings for her. And he couldn’t even_ deny _that he had feelings for her now, because…_

_Because it was Kara, and Kara was… She was…_ everything. _He still remembered the first day he met her. He honestly thought that he’d spend the whole year friendless, and then voila, she showed up. And she not only_ showed up, _but she’d also stayed, through everything. She’d seen his good sides and bad sides, she’d seen him brave and scared, she’d seen him strong and vulnerable, she’d seen him at his best and…at his worst, and she_ stayed. _He remembered the first time he’d realized that he had feelings for her. It was… It was pretty early on in their friendship, especially considering they’d known each other for over a year now. He couldn’t go to school because…because his parents had beaten him up and the bruises were too visible, and he couldn’t let anyone know because they’d_ also _taken away his phone, and she…she got worried. So she showed up. And… And contrary to anyone that turned the other way when they saw someone being beaten up, she’d instead turned to_ him, _stayed with_ him, _and not only that, she…she didn’t think it was his fault. She’d been so_ understanding _that day, carefully taking care of his bruises to make sure she wasn’t hurting him. And there was this moment…this moment where she knelt in front of him, his knees in her hands, and she looked up to him with those comet-blue eyes to tell him she cared about him. He didn’t believe it at first. He couldn’t believe it. If even his_ parents _couldn’t care about him—and he knew they didn’t, because they’d never voiced those words_ once— _how could a girl that had only known him for three months? And yet…yet her eyes were shining with such honesty, such_ genuineness _that he knew…he knew she was telling the truth. She cared about him, even after seeing him vulnerable, weak, and wounded she cared about him. And that was when he’d realized it. How_ special _Kara truly was, and…and how he never wanted to spend a day of his life without her. How he wanted her to know everything about him, even the bad stuff. How he wanted to know everything about_ her, _even the stuff she hadn’t shared with anyone. And even though he didn’t have an inkling about what love felt like…he was pretty sure that what he felt for Kara came close to that. Even if it wasn’t the “true love” all the romance books and movies seemed to be talking about, he knew there was something there, and that was enough for him to know that…that he wanted to be with Kara._

_But of course, with his track record of confessing his feelings about…anything, it wasn’t surprising that it took him about a year to_ try _to come clean about all of that. And it didn’t help that Kara had been together with Adam Foster for four months until they broke up. Well, until Kara broke up with him, claiming that she didn’t see Adam as more than a friend. She’d been single for about five months now—okay, five months, one week, and three days, but no one needed to know that Mon-El counted—claiming that she liked a certain someone and was waiting to see if it would go anywhere. At first… At first his heart broke at that, thinking he truly would never get to be with Kara—and to be honest, why would someone like her would love someone like him anyway?—but then…then things changed. The more Kara repeated those words, the more she implied she had feelings for a “mysterious someone”, he began to think that…that it might be_ him. _Granted, it might just be wishful thinking, him reading between the lines, or overanalyzing normal situations, but…but there was just something about the way she talked to him, looked at him, laughed with him, the way her eyes shone when she was with him, and it seemed like she was lighter and happier than she’d ever been… It suggested to him that maybe—just_ maybe— _it was him that she liked. Maybe they would have a chance after all._

_Well, they_ could _have that chance if he could get his head out of his ass, gather up his courage, and just go to Noonan’s instead of running away like a coward. Doubting himself, especially at this stage, wouldn’t help him at all. Besides… Besides, he’d planned everything before coming here. He’d gotten Kara’s favorite flowers—white lilies—and her favorite type of chocolate. He’d found out what her favorite restaurant was through Alex, and he would ask Kara there. He’d even written and memorized a damn_ speech— _yes, he was that pathetic—just in case, so that he would_ know _what to say and wouldn’t struggle with words. If he could remember the speech once he stood in front of Kara, that was. Besides, what was the worst thing that could happen anyway?_

_On second thought, Mon-El really didn’t want to know the answer to that question. So instead he pushed it far away from his mind, pulled up every bit of courage he could find inside him and turned the corner, tightening his grip on the flowers and chocolate in his hand. He was pretty sure the stems of the lilies were crushing under his fingers, but…oh well. They would only have to hold on for a couple more minutes anyway—_

_His thoughts came to a complete stop when he lifted his head from the flowers and looked at the café. And no, it had nothing to do with his fear, despite what others might think. It didn’t have anything to do with hesitations or doubts. It wasn’t even about him thinking he wasn’t and would never be enough for Kara—and yeah, he did think that a lot in the last few weeks he was planning this. It was about her, who was sitting at her usual seat at Noonan’s…with only one difference. She wasn’t alone, as Mon-El expected her to be, but someone that was way too familiar to him was sitting across from her._

_Adam. Adam Foster. A.k.a. Kara’s ex-boyfriend…or who Mon-El thought was her ex-boyfriend, because right now…right now it didn’t look like whatever was between them was in the past. Right now, as Mon-El watched them laugh together…it seemed too much like they’d gotten back together. Because if not, why would they be sitting at their usual date location—and yes, Kara talked about it so much when she and Adam was dating that he knew it was “their place”—just the two of them, alone, laughing and smiling like they didn’t have a care about anything else but each other._

_So this was why Kara was rushing to go to Noonan’s after school today. She’d said it was because she wouldn’t have much free time that day and she wanted to start studying as soon as possible, but it was a lie…obviously. She was rushing to meet Adam. She was rushing to meet her_ boyfriend… _and she’d lied to him about it._

_He could feel the tears burning his eyes as his vision blurred, and the flowers and chocolate in his hand dropped to the ground. He couldn’t even pay attention to them, he couldn’t pay attention to anything else but Kara, sitting with Adam instead of him,_ being _with Adam instead of him. Because… Because he knew what this meant._

_He’d lost his chance…again. She was with someone else. She_ loved _someone else, and he…he’d always stay as just a friend to her. He would never be anything more._

_He had no idea that realization would hurt him this much, but as he stared at her—as well as he could through a curtain of tears, at least—he felt like his heart was shattering in his chest. Because he…he loved her. He realized that now. Only love could hurt someone this much, and he_ loved _her. But she…she’d never love him back._

_He felt a tear slide down his cheeks as he finally managed to gather himself together enough to turn around and leave, walk away, and never look back, at least before Kara realized that he was there. She shouldn’t see him like this, on the verge of breaking apart. She was on a date, and she was_ happy; _he’d be damned if he got in the way of that. So he walked away, even as he felt his heart shatter in his chest, he walked away for her sake, trying to hold together his broken pieces._

_But even then he was pretty sure a piece of his heart had stayed behind on the ground in front of Noonan’s, right next to the lilies and chocolate that he dropped to the ground._

* * *

_Kara knew she probably shouldn’t be up at 1 a.m., even if it was Friday and she wouldn’t have to wake up early the next day. Staying up past midnight was never a good idea, and if she had to be honest, she_ was _tired after hosting a couple of Alex’s friends at her house while their parents were out of town. And considering that she had to rush to Noonan’s to study for her calculus exam before that, wanting to get as much stuff reviewed as possible until she had to go home… It’d been tiring. Shedidn’t even_ mention _running into Adam there, which put her off schedule for about twenty minutes as they sat down and talked. They… They really hadn’t seen each other much after the breakup, and Kara had been sad that she’d broken his heart too much that he wouldn’t want to be friends with her… But he’d fortunately proved her wrong. And it’d just been so good to have him back as a friend—because no matter what happened between them, he_ was _a good person—she hadn’t realized how long they’d been talking until she looked at the time to see she had only an hour left, and she hadn’t even gotten half of her assignments done._

_So yes, it was probably an understatement to say she was exhausted and she should probably be asleep…but it wasn’t her fault that her book was so damn_ engrossing! _She just couldn’t put it down. It was like whenever she said, “okay, this is the last chapter I’m reading, and then I’ll go to sleep,” that chapter ended with a cliffhanger…and she ended up flipping the page to see what happened next. So yeah, of course she’d ended up staying awake till 1 a.m. No surprise there at all. And with no parents or sister—who had left the house with one of her friends to have a sleepover with her—to yell at her or judge her for staying late, she was going to use this opportunity fully. Even if her eyes felt like they could close any moment._

_But she would sleep! After this chapter, she would, and this time she was being 100% serious. There was only a couple of pages left anyway—_

_She was so focused on what she was reading that she jumped and almost fell down from the couch when she heard a loud bang coming from the door. She whipped her head as her heart rate spiked, looking at the door over her glasses for a couple of seconds before she adjusted them. And even with all the lights in the living room turned on—well, it was better than being in the dark—and the curtains closed to keep out the dark, fear filled her lungs. She looked at the time again, her sleeplessness forgotten, to make sure she’d gotten it right. And yes, it_ was _1 a.m._

Who _the hell would come to her house in the middle of the night?_

_None of the answers that popped into her mind at that question were good as she stood up, tiptoeing to the kitchen with shaky knees, and pulled out a knife from the counter. One of the biggest, sharpest ones._

_One could never be too careful._

_Although, the moment she had the knife in her hand, the loud bang came all over again, making her almost cut herself with said knife. Well, she could’ve probably been more careful and less jumpy, especially in a situation where she had to keep a clear head._

_Though admittedly, if she was thinking clearly, she would’ve probably thought about calling Alex, her parents, or even Mon-El, instead of going to the door with a knife in her hand…which would help with absolutely nothing against a gun. But she didn’t need to worry about a gun now. She’d start doing that once she looked through the peephole and saw who actually came._

_Maybe it was nothing but a street cat that ran to her door and bumped her head against it? A couple of times?_

_Okay,_ now _she was being really ridiculous. She sighed to herself as she tightened her grip on the knife, going up on her tiptoes to look through the peephole._

_What she saw, though… It certainly wasn’t what she expected. So much so that she did a double take, blinking several times before she looked again, and… Yep, it was him. She wasn’t dreaming. It was him._

_Mon-El._

_And he did not look good._

_Her initial surprise of him being at her house in the middle of the night was replaced with worry so quickly that even she was surprised. She put the knife aside on the counter immediately as she reached for the lock of the door to open it, her brain already making a list of things that might’ve happened to him to bring him to her. Had something happened at home? Had his parents done something? Well, those assholes_ always _did something, but…but had they actually done something that warranted him to come to her this late? Because while in the last couple of months Mon-El had started to become more and more open about how his life had been like at home, it’d never gotten bad enough that he had to interrupt her this late. So if he was here…_

_Trying not to think about the worst, Kara pulled the door open, holding her breath to prepare herself for anything. At this point, even a stab wound wouldn’t really surprise her._

_And yet, when the door opened and the light of the house shone on Mon-El…all she saw was him, looking as healthy and…unhurt as ever, with his hand resting on the doorframe and a huge grin on his face, and—_

Was that alcohol she was smelling?

_“Heyyyy, Kara,” Mon-El said, no more than a couple of seconds after she opened the door, slurring his words as he tried to push himself off of the doorframe…and ended up stumbling inside. If Kara hadn’t managed to snap out of her thoughts quickly and wrap her arms around his middle to catch him, she was pretty sure they would have ended up on the floor. She took a step back and balances herself as she heard Mon-El giggle, the sound reverberating all over her body—and no, it was_ so _not a good time to think about how that laugh made her feel, or how good it felt to have his arms around her, holding her so close, so much so that their chests were flushed. And she refused to even_ acknowledge _she shuddered with his touch as she pulled back to look at his face. There were more important matters at hand._

_Like Mon-El being drunk._

_Crap, Mon-El was_ actually _drunk._

_That was all Kara could think as Mon-El flashed a sloppy smile at her. “Oops,” he said with a small hiccup, making her wince slightly. She moved her hands to his shoulders, trying to ignore her thundering heart—it was because of_ worry _for Mon-El’s life, nothing else—when he lifted his hand and cupped her cheek. His face formed into a semi-serious expression. Boy, his emotions were changing quickly. He was just grinning like he had no care in the world a couple of seconds ago, and now his eyes were searching her face, and they were laced with…_ pain?

_Though all of those thoughts flew out of her mind when Mon-El’s thumb swept over her cheekbone and his fingers brushed the ends of her hair, rendering her almost breathless. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered almost unintelligibly, and there was such a hazy look in his eyes that Kara doubted he even heard himself._

_That didn’t change the fact that her heart skipped a beat with his words. He hadn’t just said… He hadn’t said that she was beautiful, right?_

_He thought she was beautiful?_

_Though technically he was drunk, so there was a chance he wasn’t thinking clearly—_

_Kara immediately pushed away those thoughts, even scolding herself for thinking that when Mon-El was obviously in a very, very bad situation, and instead she focused on him. He needed help right now, and getting distracted with his drunk words wouldn’t be exactly helpful. As good as those words were. And as intense as his gaze was. And—_

_“Mon-El, what’s going on?” she asked before she realized how utterly stupid that question was. Well, okay, not_ stupid _stupid, because obviously something bad must’ve happened for him to drink a whole lot of alcohol, but it wasn’t something she needed to focus on now. Right now… She needed to make sure Mon-El was okay. Learning what made him get so stupidly drunk, and then scolding him for it, would come later, say…tomorrow, when he was less drunk and more…sober._

_And that was exactly what she was planning to say…until a painful expression pulled Mon-El’s face at her words, and he pulled back. She couldn’t even get a word in before he started babbling._

_“I needed… I needed to tell you something.” He had such a sad look on his face as he dropped his hands to his sides that Kara felt herself frown. She tried to reach forward again, to tell him he didn’t need to say anything now…but his next words made her come to a complete stop. “I like you, Kara.”_

_Kara felt her heart slow down with that, her body going numb as she tried to process what he said—because he couldn’t have said what she thought he said, right?—until her slowed heart picked up its beat and started slamming against her ribs._ I like you, Kara. _Those were… Those were his words, right? She hadn’t heard wrong? He’d said…_

_Did he really say he liked her?_

_Mon-El…liked her?_

_Her eyes widened so much at that thought that she felt like they would pop right out of their sockets. A part of her still couldn’t register what had actually happened, denying its possibility, while there was another part that just wanted to scream and dance and throw herself on him and kiss him—_

_She stopped that train of thought before it got far—at least farther than it already did—and tried to remind herself that Mon-El was drunk. He… He probably didn’t even_ know _what he was saying. So… So despite her feelings for him—well, there was no way she could deny that after how she reacted at his words—she needed to_ help _him, because beyond everything… He was her best friend._

_And that was what she was_ planning _to do, until she saw him run his fingers through his hair, pulling at the strands. “I like you,” he repeated, and Kara’s heart jumped in her chest all over again, her plans about helping him thrown out the window too quickly that she felt like a truly horrible person. Yet still, she found herself listening to his words as he struggled with them, obviously trying not to slur—and failing. “And I…I know that—that I don’t deserve to say that…I don’t deserve you…but… I like you, Kara. I’ve… I’ve liked you for almost a year now…even before I knew what it felt like, and…” He knitted his brows at that, trying to pull himself together and make sense of his own words, because it sounded like a nonsensical ramble at this point._

_Well, semi-nonsensical, because… The_ I’ve liked you for almost a year now _part made a lot of sense to Kara, making her feel like her heart could beat right out of her chest. But she didn’t even have a second to process all those feelings before he continued._

_“And I…I know I lost my chance with you, I know…I know I was too damn late…and you’re with someone else now… But I was just… I was just so scared of rejection, of losing you that I…I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell you, and now…” His voice trailed off at that as he closed his eyes and gulped, holding onto the counter next to the door to steady himself. “Now I lost my chance,” he whispered, so quietly that Kara barely heard it. He opened his eyes a couple of seconds later, and she felt air getting hitched in her throat when she saw the unshed tears glimmering in his eyes. Her heart cracked at that, cracked at his words—which had started to make less and less sense—yet still she couldn’t find her voice or say anything. She couldn’t do anything other than staring at him, trying to process his ramble, trying to keep up with him while also calming down her absolutely frantic heart._

_“Now you’re…you’re back together with…Adam…and it hurts. It just… It hurts too much.” Her brows inched up her forehead._ Back together with Adam? _What the hell was he talking about? She wasn’t… She wasn’t back together with Adam! She’d broken up with him five months ago because…because she didn’t like him. Because…she liked a certain someone else. And her feelings hadn’t changed since then. Besides, where did Mon-El get that they were together anyway? She certainly hadn’t said anything like that to him, and she didn’t think Adam would either._

_“Mon-El, I’m not—“ she started, finally managing to get a couple of words out, but he didn’t even seem like he heard her as he stepped forward, closing the distance between them. She didn’t even think she was breathing as he continued, dipping his head to look at her._

_“I know… I know I don’t have that right but…it hurts, Kara. And I don’t… You shouldn’t feel bad because it’s…my fault. I… I did this to myself. You… You should be with Adam. You should be happy with…Adam.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t even have told you this…now you’ll just feel guilty…but…I just couldn’t keep it in anymore, Kara. I just… I just needed you to know. I…” He pressed his lips together as he opened his eyes, shaking his head. “God, I’m…I’m so selfish. You deserve so much better than me.” He’d said those words so naturally that Kara felt her chest tighten, especially because that wasn’t even_ close _to the truth. Mon-El… He was one of the most selfless people she had met. He was… He was such a good guy, despite having a horrible childhood, that it sometimes surprised her. But that didn’t change the fact that he was genuinely good._

_And she would’ve said that, she would’ve vehemently disagreed with him being selfish and her deserving better than him…if it wasn’t for the tear that slid down his cheeks, or how he lifted his hands to cup her cheeks. She couldn’t even_ breathe _at that point, let alone form coherent sentences. “Absolutely beautiful,” he whispered quietly before he leaned down, pressing his lips on Kara’s before she could even realize what he was doing. And that kiss…tinted with his tears… It completely took her breath away. She had to admit, she’d imagined more than a couple of times how his lips would feel on hers, how it would be like to kiss him, but this… This blew her expectations away, even though he was drunk and tasted of alcohol. His lips were so soft, so gentle on hers, as if he was afraid to touch her, not because he thought she would break under him, but because he didn’t want to_ taint _her somehow. As if such a loving kiss could ever taint her._

_She had just began to register that Mon-El was kissing her when he pulled back, tightening his grip on the nape of her neck and looking down at her with an unreadable expression. Or else_ she _couldn’t read it because of her thumping heart, screaming over and over again that Mon-El kissed her,_ Mon-El kissed her. _She didn’t even care that he was drunk. She couldn’t care about anything other than the fact that Mon-El had kissed her, which was probably why it took her some time to realize that a painful look had crossed his face. He shook his head as he held her gaze. “Just wanted to do that before I lost you…forever,” he murmured. Kara felt her heart skip a beat at the…the defeat in his voice. As if he was sure this was the last time he’d talk to her, that she wouldn’t want to be his friend after what he’d done and would abandon him._

_Oh, he couldn’t have been more wrong about that._

_“I’ll… I’ll get out of your hair now,” he continued, another tear streaming down his face as he tried to pull back to leave, at least until Kara grabbed his wrists. She had to remind herself over and over again that he was drunk in order to not do something stupid, like…kissing him again. Because she wanted to kiss him again._

_But she could do that later. Right now… Right now she needed to actually take care of him, and if he thought she’d just let him leave the house in this state, he was about to be surprised. Even if her parents and sister had been home, she wouldn’t leave him. Though that had turned out to be a really nice coincidence…_

_“Mon-El, you can’t go out like this,” she breathed in a hoarse voice, clearing her throat to pull herself together. Mon-El seemed confused as he looked at her, and then looked at his wrists that she was holding. And the hope that flickered in his eyes absolutely broke her heart._

_He really had thought that she’d abandon her._

_And now she just wanted to give him a tight, bear-sized hug to remind him that she would never,_ ever _abandon him, no matter what happened._

_But that would probably not be a good idea. Oh, the hug was going to come later, definitely…but maybe when Mon-El was sober._

_“You’re crazy if you think I’ll let you go anywhere when you’re this drunk,_ especially _when it isn’t legal for you.” She shot him a glare at that, and an almost sheepish look appeared on his face. He opened his mouth, obviously wanting to explain that, but she stopped her. “But we can talk about that later. Right now, you need rest.” And with that, before he could object, she pulled him, half walking half carrying him up the stairs to her room. She was just pushing open her door when he broke the silence._

_“You’re not…leaving me?” His voice was so hoarse, so hopeful, but also so afraid that her chest tightened. She turned to him and slapped him lightly on the chest._

_“No, silly, of course not. Who do you think I am?” She’d meant that as a joke, she really did, wanting to lighten the mood…but all Mon-El did with that was look at her with disbelief until even more tears started streaming down his face. By the time they reached her bed, he was outright crying. Kara’s heart plummeted in her chest as she frowned. “Hey, hey, did I say something wrong?” she couldn’t help asking, cupping his cheeks to wipe away his tears as he sat on the bed. She didn’t want to make him cry, she was just trying to make him feel better!_

_She was only_ slightly _comforted when he shook his head sideways. He gripped her wrists tightly and pulled her hands to his lap, looking at her with wide, fearful eyes. “Don’t leave me,” he begged, his voice cracking mid-sentence. “Please…don’t leave me.” He sounded so desperate that Kara nodded, not caring about anything else other than making him feel better._

_“I won’t, I promise,” she repeated, making sure that he knew she was telling the full truth. She searched his face for a couple of seconds more before she cracked a small smile, blinking to push her own tears away. She couldn’t cry now, not when she needed to be strong for Mon-El. Not when he needed her. So instead, she patted him on the shoulder, pulling him down on her bed, and wrapping her blanket around his shoulders. “Let’s just get you settled down, okay?” He could only nod as he put his head on her pillow, his eyes almost drifting close, but then they snapped open. He reached and grabbed her hand again._

_“You’ll… You’ll be here when I wake up?” he asked with such a small voice that pain erupted in Kara’s stomach. She had to blink back her tears all over again as she nodded, stroking his cheek lightly to catch a few of the tears that fell from his eyes._

_“Yes. Don’t you worry about that. I’m not leaving you.” She stopped for a second. “Ever,” she added as an afterthought, not only to convince him of her words, but also to make sure he knew this wasn’t just a one time thing, that she’d_ always _stay by him no matter what. And it seemed like he believed her, because as his eyes drifted close slowly, the day’s exhaustion catching up with him…he had a small smile on his face._

_“Good,” he mumbled before he shifted on the bed, pulling the blanket over himself and hugging it, his grip on her hand so tight. It didn’t take long for his breath to deepen. And Kara… She stayed by his side through the night, as she promised, only leaving the room to get a cup of water and some painkillers for him—she had a feeling the alcohol would hit him hard in the morning—and a blanket and a pillow for herself. She laid them down on her armchair as she settled down herself, her eyes on Mon-El. She knew she could sleep in the guest room in the house, or hell, even her sister’s or parents’ room if she wanted, lying down on a bed instead of the not-very-comfortable couch in her room…but she really didn’t want to leave Mon-El. She needed to make sure that she was there for him if he needed anything. Besides, as comfortable as a bed might be physically…she was pretty sure that she wouldn’t be able to sleep anywhere else but her room without worrying too much about Mon-El._

_So the armchair it would be._

_And as she watched Mon-El sleep on her bed from her place on the armchair, his chest rising and falling slowly, his lips parted in such a cute and innocent way… She couldn’t help thinking that she definitely wouldn’t regret her choice, even if she woke up with a sore back._

* * *

It was hard for Alex not to cry as she stared out the windows of the break room in the police station, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a cup of coffee in her hands. It was almost nighttime, the sun beginning to set right outside the window in front of her, yet she couldn’t even appreciate the beauty. Not when her sister wasn’t here to see it with her. Not when she didn’t even know where she was. Not when… Not when Kara could be in danger, hurt, or even…

She shut her eyes and shook her head to push away those thoughts, instead trying to continue watching the city absentmindedly with tears streaming down her face. She was already feeling horrible without her thoughts making everything worse. She suddenly found herself wishing Amelia was there to cheer her up with her joyfulness, to make it a tad bit easier to handle everything that was going on…but unfortunately she’d sent the little girl away with James to his house. She didn’t want her niece to be in this kind of atmosphere any longer than necessary. James had refused at first, insisting he _should_ be in the police station while the police looked for his fiancée, but Alex had finally managed to convince him that Amelia needed him more than Kara did. Besides, she would be at the police station, right? It wasn’t as if they were just _handing_ the investigation to the police and the police alone.

She was distracted from her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door, and she turned around to see Detective Sawyer entering the room. _Maggie._ Right, that was what she said Alex should call her.

The smile Maggie had on her face widened when she came face to face with Alex, and she pushed the door close behind her. “Hey,” she greeted the woman. Alex wanted to answer that, wanted to say something, but because of the knot clogging her throat, nothing came out. Fortunately, Maggie continued without waiting for her. “I got you some food,” she announced, lifting the brown bag in her hand that she had been hiding behind her. Alex couldn’t help feeling surprised about that as the detective offered her a small smile. “I hope you like Big Belly Burger?”

Alex’s stomach grumbled very audibly at the mention of food, and _hamburger_ at that, that it made Maggie lightly chuckle. She might’ve felt embarrassed about it if she was in a different situation, but right now… She didn’t have the strength to feel anything. Except hunger apparently, because, well, she was hungry. Only then she’d realized she hadn’t eaten anything since the morning, which was no more than a small sandwich, and considering it was nearing seven p.m. right now… Even at her worried state she could feel her hunger.

“Thank you,” she muttered hoarsely as she stepped forward to take the bag from Maggie, hoping her smile showed exactly how grateful she felt, even though her voice couldn’t. Yet it seemed like the woman didn’t even mind as she sat across from Alex, crossing her arms over the table and returning the sentiment with a small nod.

She cleared her throat before Alex could even finish her first bite from the hamburger. “Alex, I need you to ask something from you.” Her anxiety was so audible in her voice that Alex couldn’t help it as her eyes snapped up. She could feel her stomach coil, and suddenly the hamburger started to seem not so tasty. She waited for the blow, trying to prepare herself for _everything,_ before Maggie continued. “We need to contact Kara’s parents and let them know about what happened to her.” _No._ That was the first thought that sprung into Alex’s mind at those words. Yet because of her shock it took her a bit of time to find her voice and say the word. “We also need to talk to them—“

“No.” The word came out as a weak whisper at first, yet still, Maggie seemed taken aback by her posture. She cleared her throat to sound clearer. “We can’t let my parents know about Kara.” She was glad that her voice didn’t shake as she said those words. Not that it was much of a surprise. If there was one thing she was sure about this whole situation, it was that she didn’t want her parents involved. Eliza and Jeremiah… They would be too worried about Kara if they knew. They’d put their lives on hold for them and come here, and Alex didn’t want that. They’d already done so much for their daughters, they didn’t deserve to go through losing one of them. Even if it ended up being temporary.

Besides, if it _was_ temporary, and the police would find Kara sooner or later… What was the point of worrying her parents? They didn’t need to know. Well, at least they didn’t need to know something as big as this had happened, because Alex and James had to cancel Kara’s wedding today, and…that would certainly make them a bit worried. But they didn’t need to be worried _more_ than that.

“Ms. Danvers…” Maggie tried to say, but Alex shook her head.

“I don’t want to worry them, Detective Sawyer—Maggie.” She pressed her lips together. “They don’t deserve to go through something like that.” She expected Maggie to tell her that what she thought didn’t matter and this was a concern of the police…which wouldn’t be entirely wrong…but instead, a sympathetic expression pulled Maggie’s face as she reached forward to put her hand on Alex’s. Alex felt herself stare at their hands for one second too long before she tried to focus on her words.

“I know you just want to protect your parents, Alex, but we can’t know for sure when we’ll find Kara, if that ever happens.” Her words were almost diplomatic, but her voice was soft as she squeezed Alex’s hands, almost as if she was trying to reassure the woman. Alex felt her heart stutter at that, yet she couldn’t do anything other than listening to Maggie. “And eventually they’ll hear it from someone, whether it’s the news, or James, or somewhere else. But I think it would be best for them if they heard it from their daughter.” At first Alex shook her head at those words, wanting to deny them, yet deep down… Deep down she knew Maggie was right. She needed to tell her parents. Eliza and Jeremiah… Not only could they help the police find Kara with maybe a small bit of information they shared…but it was their daughter. Keeping them in the dark to prevent them from getting hurt wasn’t fair for them. They deserved to know.

Yet that didn’t mean it was exactly easy to do that.

Alex felt tears fill her eyes as she stared at her burger, her stomach churning with guilt and pain, until she felt Maggie pull her hand away. Her head snapped up to face the detective, already missing the reassuring touch—God knew she needed that—only to see Maggie walking around the table to stand next to her. She put her hand on the woman’s shoulder before she slipped a phone on the table—her phone. They’d taken it to see if something they found inside could help Kara, but it seemed like they were done with…whatever they were doing with it.

Alex’s throat knotted as she stared at the phone, feeling the call to her parents approach. She was almost too grateful for Maggie’s comforting squeeze on her shoulder. “Tell me if you need anything,” the detective said before she offered a tentative smile at Alex and left. Alex almost wanted to ask her to stay, to be with her through the phone conversation…but she also knew why Maggie had left. This was… This was something personal. The conversation she needed to have with her parents… She needed to do it herself. As hard at it was.

Biting back her fear, she took the phone in her shaky hands, opening it and going to her contacts without losing time. She knew if she waited she’d only get more afraid, and then it would be impossible for her to do this. She needed to do it now, or she’d never do it.

She was biting her lip so harshly when she pressed the phone to her ear that she almost tasted blood. Every ring of the phone felt like a gunshot to her ears, making her jump on her seat as she gripped the arm of her chair, taking deep breaths to calm herself. Her father answered at the third ring, his voice almost catching her off guard.

“Dr. Danvers.” He was using his professional tone, which meant he probably didn’t even check who called before answering the phone. Somehow that made it even worse, because what she was about to say would come as a bigger surprise.

Unless she ended the call now—

No. _No,_ she couldn’t do that. She had to go through with this. She had to force her way through this, no matter how painful it was. Her parents deserved to know. Whenever reservations crept up her skin, she repeated that to herself. Her parents deserved to know.

Maybe she’d eventually start believing those words. Hopefully, sometime soon.

She cleared her throat to get rid of the hoarseness in her voice before she talked. “Hey, daddy,” she almost whispered, afraid that she’d collapse into sobs if she talked louder. Yet even then, a tear slipped down her cheeks.

It seemed like her body had an endless supply of tears.

“Alex?” Jeremiah’s voice seemed worried, and Alex could almost see him straighten up in his seat, a frown on his face. But of course he was worried. No matter how much she tried, there was no way she could hide the pain in her voice. “Are you okay?”

She was so tired of lying that she just decided to be bluntly honest as her shoulders slumped. “No,” she confessed as she played with the hem of t-shirt, pulling at it just to have something to do. She couldn’t help it as a humorless chuckle escaped her lips. “I’m not okay,” she continued before her father could ask what had happened. “I… I have to tell you something. About Kara.” No matter how many deep breaths she took, there was no way to keep the shakiness out of her voice as she said the next words. “She’s… She’s missing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	8. Colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like this :)

Kara didn’t know for how long she’d been sitting on the bed with her legs crossed. She had no idea how long it had been since she took a shower, _and_ she didn’t know how long she stayed in the shower in the first place. But it must’ve been at least an hour and a half since then, because by now her hair felt almost dry, and it normally took her a lot of time to dry her hair.

Yet still she didn’t turn the blow dryer off. Without its noise, the small motel room seemed way too silent, and when it was silent, her mind went to places she really didn’t want it to go. And… Well, considering there were a lot of things she would rather not think about… Blow dryer it would be.

Yet even _then,_ even as she let warmth course through her hair, even as she ran her fingers through the strands and untied the knots… There was _one thing_ she couldn’t stop thinking about. Mon-El…and where the hell he was. She remembered him saying that this…this store was five minutes away very clearly. And if that _was_ the case, then he should’ve been back by now. He was never a fan of shopping anyway; she really didn’t think he’d spend more than half an hour there.

Yet it had been _one_ and a half _hours_ , and _still_ he was nowhere to be seen. And despite herself, Kara couldn’t stop worry from clawing at her insides. Especially as she stared at the door. Because she knew… She knew this gave her the _perfect_ opportunity to run away, to find a phone and call her sister, but something…something inside kept her from doing that. Whether it was everything Mon-El told her about this danger they were in, or because of his actions in general, but somehow she believed that she’d be in even more danger than she was in now if she left. In the eight years she’d known Mon-El, there hadn’t been many things that truly scared him—well, except his parents maybe, but that was expected—so for him to be this freaked out right now? It meant whatever was going on here was serious. It meant that the person after them, this…this woman he kept mentioning was truly dangerous, and she wasn’t about to risk the lives of her daughter just to be back home. Even if everything Mon-El said was a lie or an exaggeration, that wasn’t a risk she would take.

So she stayed. As hard as it was to do it, and as much as she was aching to hear Amelia’s voice, she stayed, waiting for Mon-El to come. At this point, she even couldn’t help wondering where the hell he’d disappeared to. She had seriously started considering going out and looking for him, and in a couple of minutes she probably would’ve done that, too…if she hadn’t heard the door open before that. Her heart jumped in her chest as she turned off the blow dryer and held it tightly. Granted, if whoever was at the door was someone dangerous, she doubted a blow dryer would be able to stop them…but it was better than being completely weaponless.

But fortunately, when the person stepped inside and shut the door behind him… She realized that it was only Mon-El. Even she was surprised at the amount of relief she felt at that, considering there was a time she’d shut the door in his face and lock it if she saw him.

In her defense, though, this was a very unique situation.

Mon-El’s eyes didn’t even travel around the room before they found her, as if he knew exactly where she’d be. His eyes briefly skimmed over her—Kara didn’t really know why—but it seemed like he was satisfied with what he found. Though, granted, she really didn’t know what there was to be satisfied about. She was basically wearing her old clothes. She’d actually considered just staying in a towel until Mon-El came, but one look at said towel immediately made her refute that plan. It looked so damn short on her that she _refused_ wearing it in front of _anyone,_ especially not Mon-El. It would… It would not only be inappropriate, it would also bring back way too many memories that she…that she just wasn’t ready for. That she _didn’t_ want to remember.

So she just looked away once she made sure that he was okay, returning back to trying to get rid of the knots in her hair, which proved to be damn hard without a comb. She didn’t even turn to him when she heard him speak.

“Hey,” he said slowly, stepping into the room, and from the corner of her eyes, Kara could see how tense he looked. His eyes were on her, searching her, waiting for her to say something…but she just clenched her teeth and flipped her hair over her shoulder to reach its ends better. She knew she was probably being bitter, and she knew maybe she should give him more chance, but… She couldn’t risk that after what happened with this Roulette woman. After what _he_ told her right after they got out. _I couldn’t risk her hurting you._

Mon-El had willingly paid a ridiculous amount of money for a fake ID just so that she wouldn’t get hurt. She… She had no idea what to make of that, except the brief sympathy she felt for him at that moment. And she couldn’t have that. She couldn’t—she _shouldn’t—_ feel sympathy for him after what he’d done. She didn’t want to go down that road again just to get her heart broken again. Mon-El had promised that he’d get her out of this…this mess _he_ put her into in the first place, and _that_ was what mattered. Returning back to Amelia was what mattered. Building a family with James was what mattered. Not Mon-El. He’d stopped being important for her the moment he decided to leave her.

So she ignored his words, even as she saw him wince visibly, tightening his grip on the two bags hanging from his hand. He cleared his throat. “Sorry I’m late. I… I couldn’t find some of the things that I thought… That I thought you might need, so I needed to go to a different store.” He stepped forward again, ducking his chin to catch her eyes, yet she just continued looking in front of her. She couldn’t cave in. She wouldn’t cave in. Yet she felt herself involuntarily glance at him the moment his words filled her mind again.

_I couldn’t risk her hurting you._

She quickly shook them away and inwardly cursed herself for _still_ getting affected by him, after all those years of being apart. She should’ve forgotten him already, yet here she was, letting his words get to her again, when she shouldn’t believe them in the first place. He’d told her he loved her before, he’d told her he’d stay with her and never leave her, and she’d seen where that led. She wasn’t about to do the same mistake again. _Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me._ That was what they said, right?

Mon-El grimaced when she stayed silent, yet he didn’t say anything about that, he didn’t even _comment_ on her cold behavior as he extended the bag to her. “I got these for you,” he whispered. His voice was quivering so much that it made her think he could start crying at any moment if he talked louder. And for a moment, her heart ached for him, at how…how _vulnerable_ he looked…until she remembered everything she thought just a couple of minutes ago. If it took her merely minutes and a couple of tears from Mon-El to get her to cave… Boy was she in trouble. So instead she just focused on the ends of her hair, trying to loosen one of the more rebellious knots.

Mon-El continued when he realized she wouldn’t say anything, and put the bag he’d just extended her way on the bed. He cleared his throat again, obviously uncomfortable. “I hope… I hope I didn’t miss anything, but if I did… Let me know and…and we can get it later. Okay? And there’s… There’s also takeout in this too, if you’re hungry.” He showed the other bag to her, obviously from Big Belly Burger, before putting it on the counter. He stopped briefly after that, his soft words making Kara clench her teeth even harder as she pulled her hair. “I’ll… I’ll be in the shower,” he said then before he turned around with one swift movement and went to the bathroom. Kara couldn’t help glancing over her shoulder to look at him, only to see him wipe his cheek and almost slam the bathroom door behind him. It didn’t take a genius to guess why he’d wiped his cheek…

_It doesn’t matter._

To distract herself from her thoughts, she reached for the bag, almost _ripping_ it open with the frustration that had built inside her veins. Frustration at Mon-El for getting under her skin…and at herself for allowing it to happen. Some clothes would be perfect to get her mind off of that…

At least she’d thought they would, until she truly saw what was in the bag. Because there wasn’t just _clothes._ Granted, there was a simple t-shirt and a plaid shirt, along with sweatpants and a pair of jeans, but that wasn’t all of it. In fact… In fact, that was just a small percentage of what was inside. Because there was… There was _everything,_ and now what Mon-El said about not being able to find some stuff made sense. He’d literally bought _everything_ she might need.

She could feel her hands shaking as she reached inside, going through the stuff slowly. She put the clothes aside, and she couldn’t stop a blush from creeping up her cheeks when her fingers wrapped around two pairs of underwear. They were white and simple, and she also couldn’t help noticing that the bras were the correct size, even though she was pretty sure she hadn’t told Mon-El that recently.

He couldn’t have remembered her _bra size_ from six years ago, right?

Trying to shake off those thoughts, she looked inside the bag once more, and when she realized it would be impossible to see what was inside like this she dumped the contents on the bed. Shock splashed over her at what that pile of stuff included. She could see a toothbrush and toothpaste along the corner next to a small backpack, along with two pairs of socks—she wanted to face palm herself when she realized one of them had a cat pattern on it—deodorant _and_ perfume, and—

Oh God, were those really _tampons?_

She couldn’t help flushing red at the sight. Mon-El had bought tampons. He’d actually bought _tampons_ for her. She shut her eyes and slammed her hand over them as embarrassment washed over her. Especially because the brand of the tampons weren’t just _any_ brand, it was the brand she’d normally used, which must mean that he’d actually _looked_ for it instead of getting the first one that he saw. In fact, if she had to be honest, the deodorant he’d bought had been her favorite scent six years ago, and the perfume was one of her favorites among the cheap kind of perfumes. And the clothes… Well, she certainly wouldn’t wear them _now,_ her wardrobe mostly consisted of simple and dull colors and there was definitely nothing plaid in it, but six years ago…before Mon-El left… She could’ve easily believed that they were a part of her wardrobe if someone showed her them. The plaid shirt, the white t-shirt with a colorful cat pattern on it—well, she did love cats—and even the light-blue skinny jeans… They’d once been her style. Even the underwear he’d bought could’ve easily come out of her drawer. So much so that…

If she didn’t know better, she would’ve claimed Mon-El had deliberately chose all of that stuff, remembering what she liked and what she _didn’t_ like from six years ago. But that would be ridiculous. If he really cared about her enough to remember even the littlest things about her, he wouldn’t leave her in the first place, right? So maybe… Maybe it was just a coincidence he bought the types of clothes she’d like when they were together…or that the bras were her size…or that the brands of the tampons were her usual brand…or the deodorant was her favorite scent…

Yeah, that sounded about right. Just a mere coincidence.

She almost wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the notion. It obviously wasn’t a coincidence, and if Mon-El wasn’t a psychic—which she was pretty sure he wasn’t—it could only mean that he remembered all that stuff. And she…

She honestly didn’t want to think about what that meant. Because it didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter. It shouldn’t…

The words somehow started feeling weaker and weaker the more she repeated them in her mind, so she pushed all thoughts about what was important and what wasn’t out of her mind and focused on the two takeout bags Mon-El put on the counter. Food. Yes, she could _definitely_ go for some food, and it seemed like her stomach agreed with her. They’d barely eaten anything since yesterday, after leaving the café, and even though she really didn’t feel hungry with the rush of everything happening around her, now, when the food stood right in front of her… She wanted it, and her stomach definitely agreed with her as it grumbled. So she reached forward, grabbing one of the packages and opening it quickly, hoping a fatty hamburger was enough to distract her from everything…when she came to a stop again. Her hands were shaking as she took out the burger and fries, and the drink Mon-El had gotten next to it. The drink that looked too much like a vanilla milkshake. Her favorite kind of milkshake to have with fries instead of ketchup…and if there wasn’t barbeque sauce, which was also resting at the bottom of the package. She had to blink to make sure she was seeing right as she looked at the food in front of her. Her favorite kind of cheeseburger, large sized fries as she’d always gotten when she was at Big Belly Burger, vanilla milkshake and…and barbeque sauce. Similar to what she would’ve gotten for herself if she was the one ordering it.

No actually, not even similar. She would’ve gotten exactly same stuff.

And with that, all of her resolve about keeping Mon-El at arms length, telling herself that it didn’t matter how sad, broken, or terrified he looked, dissipated. She found herself looking at the bathroom door, hearing the water splash down, and no matter how much she tried she couldn’t stop tears from forming in her eyes. What Mon-El bought for her… It wasn’t the actions of someone that didn’t care about her. The thoughtfulness, the attention to detail, remembering all those little stuff about her… He couldn’t have done all that and not care about her. All this time, she was so sure that he didn’t care about her, that he wouldn’t have left if he did, but now… Now she wasn’t so sure. She couldn’t be sure about that after everything he did. And it wasn’t only what he got for her. It was… It was willing to pay a lot of money to not put her life at risk. It was giving her his jacket when she was cold. It was not arguing with her whenever she said something _awful_ about him, seemingly accepting all those insults. It was… It was the _terrified_ look that appeared in his eyes whenever he mentioned that…that woman, and the possibility of her hurting Kara. She realized only now that he barely mentioned protecting _himself_ from that woman in the last two days, but protecting her? That was all he seemed to be focused on. She remembered what he’d said when she asked him whether he’d be able to escape from this situation too when they arrived…wherever they were going. _It’s too late for me._ So that meant he wasn’t going to this place to be free of this. He was… He was only going there to get _her_ out of this mess, to protect _her_ from whatever threat was lurking behind them. And if he was so scared of getting her involved in this mess now…

She couldn’t help wondering whether it had something to do with his disappearance six years ago. She couldn’t help wondering whether he’d left not because he didn’t care about her, but he cared _so much_ that he was willing to be apart from her to keep her safe. Because as much as she didn’t like it… The more she learned about this situation, the more she started realizing… Maybe she didn’t know the whole story about his disappearance. Maybe… Maybe it wasn’t what it seemed like, and there was something bigger behind it, something…something darker.

* * *

_Kara had never thought in her life that a conversation could scare someone this much. She’d always laughed at those books and movies that had one character terrified of talking to another about their feelings. It just seemed so…so ridiculous. It was so_ obvious _they were in love with each other that she just… She couldn’t grasp the idea of being afraid of confessing it._

_Until now. Until she stood in front of the utterly familiar building, feeling her heart slam against her ribs. She wasn’t even sure she was breathing as she looked over at the house, forcing herself to focus, to get herself together. How hard could this be anyway, right? All she needed to do was gather up her courage, walk up to the front door of the building, knock, and then…and then confess to Mon-El everything she was feeling. Confess that she…that she liked him. In_ that way _. He’d pretty much confessed his feelings for her the previous night, and had even sealed it with a kiss, so there really was no reason to be scared of this right now. It wasn’t like she would be_ rejected _._

_And yet still, even with those thoughts, she struggled to calm herself down. But in her defense, Mon-El hadn’t confessed his feelings in an ideal situation. Not that she doubted they weren’t real! But he… He’d been really drunk. And when people got that drunk…they tended to forget things. And she was afraid that…that if it was the case…Mon-El might pretend that he didn’t like her back, just to protect himself from heartbreak. She’d seen him do it several times. It took him a long time to let someone in, and even longer to truly trust them. Even with her, it’d taken him three months to open up about himself, and she couldn’t help thinking it was because she’d seen him at his worst, not because he really_ wanted _it._

_She didn’t want to be pushed away from him. She didn’t want to lose the friendship they’d built over a year just because she wanted something more._

_She wanted to face-palm herself. She was overanalyzing the situation so much that it was almost ridiculous. She’d literally become those…those girls in the movies that doubted a guy liked them, despite all the contradictory evidence. And she actually had the best proof that told her Mon-El liked her: His words. So really, she shouldn’t be doubting herself. At all. But after what happened the previous night_ and _that morning…she couldn’t help it._

_Mon-El had told her he liked her. He’d_ actually _done that. It wasn’t a dream or a figment of her imagination. It was real, it had happened, and even the thought of it was enough to bring butterflies to her stomach and a huge grin on her face. And she knew he was telling the truth, because on the contrary to all those girls in books and movies that thought people lied while drunk, she knew that alcohol tended to increase the likelihood that someone would tell the truth. But even without that, she knew Mon-El. What he did last night… He would’ve never done it if he wasn’t 100% sure of what he felt about her. Even he’d said it himself: It would put her in a really awkward position if she didn’t like him back, and the last thing he wanted was to burden her. He’d… He’d always looked out for her, even if it was at the expanse of himself. So she knew, deep in her heart, that every single thing he told her last night was true._

_And knowing that, she probably wouldn’t hesitate this much to face him…if she hadn’t woken up today to find her bed empty. He’d left; without even waking her up, he’d left. She’d felt slightly relieved to see that he’d at least taken the painkillers she’d left for him…but that was it. There was no word or explanation as to where or why he’d gone. Okay, well, technically she could guess why, especially if he remembered, and she could assume that he would go to his house…but that didn’t mean a note explaining all that wouldn’t be nice. Or at least something that said he was okay. But there was nothing. So_ of course _she’d become extremely worried about him, threw her wallet and phone inside the first bag she found and rushed to the bus station, racing to Mon-El’s house. She was so focused on making sure Mon-El was okay that she hadn’t really considered what she’d do once she faced him…until she stood right in front of his house and realized that_ maybe _she should’ve thought about that, considering what happened previous night._

_Not that she could do much about it now. And she did want to find out whether he was okay or not…_

_“Dammit, Kara,” she muttered to herself for being too damn ridiculously scared, and in a fit of courage and frustration she dinally made her way towards Mon-El’s house. How bad could the conversation go anyway?_

_Well, okay, it could go really, really bad if she thought about it, but she really didn’t need to focus on that now. She didn’t want to lose the courage she’d just managed to find. So instead of focusing on her worries she focused on the door ahead, stomping on the ridiculously long walkway until she reached the porch. She didn’t miss time knocking on it, knowing if she hesitated for even one second, she would turn back and leave. And she couldn’t leave._

_She could almost feel her heartbeats ringing in her ears as she waited for Mon-El to answer. She’d only realized she was holding her breath when she heard the lock turn and relief washed through her. Well, slight relief and slight worry, with her heart skipping a beat at the thought of seeing Mon-El._

_The last thing she could think, before coming face to face with him, was that she really should’ve prepared a speech or something before coming here. But it was too lat—_

_She almost lost her footing when her gaze fell on Mon-El, so much so that her thoughts were cut off. And that breathless feeling returned to her lungs as she tried to process what she saw in front of her. As she… As she realized, second by second, that it was real and not a figment of her imagination. Because…_

_Mon-El looked horrible._

_And that said something, coming from someone who’d seen him bruised, wounded, crying, and at his lowest several times. Not that he had any wounds now, at least not as far as Kara could see. No, that wasn’t why she said he looked horrible._

_It was because he looked like someone had literally sucked the life out of him, and she’d never seen him like that. Not even when his parents beat him. Not even when they kicked him out of the house that one time. Not even when he had to miss school several days because his bruises were way too visible to be covered by a concealer. Not even when he cried in her arms that first time she found out about his parents’ abuse. Even those times there was a glimmer of light shining in his eyes, a glimmer of blue amongst the gray, but right now… Right now his eyes were so dull that she couldn’t even see the blue of them._

_Well, at least until tears filled his eyes, too slowly almost, and then they started shining again—in the worst way possible._

_Yet she wished it was only that. She wished it was just his eyes, and their redness and puffiness that killed her. She wished his cheeks weren’t collapsed, she wished his shoulders weren’t slumped, she wished his hair didn’t fall on his forehead messily as if he’d ran his fingers through them several times and pulled at the strands, she wished…she wished he didn’t look so defeated. Like he’d…he’d given up. On what, she didn’t even want to know, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt her._

_And considering seeing him in that situation was already painful enough, she really wouldn’t have imagined hearing his voice could worsen it. But somehow it did, and she felt herself shudder when he couldn’t even say her name properly because of the shakiness in his voice._

_“Kara.” She couldn’t say anything as she blinked, trying to keep the tears away from her eyes, forcing herself to be strong. She needed to be strong right now, because it seemed like Mon-El could break down at any second, and it wouldn’t help anyone if she just broke with him. Besides, she was pretty sure she’d have enough time to do that later._

_She knew she should say something. Anything, really. Especially when she saw a tear slide down Mon-El’s cheek. Yet she was so caught off guard that she could barely gather her thoughts together, let alone form coherent sentences._

_She must’ve stayed silent for too long that Mon-El pressed his lips together, he was trying to keep his sobs down, and spun around to walk inside his house. She only managed to snap out of her thoughts when she saw the front door closing behind him._

Damn it.

_That was her first thought as she rushed inside before the door could close, following Mon-El inside. He hadn’t gone that far away anyway; he was standing right inside the living room, an arm around his waist and his other hand pressed over his lips. Kara couldn’t see his face because his back was to her, yet she was pretty sure there were tears streaming down his cheeks._

_She felt her heart crack at the thought of that. Even more so because… He was crying because of her. Well, okay, it wasn’t_ entirely _her fault, but it was what happened the previous night that pushed him into…into this mood._

_She stepped forward tentatively, not wanting to scare him off—he had a tendency of doing that especially when he was stressed. “Mon-El?” she said softly as she lifted her hand, letting it hover over his back. She wanted to rub his shoulder, she wanted to wrap her arms around him and pull him into a tight hug…but she knew it wasn’t the best course of action. There was a chance it would make him spiral into an even worse mood instead of helping him. She had to… She had to allow_ him _to come to her, allow_ him _to accept her comfort, not the other way around. Maybe there would come a time he’d accept others’ comfort without looking for ulterior motives, but it…it wasn’t now._

_Besides, before she could even decide whether she should caress his shoulder or not, he whirled around anyway. The movement was so sudden that she felt herself jerk back, but it wasn’t even the worst of it. The tears on his cheeks… That hurt her more than anything._

_“I’m sorry,” he croaked out without waiting for her. His voice was so low that it was barely intelligible, yet still, a frown pulled Kara’s brows. What could he be apologizing for?_

_Well, okay, he did come to her house drunk the previous night…and he did confess about his feelings…but he shouldn’t feel bad about that. Everyone had their low moments, and besides, she was his friend. Best friend, at that. Not only it was her_ duty _to be with him whenever he needed it, but she also_ wanted _to be there for him._

_She was so drowned in her thoughts that she couldn’t say anything before Mon-El continued. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Kara,” he said, his voice tear-strained. She didn’t miss the pain twinkling in his eyes before he shut them, pressing his palm over his forehead. “I messed up. I… I should’ve never… I shouldn’t have come to your house yesterday. Especially not…not while I was…drunk.” It seemed like he was struggling to get the words out, even as he swallowed several times to get a grip on himself. Kara’s heart squeezed in her chest at seeing him so desperate and helpless, at him avoiding her gaze as if he couldn’t even bear to look at her. As if… As if he was ashamed of it, ashamed of…himself._

_Her heart went out for him. It was always hard to see him doubting himself, but right now…seeing the self-hatred in his eyes…hearing the_ disgust _he felt about what he’d done… She felt tears pricking in her eyes, yet before she could get a word in, he continued, turning to the side to avoid looking at her altogether._

_“God, I… I shouldn’t have even been drinking. I just… I saw you with-with Adam at…at Noonan’s and I…” She almost saw him go pale at that, at least before his shoulders slumped. She tentatively stepped forward to see his face, especially when he ducked his chin and closed his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. It was… It was wrong of me to…to come to your house drunk and…” His breath got hitched into his throat at that, especially as he snapped open his eyes and looked at her. Kara could see the vulnerability in them oh-so clearly, especially with tears glimmering in them. He wrapped his arms around himself before he continued, as if he felt cold, as if he needed a hug…but he didn’t have anyone. Kara would’ve offered him that if she wasn’t waiting for him to continue, her breath held, wondering what he’d say. Wondering if…if he’d deny what happened the previous day. Wondering whether he remembered or not, and if he did… Would he come clean with it, or would he lie, claiming that it wasn’t true?_

_Her thoughts were cut when he continued. Another tear slid down his cheeks. “And it was wrong of me to…to tell you about my feelings and…kiss you.” Kara felt her breath getting hitched in her throat with those words. Not because she thought he wasn’t telling the truth the previous night, per se, but… She never really thought he’d confess it that easily. But right now…_

_There was no way to stop the small smile spreading on her face…and Mon-El would’ve noticed it too, if he wasn’t looking away. It seemed like he was trying to keep himself together…and failing at it. Multiple tears followed the initial ones as he tightened his arms around himself. “You should’ve… You shouldn’t know about that when you are…with someone else. It isn’t… It isn’t your burden to carry. It’s mine, and I…I should’ve never dumped that all on you. I should’ve never put you in a position where you…you feel bad for not reciprocating my feelings.” A quiet chuckle left her lips with those words. She ducked her chin to try and catch his gaze._

_“Mon-El, who said I wasn’t—“ Before she could finish her words, though Mon-El cut in, so desperately that she had no choice but to stop._

_“Please forgive me,” he rushed out the words, his eyes wide with fear. Kara blinked with surprise, her mouth dropped open. She had no choice but to listen to him as he continued. “I know…I ruined everything, I know I messed up, but no matter what… You’re my everything, Kara.” He croaked out those words so desperately, so genuinely that a part of Kara’s heart broke. Because she knew he was telling the truth. It wasn’t just a phrase he threw at her, just like people did in those romance books and movies, people who most of the time had everything they wanted. But Mon-El… He truly didn’t have_ anything. _His parents didn’t love him, he had no other relatives, and she was…she was his only true friend. Yes, of course there were people he spoke to around school, but none of them knew him like she did. And he was terrified of losing that._ Of course _he was. Anyone would be._

_She could feel tears filling her eyes too, wishing she could erase the hopeless look on his face and replace it with a happy one, but she couldn’t find the right words. And even if she did, she doubted she’d be able to speak over the knot in her throat._

_“You’re all I have, and I can’t… I can’t lose you. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, not after…not after what I’ve done, but…please. I can’t… I can’t do this without you.” He only briefly glanced at her before looking away again. By then, tears were falling down his cheeks so continuously that Kara couldn’t keep track of it. He didn’t even bother to wipe them away, as if he was afraid he’d just fall apart if he moved. Kara felt a tear escape her eyes too, and that was what brought her back to reality. Her heart was slamming against her ribs, not with fear but pain this time as she stepped forward, closing the distance between them, reaching up tentatively to take Mon-El’s face in his hands. He was so shocked at first, obviously not expecting the touch, that he blinked bewilderedly, his eyes searching her face. She softly wiped away his tears—at least tried to, since there were too many of them—and offered him a small smile._

_“I forgive you, Mon-El,” she said, making sure there wasn’t even a bit of hesitation in her voice. She could almost feel him freeze under her hands as his arms fell to his sides. “You shouldn’t have done what you did yesterday, yes, but… You’re human. And humans make mistakes sometimes, especially when they’re hurt. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be forgiven, or they deserve to be abandoned.” She brushed a couple of strands of his hair away from his forehead. “I don’t expect you to be perfect, anyway. That wouldn’t be fair for you. And considering everything you’ve done for me… I think you’re allowed to make a small mistake.” She tried to shrug nonchalantly, hoping the small joke would lighten the mood, but it only made his shoulders slump further. He shook his head as he avoided her gaze again._

_“But it wasn’t a small mistake, Kara. I—“_

_“Hey,” Kara stopped him by pressing a finger on his lips when she realized he was going down the self-loathing road. She wasn’t about to let him do that all over again. “It’s my turn to talk now. And let me tell you, nothing you say can change my decision about forgiving you. You have my word on that.” He clamped his mouth shut with those words, nodding slowly, almost allowing her to continue. She smiled again as she took a deep breath._

_“And I need you to know… I’m not together with Adam,” she continued. She could almost feel Mon-El’s surprise at that as his eyes widened. She couldn’t help cracking a small smile at the innocence of that. “What you saw at Noonan’s was two friends talking. I didn’t even plan to meet with him there, I just bumped into him and we…we wanted to catch up. That’s it. Mon-El, I would never get back together with him when I already had feelings for someone else.” She wasn’t even sure if he was breathing or not as she continued. “When I already had feelings for…_ you _.”_

_She held her breath after she said those last words, searching Mon-El’s face, looking for a sign that indicated he understood. And from the shock in his eyes…she assumed that he did. Well, it looked like he couldn’t believe it, but even that would indicate he understood. She couldn’t help a small laugh._

_“I like you, Mon-El,” she repeated herself, making sure he didn’t doubt her words. She tightened her grip on the nape of his neck. “Not Adam, not anyone else. You. I like you.” And with that she reached up, pressing her lips on his softly, sealing her words with a kiss. She could feel his eyes fluttering close as he leaned in, his hands moving to her waist to pull her close, yet still…still it seemed like he was holding back. Like he was afraid to touch her, afraid that she’d slip away from his fingers and he’d be alone all over again, afraid that…that he’d lose her. He didn’t even have time to respond to the kiss before Kara pulled back, looking at his face._

_His eyes opened slowly, very slowly, as she watched him intently, a smile pulling at her lips and her heart slamming against her ribs. She was biting her lip by the time his gaze focused on her._

_“You…You really like me? After yesterday…?” Kara laughed softly, catching a tear that escaped from his eyes with her thumb and wiping it away._

_“I thought we both agreed that I’d forgiven you for that,” she said almost jokingly. Her heart swelled when she saw the corner of Mon-El’s lips tip up, even though it was brief. She absolutely loved making him smile. It was so rare, especially when he was in a bad mood, that even a small one was so precious for her. And she also couldn’t help feeling proud that_ she _was one of the only people—maybe the only person, even—that could make him smile no matter what. “And yes, I really like you. You’re not dreaming, or…or you didn’t have alcohol poisoning—which, by the way, you_ could’ve, _considering how much you drank, and don’t you dare think I’ll let that go easily.” She took a deep breath, searching his face briefly, feeling her chest squeeze when she saw the hope and vulnerability in his eyes. She gently stroked his cheeks. “This is real, Mon-El. I—“_

_That was as far as she could get before Mon-El stepped forward, closing the already small distance between them, and pressed his lips on hers. And this time, he wasn’t holding back like he’d been the previous night or just a couple of minutes ago. This time, when his lips captured her, it was a real kiss. Well, she could also taste salt because of the tears that was still streaming down his face, but that didn’t change the beauty of the kiss, and that definitely wasn’t enough to calm her thundering heart. It almost felt like it could beat right out of her chest as she went up on her tiptoes and pulled him close, as close as humanly possible. He shuddered under her embrace, his arm that was wrapped around her waist tightening its hold. She could feel the fire coursing through her veins with the feeling of his lips on hers, with his hand traveling on her back, with his fingers running through her hair, yet it didn’t burn her up. No. On the contrary… She didn’t think she’d ever felt this alive, and considering this wasn’t her first kiss and Mon-El wasn’t the first person she liked, that…that said something. At least she wanted it to mean something. Because she was sure she’d liked Adam too, yet still, she’d never felt like this around him. Like how she felt around Mon-El. She could never be comfortable around Adam, she could never stop seeing him as her “crush”, if that made sense. And, well, you were bound to feel uncomfortable around your crush, afraid that you’d mess something up. There was this…this friendship lacking between her and Adam, and not only that, there also wasn’t the trust, devotion, and…and comfort it brought. With Mon-El, though… He’d been her friend before she even started feeling something for him. And she had no idea how_ good _that would feel, to have that foundation before jumping into a relationship, until now. Until she was in his arms, feeling almost 100% sure that she’d never felt this good in her life._

_She only pulled back from the kiss when she started feeling breathless, not because she wanted it. Yet even then, she didn’t go far away, resting her forehead against his, not being able to stop a grin from spreading on her face. She opened her eyes to find that Mon-El’s were still closed, even though she was pretty sure it was a fresh tear clinging to his lashes. She reached forward to brush it away, feeling something crack in her chest when he shuddered with her touch and tightened his grip around her._

_She didn’t stop him when he moved his hand to her hair. At first, when he leaned in, she thought he would kiss her again—which she wouldn’t have minded one bit—but instead, he pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face into the nape of her neck. And somehow…somehow that was even better than a kiss. It showed a trust and comfort that a kiss couldn’t, it showed that this thing between her and Mon-El… It was more than just lust. She found herself smiling at that thought as she rubbed his back._

_“Thank you,” he croaked out not too long after, pulling back to look at her face. He wrapped a strand of her hair between his fingers, watching it for a second before tucking it behind her ear. “For… For not leaving me,” he explained, seeing the confused look on her face. Kara shot him a glare at that._

_“You don’t need to thank me for that, silly,” she said, punching him lightly on the chest, “of course I won’t leave you.” She took his face in her hands again, looking at him intently. “I promised you that I’d always stay with you, and I intend to keep that promise. Whether it’s as your friend or…girlfriend.” She couldn’t help the corners of her lips tipping up at that thought, and her chest swelled with a bubble of happiness when she saw the same reaction on Mon-El’s face. He nodded when he cupped her cheek softly._

_“Good.” That was the only thing he said before he leaned in, pressing his lips on hers again. And she could barely stop herself from smiling, in order not to ruin the kiss, as she parted her lips and kissed him back._

* * *

Alex was waiting by the elevators the moment she heard that her parents had arrived. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her nails digging into her skin to keep herself from crying. She was trying to stop her tears from streaming down her face for the last couple of hours, not wanting to worry her parents even more than they already would be, yet…yet it seemed like her efforts had been for naught. Even now, as she kept blinking almost continuously, she could feel a tear wetting her cheek.

She cursed at herself as she wiped away the tear furiously. She’d been hoping that she might be able to calm down her parents if she seemed fine…yet it was too late for that now. She was pretty sure her eyes were red and puffy, even though she hadn’t looked at a mirror recently.

She pushed all of those thoughts away when she heard a ding coming from the elevator, indicating that it’d arrived on her floor. She wiped her cheeks again, just in case, and straightened up her hair and shoulders. She truly hoped she didn’t look as messy as she felt.

The smile on her face felt almost too fake as she watched the elevator doors open, and the moment she saw her mother step through… All of her act dropped. Her vision had already begun blurring even before she could greet her parents.

“Oh, baby,” she heard Eliza say, and in a matter of seconds, two arms were tugging her close into a hug. Alex didn’t even attempt to pull back as she wrapped her arms around her mother, allowing herself to be a daughter instead of an adult for once. She truly had no idea how much she needed that, to be vulnerable for a couple of seconds, to let someone comfort her instead of trying to hold everything together herself. She could also feel her father’s hand on her shoulder.

She blinked her eyes open only seconds later, when she was sure that she wouldn’t just collapse into sobs. She found herself coming face to face with Jeremiah, who was smiling down at her in the comforting way that parents did. Alex was sure that Jeremiah must be hurting as well; despite Kara being adopted, he and Eliza had always seen her as their own daughter, yet right now…right now he was holding himself together to support his family. And that…

Alex couldn’t help feeling grateful at that.

“Hey, Alex?” her father called for her a couple of seconds later, taking her out of her thoughts. She fixed her gaze on him as she pulled back from her mother’s embrace, yet Eliza didn’t let her get far, still holding onto her elbow as she too turned to her husband. Jeremiah flashed them both a smile. “Kara is a strong girl,” he said, confidence tinting his voice. “I’m sure that whatever situation she’s in right now, she’ll make it out and she’ll be okay. Don’t you worry about that.” He winked at her as he squeezed her shoulder, and despite the tears filling her eyes, Alex couldn’t help throwing herself onto her father. A part of her knew that he’d only said those words to comfort her, and there was no way to actually know what had happened to Kara and whether she’d be okay or not, yet that didn’t mean she didn’t appreciate it. At least… At least he was trying. At least he wasn’t giving into desperation and pessimism, like she’d been doing lately. He was holding onto hope _._

The words left her mouth without her intention. “I missed you, dad,” she said as she pulled back, letting a couple of tears slip down her cheeks, and letting Jeremiah wipe them away softly. He offered her another smile.

“I missed you too, Alex.” They stared at each other for a second more after that, savoring the fact that they—all three of them—were together now and didn’t have to be alone, at least until they heard someone clear their throat. Alex turned around only to see Maggie and another officer—she remembered seeing him around but she didn’t know his name—standing at the hall’s entrance. She couldn’t help noticing the small smile Maggie had on her face as she watched the family reunion.

But no, Alex’s heart definitely hadn’t skipped a beat at that.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Danvers. Mr. Danvers,” Maggie greeted them mere seconds later, stepping forward as she showed them her badge, just like all the police officers did in those crime shows. “I’m Detective Sawyer, and this is my partner, Detective Lowe.” The man flashed them a small smile before he let Maggie continue. “We and our team are handling the investigation regarding your daughter’s disappearance.”

Jeremiah stepped forward with those words, shaking the woman’s hand, as Alex and Eliza stood behind. Alex could feel her mother’s hand rubbing her back absentmindedly. She couldn’t help leaning into the touch, wanting to feel its comfort as much as possible.

“Thank you, detective.” Maggie offered them a small smile before she gestured at her partner—Detective Lowe, was it?

“Detective Lowe will escort you to one of our meeting rooms and ask you a few questions, if that’s okay.” Jeremiah nodded at that, looking back at Eliza.

“Yes, of course,” the woman answered as she stepped forward, yet before she disappeared in the hall with Detective Lowe and Jeremiah, she didn’t forget to turn to Alex. She gently tucked her hair behind her ears as she caressed her cheeks. “We’ll be right back, okay, honey?” Alex could only muster a nod at that, afraid that she’d start crying all over again if she opened her mouth. Eliza searched her face for a couple more seconds, as if to make sure she was okay, before she left. Alex almost immediately missed having her and Jeremiah around, not wanting to feel alone, but even knowing she was in the same building with them was good.

She slipped away from her thoughts when she saw Maggie walk next to her. “You okay, Danvers?” the detective asked, a slight worry etched in her figures. Alex realized only then that tears had started streaming down her face. She nodded as she quickly wiped them away.

“I’m…better,” she confessed. She wouldn’t call herself entirely okay, but she…she surely was better. “It was… It was good to see my parents. Thank you for urging me to talk to them.” A smile spread on Maggie’s face at those words. She patted Alex’s shoulder softly, as if offering her strength, before she shrugged.

“I was just doing my job, you know. No need to thank me,” she said. Yet as Alex looked at her, as she felt a smile pulling her lips too… She knew Maggie deserved all the gratitude in the world. Because she realized that she wasn’t truly alone even before her parents had come here. Maggie… She’d been with her all through everything, even as she was at her worst, even as she cried, even as she must’ve been hard to deal with. And Maggie was with her right now too, not letting her deal with anything alone.

Despite the situation and everything going on…Alex couldn’t help feeling lucky that at least she had a detective like Maggie by her side, and someone like her handling the investigation. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

* * *

Kara closed her eyes when she felt a breeze coursing through her hair, throwing a couple of strands on her face lightly. She knew the time must’ve been close to midnight—at least she was guessing from how long it had been since the sun set, because she didn’t have a phone—yet she didn’t want to go into the motel room and…and face Mon-El. Not yet, at least. She’d eventually have to do that, especially if she started feeling sleepy, but she wanted to delay it as much as possible.

Even though the air had begun getting colder and colder by the minute, and she didn’t have a jacket on. Not that Mon-El didn’t get one—because he did—but she’d forgotten it inside, and she was too damn scared to get it back. So she was forced to stay with the t-shirt and jeans that he also got for her.

She almost wanted to laugh at the irony of it. She was standing outside just to avoid him, but here she also was, wearing the stuff he’d provided for her. If it wasn’t for him, she would’ve had to stay in her old clothes, which had become smelly by then. And yet…yet she didn’t even thank him for that. She left a damn note telling him that she wanted some fresh air and she’d be back by midnight, and then left the room before he even got out of the bathroom. She just… She was just afraid to face him, especially after the realization she’d had.

The realization that…that Mon-El might actually care about her…and the anger she’d been holding onto may be unfounded. There was a time she’d been _sure_ that no excuse would ever be enough to make her forgive him for abandoning her, but after everything they’d been through in the last two days—she still couldn’t believe not much time had passed, especially since it felt like weeks to her—she wasn’t so sure. That was why she was afraid to see him, because she was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to hold onto her anger anymore, and that…that she couldn’t have. Hating him was much easier than forgiving him, especially considering their situation right now. If she… If she stopped hating him… If she started actually sympathizing with him… She was sure that it wouldn’t end well. It hadn’t ended well before, how could she be sure that it would be any different now? Whatever mess Mon-El had gotten himself into, it’d caused him to abandon her now, and if he did that again… She couldn’t go through it. She didn’t think she could survive going through that again, and she couldn’t risk it, not while having a daughter to take care of. Amelia needed her, and she couldn’t risk leaving her little girl alone for the sake of…anyone.

She shivered when another cold breeze hit her, and she realized that it was time to return back to the motel room. If she had to face Mon-El, she would, but she was seriously beginning to think she might get sick if she stayed outside anymore, and that was another thing she couldn’t risk. She and Mon-El were obviously on the run from someone, and catching cold was the last thing either of them needed.

So despite her heart stuttering in her chest she turned around, letting go of the railing lining the side of the motel’s upper floor, and started walking to her room’s door. It didn’t take her longer than a couple of seconds to reach there, since she hadn’t gone far in the first place anyway. Which was probably why she still hadn’t managed to calm down by the time she unlocked the door and opened it slowly. She held her breath as she switched on the light switch, expecting to see Mon-El awake and waiting for her…

Only to find him sleeping…and not on the bed either. He was sprawled on the armchair in a very, very uncomfortable looking position with a jacket haphazardly thrown over his shoulders…and fallen on his lap. And despite all her attempts at continuing to be angry at him, she couldn’t help it as her heart cracked at the sight. Because if she knew him—and even after everything that happened, a part of her felt like she did—she knew he hadn’t just fallen asleep on the couch while reading or something. He’d… He’d actually chosen to sleep there…and left the bed for her. The jacket hanging over his shoulders was an indication of that.

Kara had to bite her lip to get rid of the tears in her eyes, especially because that armchair… It must’ve been the smallest, most uncomfortable armchair on the face of earth, and Mon-El definitely didn’t fit in it with his bulky, muscular body—not that she paid attention to that, of course. It was just… It was pretty obvious from the way his head was hanging from the side almost, probably dropped there after he’d fallen asleep. She was sure if he continued sleeping like that, he would definitely wake up with a backache. Yet still…still he’d gotten the armchair instead of the bed, which would’ve been the more logical choice for him. Kara… She was definitely smaller and shorter than him, and would be able to fit on the armchair way better than he did. And he must’ve known that. But still…still he’d left the bed for her, and that…that was so selfless, so thoughtful of him, so like the Mon-El she’d remembered from her memories that it was an effort to keep her tears away. An effort that failed eventually, and she was forced to wipe her tears away before they started streaming down her face.

She couldn’t help it as she moved towards him, her feet taking her next to the armchair without her intention. She reached for his head first, adjusting it so that it laid on the back of the armchair instead of hanging from the side, and then adjusted the jacket so that it covered his shoulders again. Only then she realized that a strand of his hair had fallen over his forehead. She felt the inescapable urge to push it away, and in the process caress his cheek too, but she bit her lip and stopped herself. Adjusting his position so that he could sleep comfortably was one thing, but caressing his hair? That… That crossed a line she wasn’t ready to cross, that she didn’t _want_ to cross. So instead she stepped back, changing into the PJs Mon-El provided for her quickly—she grimaced at the overly colorful unicorn pattern over it—before sliding under the blanket on the bed and put her head on the soft pillow. And the last thing she saw, the last thing she could think of as her eyes drifted shut, pulling her into a sleep, was Mon-El.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	9. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- WARNING - Contains mentions of domestic abuse/manipulation/beating that might be triggering. They aren't explicitly explained, but they are included enough that I feel like I need to add this warning. It's just a flashback, so you wouldn't lose much, if anything, if you just skip the part. (It's the second scene in the chapter, the one in italics for identification)
> 
> hope you enjoy :)

When she first heard the whimpering sound, Kara initially thought that she was dreaming. It wasn’t as if she was having a particularly comfortable sleep; it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibilities to think that she was dreaming about someone crying.

She only realized that it _wasn’t_ a dream when she started feeling the bed underneath her and the blanket wrapped around her shoulders…and the whimpering still hadn’t stopped. In fact, now that she was starting to fully wake up, it’d gotten louder, the sound almost echoing in the silent motel room.

But it was the uttered words that made her finally open her eyes. “No, please.” She blinked as her heart skipped a beat, and pushed herself off the bed slightly, willing her eyes to adjust to the darkness. For a moment all she could think of was that someone had entered the motel room, this—this woman that Mon-El kept talking about came back, and she was going to hurt them…until she realized the voice was coming from no other place than the armchair across from her. The couch…on which Mon-El had been sleeping.

She furrowed her brows, blinking several times to focus her vision, only to see him shifting on the armchair and— Was he shivering?

“Don’t. _Don’t_.” His voice distracted her from her thoughts. He shifted on the couch, clutching what looked like his jacket from her vantage point, holding onto it as if it could keep him from falling apart. It didn’t take long for her to figure out what was happening. She’d seen him enough times having a nightmare to know that… Well, he _was_ having a nightmare.

She was frozen for a couple of seconds as the realization dawned on her, unsure of what to do. Normally—and when she said normally, she meant if it was six years ago—if he was having a nightmare, she’d immediately go to his side, taking his face in her hands, trying to wake him up from it as softly as possible. She couldn’t stand seeing him thrashing in his sleep, his face scrunched up in pain, begging for his parents to stop…whatever they were doing in that particular nightmare. Most of the nightmares he had had been about them, especially before he moved out of their house and started living with her. She used to hate that, she used to hate seeing just _how much_ they’d screwed up his life and made him feel like he was worthless, so much so that even his nightmares centered around them.

She slipped away from her thoughts when she saw Mon-El shudder on the couch, curling into himself even more, and suddenly she felt an indescribable urge to go next to him and comfort him. She didn’t know whether it was because she used to do that a lot and it’d become some sort of a habit she couldn’t get rid of still, or she just simply hated seeing him like this even after al those years. But that didn’t change the fact that she just wanted to take him in her arms, help him snap out of the nightmare, and tell him everything would be okay…until she stopped herself halfway through getting out of the bed.

 _No._ Why should she comfort him out of a nightmare? Why should she even _want_ to do that? Yes, when she was his girlfriend, it was her duty to do that, it was her duty to be by his side when he was feeling down. And she wanted to be by his side too, she wanted to make sure he was okay. But… But she wasn’t his girlfriend anymore. In fact, she was his _nothing_. So really, she wasn’t obligated to hug him through a nightmare or anything. It would be kind for her to do so, but she didn’t _have_ to, especially after what he’d done to her. In fact, the best thing for her right now would probably be to ignore him and go back to sleep. She shouldn’t care if he was having a nightmare or not. He’d lost that right when he left her.

At least, that was what she tried to convince herself of as she settled back on the pillow, closing her eyes shut tightly. She was just about to pull her blanket over her ears and attempt to shut out Mon-El…when his voice interrupted her again. “Please, no,” he choked out, as if he was drowning. And despite all her attempts to keep her eyes shut, Kara felt them flickering open, and under the dim light of the rising sun, she could see sweat dotting his forehead. His eyes were shut, his lips pressed tightly together, and there was no way to miss the paleness of his face. Kara felt something break in her chest at that, and before she could help it… She was kicking the blanket away and swinging her legs off the bed, ready to go next to him. A part of her mind was telling her that she was making a mistake, she’d _just_ decided the previous night that she couldn’t care about Mon-El, yet when she saw him in pain…when she saw him clutching his jacket as if it was a lifeline…when she saw him thrashing against the already small armchair like someone was hurting him… She couldn’t let that happen. Especially knowing how much his nightmares shook him. He…He was always the type that got way too affected by them, and she knew if she let this continue, he’d be too shaken when he woke up.

She wouldn’t wish that upon anyone, no matter what. But as much as she didn’t want to admit it…that wasn’t the only reason she wanted to wake Mon-El out of that nightmare. He also was more than just _anyone._

She’d just knelt in front of him, ready to reach up to take his face in her hands, when he turned around. She didn’t miss the iron grip he had on the jacket over his legs. “Please… I can’t, I _can’t,”_ he begged; to what, Kara didn’t even want to know at this point, but that was the last straw for her. She could feel her resolve crumble as she cupped his cheeks.

“Hey, Mon-El,” she whispered, not too softly but not too harshly either, just enough to reach him and take him out of the dream he was in. He shook his head absentmindedly in his sleep, presumably to escape her grip, but she didn’t let him. Instead, she scooted closer, enough that their knees were brushing together. “It’s me, it’s Kara,” she continued, wiping away the sweat on his forehead. It almost cracked her heart to see him trying to pull back, recoiling into the armchair. He shook his head again.

“No… No, please—“

“Hey,” she cut his words, trying desperately to swallow back the knot lodged in her throat. She had to hold herself together. She remembered the first time she saw him having a nightmare. It’d shaken her up so badly, especially when he told her what it was about—well, he’d rambled while he was crying in her embrace—that she couldn’t be much of a help to him. In fact, she’d started crying so much after listening to him that he was put into a position in which he had to comfort her when…when _he_ was the one suffering through all that pain. _He_ was the one being abused by his parents so _badly_ that he was having nightmares, but _he’d_ comforted her because it just…it hurt her so much. And she didn’t want that to happen now.

“Mon-El, it’s just a nightmare,” she continued, leaning forward, making sure he could hear her. She could see that is eyelids were flickering, which was a sign that he was waking up. Her heart skipped a beat as she brushed his hair with her fingertips. “It’s just a nightmare,” she repeated, her brain instinctively reminding her of how she used to wake him up from an especially bad nightmare. “You’re with me. I’m here. You’re safe,” she muttered, wiping away a tear that had managed to escape his eyes. At that moment he looked so much like the first time she’d met him; the young boy who thought he was nothing but a failure because he was taught that way, who’d never seen any care from his parents, who just wanted to make his loved ones happy and would be willing to give everything he had to make that happen, so innocent and so hungry for love that it hit her right in the chest. She had to blink several times to keep herself from crying.

“Please…” he whispered again, taking her out of her thoughts. She focused back on him. _“Please, don’t…”_

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re not alone,” she cut in again, hoping her voice could reach through to him. She grasped his shoulder when she realized he was breathing heavily, and with her other fingers she rubbed his temple. “I’m with you. I’m—“

“No!” He jerked awake so suddenly, pushing himself up from the armchair, making Kara almost lose her balance and fall on her back. But she managed to grab Mon-El’s knee at the last second and steady herself, her eyes on his face. She could almost _hear_ his thundering heart as his gaze found hers.

She could only find her voice a couple of seconds later. “Mon-El?” she said softly, not wanting to startle him before she was sure he’d managed to completely snap out of his nightmare. Slowly, she straightened up, standing on her knees, and before she could help herself she was cupping his cheek again. He shuddered under her touch. There was no way she couldn’t see the disbelief in his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe she was truly in front of him. She made sure her eyes never left his gaze as she wiped away a tear. “It’s me. I’m here.” Something cracked inside her when she saw how his eyes were shining with unshed tears. He looked so young like that, so vulnerable, that it was like she’d forgotten the last six years and everything they’d been through. All that was important was that Mon-El was in front of her, and he needed her.

He could only find his voice and speak a couple of seconds later. “Kara,” he croaked, like he couldn’t speak louder, reaching forward to put his hand on her shoulder. He shuddered again when his fingers wrapped around her t-shirt. He moved his hand slowly to the nape of her neck. And if she found herself leaning her head against his palm…she’d blame her emotions that were running high. It always happened whenever Mon-El woke up from an especially bad nightmare.

She opened her eyes—she hadn’t even realized she’d closed them—with Mon-El’s voice, and found herself looking at his gray-blue eyes. “You’re here,” he whispered, looking over her for one more second, before he literally lurched forward and wrapped his arms around her waist. She couldn’t do anything as he pulled her to his chest, burying his face to the crook of his neck.

Her first reaction to it was just how _good_ it felt to be in his embrace again, with his scent wrapping around her and warming her. She hadn’t even realized how much she missed it, how much she missed his _warmth,_ until she felt his arms around her. Not even James had managed to make her feel that way.

Her second reaction, once she managed to get through the initial shock of the situation, was that _this was wrong._ She shouldn’t be hugging him. She shouldn’t even be _close_ to him. They weren’t dating; hell, they weren’t even _friends._ The only reason they were in this motel room together was because, if what Mon-El claimed was true, there was someone after them and wanted to hurt them. And once they were out of this situation, they wouldn’t see each other again. She shouldn’t even want to see him, let alone be with him. He made his intentions about her very, very clear when he’d left.

That was what made her put her hands on his shoulders, ready to push him away—as much as a part of her, which she was trying to ignore, didn’t want that—when she felt him shudder in her arms. She felt a slight wetness on her shoulder, and it took her less than a second to realize what it was. _Tears._ She froze for a moment at that realization, unable to do anything, at least until she felt Mon-El move his hand up her back and into her hair, holding onto her desperately.

“You’re here,” he whispered again as if those words were his lifeline. “You’re _here_.”

At that moment, she realized she _couldn’t_ pull back. Not right now. Not when he sounded like he was barely holding it together, and if she let him go…all of his pieces would fall apart. She couldn’t let that happen, and not just because she needed him to be on his A game to get her out of this situation. No matter what happened in the past…it still hurt to see him hurting like this.

So she wrapped her arms around him, too, holding him tightly as she rested her chin on his shoulder. “Shh,” she whispered as she rubbed his back, unable to come up with appropriate words. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep her own tears at bay. “You’re okay. You’re safe. It’s okay.” Her eyes fluttered close inadvertently when his grip tightened around her. And for a couple of moments…she let herself enjoy it. For a moment, how long she didn’t know, it was just the two of them and nothing else.

At least until Mon-El pulled back, and the magic between them disappeared. And she was partly glad that he was the one pulling back, because she doubted she could find the strength. His eyes still had a glassy quality as his gaze traveled on her face.

She had to force herself to speak when the silence between them became too heavy. Clearing her throat, she straightened up. “Are you okay?” she could only ask. A part of her wondered what he’d seen in his nightmare that shook him this much, yet she couldn’t bring herself to voice those words. If she asked that and…and he answered, it would create an intimacy between them that she wasn’t ready for. That she…didn’t want. So she put on a blank face as she waited for his answer.

Yet she still couldn’t help it as her fingers absentmindedly stroked his hair.

She could almost pinpoint the moment Mon-El finally managed to pull himself back to reality from the way the painful and almost… _lost_ look in his eyes left their place to a shut down expression. He pressed his lips together and nodded almost a bit too fervently.

“Ye-yeah,” he croaked out, finally managing to drop his hands from Kara’s shoulders. She tried to ignore how cold she suddenly felt, and instead focused on him. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hand. “I’m…okay. I’m okay. I just…” It seemed like the words got knotted in his throat and he couldn’t continue. Kara couldn’t even talk as he pushed himself forward on the armchair; in fact, she couldn’t do anything other than pull back slightly, giving him space. Yet her heart was definitely slamming against her ribs when she saw him start blinking desperately, as if he was trying to keep himself from crying. “I just need some fresh air.”

She couldn’t even nod as he stood up at that, only looking up at him from her place on the floor. She only scrambled up to her feet when he cleared his throat, and tried to catch his gaze, but it seemed like he was looking at anywhere but her. He looked outside through the window to see the sun rising. “We’ll leave in an hour,” he informed Kara, his voice still low with unshed tears, before he spun around and left the motel room. She couldn’t do anything to stop him, at least not before the shutting door made her jerk out of her thoughts. And then she was left alone with her pounding heart and tears filling her eyes.

She could only pull herself together a couple of seconds later when she felt a tear slipping down her face. She quickly wiped it away before she almost threw herself into the shower, turning the tap to make the water scaldingly hot to wash away the memories from the morning.

Yet still, when she got out and wrapped a towel around her, she still had him in her mind. And despite her attempts, she just couldn’t seem to be able to forget how good it felt to be in his arms.

* * *

_Kara felt like the smile on her face wouldn’t disappear as she drew an absentminded circle on Mon-El’s chest, savoring the warmth his embrace was offering. She was totally using him as a pillow right now, with her head resting on his chest and one leg thrown over his, yet he didn’t seem to mind. Or, he was sleeping and had no idea that somehow, at some point in the night, they’d ended up in this position, with him lying on his back and her lying half on top of him with an arm around his torso. Either way, she wasn’t about to miss this opportunity to be in his embrace, especially since it had been a long time since she had such a comfortable sleep._

_She smoothed over a wrinkle on Mon-El’s t-shirt before lifting her head to look at his face. And once again, she couldn’t help thinking just how…how peaceful and innocent he looked while sleeping. When he was awake, he seemed like he was carrying this…burden over his shoulders all the time, so much so that he sometimes looked a lot older than he actually was. Yet when he was asleep…he returned back to the teenager he’d been: young, innocent, and just purely and unreasonably happy. And she liked that,_ a lot _, because she… Well, she wanted that for him. Sometimes, she wished with all of her heart that he could be a normal teenager without carrying the baggage of all of the shit he’d been through, and seeing that happen, even if it was just in his sleep, always filled her with an indescribable happiness. Especially because it didn’t happen a lot._

 _Well, not the_ sleeping _part, because she’d assume he slept every night, but the seeing him sleep part. He could rarely stay at her house since his parents didn’t allow that, and the only time he allowed her to have a sleepover at his house was when her parents were away for some business thing. Like they’d been the previous night. Which was why she was here right now, sleeping next to him on the bed, watching him sleep as she smoothed the lines of his face with her fingertips._

_That was only when she realized that he didn’t look as comfortable as she initially thought he did. She lifted her head off of his chest slightly to get a better look at his expression._

_Yep, she wasn’t wrong. He definitely did not look that comfortable. She could see his forehead shining with sweat dotting his skin, and it seemed like his eyes were shut way too tightly. His lips were pressed together in a thin line, and as her thumb brushed over his brows, she saw that they were pulled into a frown. And if she was reading the signs—which she thought she did, because she wasn’t that unfamiliar with bad dreams herself—he was having a nightmare._

_Her suspicions were confirmed when he tightened his arm around her waist, so much so that she found herself flushed against his chest, and turned his head to the other way._

_“Please,” he gasped, his voice no louder than a whisper, so much so that Kara was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to hear it if she wasn’t right next to him. Yet that didn’t mean the word didn’t make her freeze. Yes, she knew he had a habit of sleep-talking, she’d heard him mumble unintelligible and meaningful words in his sleep many times, yet she’d never, ever heard him utter something this…_ painfully _. She honestly couldn’t find the right words to explain it, but it sounded like…_

 _It truly sounded like he was_ drowning _, like he couldn’t_ breathe _._

_Kara felt her heart starting to slam against her ribs, as she couldn’t do anything but watch him shuffle on the bed. His hand was gripping the side of her waist so tightly that she could almost feel his bitten down nails biting into her skin. Yet she could only snap out of her thoughts when he turned his face to her direction again. She hadn’t even realized she was holding her breath until she was forced to let go of it._

_“Don’t, please,” she heard him repeat, the words coming out almost more desperately and breathlessly this time. “It hurts… Please.”_

_She could feel something crack in her chest at that as her fingers curled into a fist over his t-shirt. She tried to swallow hard to get rid of the burning in her throat, yet she could do nothing for the tears filling her eyes except blinking, even as she reached up to cup his cheek. Even from those short few words, she got an inkling of what he was seeing in his nightmare, and it…it wasn’t anything pleasant._

_An indescribable urge to punch his parents and knock some sense into them filled her at that realization. Yet instead, she forced herself to focus on him, because right now, he needed her by his side more than he needed her to punish the ones that turned his life—and his sleep, apparently—to hell. She wiped the sweat off his forehead and pushed away his hair as she leaned in close._

_“Mon-El?” she whispered softly, racking her brain to remember the times she had a terrible nightmare and Alex had to wake her up from it. Especially those first months after she’d lost her parents and just started living with the Danvers family. It seemed like every single night, her dreams would be tainted with the memory of her parents, whether how she lost them in that damn house fire, or how happy they’d been before her world literally turned to ashes around her. Sometimes, she thought she’d gone through that at the most unfortunate age: She’d been old enough to realize what had happened and how she’d lost her parents_ forever— _she’d been twelve after all—but she’d also been too young to deal with all of it on her own. She was so lucky that Eliza and Jeremiah had taken her in during an especially painful period of her life. She truly didn’t know how she would be able to get through losing her parents and move on without them. She’d needed them…_

 _Just like Mon-El seemed to need her now. Granted, it wasn’t the same situation, but what he’d been through was just as awful as her experience in its own way. And even more than that, he was going through it for_ years. _There was a time she’d thought nothing could be worse than losing a family, but after she met Mon-El, she realized that life didn’t work like that. It wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns, in which every parent cared about their children and wanted the best for them. Sometimes parents didn’t even care about their children at all, and sometimes, having an abusive family could be just as bad as losing a loving family in its own way._

_She pushed those thoughts away from her mind as she focused back on Mon-El, rubbing his temple with her fingertips. She rose on the bed oton her elbow to take his face in her hands, and when he tried to shake his head and push her away, she didn’t let him._

_“Hey, it’s me, I’m here,” she whispered, drawing soothing circles over his bare skin as she hoped her voice could reach him. She moved her hands to his neck when he tried to shake his head again._

_“No, it hurts… I didn’t do… Please…” His words came out almost unintelligibly because of how heavily he was breathing, yet even the implications was enough to make Kara feel like someone was squeezing her chest. She grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it, her eyes never leaving his face._

_“It’s just a nightmare, Mon-El,” she told him, her voice gentle but with a determination behind it. She felt hope filling her chest when his eyes started fluttering at that. She tightened her hold on the nape of his neck. “It’s not real. I am. I’m real, I’m here, you’re with me, you’re safe.” She had to stop when she felt tears choking her words._ You’re safe. _She wished those words didn’t feel like poison on her lips. Because yes, he might’ve been safe now, but what about later? What about when his parents came back? He wouldn’t be safe, she wouldn’t be able to keep him safe then—even if he allowed her to do it, there really wasn’t much she could do—so really, her words were nothing more than empty, encouraging words._

_She tried to ignore that and the sick feeling in her stomach, instead focusing on Mon-El and wiping a tear that had escaped his eyes. “I’m here. It’s Kara. I’m here,” she said again, and maybe it was her name that helped him snap out of the nightmare, or maybe it was something else, but he jerked awake, his eyes blinking open as he shot up the bed. She scrambled up as well, gathering her legs underneath herself and sat next to him. She still didn’t let go of his shoulder, even as she leaned forward to get a good look on his face._

_Air almost got caught in her throat when she saw just how_ pale _his face looked. She pressed her lips together, desperately trying to blink her tears away as she moved her hand to his hair._

_“Mon-El?” she whispered again, wanting to get his attention without startling him. He turned to her only then, as if he just realized that she was there. From his eyes she could see that he honestly thought he was alone. The absolute terror in them, the fear and defensiveness… They explained everything. Everything she needed to know right now, at least. She wondered briefly whether he was ever comforted after a nightmare, but knowing how his parents were, she truly doubted that._

_She couldn’t help it as a tear slipped down her cheek, almost mirroring the tears on Mon-El’s face, no matter how much she tried. She wanted to keep it together for him, but it was so, so hard when she saw him like that._

_And she almost felt her resolve break when he lurched forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. His body was shaking with silent sobs as he gripped her tightly, as if she was her lifeline, as if he needed her to keep himself together, to not break apart. The initial tear that escaped her eyes were followed by a continuous stream of them as she hugged him back, burying her face to the crook of his neck. She tried to rub his back to offer him her comfort._

_“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay. You’re here,” she whispered, over and over again, even though there was a chance he didn’t hear her at all. His breathing was so hitched and his heart was beating so fast in his chest that she doubted he could focus on anything else other than keeping himself together._

_She also didn’t think he realized he was talking from the way the words seemed to leave his mouth as an almost meaningless ramble. Almost, because…because even though they gave her only pieces of his nightmare, she managed to get the whole picture with the knowledge she already had about his life._

_“It hurt… They didn’t stop… I begged…apologized, but… They were angry… I said I was sorry but… They were angry. They didn’t listen… I begged, but… They were angry… I didn’t do anything but… They said I deserved it… I didn’t do anything… I swear… I was good… They didn’t stop. They didn’t stop…” He repeated those words, or similar things, over and over again, and at some point, Kara realized he wasn’t even talking to her. He just… He needed to get those words out to escape the nightmare, to return himself back to reality. And somehow…somehow it hurt even more, especially considering what his words implied._

_She’d been right. He was having a nightmare about his parents beating him up, and from the sound of it…he hadn’t even done anything. She pressed her lips together and shut her eyes, trying to keep her sobs down, but it was impossible. It was_ impossible _. It hurt. Hearing him talk like that, about what his parents had done, hearing how shaken he was about it and knowing it wasn’t just a nightmare but it also happened in real life too… It was just way too painful. And… And with that pain and anger churning in her stomach, there was no way she could stop herself as a sob escaped her lips. She felt almost desperate as she gripped Mon-El tightly, pressing her face on his chest. Because she couldn’t protect him. Because he had these…these horrible parents that abused him in every way possible. Because there was nothing he could do about it. Because he was…he was such an amazing guy that didn’t deserve any of this, yet somehow…somehow he’d still ended up in this life. Because it was unfair, so unfair to him, to have abusive parents when he couldn’t even choose them. Because…she cared about him, she cared about him_ so much _and seeing him endure this kind of abuse and pain was just so hard on her. And despite knowing that she needed to keep herself together, that she needed to be strong for Mon-El and support him, after everything…she couldn’t do it._

_She was so wrapped around her own thoughts, so busy hugging Mon-El tightly that she didn’t realize he’d stopped mumbling, or that his shaking had subsided. She could barely even feel as he moved his fingers through her hair, yet when he spoke, she could definitely hear it._

_“Kara?” His voice was still tear-strained and hoarse, yet it was obvious that he wasn’t crying anymore…not that it made her feel any better. He tried to pull back, presumably to look at her face, but she just clung to him tightly._

_“I’m…sorry,” she choked out in between her sobs, biting the inside of her cheek to try and gather herself together—unsuccessfully. “I’m so sorry, Mon-El.” At this point, she didn’t even know what she was apologizing for: his parents’ abuse on him and the nightmare he had, or the fact that she couldn’t keep herself together when she should’ve been comforting him. She opened her mouth, wanting to get all those thoughts out, yet the words were stuck behind her sobs._

_“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered as a response to her words, and somehow…somehow that killed her even more. Because it wasn’t okay. God, it wasn’t even_ close _to being okay, yet here he was, claiming that it was just to comfort her. She tried to shake her head, but it seemed like he didn’t feel it as he continued. “Don’t cry Kara, please. It’s okay. I’m okay.”_

_She managed to find her voice then. “No,” she said as she pulled back, grasping his arms tightly. She was glad that her voice sounded confident, no matter how hoarse it was. “No, you shouldn’t be okay,” she argued, shaking her head again. He seemed almost too caught off guard with her words. “Mon-El, you just…you just had a nightmare about your parents beating you up. And it isn’t even just a nightmare, they do it in real life too. How… How can you say that it’s okay?”_

_The way he shrugged at that, way too nonchalantly, caused something to break in Kara’s chest. “I’m used to it.” He offered her a smile at that. It was at least good that he didn’t say he deserved it anymore, just like he did in the past, but she couldn’t even feel glad about that. Being used to it was still as bad as that, especially since it implied the beatings had been going on for long enough for them to be his normal._

_Though she couldn’t say anything as he reached up to wipe her tears away. “Kara, I’m serious. I’m fine. It was… It was just a nightmare. See, I’m okay—“_

_“Shut up,” she whispered desperately; every word that came out of his mouth, every word that claimed what was happening to him was_ okay _breaking another piece off of her heart. She gripped his shoulder tightly and shook her head. “You shouldn’t be okay. This is… God, Mon-El, do you have any idea how wrong this is?” She cupped his cheeks, forcing him to listen. “Do you realize how messed up it is that you call your parents beating you okay? You can’t… You can’t be believing that.” She must’ve sounded so helpless that Mon-El gripped her wrists softly, his thumbs making absentminded circles on her skin._

_“I don’t believe that,” he reassured her. And he at least sounded like he was telling the truth. At least he knew now how wrong his parents’ actions were. “But I…I don’t want you to cry because of that. I don’t want you to cry because of me. It hurts me more to see you cry than anything my parents can do to you.”_

_Kara almost wanted to snort at that, yet she stopped herself at the last second. She stared at her chest as she shook her head. “Gosh, I’m such a horrible girlfriend,” she said, changing the subject too unexpectedly that Mon-El frowned. “You’re the one that had a nightmare, you’re the one enduring all that pain and…and abuse, and yet you’re here, comforting me because I’m crying when…when it should be the opposite.” She wiped her tears away furiously. “When I should be comforting you. Mon-El, I’m so sorry—“ Her words were cut when he pulled her to his chest, resting his chin on her head._

_“Don’t say that,” he almost begged. “I don’t want you to hear you say that ever again. Kara, you’re…you’re amazing,” He ran his fingers through her hair soothingly as he pressed a kiss on her head. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if it weren’t for you. You… You made me believe that I was worthy of love and caring, that I didn’t deserve all the horrible things my parents are doing to me, that I’m…I’m a good person despite all their words. So don’t you dare think you’ve been a bad girlfriend.” He pulled back then, taking her face in his hands gently and wiping her tears away. She could only stare at him as he continued. “Even having you here with me helps, you know. Someone to stay with me through everything. Someone who cares about me. So please… Don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.” He offered her a small smile that dissipated when he wiped away a tear. “And please don’t cry for me. As flattered as I am to see that you care about me, it hurts to see you cry for me.”_

_He was looking at her so desperately that despite wanting to cry her heart out at all the injustice happening to him, she found herself nodding, blinking to push her tears away. “Okay,” she said, moving her hands to his shoulder. She nodded again. “Okay, I won’t… I won’t cry. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with what’s happening to you. Just… Just wanted you to know that.”_

_He laughed almost heartily at that as he shook her head, tugging her close to him. “I would expect nothing less from you,” he said, his words earning a smile from her, albeit small. Yet even that was enough to bring the light back into his eyes. “Now come on,” he continued, lying back down on the bed and pulling her down with him. She very gladly settled down next to him with her head resting on his chest and her arm wrapped around his torso. “Let’s just stay here for a while.”_

_“Mm-hmm,” she mumbled in agreement as she closed her eyes, snuggling up to the crook of her neck. “Let’s stay here forever.” She expected him to scold her for that, telling her to be more responsible, but instead, he laughed. And it felt just so good to hear him laugh, to feel that laugh reverberate through her, that she couldn’t help shuddering._

_“Okay, then,” he agreed, even though both of them knew that was a lie. Yet still, neither argued with it. “Forever it is.”_

* * *

Alex didn’t know for how long she’d been lying down on the utterly uncomfortable couch in the break room, staring at the darkness. The only light was coming from the cracks on the side of the door, indicating that morning must’ve come, but she really didn’t have the strength to get up. Yesterday was… It’d been an utterly tiring day, made even worse by the fact that the police _again_ failed at finding… _anything._ Maggie had said—Alex really didn’t know when _Detective Sawyer_ had become _Maggie_ to her, but somehow it had—that they were analyzing the security footage from around Kara’s apartment, yet so far there was nothing. And the more time that passed without finding out about Kara…the more tiring this whole thing became. So much so that she found herself wishing she could stay on this couch, sleeping, and wake up only when Kara was found.

But apparently, the world wasn’t so supportive of that plan, as it had interrupted her brooding with a knock. She was forced to sit up when the door was pushed open, and she found herself momentarily being blinded by the sudden light entering the room. It took a couple of seconds, covering her eyes, and blinking rapidly for her eyes to adjust to it.

That was when she realized it was Maggie that came with a…

Was that hash brown and eggs Alex smelling?

“Good morning, Danvers,” Maggie chirped as she stepped inside the room with a cheerful voice that should be illegal for such an early time in the morning. Yet Alex wasn’t about to judge as she watched her flick the lights open. Her eyes were trained on the detective’s hands, which were carrying a plate full of…

Yep, she wasn’t wrong. It _was_ hash brown and eggs, and they looked damn good. Alex didn’t know whether it was because they were actually tasty, or she was too hungry at that point, but she didn’t care. It was food after all, right?

“Good morning,” she muttered, probably a bit too late, rubbing her eyes to get rid of her sleepiness. She didn’t miss the way Maggie chuckled at that—or how messy she must be looking with her sleep-hair and wrinkled clothes—yet she decided to ignore that when she felt the detective sit next to her.

“I brought you breakfast,” she announced, gesturing at the plate in her hand. “Thought you might be hungry after falling asleep last night before you could have dinner.” Alex felt herself blush at that. Not that Maggie was wrong, but… In her defense, she was _tired._ Dealing with the absence of a sister without knowing where she was or even if she was okay was…hard. She honestly didn’t know how else to explain it.

And it also seemed like it made her hungry, because the moment her eyes fell on the breakfast plate, her stomach grumbled audibly. Which only worked to deepen her blush, even though Maggie only smiled. She muttered a quiet thanks as she grabbed the plate from Maggie.

Silence fell over the break room for a couple of seconds while Alex slowly ate her breakfast, at least until Maggie interrupted it by clearing her throat. She lifted her head to look at the detective, swallowing the small bite of hash brown. The serious look on Maggie’s face caused her stomach to drop, and suddenly…she didn’t feel that hungry anymore.

She didn’t even realize she was holding her breath, praying that the news Maggie was about to give wasn’t bad, before the woman started to speak. “Alex,” she said softly, scooting forward enough that their knees were brushing each other. Alex didn’t even notice that because of her thundering heart. “This morning, the analysis of the security footage was completed,”—Alex was pretty sure she’d gasped audibly at that—“and we think we might’ve found something.”

She grasped Maggie’s hand before she could help herself. “Is Kara okay?” she asked, not being able to keep her voice from shaking. Maggie flashed her an encouraging smile as she squeezed her hand.

“She looked okay. Unhurt. But…” The detective cleared her throat, obviously feeling uncomfortable. Alex couldn’t help arching her brow at that. “We saw her get in a car…with a man. And it looked like she wasn’t taken against her will but…she chose to go.”

Alex wondered whether one’s heart could stop, because at that moment, as she tried to process Maggie’s words, she was pretty sure her heart was still in her chest. She almost absentmindedly shook her head, unable to come up with anything to say.

She must’ve stayed silent for so long that Maggie continued. “You’d said she didn’t want her marriage with James, and I believe you when you say she would’ve never left Amelia, but… We have to consider every possibility. So…” Even from that small pause Alex knew she wouldn’t like the next words. “Do you think it’s possible that she was having an affair with someone and ran away with him?”

“No.” Alex hadn’t even hesitated this time as she shook her head. “No, Kara… She’d never cheat on anyone. She…values integrity. Even if she didn’t love James, she would’ve never…gotten involved with anyone if she could help it.” Her voice has started to shake with desperation towards the end. She couldn’t even look at Maggie, afraid to see her reaction to those words, yet she was pretty sure that if she did, she’d see disbelief splashed on the woman’s face. She clutched the cushion underneath her as she willed herself not to cry. “She would’ve never risked hurting Amelia by cheating on James,” she tried again, yet it felt like the more she repeated it, the less believable it got.

She was almost too glad when Maggie cleared her throat and took her out of her thoughts. “Okay, let’s say I believe that,” she started softly, as if she didn’t want to freak Alex out. “Let’s say Kara didn’t leave with this guy because they were having an affair. But still…she must’ve known him somehow, right?”

It took Alex couple of seconds to process those words since she was too busy trying to calm down, but when she realized where Maggie was going…her eyes snapped up at the detective. She almost had a hopeful look on her face as she continued. “Do you think you can maybe try and ID him if I show you his photo?”

Excitement was buzzing in Alex’s veins as she nodded, maybe a bit too enthusiastically. This was good, right? This was… This was a lead. At least they knew something now, compared to the previous day’s nothing. Maybe it wasn’t something big, or it wouldn’t bring them any closer to finding Kara in the long run, but…it was still _something._ And Alex needed to feel hopeful so badly that she wasn’t about to crush that hope with pessimistic thoughts.

She watched Maggie as she took out her phone and opened something up, a frown on her face, before she extended it to Alex. She almost snatched the phone away from the detective’s hands…

And came to a complete stop. Her mind struggled to process the photo she was seeing in front of her. It was impossible. Kara would never… She’d never willingly go anywhere with _him,_ not after what he’d done. And even besides that, what was _he_ doing back in town anyway, with Kara no less? Neither she nor her sister had heard from him for _years._ Why would he come back right now, one day before Kara’s wedding? Why would he come back in the first place?

She felt disbelief churning in her stomach as she blinked over and over again, willing the photo to just be a mirage, to disappear or turn into someone else, but it didn’t. It was still him looking back at her—well, not directly, but his face was turned to the camera—from the phone.

“Do you know him?” She only managed to slip away from her thoughts with Maggie’s words, and that was when reality really set in. She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs as she turned at the detective. She was pretty sure her face looked as white as a paper.

“It’s…Mon-El. Mon-El Gand.” she said once she found her voice, yet it still sounded way too hoarse. “Kara’s ex-boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! hope you like this :)

_Why?_ That was the only question circling in Alex’s mind as she stared at the coffee cup in her hand, watching the hot liquid swirl whenever a shudder went through her body. _Why_ would Kara get into a car with Mon-El and drive off to…to somewhere? Why would Mon-El come back to National City in the first place, after not contacting them for six years? And why would Kara willingly go _anywhere_ with him after what he’d done? She’d said several times that she hated him for it, for abandoning her, and nothing— _nothing_ —he could ever say or do could change that. Granted, Alex had always assumed that was her anger and heartbreak talking rather than her logic, but still, one would assume that those two emotions would take over if she ever saw Mon-El. And yet…yet she’d still gone with him. She’d gone with _him_ at the expense of James and Amelia, and Alex… She couldn’t understand that. She didn’t _want_ to understand that.

What was worse was that, she thought as she stared at the police officers running around in the station, the police were ready to drop the investigation when she identified the…the guy as Mon-El, Kara’s ex-boyfriend. They’d almost immediately accepted that she didn’t love James, that she couldn’t forget about her ex so she ran away with him. If it wasn’t for Alex insisting Kara would _never_ go anywhere with Mon-El willingly, that she hated him and wouldn’t even want to see him, they wouldn’t have continued looking for her. But after her words… Maggie had decided it was _at least_ worth a try. Especially since now they had the plate of the car Mon-El and Kara had left with.

“I can at least put out a BOLO for it,” the detective had reassured Alex. “And we’ll see how that goes, okay?” She also promised that she’d look into Mon-El’s background, trying to figure out where he’d been in the last six years, or why Kara would choose to leave with him. Alex couldn’t help feeling extremely grateful for that, because she knew Kara wasn’t the only case Maggie was looking into, yet she’d offered to look into it more when all the evidence suggested that Kara had run away willingly, just because Alex claimed it wasn’t possible.

Though it had been six hours since then, and still Maggie hadn’t found anything about him. She’d come to Alex to say that not too long ago. Apparently… Apparently there wasn’t _any_ information about Mon-El that was newer than six years old. It was like…like when he left Kara, he’d also dropped off the face of the earth. There wasn’t any information about his whereabouts, job, education, even _family_. There was nothing on his parents—Rhea and Lar Gand, if Alex remembered correctly—either, at least nothing that was recent. It felt like they’d literally disappeared altogether six years ago, which Alex… She honestly didn’t know what to make of that, especially knowing Mon-El’s relationship with his parents hadn’t been rainbows and unicorns—which was probably an understatement too.

When Maggie found out about that too, she promised she’d dig deeper into the subject, trying to find anything she could.

And as if somehow the detective knew Alex was thinking about her, she appeared in front of the woman, interrupting her thoughts. She had a sympathetic smile on her face.

Alex straightened up, feeling her heart stutter in her chest. “Did you find something?” she asked as she watched Maggie sitting next to her on the couch. The look on the detective’s face was enough of an answer for her.

“I’m sorry, no,” Maggie answered with a shake of her head. Alex felt her shoulders slump at that as the last bit of hope left her. She had to blink to get rid of the tears in her eyes. Every single day, it got harder for her to stay hopeful, especially since the police didn’t get any closer to finding Kara. She’d become hopeful when Maggie had said that they put out a BOLO, but it’d been six hours since then and yet…nothing. Maybe it was those crime shows messing with her brain, but Alex didn’t think it was a good sign that nothing came up even after _hours_.

She only managed to slip away from her thoughts when she felt Maggie’s hand on her knee. Blinking away her tears again, she looked up at the detective. “But that’s not what I came here to say,” she said, ducking her chin to get a clearer look at Alex’s face. “Alex, you’ve been here for two days now, sleeping in the break room.”

Even with those words Alex knew where she would get to, and she felt her stomach drop. Objections had already lined her throat as she opened her mouth, but Maggie was faster than her. “You need to go home and rest, have a proper shower, sleep…see Amelia…” It seemed like the detective added the last part almost as an afterthought. Alex felt guilt churning in her stomach, especially as she thought about her niece, yet still, she shook her head.

“I can’t, Maggie,” she whispered, completely forgetting to call Maggie Detective Sawyer with the weight of her emotions. Yet Maggie didn’t seem to mind it. “Not before I find Kara and…and bring her back home. Bring her back to Amelia.” As she turned her eyes to her hands, her vision blurring because of her tears, she realized that her reluctance to go home wasn’t just about wanting to be in the police station if something came up, and help the police find her sister in whatever way she could. She also… She didn’t know how she could go home, look Amelia in the eyes, and tell her that she didn’t know where Kara was. Especially if she asked her about her mother—which she would. Amelia and Kara had such a special bond, tighter than even a normal mother-daughter bond, and on top of that, they hadn’t been separated for more than a day at most. So to not have Kara by her side for three days… It must’ve been hard for Amelia. And Alex and James could only keep her out of the situation for so long before she realized something was wrong.

She felt desperation weighing her down as she swallowed hard and shut her eyes. Yet even that didn’t help her to stop her tears. “I don’t know how to tell her that her mother won’t be coming home. I don’t know…” Her voice trailed off when she had to press her lips together to keep her sobs down. She was all too glad when Maggie scooted closer, putting her hand on her shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly. She found herself leaning towards the comfort.

“I know it’s hard,” Maggie whispered, her voice understanding. “As someone who has to give bad news to people more often than not, I know how terrible it is to tell someone that their loved one won’t be coming back. And it must be harder for you, considering it’s your _niece._ But Alex… You need rest and sleep, and frankly… Amelia needs you right now. She already doesn’t have her mother, if you’re not there for her too…” Her words trailed off with that. Yet that was enough for Alex to get what she was talking about. And…she was right. As much as Alex didn’t want her to be, she was right. Amelia needed her aunt. She…she had a duty to be with her, since Kara couldn’t. She had to take care of Amelia. That was what Kara would want, instead of her waiting in the police station to watch over the investigation.

Yet it was still hard to voice the words as she lifted her head. “You’re right,” she said with a small nod. “I just… I didn’t think about that. I couldn’t…” Luckily, Maggie seemed to understand what she was saying. She offered her a small smile.

“Yeah, I get it. You don’t need to explain it to me.” She stood up with that, extending her hand to Alex. The woman took it gratefully to push herself up from the couch. She honestly didn’t think her feet could hold her up on her own. “Just get some rest and be there for Amelia. That’s all I’m asking from you, and not just as a police officer but…as a friend too.”

Alex could feel her heart stutter at that, especially as Maggie flashed her a small smile. She pressed her lips together to force a smile herself, one she truly hoped looked genuine. But from the way Maggie’s eyes lit up, she assumed that it somehow worked.

“Thank you,” she whispered with a small nod. “For… For getting my ass out of my head.” Something fluttered in her chest when Maggie chuckled at that. She found herself smiling again, this time more genuinely. “Thank you,” she repeated as she reached forward and squeezed Maggie’s arm. The detective just shrugged.

“I’m just doing my job, Danvers,” she said, repeating the same thing she said after Alex called her parents to the police station. But this time, Alex knew it wasn’t just her job. This was… This was beyond that, and she was just so… _thankful_ that she didn’t even think as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Maggie. Her heart was slamming against her ribs as she rested her chin on the woman’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

She let go of the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding when Maggie hugged her back, without even hesitating.

The hug hadn’t lasted for more than five seconds, yet when Alex pulled back, she already felt much better than she did a couple of minutes ago. When she smiled, it didn’t feel as fake or forced as it used to before, even as she dropped her hands from Maggie’s shoulders to her side. She cleared her throat.

“Anyway… I should probably be on my way,” she muttered, grabbing her bag from the couch, hoping her cheeks didn’t look as red as they felt. She waited for Maggie to say something for a second, but the woman looked so shocked that she could only watch Alex’s movements. Alex tried not to smile at how flustered the detective looked as she grasped the strap of her bag tightly. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’ll come back…as soon as I can.”

And that was the last thing she said before she turned around to leave, trying to forget how her heart was _still_ pounding so fast in her chest.

* * *

Kara couldn’t help stealing a glance at Mon-El, who was sitting across from her, over the menu in her hand. He was so focused on his own menu, with his brows furrowed on his forehead, that he didn’t notice her looking. Which was good, because at this point, she was outright staring at him, her gaze traveling on his face, and she was pretty sure if he looked up now, it would be utterly embarrassing. Yet she was still looking at him, a million questions circling in her mind.

Well, okay, not _a million._ Five, maybe six. But still, they were there, nagging at her, especially since they’d barely said a word to each other after…after Mon-El woke up from that nightmare. And literally lurched onto her as if she was his lifeline. And…that was it. He’d left the room, and when he came back, he didn’t even talk to her other than asking whether she was ready or not. He didn’t mention the nightmare, he didn’t tell her what he’d seen or _why_ it’d affected him this much. They just… They packed their bags, got into the car, and left the motel. Just like that. To make it even worse, they didn’t even talk in the car, either. Granted, Kara had fallen asleep after the first fifteen minutes and was woken up by Mon-El when they arrived at an IHOP, but still, if they talked in those fifteen minutes, she totally would’ve stayed awake. Especially if it was about that nightmare. She just… She just wanted him to talk about it without her pushing him to say anything. She didn’t know if it was because before…all this happened, before Mon-El left, he told her anything and everything, and she’d gotten used to that, or because she just wanted to make sure he was okay, but still… She wanted to know. She wanted to know to be able to help Mon-El, to maybe offer him a couple of words of comfort. She didn’t know what to make of that exactly, especially considering that she shouldn’t even want to feel close to him, but at this point… She didn’t care. She wanted him to be okay, and that was at the forefront of her mind.

She pushed away her thoughts when she saw Mon-El lifting his head, and instead turned to her menu. She hoped that it was hiding her blush.

She only dropped the menu down on the table when he cleared his throat. “Have you decided?” he asked in such a hoarse voice that she knew that he’d cried recently, probably when he left the room after that nightmare. She tried to ignore that as she nodded.

“Yeah, I… I want pancakes. With strawberry syrup. And… And coffee with milk.” It really was a no brainer for her. She loved pancakes, and, well… They were at International House of Pancakes, right?

She couldn’t help frowning when she saw Mon-El smile almost sadly at that. “What?” she asked almost defensively, straightening up her shoulders. He tried to shrug nonchalantly, but it was obvious that whatever he’d thought about, it’d weighed on him. He shook his head.

“Nothing. I just… When we were together, you always made me prepare pancakes with strawberry syrup for breakfast. Especially when you were in a bad mood. I just remembered that.” Kara felt her heart stutter with those words without her intention. She couldn’t even keep her eyes away from him. “You used to really love my pancakes,” he continued, staring at the menu in front of him so intently that one could think there was something really interesting on there.

She found herself speaking before she even thought about the words. “Yeah,” she whispered, a small smile playing on her lips. She played with the corner of her menu. Mon-El’s eyes snapped at her, and there was such shock and vulnerability in them that something cracked in Kara’s chest. She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “What can I say? You were a good cook. And since I can’t cook anything even if my life depended on it, of course I took advantage of that.” She could feel something flutter in her chest when she saw the corners of Mon-El’s lips tip up slowly, as if he was unsure whether he should smile or not. But at the end it seemed like he decided on the former, because a genuine smile appeared on his face, a damn smile that made her heart flip.

She tried to ignore that feeling, and how long it’d been since _anything_ managed to make her feel that way, as she returned to her menu. She cleared her throat. “What will you get?” she asked to change the subject. Even though she wasn’t looking at him, she noticed the way his smile slipped off his face at that. He shrugged again, and this time it looked even more forced than the last.

“Nothing.”

This time, it was Kara turning to him with surprise splashed on her face. She knitted her brows. “ _Not_ — Why?” It didn’t make sense for him to buy something for her and not for himself. They’d barely eaten in the last couple of days, except those take-outs from Big Belly Burger, and if she was hungry, he must’ve been hungry too. Even beyond that, he also tended to get really hungry after a nightmare and ate twice the amount he’d eat normally. Why wouldn’t he get anything for himself?

“I don’t have much cash left,” he explained, his voice nonchalant as he looked at Kara. “About five hundred dollars or so. And I… I don’t know how long it will take us to get to where we’re going. I don’t want to risk anything if we need cash.” He shrugged with that and offered her a small smile, probably when he read her worry on her face. “I’m fine, Kara, you don’t have to worry about me. I can handle a bit of hunger.”

Something broke in Kara at those words and…and the action. At how selfless he was that…that he was willing to spend money for _her,_ get her pancakes and coffee—which weren’t _that_ cheap, she had to admit—even though they were running short of money. Moreover, he was even willing to not eat himself, while probably being hungry too, so that he could buy what she wanted and still have enough money. She felt tears build up in her throat.

“What about your credit card?” she couldn’t help asking, pushing her hair away from her face. She’d have offered him her money, but she had at most a hundred dollars in cash in her wallet, which probably wouldn’t amount to anything. But…he must’ve had a credit card, right? He shouldn’t stay hungry just to save up cash.

Mon-El smiled sadly at that. “My credit card could be traced,” he explained, closing his menu. “I’m not risking that.” Her vision blurred with those last words, so much so that she missed him reaching forward, cupping her cheek and wiping away a tear that escaped her eyes. He then dropped his hand on hers. “Kara, I swear, I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

She found herself shaking her head, feeling emotions clogging her throat, with those words. “But I do,” she whispered and looked at his eyes. “Mon-El, you shouldn’t stay hungry to save up cash. And… And if we’re really that short on money, I shouldn’t get pancakes either. I—“

“No,” he objected before she could even explain her reasons. His eyes were so intense that she had to stop. “I’m buying you pancakes, Kara, if that’s what you want. I… I already pulled you in this shitty situation, it’s my responsibility to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible. And besides, I want it. I want to get you pancakes.”

“But—“ she tried to say, yet her voice trailed off when he almost glared at her. She shook her head, trying another way. “I don’t want to eat pancakes at the expanse of you.” The small smile that pulled Mon-El’s lips at that only worked to put another weight on her shoulders. He shrugged again, almost too nonchalantly for the situation.

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” Honesty was shining in his eyes, yet even that wasn’t enough to reassure Kara. Especially as her gaze dropped to the hand he was holding. It was an effort to blink her tears away, especially as he turned his hand so that he could hold hers properly, his fingers lacing through her fingers and bumping onto her engagement ring in the process—

_The engagement ring!_

Kara felt her eyes widen the moment that thought popped into her mind. Of course. Why hadn’t she thought about this before? The engagement ring James had gotten for her cost about a thousand dollars, if she remembered correctly. She’d… Well, curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she’d checked online. If they managed to cash it out…even getting at least half of that money… It would be more than enough for whatever they needed to do, and Mon-El wouldn’t have to stay hungry either.

She didn’t even hesitate as she pulled her hand back to take off her engagement ring. She wasn’t in a position to worry about what James would think if he knew, or what it meant that she didn’t even care about the ring her _fiancé_ had proposed to her with, not if it meant Mon-El could eat whatever he wanted. Not if that meant they wouldn’t be short on money.

She put the ring on the table, trying to ignore Mon-El’s surprised gaze on her. “We could cash this out,” she said, pushing her hair away from her face and looking up. “It… It’ll give us at least five hundred dollars, or even more, so that way…you wouldn’t have to stay hungry.” She felt almost breathless as she searched Mon-El’s face. He was so shocked that it took him a couple of seconds to respond. He shook his head almost too fervently.

“Kara, we can’t,” he objected, his voice thick with emotions. She noticed that his hand was shaking when he reached for the ring, grabbing it and putting it in her palm. “I’m not cashing out your engagement ring for my sake.” He closed her fingers around the ring…at least until Kara shook her head and pushed his hands away.

“Mon-El, I _want_ you to. I’m not letting you stay hungry if I can do anything about it, okay? And this ring…this ring will allow me to do that. Please.” She could feel her voice deepen with her emotions. “I don’t want you to stay hungry.” This time she was the one grabbing his hand and putting the ring into his palm. He seemed so shocked, so speechless that he couldn’t say anything for a while. There was no way to miss the tears filling his eyes. He pressed his lips together and shook his head.

“What about your fiancé? James…right?” It was an effort not to grimace at the mention of that, so she dismissed it with a wave of her hand.

“I’m sure he’d understand if he knew,” she said, truly hoping that it was true. Though if she had to be honest, she didn’t care about what James would think about this…and it was scary. So scary that she chose to ignore it, reminding herself that she wasn’t doing this just for Mon-El. This would… This would probably allow them to move more comfortably, which meant they could arrive at this mysterious destination more quickly, and she could get to see Amelia sooner. And honestly, she would do anything at this point to see her daughter again.

She also ignored the part of her mind that told her—mumbled, really—that she hadn’t been thinking about Amelia when she extended that ring to Mon-El. She had been thinking about him…and only him. But it didn’t matter. At the end, it didn’t matter, as long as she returned back to Amelia.

She slipped away from her thoughts when she heard Mon-El gulp, and fortunately, he finally wrapped his fingers around the ring. “Thank you, Kara,” he said so genuinely that Kara couldn’t help smiling. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, you can start by ordering something from that menu you’d like. I remember that you _ridiculously_ liked fried eggs.” There was no way to miss the way his eyes glimmered at that. He nodded at that before gesturing at the waitress not too far away to get their orders.

And Kara realized, as he recited their orders and even gave her a wink…that she was enjoying this probably a bit too much for someone who’d swore she didn’t want to have anything to do with Mon-El. Yet here she was, sitting across from him in a restaurant, having breakfast together and actually enjoying it, and it made her feel alive in a way nothing else did in the last six years. Not James, not Alex, not even Amelia. And she couldn’t help wondering whether when the time came…she’d be able to let this go again. Because right now…she didn’t. She didn’t want to let this go, and weirdly…

She was okay with it. She was _more than_ okay with it.

* * *

_Kara didn’t know for how long she’d been roaming through magazines, looking at all kinds of prom dresses, yet she was sure it’d been a ridiculously long time. She’d stopped counting the amount of magazines she’d looked at around the sixth one, and the dresses… She was pretty sure she’d gone through tens of them. Yet still, she couldn’t find one to her liking. They were too short, too long, too tight, too loose, too embellished, too plain, too…something. She couldn’t find a perfect one._

_Well, okay, that wasn’t entirely true. She couldn’t find the perfect dress in her price range. She actually had had one in mind, a pale blue gown that had a tight bodice and a loose skirt, which was airy with its multiple layers of chiffon. And with the glitter scattered around the fabric… It shone like how Kara imagined Cinderella’s dress must’ve been. It was so beautiful, elegant and young at the same time that it was…perfect. Especially since it was in her favorite color. But…_

_But it was too expensive. And with Jeremiah and Eliza being short on money… They couldn’t afford it. Kara could see how heartbroken her adoptive parents had been about the subject, especially when they had to tell her that they didn’t have the budget for it. That was probably why she hadn’t pushed it and instead pretended like everything was okay; she could get another dress and it would be fine. At least she thought it would be fine, but right now…as she looked through her other options…she found herself going back to that blue gown. She couldn’t help herself. It was her first prom ever, which she would be going with her boyfriend whom she absolutely loved—not having said it out loud before didn’t change that fact—and she wanted it to be_ perfect… _Not that it wouldn’t be if she didn’t have the perfect dress, but it would definitely be a good addition._

_She found herself sighing as she shifted on the couch, resting her head on Mon-El’s shoulder. Since his parents were away on yet another business trip, they had his house all to themselves, and they’d been using that opportunity to spend some time alone together. Even though for the last fifteen minutes, all they did was sit on the couch while she looked for prom dresses and Mon-El watched TV. Her legs were resting on his lap as she rested her back on the arm of the couch, and his arm was thrown around her shoulders. He was almost absentmindedly playing with the ends of her hair, twirling the strands around his fingers. At least until he must’ve heard her sigh, because he stopped._

_“Uh-oh,” he said, his attention turning to her. She looked up at him. “What’s up?” She frowned and straightened up her shoulders._

_“What makes you think that something’s up?” she asked, even though it must’ve been utterly obvious from her posture and expression. She was kind of like an open book when it came to Mon-El. Though, if she had to be honest, that was because she didn’t feel the need to hide anything from him. Why pretend with someone whom she trusted wholeheartedly?_

_Yet sometimes, she couldn’t help being annoyed at how easily he could see through her. Like right now, as he pointed at her forehead. “You’re crinkling,” he explained, his thumb swiping over the spot between her brows. Kara jerked back at the touch, which only worked to make him smile._

_“Crinkle,” she groaned as she shut her eyes and rested her forehead on the crook of his neck to hide her face. She could hear him laugh. “You know what, I’m gonna get botox for that,” she said as she lifted her head, blowing a couple of strands of her hair away from her face. Mon-El stroked her cheek softly and shrugged._

_“Don’t. I like your crinkle.” She shot him a disbelieving glare with that. “I do!” he defended himself, dropping his hand to her shoulder. “I like every part of you.”_

_Kara felt her heart swell at that—damn him, how did he always know the right words to say?—but to hide it, she rolled her eyes instead. “You also must like that you can tell when I’m worried from my crinkle,” she muttered under her breath. It was an effort not to smile when she saw Mon-El flash a grin. She could feel the corners of her lips twitching._

_“Well… It does come in handy. And talking about being worried…” He twirled one of her blond curls around his finger before he continued. “What were you just thinking about?” Kara felt her face pull into a frown as she sighed, and she didn’t even attempt to lie. She threw her hair over her shoulder to be able to look at him without being bothered by it._

_“Remember that blue dress I showed you last week? The one I wanted to get for the junior prom?” she asked. Mon-El nodded without even hesitation._

_“Um, yeah, I do. I’d asked you if it wasn’t too early, considering there is still over a month until the prom.” She hit him on the shoulder for that, shooting him a glare, but he only smiled. She opted to ignore the last sentence as she continued._

_“The dress is too expensive,” she mumbled almost too quietly, so much so that Mon-El had to lean in to hear the rest of the sentence. She couldn’t look up at him as she continued. “I asked Jeremiah, and he said…he said that they were short on money, and they couldn’t afford it. And what I earn working part time in Noonan’s isn’t even close enough to pay for that dress.” She laughed, even though there was nothing humorous about it, and shook her head. “I know it’s ridiculous,” she said as she rubbed her forehead, “and that there are a lot of people in the world that have it way worse than me, but I just… I just wanted the prom to be perfect…with the perfect dress, and I…I won’t get that anymore.” She ducked her chin and stared at Mon-El’s t-shirt._

_She felt his fingers on her chin after a couple of seconds of silence, lifting her head. She could see the heartbreak in his eyes. “Kara, just because someone has it worse doesn’t invalidate your problems,” he said with a shake of his head. “You are allowed to feel sad when something doesn’t go your way.” She couldn’t help it as a smile pulled her lips at that. She moved her hand to the nape of his neck and rubbed it soothingly, feeling so, so grateful that he understood her. She found herself sighing again._

_“I just…” she started, struggling to find the right words. “I just_ really _wanted that dress.” Mon-El didn’t say anything at that for some time as she moved her hand on his skin, brushing the light scruff on his cheeks with her thumb…at least until he suddenly straightened up on the couch, causing her to drop her feet from his lap to the floor. She frowned at him. “Mon-El?”_

_“Come with me.” And that was the only thing he said as he jumped to his feet, looking at her. “I wanna show you something.” He had… He had such hope in his eyes that Kara had no choice to take the hand that he extended to her, and let him lead her to his room, even though she didn’t know what this was about._

_“What’s going on?” she found herself asking as he pushed his door open. He glanced at her over his shoulder briefly, a smile playing on his lips._

_“You’ll see,” was his only—and mysterious—answer. Kara lifted her brow when he let her hand go to move to the cabinet next to his bed. She walked up to him slowly, very slowly, as he opened the second drawer._

_She came to a stop when she saw that it was filled with all kinds of…_ watches… _in all kinds of colors. There was a black one, white, pale blue, and—oh God, was that_ gold? _It was… It was a weird color scheme, seeing them all in one place, yet they had one thing in common: They all looked extremely expensive. Like, each of them must’ve cost hundreds of dollars._

_“Ta da.” She only managed to tear her eyes away from the watches with Mon-El’s voice. She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs._

_“Mon-El… What are those?” she asked, her mind already jumping to conclusions as to why he would show her his watch drawer with all these expensive watches. And she also couldn’t help wondering, after seeing those, exactly why he was wearing that extremely cheap—at least relatively to all those watches in the drawer—watch she’d gotten for him when he complained about always being late for everything. She’d just assumed he never bought a watch for himself, but looking at these… Damn, there were at least five watches here, all of them more beautiful and elegant than the gift she’d gotten for him._

_Yet she didn’t have time to question that when Mon-El shrugged. “My parents’ gifts for me. They think that the more expensive a gift is, the more it shows how much one valued the recipient. Oh, and also, apparently a watch is a very ‘manly gift’.” He air-quoted the last two words almost exasperatedly. Kara found herself arching her brow at that, at least until he gestured at the watches. “But that’s not the point. I want you to have these.”_

_She felt herself freeze with those words, her eyes snapping at the watches._ I want you to have these. _That was what he said, right?_

_“What are you talking about?” she managed to say once she shook off the initial shock of the situation, her voice sounding like she was drowning. She… She couldn’t take those watches! They cost a lot. And… And besides, why would he want to give them to her? He said they were gifts…and they were beautiful…_

_“I want you to have these. You can cash them out, sell it on eBay or something, and…and hopefully, they’ll be enough to pay for your dress. Hell, probably one of them would be enough, but you can use the rest of the money to help Eliza and Jeremiah.” He sounded almost excited saying that as he scratched his cheek, his eyes searching Kara’s face. “So…what do you say?”_

_She honestly didn’t know what to say. She didn’t even know what to think of this…this act, but she could feel tears brimming in her eyes. It was just… It was so_ selfless. _Because… Because he was right. This would be more than enough to get the dress. Hell, she could probably get her whole outfit, including the jewelry and shoes using the money she got from the watches, and still have a couple thousands of dollar spare to give to Eliza and Jeremiah. He was… He was literally offering her_ thousands of dollars _just because she couldn’t get the dress she wanted._

_…She couldn’t take the watches from him._

_“Mon-El, I can’t,” she objected, her voice thick with emotions. She could see Mon-El’s face fall at that. “This is… This is too much. I can’t get these from you. Your parents bought them as gifts—“_

_“Kara, you know I don’t really care about anything they buy me,” he cut her words, his voice getting harsh, just as it always did when he talked about his parents. “They just buy those watches because they’re expensive, not because I’d love them, or they care about me. They don’t even know me. And…” He shook his head as if he was trying to shake off bad memories. “I don’t need them anyway. I want you to have them.” He stepped forward, putting his hand on her elbow and almost pushing her to the drawer. She pressed her lips together as her heart cracked with his words, knowing how true they were. From what she’d seen about his parents… They really didn’t care about him one bit._

_Yet that didn’t mean he had to give those watches to her just like that. If he didn’t need them,_ he _could sell them and use their money for himself._

_“But… You could cash them out, Mon-El. You could use the money for yourself—“_

_“I_ am _using it for myself,” he objected, reaching up to cup her cheek. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest when his thumb swept over her cheekbone. “I’m making you happy, which makes_ me _happy.” He offered her a genuine smile, and at that moment…Kara knew he wasn’t lying or exaggerating. He honestly believed in those words, that she was so important for him that he’d willingly give up thousands of dollars to make her happy. She could feel her eyes filling with tears._

 _She didn’t even hesitate when she said the next words. “I love you.” They left her mouth without her intention, but that didn’t mean they weren’t true. Because they were. And right now, what he did… It solidified her feelings. She’d been afraid to say those three words before, afraid that it would scare him off, but right now…right now, she didn’t feel that fear. She just wanted him to know how much she appreciated him, how much she_ loved _him._

_A smile pulled her lips when she saw the shock splashed on his face, a shock that slowly turned into a grin. Before she could even think about moving, he’d stepped forward, wrapping one arm around her waist to pull her close and pressed his lips on hers. It was such a sweet kiss, so full of happiness and elation that it was an effort not to laugh._

_Yet still, when he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers, she found herself grinning and biting her lip. She hadn’t opened her eyes yet but she could feel him smiling too as he moved his hand from her cheek to her hair._

_“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to say that,” he whispered hoarsely. He lifted his forehead from hers, and that was when she opened her eyes, only to see him looking at her, his eyes glimmering with such happiness that it almost took her breath away. He waited for a couple of seconds, his gaze searching her face, before he continued. “And I love you too.”_

_The words washed over Kara as she felt her heart slamming against her ribs. Her grin widened on her face, mirroring the absolutely huge smile on Mon-El’s face. And this time, she was the one pulling him down to kiss him._

_But granted, after what he’d done for her, what he’d_ offered _and_ sacrificed… _He deserved every single kiss and “I love you” in the world._

* * *

Mon-El was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he almost didn’t notice when the waitress came with the check, and he could barely offer her a thanks without taking his eyes off of the engagement ring in his hand. The engagement ring Kara had so easily offered him, without even thinking about herself. He knew her enough to know that she hadn’t even _hesitated_ when she took it off. There was only determination in her eyes. She didn’t even seem to mind parting with it, like she…she didn’t have an emotional connection with it. She just…gave it up…as if it was nothing, so that…so that he could eat breakfast. So that they weren’t short on money. She’d given up something that was supposed to be _priceless_ to her…for him.

He honestly didn’t know what to make of that.

His thumb swept over the stone of the ring, realizing once again that Kara had been right about the price. It would get them at least five hundred dollars, and with that they could move much more comfortably than he was initially planning. But that wasn’t what he was thinking when he eyed the diamond. That wasn’t even at the forefront of his mind, even though it should’ve been a priority. All he could think about was just how _big_ the diamond was. He’d thought that initially too, when he saw the ring on Kara’s finger. She loved simple things, and this stone… It was too exaggerated. Too embellished, like whoever made it was trying too hard. At least he imagined that was what she would say about it. Mon-El knew there were women who loved embellished, exaggerated things, and there was nothing wrong with that, but it was just… It was just not who Kara was. And because of that, it didn’t come as much of a surprise that Kara willingly gave it up.

He shut his eyes the moment that thought filled his mind. He could feel the shame churning in his stomach. He didn’t have the right to speculate on Kara and James’s relationship, especially not since he’d broken her heart. And besides, he hadn’t seen her for six years. She could’ve changed during that time and he wouldn’t know about it. He couldn’t claim to know anything about her when he didn’t see her for six years. Keeping up with her social media accounts really wouldn’t be enough for that.

He clutched the ring in his fist with those thoughts, moving to put it in his jacket’s pocket, as he reached for the check. It was an effort to keep the tears at bay and see clearly, but finally he managed to put some cash in it, enough to pay for the breakfast plus a huge tip. His vision was still blurry when he looked up at the parking lot through the window, waiting for Kara to come back so that they could go. She’d just gone to the bathroom when he asked for the check, and it shouldn’t take too long after that.

He was so lost in thoughts that it took him a couple of seconds to notice the men hanging around in the parking lot, dressed in all black, which looked extremely suspicious for a hot day like this…which was why they caught his attention in the first place. At first he thought he was being paranoid—he had a tendency of doing that ever since what happened six years ago—at least until…until he saw that the two men were looking at his car. One of them had even ducked as if he was checking the plate, and then looked at his phone…

He felt a cold feeling wash over him when he realized who they were. They couldn’t be the police; no officer would act that suspiciously, so there was only one other option. They were _her_ men. She’d sent men after him and Kara to capture them and… _kill_ them. The men wanted to _kill_ them.

The realization hit him like a bullet, and he snapped into action before he could even think about it. He’d surveyed the restaurant when he got in; he knew that there was a back exit that they could use in case something happened. Something like…this. So he tucked his wallet into his backpack—threw it in, really—before he jumped to his feet and snatched Kara’s cardigan and bag from her chair. He spared just one more glance at the parking lot, trying to see where the men were…

Only to come eye-to-eye with one of them. The man froze for a second, just as Mon-El did in the restaurant, feeling his heart plummet in his chest. He wanted to get out of the restaurant before the men noticed him or Kara, he wanted to get her to safety without a battle, but it seemed like…

It seemed like that wouldn’t be possible now. Especially when that man elbowed his friend, gesturing the restaurant window…

That finally managed to get Mon-El out of his stupor. He rushed to the ladies room without wasting time, ignoring the glances the people in the restaurant gave him, trying to calm down his thundering heart. Getting worried wouldn’t help anyone now. He needed to be levelheaded and logical if he wanted to get Kara out of this situation without a scratch.

He was so focused on getting out of the restaurant that he didn’t notice Kara leaving the bathroom at first and bumped into her. She jerked back with shock, her eyes snapping up to him. He could see the confusing brewing in her eyes.

“Mon-El, what—“ she started, yet before she could get another word in, he’d wrapped his fingers around her elbow, pulling her to the back exit. His knees were shaking so much that he was basically stomping by the time he reached the backdoor.

“She found us,” was all he could muster as he pushed the door open. And from the way fear splashed on Kara’s face, from the way she reached to his hand and grasped it tightly, he could see that it was answer enough. She didn’t object as she let him pull her into a back alley behind the restaurant.

He didn’t even think as he picked one direction to run to, wanting to get as far away from the restaurant as possible. He’d swallowed several times to get rid of the knot in his throat, but it was impossible. Especially when he risked a glance over her shoulder, seeing Kara’s pale and terrified face—which, he had to admit, cracked his heart so badly that he could almost feel a physical pain—before…before he noticed the restaurant door pushed open. And surely enough…it was the men from the parking lot.

With guns in their hands.

His stomach coiled with fear, and he didn’t even think as he pushed Kara in front of himself. She’d stumbled at first with the impact, but she managed to get her footing with his elbow steadying her. And then he yelled with all that he had.

“Run! Just run!” The last word was muffled as a gunshot rang in the alley, followed by a scream from Kara…and a pain that shot through Mon-El’s veins almost immediately. It all had happened so fast that he couldn’t even process all of it at first, especially as the pain caused him to stumble on the road.

It took him a couple of seconds to pull himself together and push through the pain, and that was when he managed to register what had happened. The men… They had shot him and Kara, and he…he’d gotten the bullet. In his left shoulder, since it seemed to be where the pain originated. And he could also see that the gunshot disoriented him and Kara so much that they lost the speed they’ve gained. He saw her looking over her shoulder at him, her steps slowing down…

He didn’t even risk a glance behind himself as he grasped her shoulders, turning her around again and pushing her slightly forward. “Just run!” he hissed between his clenched teeth, trying so desperately to ignore the pain on his shoulder. It was easier to do that than he’d thought it would be, probably because of the adrenaline coursing through his body.

Fortunately Kara listened to him when he pushed her and continued on her way, at least until Mon-El spotted another street on their right. He grabbed Kara’s elbow and led her to that direction, knowing it was their best shot at ditching the guys behind them. If they lost sight of him and Kara, it would be easier to hide.

“Come on, this way,” he said, not wasting any time to think about his decision. And when they entered the alley…he’d realized it had been a good decision, because right by one of the buildings was a huge dumpster…

He didn’t even hesitate as he pushed Kara towards that direction. “Behind the dumpster.” He could feel his knees shaking as they reached there, pushing the dumpster a little bit away from the wall to slip in behind.

And the moment they sat down, Mon-El held his breath, grabbing Kara’s hand. She didn’t even push him away; on the contrary, she pulled him close, holding onto him as tightly as he was holding onto her. He noticed that she was shaking all over, tears streaming down her face.

And despite the excruciating pain in his shoulder he reached for her, putting a hand on her cheek and guiding her head so that she was facing him. Fear was brewing in her gaze.

He offered her a reassuring smile, despite his heart thundering in his chest. He couldn’t say anything, not if he didn’t want to alert the men of their position, but he hoped that his touch and gaze offered her enough comfort. It was an effort to push his tears back, especially considering the physical pain he was in and the terror in his heart, yet he still forced himself to do that for her sake. And he felt pride flickering in his chest as she nodded, leaning her head on his palm and closing her eyes. At that moment… Mon-El realized that the ache he was feeling from the bullet wound because of reaching for her, the whole act of pretending to be okay, was worth it. As long as Kara felt comfortable it was okay. He’d go to hell and back to make sure of that.

Though as he looked at the bullet wound that ripped through his jacket—he was so glad he’d worn black, so that it wasn’t showing the blood and freaking Kara out even more—he truly hoped that it wouldn’t be the case and they…they would survive this situation. That they would be able to hide from the men. He honestly wouldn’t mind it if he died, it wasn’t as if he had a good life right now, but he wanted to survive, so that he could make sure Kara survived too. So that he could get her home safe and sound, get her back to Amelia, Alex, and her fiancé. At this point…

At this point that was all he wanted. That was all that mattered to him, and that was all he was thinking as Kara rested her head on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	11. Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- WARNING - Contains mentions of domestic abuse/manipulation/beating that might be triggering. They aren't explicitly explained, but they are included enough that I feel like I need to add this warning. It's just a flashback, so you wouldn't lose much, if anything, if you just skip the part. (It's the second scene in the chapter, the one in italics for identification)
> 
> \----
> 
> an early update!!! wohoo! i'm actually feeling really proud of myself ;)
> 
> hope you like this :)

_S_ _eventy-six… Seventy-seven… Seventy-eight… Seventy-nine… Eighty… Eighty-one…_

Kara counted the numbers in her head, no matter how high she’d gotten at this point, as she kept her eyes shut and rested her forehead on her knees. Her fists were clenched so tightly that her nails were digging into her palms, enough to start hurting by now, and she was pretty sure her knuckles must be paper-white. Yet still, it offered her a slight distraction from the almost destructive thoughts circling in her mind, even more painful than the physical pain, that she took it.

_Eighty-eight… Eighty-nine… Ninety… Ninety-one… Ninety-two…Ninety-three… Ninety-four…_

She had to bite her lip to keep tears from filling her eyes. She already had enough problems without having to deal with them too. It’d been so long, almost _too_ long since Mon-El left her side, and he still didn’t come. And even though there probably would be a time she would feel extremely grateful about that, right now, she just wanted him back. She wanted him by her side, so that he could offer her his support, so that he could hug her and caress her cheek, so that she had someone to lean onto instead of having to deal with this shit all alone.

_One hundred and one… One hundred and two… One hundred and three… One hundred and four… One hundred and five… One hundred and six…_

A gunshot. There had been a damn _gunshot._ She hadn’t heard it wrong. It hadn’t been a dream, or a mirage, or a figment of her imagination. It was a real gunshot. She… She hadn’t understood the situation fully when she bumped into Mon-El right out of the restrooms and he told her, very mysteriously, that “she” had found them, but that gunshot… It had been like a wake-up call. Whoever had been behind them—she’d never gotten the courage to look back, especially after Mon-El pulled her in front of himself to probably keep an eye on her—had shot at them. Wanted them dead. She never thought… She never thought that the situation Mon-El was in could be this…serious, this _weighty…_ but after what happened… She knew now. This was just as serious as he made it to be, just as dangerous as he claimed all the time, and she… She honestly didn’t know what to do with it.

_One hundred and thirteen… One hundred and fourteen… One hundred and fifteen… One hundred and sixteen… One hundred and seventeen… One hundred and eighteen…_

She was scared. She could… She could at least admit that. She was scared of dying, she was scared of getting hurt, she was scared of not being able to go back to Amelia…she was scared of something happening to Mon-El. She didn’t know how or when it had happened, but he’d…he’d snuck his way into her, and she…she cared about him. Maybe not in the way she used to six years ago; she definitely wasn’t _in love_ with him, but she cared about him enough to not want to see him hurt. And to know that whatever messed up situation he’d found himself into was literally _deadly…_ It was a hard pill to swallow. Not just because she was with him and was afraid for herself. She was afraid for him. too.

_One hundred and twenty-five… One hundred and twenty-six… One hundred and twenty-seven… One hundred and twenty-eight… One hundred and twenty-nine… One hundred and thirty…_

Where was he? Why hadn’t he come back yet? He just… He had just gone to get a car for them. Granted, a part of Kara knew that they would probably have to steal it, considering their situation right now, which could take some time…but it still shouldn’t have taken this long, right? Or did it feel long to her just because she was terrified as hell? Or… Or could he be captured by those men? They’d waited behind those dumpsters for what felt like hours to make sure they were really gone before Mon-El even risked to take a peek at the street, but still… They couldn’t be a 100% certain. And now, he might be in their hands, and there was nothing she could do about that. He could be hurt, shot, or even dead— No. No, she couldn’t think like that. Mon-El… He was more experienced in these kinds of situations, obviously, than her. He would get through it. He would come back in no time. She didn’t need to worry.

_One hundred and fifty-four… One hundred and fifty-five… One hundred and fifty-six… One hundred and fifty-seven… One hundred and fifty-eight… One hundred and fif—_

She was distracted from her thoughts with the sound of a car coming from the street. Her eyes snapped up with that as she felt her heart jump in her chest. She finally managed to loosen her fists and remove her arms from around her knees, blinking her tears away to see properly. She forced her almost frozen body into movement, going down on her knees to crawl out from behind the dumpster. There was still a lingering doubt in her head that the car wasn’t Mon-El’s, that the man somehow came back, yet when she peeked her head out from the side of the dumpster…

It was Mon-El she saw through the rolled down window of a black car. Relief washed over her so suddenly that she almost face-planted on the pavement when her elbows weakened. Fortunately, she managed to push herself up to her feet, moving to the car, assuming Mon-El would want her to jump onto the passenger seat so that they could get the hell out of here…

Until she saw him push the door open and stumble out of the car. She came to a complete stop as her brows knitted. What the hell did he think he was doing? Shouldn’t they get out of here like, as soon as possible? Before those men return? Like…right now?

She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs as she watched Mon-El lean on the door. “Can you… Can you drive?” he asked, his voice almost hoarse and painful.

At first Kara was ready to refuse vehemently. She couldn’t drive! Not in… Not in the state of mind she was in. She was shaking, she had tears in her eyes, and it was an effort to stand right now on her weak knees. She’d probably wrap the car around a light pole or crash it into another car or something. And that…that was the last thing they needed.

“Mon-El, I can’t—“ she started, at least until he stepped out from the cover of the car door, clutching his arm and—

_Was that blood dripping down from his hand?_

She felt her heart lurch in her chest as the realization hit her. Because it _was_ blood, and a lot of it. It was flowing from between his fingers down his jacket, and despite it being black Kara could see the trails of it under the sun. She also realized just now how pale he looked with sweat dotting his forehead. He was leaning over on the door as if he needed support to stand, as if he was struggling to keep himself from fainting. And his jacket looked torn, as if…as if something passed through it. As if a bullet passed through it.

He was shot. Mon-El was _shot._

The memory of that gunshot filled her mind again, as she started to put pieces together. He’d pushed her in front of herself barely seconds before it. Which must’ve meant… He didn’t merely push her to keep an eye on her. He did it so that he could _shield_ her from the bullet…getting shot in the process.

_Oh God…_

“Mon-El, you are…” She sounded like she was choking as she stepped forward, grabbing his healthy arm. She felt sick when she saw him visibly gulp and shut his eyes. “You’ve been shot!” she almost screamed, fear coursing through her veins. Now it all made sense. Why he stepped out of the car. Why it took him some time to come. Why he didn’t want to drive. He was shot. Damn it, he was _shot._

“It’s fine—“ he tried to whisper, yet it sounded so weak that Kara completely ignored it. He was so _not_ fine, and it was so obvious that she would’ve smacked some sense into him if it wasn’t for the fact that he was hurt.

Her mind was running a mile a minute as she looked up at him, not even thinking as she reached up to wipe his sweat off of his forehead. “We… We need to go to hospital,” she blurted out, already starting to make her plan. “Mon-El, we need to… We need to get you checked out. I’m gonna drive you to the closest hospital—“ She was just about to walk around him and jump inside the car onto the driver seat, forgetting everything about not being able to drive properly as determination filled her…until Mon-El used his last bit of strength to stop her.

“No, we can’t,” he said, letting go of his grip around his wound to hold her arm. He looked even more pained because of it, yet he still didn’t let go. Even as she blinked with shock. He couldn’t have just said that they couldn’t go to the hospital, right? He had a bullet in his arm, damn it! He was shot! What did he mean by not going to the hospital?

“Mon-El, we need to get you checked!” she insisted, hoping she didn’t sound as crazy as she felt.

“Kara—“ he tried to cut in but he didn’t let her.

“You’re shot! You’re bleeding! I’m not… I’m not gonna let you die, Mon-El. That’s not an option, okay? We are going to the hospital. We don’t have a choice.” She was hoping that would make him let her go, but instead, he tightened his grip around her arm. Even shaking his head seemed to come hard for him.

“We can’t. Bullet wounds…they bring too much attention. The doctors…could involve the police…and I can’t risk it. I can’t put you in danger again. Besides, it’s just a grazing, I don’t think the bullet got inside my skin.”

Yeah, that really did not help Kara feel any better.

“Mon-El…” she wanted to object, swallowing back the tears that were threatening her eyes, but he continued before she could say anything else. And besides, as he was looking at her with those intense, gray eyes of his… She really didn’t think she could speak.

“I’m not risking her finding us again, Kara. Please…” he begged, pressing his lips together. It almost broke her heart to see tears welling up in his eyes, giving them a shiny quality. She felt almost numb as he continued, except for the excruciating pain she was feeling right inside her chest that almost rendered her breathless. “Besides…you used to patch me up when my parents beat me. You can… You can do it now, too.”

She almost wanted to scoff at that. “This is a bullet wound, Mon-El,” she objected, speaking through her clenched teeth. It almost sounded like a hiss, which…wasn’t that surprising, considering how freaked out she felt. “Not some…some bruising! What if… What if it needs stitches? What if it is bad? What if I…I can’t do it, if I do something wrong and it gets infected or something and…kills you?” Tears almost filled her eyes at the thought of that, and what killed her the most was, Mon-El really didn’t seem like he’d care if that happened. He still wouldn’t choose to go to the hospital, even if he _knew_ 100% that Kara’s actions wouldn’t be able to save him. He was okay with it…but she wasn’t. She couldn’t be. She couldn’t lose him, not now, not ever. She didn’t care what it meant for them or their relationship, she just…couldn’t. A breakup she could take, but losing him to death…

“I can’t risk that. I can’t lose you. I…”

“I trust you,” Mon-El interjected before she could finish her words. His eyes were shining with such honesty that she felt her chest tighten. “I won’t die, Kara. I promise. I…trust you to save me.” He searched her face almost desperately. “Please.”

She didn’t want to cave in to those words. In fact, all she wanted was to jump in the car and drive him to a hospital to get him checked, but he looked so helpless, desperate and scared, not for his life, but for hers that… She couldn’t do it. Especially after what she saw those two men do. If they came back just because she and Mon-El went to that hospital… Escaping them would be all for nothing. So she had to try. She… She at least had to try. There was a reason Eliza and Alex had taught her first aid: to help people in emergency situations. And this was an emergency. She could do it. She would do it, because…she had no other choice. There were no alternatives, at least none that she could accept.

She bit back her fears as she nodded, seeing Mon-El visibly relax in front of her. “Okay… Okay, no hospitals. I won’t… I won’t take you to a hospital.” She gulped, trying to think fast. “I think… I think I can find a first aid kit and see…what I can do. But if it is too serious, you have to promise me that we’ll consider going to a hospital.”

“Kara…”

“You have to promise me, Mon-El,” she insisted, not taking no for an answer. She could feel tears building up in her throat and filling her eyes as she grasped his unwounded arm desperately. “I can’t lose you. Please. Promise me.” She planted her feet on the ground to show him that she wouldn’t move until he said those two words. And finally…he had to cave in, too. His shoulders slumped but he nodded.

“I promise.” Kara felt relief washing over her with those words, relaxing at least slightly.

“Good,” she whispered as she swallowed, hard, trying to get herself together as she wrapped her arm around Mon-El’s waist, being careful not to hurt his arm even more than it already seemed like it was hurting. “Good.” And then they were moving, her helping him get onto the passenger seat and buckle his seatbelt before she rushed to the driver seat, not wasting a minute before she started driving. And no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get rid of the tears building up in her throat, almost blurring her vision, especially every time she glanced at Mon-El and saw that he was in pain, every time she heard him breathe heavily or groan, every time she realized how he was struggling to stay awake for her sake… It hurt her. It hurt her way more than she thought was possible.

She just hoped that this wouldn’t last too long, that she’d be able patch him up before the damage became permanent. If that happened, not only she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself…but she couldn’t live with it too. She couldn’t live with herself if his situation got worse…or he died…just because he was trying to protect her.

* * *

_Kara felt disgusted. Absolutely disgusted. And for someone who’d been doing what she was doing right now for about three-four years…that said something, But this… What happened now… It was next level. It was… It was unacceptable, sickening…wrong. It was so wrong that it made her want to punch something…_

_Which probably wouldn’t be a good idea, since this exact situation was caused by a_ punch. _At least if Mon-El could be believed. Yet still, Kara wondered if there was another explanation for the glass pieces lodged in the deep cut on his chest, right below his left shoulder. He’d claimed it’d happened when Rhea hit him in the chest, he lost his balance, crashed onto the counter, and broke a glass vase, yet still… She wouldn’t put it above that despicable woman to actually stab him with a glass piece or something._

_Still, there wasn’t much she could say about it, as it was a silent agreement between her and Mon-El to not talk about whatever his parents did to him. He just… Whenever something like that happened, he just called her the first moment he was alone—which didn’t take much time, since his parents didn’t like spending much time at their house—and she came to patch him up. She’d gotten Eliza to teach her all kinds of treatments for bruises, cuts, and scraps, using wanting to learn first aid as an excuse, and those skills came in handy in these situations. She could treat Mon-El’s wounds with the right medication…_

_Though there wasn’t much she could do to stop him from getting wounded, as he absolutely refused to let her or anyone else confront his parents about it. “I can handle it,” he claimed, as if it made the situation better. “I don’t want you to get yourself in trouble trying to protect me.”_

_Which was very noble of him, but it almost physically hurt Kara to see_ him _hurting. He was eighteen years old now, legally an adult, yet still he struggled with standing up to his parents. Which…wasn’t so surprising, to say the least. It took her some time—and a lot of hours spent in libraries, researching about parental abuse and its effects—to understand, but now that she got a clearer picture about it, she understood why he couldn’t fight his parents. It just… It was just what he was_ taught _to do. It was drilled in him that his parents knew the best and he couldn’t object. And if he_ did _object… He’d deserve what would come to him. He just… He thought he was worthless, that his feelings were wrong, and he should accept what his parents did to him. Which had disgusted Kara so much at first that she felt like throwing up._

_He’d changed in the last couple of years, with the help of Kara—she felt pretty proud about it, too—he’d started believing in himself more and realized that what his parents were doing was wrong, yet that didn’t mean he’d gotten the courage to actually fight them. That was a whole another story. And… And he’d gotten so distraught about it when Kara first suggested him to do it, almost bursting into tears with desperation, that she decided not to bring it up again. He would come to her for help if he needed it. Pushing him, especially in a situation this sensitive, wouldn’t help._

_That didn’t mean Kara was okay with what was happening still. And she was pretty sure that if it continued for longer, she’d snap, either facing his parents herself or urging him to do it._

_She had started thinking that day could be today too, as she removed the last glass piece from his wound with tweezers, trying not to grimace when he winced with pain, and placed it in the bowl next to her. “I think that was the last piece,” she said dryly, placing the equipment to the side. Her eyes skimmed over the wound, refusing to look at Mon-El’s face, as she tried to decide whether it would require stitches or not. He’d said it was just a scratch, that the glass didn’t get lodged in, yet still she wanted to be sure. And it seemed like he’d been telling the truth…at least. “I don’t think it’ll need stitches either.” She stood up with that to put the tweezers and bowl of glass pieces inside the sink before she returned to Mon-El, who was sitting on a stool inside the bathtub. Since the cut looked deep—not much, but enough—Kara decided that it would be best if they held it under cold water for a couple of minutes before she applied an antibiotic cream and bandaged it. She needed to make sure it was thoroughly clean so that it didn’t catch an infection._

_That was the last thing she’d want._

_“I told you,” Mon-El said as an answer to her, yet there was no humor in his attempt to joke. She only gulped as she positioned the showerhead right above his wound and turned the tap to cold water. He hissed when the water first hit his skin and shivered, but he’d gotten used to it in a couple of seconds._

_With that Kara turned to the bruising under his chin, made by yet another punch, and around his upper right arm that looked a lot like fingers of a man. Well, at least he hadn’t been kidding when he’d said his father grabbed him too tightly. She took the ice package she’d given him to hold over them while she cleaned his cut and put it to the side. It’d been hours since the bruising happened, so Kara doubted the ice would help at this point, but it seemed like Mon-El had already thought about it from the way the bruises didn’t seem swelled. “Does it hurt?” she asked softly as she lifted his chin, rubbing the bruise both on there and on his arm. Relief washed over her when he shook his head no, even as she continued massaging the bruised area._

_“No, I took a painkiller. It’s better now.” She pressed her lips together and nodded._

_“Good. I’m just gonna bandage them so that they don’t swell anymore, but don’t forget to apply ice for about fifteen minutes each day.” Even though he probably memorized those words by now, since she’d said it each time his parents hit him, she still repeated them, just in case. And Mon-El answered with a nod, watching her clean the bruises gently before wrapping the bandage around them, as she was doing right now. Neither of them said anything until the bandages were done. “And don’t forget to check for infections regularly if we don’t see each other, especially if they don’t heal for too long. It shouldn’t take longer than a couple of days.” Which was lucky for him, because the schools were closed for a couple of days, which would mean he wouldn’t need to miss classes. “The same applies to that cut, but it will probably take longer to heal.”_

_“Okay,” he whispered as Kara removed the showerhead and closed the tap, drying the cut—which was accompanied with a couple more winces from Mon-El—and applying the cream before wrapping the bandage around it. She wasn’t in a position to even appreciate his naked chest._

_Especially as she smoothed the white fabric and stood up, seeing him with all those bandages on him. And this wasn’t even the worst of it. Apparently, his parents hadn’t expected him to bump into the counter and shatter the vase, so they’d stopped. She’d… She’d remembered the days his whole chest and neck would be covered with bruises, days where there would be small cuts all over his skin, days where he couldn’t move his hand because his father pulled his wrist too harshly, or couldn’t walk because he stumbled while they hit him and sprained his ankle. This was… This was relatively better._

_Yet that didn’t mean it was any less sickening. Especially as she saw him struggle as he stood up. There weren’t any bruises anywhere else, but the impact of his fall caused by his father’s punch still hit him hard._

_And that was when she found herself blurting out the words, as she watched him get out of the bathtub and stare at himself in the mirror. There was no mistaking the hurt look in his eyes._

_“Move in with me.”_

_The words must’ve caught him off guard, because he froze as his eyes snapped at her, looking at her widely. Yet she didn’t back down at her words, she didn’t take them back, and she certainly didn’t hesitate as she stepped forward. “Move in with me,” she repeated. She’d already been thinking about it for some time. It just… It made perfect sense. They were seniors in high school and would graduate in a couple of months. They were going to the same university, which was a bit far away from both of their houses, so it would be easier for them to get a place together that was closer to the school. She was working part time at Noonan’s, and Mon-El had just found a job in the beginning of that year at Starbucks, and she was pretty sure that if they put together what they earned it would be enough to rent a small studio apartment. Besides, they’d been dating for more than two years now, and since they were legally adults, Kara thought it was time they could try living together. It was an important step in relationships, kind of like a milestone which showed whether a couple could make it work or not, so it would be a good challenge for them. She was sure they could make it work, too. If they survived their high school years, when barely no one had a long term relationship, they could definitely live together and be happy._

_But those were all secondary reasons as to why she wanted to move in with him. The primary reason was that… She wanted to get him away from his parents. She didn’t want him to live in this despicable house with them for longer than he absolutely had to. And technically, since he was an adult now, he could choose to move out if he wanted and no one could stop him. Not even his parents. He wouldn’t have to take their shit anymore, he wouldn’t have to be beaten up by them, he wouldn’t have to handle them hurting him and pretending like he was nothing. He could be happy._ They _could be happy, together, without anything burdening them. They could do this. They could make it work._

_She continued when she realized Mon-El was too shocked to say something. She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I know… I know this sounds a bit out of the blue, but just…hear me out, okay? I’ve been thinking about it for some time now.” She wasn’t even sure if Mon-El was breathing or not as she continued. “We’re about to graduate from high school and we’re gonna go to the same university, so finding a place close to there would make sense for both of us. And… And if we combine both our incomes from our jobs, I think we can find a decent house, too. It doesn’t have to be something big, but…but just comfortable. And I think… I think we’re ready to take that step. We’ve already been dating for two years.” She had to take a deep breath and blink several times to get rid of her tears before she said the next words. Still, her voice was shaking. “I’m just… I’m just so sick and tired of seeing you get hurt because of your parents. I hate that you have to live with…with those abusive people that don’t even care about you. I love you, Mon-El, and I just… I just want you to be okay.” She stepped forward, slowly reaching forward to put her hands on his shoulders, giving him time to stop her. He didn’t, and she took it as an indication that he was at least considering what she was saying. Hope blossomed in her chest. “You…you deserve much better than this. I’d understand if it was a bit fast, but please…please think about it. At least don’t dismiss—“_

_“Yes.” Her words were cut with Mon-El’s voice, and the word surprised her so much that she had to stop. She gaped at him as she tried to register whatshe said._

_“What?” A smile pulled his lips. He reached up to wrap his hands around Kara’s wrists gently, taking her hands into his._

_“Yes, I will move in with you, Kara. Of course I will move in with you.” She couldn’t find anything to say even as she opened her mouth, feeling her heart slam against her ribs._ Yes. _He’d said yes. He was saying yes to her. She didn’t know why she was so surprised about that, knowing he loved her wholeheartedly, but…but also knowing how reluctant he’d been about standing up to his parents before… She expected a no. But this…_

_He continued when he realized she was speechless. “You’re right,” he said, searching her eyes. “I’m an adult now, and I… I don’t have to live under my parents’ influence. I don’t want them to make me feel like…like I can’t do anything with my life. They don’t… They don’t care about me. They don’t make me feel safe or loved, they don’t encourage me, they don’t make me feel…at home._ You _do. And I… I want to have that. I want to move in with you.” He stopped for a second to gather up his thoughts. “I’ve let them lead my life for far too long. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t care what they say about it, I’ll still move in—“ His words were cut this time when Kara reached forward, pressing her lips on his in a rush of emotion. He chuckled as he leaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. She just… She probably should’ve let him finish his words, but she couldn’t help herself. She was just so happy, almost too happy to hear him say those words. To hear him say that he’d stand up to his parents, that he’d take control of his life and not let them influence him anymore._

_It also helped that he said he felt loved, safe, and at home with her. Because that…that was all she wanted from him._

_She couldn’t help smiling as she pulled back, biting her lip. She pushed his hair away from his forehead, watching him open his eyes and look at her almost dreamily. “I’m so happy you said yes,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotions. He laughed as he reached up to wipe a tear off of her face._

_“I’m so happy I said yes too,” he said with a nod, earning a chuckle from her. She reached forward to kiss him again, her eyes fluttering shut as she let herself go in the elation of the kiss. She just… She just felt so happy at that moment. She knew there was a lot she and Mon-El would need to figure out before they could make their moving in together plan a reality, but…they had time. They would figure it out. And finally…finally, they could be happy. Finally Mon-El could be safe and away from his abusive parents and destructive past, he could move forward and find a life he could be happy in. A life they_ both _could be happy in._

_And that was what she chose to hold on as she kissed him: A promise of a happy future together._

* * *

Alex was sitting on the couch with a glass of red wine in her hand, watching Amelia play with her toys, when she heard someone knocking at the door. It’d been some time since she picked Amelia up from James’s place and brought her to her house, and it’d been even longer since she left the police station. That didn’t mean her worries had dissipated; she could still feel them churning in her stomach, but… Maggie had been right. Taking a shower, a short nap, and something decent to eat really did help elevate her mood, at least. Maybe she still didn’t feel better emotionally, but physically… She was better. She could feel it in her bones.

That didn’t mean her heart didn’t jump in her chest with the knock. She glanced at Amelia briefly, making sure the girl was focused on her game, before she put down her wine glass on the coffee table and went to open the door. She had only about a second to feel relieved that it was only James…until her eyes caught Maggie standing right behind him. She noticed that both the detective and James had almost _grave_ looks on their faces, as if they’d gotten the worst news of their lives…

And with that, her elevated mood collapsed onto the floor yet again. She couldn’t say anything—she couldn’t even _move—_ as James gestured inside her house.

“Can we… Can we come in?” Alex could only gulp and nod, standing back from the door to let them in. She felt numb, so much so that she jumped in her place when she heard Amelia’s scream.

“Jimmy!” she yelled, dropping the Supergirl and Flash dolls in her hand to the floor before she rushed to the man. James had barely managed to put on a smile on his face and kneel down when the girl crashed into him, jumping onto his lap and wrapping her arms around him. James hauled her up in his arms as he stood up.

“I missed you too, little monster,” he said, ruffling the hair Alex had managed to style into pigtail braids just to have something to do. Amelia glared at him as she swatted his hand away.

“Don’t mess my hair,” she complained, pulling at her braids. Alex could barely smile at her when she flashed her aunt a smile. “Aunty made them for me.”

“Well, they are beautiful,” James admitted with admiration, making Amelia beam at him, like a light switch was turned on inside her. He flashed her a smile before he glanced at Alex, almost talking to her through his eyes. And what was in them… It made Alex’s stomach lurch inside her.

_I’ll take Amelia into your bedroom. You need to talk to Maggie._

“You look just like your Supergirl doll!” James exclaimed as he moved to Amelia’s doll, grabbing the Supergirl one. Amelia had braided the doll’s hair while Alex braided hers, and to hear James compliment her like that… There was nothing stopping the little girl’s grin, especially as she and James moved to the bedroom with a couple of dolls in their hands, closing the door behind them.

Alex wished she was in the same situation, but only dread was churning in her stomach as she turned to Maggie. The fake smile she saw on the detective’s face didn’t help at all, especially as she put her hand on Alex’s arm and squeezed it.

“Why don’t we sit down?” she said softly. Alex could only nod, letting Maggie lead her to the couch, fear coursing through her veins. She was so afraid of the answer to her questions that it took her some time to ask them, right after she sat down next to Maggie.

“Have you found Kara? Is she okay? Is she…” _dead,_ she thought, even though she didn’t have it in her to say the word out loud. It just… It was just too painful to be true.

Maggie shook her head, though something about it… Something made Alex’s heart skip a beat. She could only look at the detective as she cleared her throat, staring at her hands for a second before she lifted her hand and spoke. “We think she’s okay, but… We’re not sure.”

_We’re not sure._

Something settled on Alex’s shoulders with those words, weighing her down so badly that it was an effort to keep herself sitting straight. She could feel her ears ringing as Maggie continued. It was hard to process them with fear circling her mind, but she tried. She had to try, because it was Kara. It was her little sister, and she…she needed to know everything about her whereabouts, even if it was bad news.

“We found the car she and Mon-El got into at a restaurant, but… It was abandoned. There weren’t any security cameras around, so we couldn’t see what happened, but when we showed a couple of witnesses Mon-El and Kara’s photos, they said… They said they saw them running out of the restaurant to the backstreet, with two men following them. And they also said… There was a gunshot.” Maggie said it so quietly that Alex barely heard it, yet it seemed like the word reverberated inside her. A gunshot. A…gunshot.

She felt her insides go cold at that thought, as she couldn’t help imagining Kara getting shot, bleeding on the street with no one to help her. It was so horrifying that she shook it away quickly, yet she still must’ve paled because Maggie rushed forward to comfort her.

“There wasn’t any blood on the scene, or a body, and there were only trace amounts of it on the bullet, so we…we don’t think even if she was shot, it was deadly. But I… I wanted you to know. You deserved to know.” She looked at Alex painfully. “I’m so sorry.” And it seemed like she really was sorry too, as if she wished she could give good news, that she could say that they’d found Kara and she was okay, but… In the end, it didn’t help. Because Kara was still gone. Because right now, it was even worse than before. At least before Kara had a more chance of being alive than dead. But right now… She might be shot, she might be bleeding or even…even dead, and they would have no idea. They might be too late, and they wouldn’t even know.

Alex felt the first tears slip down her face involuntarily at that thought. She couldn’t lose Kara. She couldn’t lose her sister, but even more than that, Amelia couldn’t lose her mother. Alex knew how much losing her biological parents affected Kara; she didn’t want her niece to go through the same thing. If that happened…

She felt Maggie’s hand cupping her cheeks and wiping her tears away before she could even ask for that. And then the detective was pulling her close, letting her bury her face to her shoulder, letting her cry as she rubbed her back without saying anything. And it was a good thing she was holding her too, because… Alex really didn’t know how she could go through that alone. So she held onto Maggie and cried, hoping with everything that she had that Kara was alive and well, that she would come back to them in one piece. That was all she wanted.

It took some time for her sobs, albeit silent, to calm down, and it was only then that she could pull back from Maggie’s embrace. Yet still, the detective didn’t let her go. They were so close, with merely inches between them, especially as Maggie lifted her hand and tucked Alex’s hair behind her ear. Alex felt air getting hitched in her throat, feeling her heart slam against her ribs. She’d… She’d never really imagined being this close to Maggie before—granted, she had other things to worry about—but right now… She couldn’t help thinking how good it felt. Maggie was… She was an amazing woman. She’d offered her so much comfort and understanding when she needed it the most that Alex… Sometimes, she had trouble believing it. But Maggie was more than just a police officer that would put her work above everything. She connected with people, she tried to understand them, and she got how hard some situations could be. She was the only good thing in this whole situation right now. She was the only thing that felt good and right, and…

Maybe that was why Alex did what she did. Or maybe it was because she just needed a distraction from it all. She’d been carrying the weight of Kara’s disappearance for far too long, and it was…it was tiring to say the least. It was painful and just…just so exhausting, and when that was all she was feeling for the last three days… She just wanted to feel something else. Anything else, even if it was for a short moment. So she didn’t think as she reached forward, taking Maggie’s face in her hands to press her lips on hers…

At least until the detective pulled away, almost in shock. Alex blinked open her eyes, not registering what was happening at first…until it hit her. Her hands cupping Maggie’s cheeks… The woman looking at her with side eyes… The tingling feelings on her lips… She was about to kiss Maggie. She was going to kiss Maggie, damning everything else, throwing common sense out the window. She’d actually tried to _kiss_ Maggie.

Oh God…

Shame churned in her stomach as she pulled back, dropping her hands on her lap. Oh God, what had she done? Maggie was… She was a detective. A detective investigating her sister’s disappearance. It might work in books or movies, but in real life… It was inappropriate. So inappropriate that words didn’t even begin to explain it. Besides, even beyond that, she didn’t even know if Maggie was gay or not. There was a good chance that…that she wasn’t, and if that was the case…

Well, she did want to feel something other than exhaustion and pain, and it seemed like dread and embarrassment it would be.

“Oh my God, Maggie, I’m so sorry,” she rushed out, feeling her cheeks heat as her heart started to slam against her ribs. Her heartbeatswere almost ringing in her ears. She shook her head. “I don’t know… I don’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t mean to… I’m so—“ She hadn’t gotten far when she felt Maggie’s fingers on her lips, and looked up to find the woman smiling at her with…amusement? And was that…happiness she was seeing in her eyes?

Her heart had started pounding for a completely different reason when Maggie started talking, fixing her gaze on Alex’s. “It’s okay, Alex, you don’t need to apologize,” she said softly. “I understand.”

Still, that didn’t help Alex relax one bit. She could only watch Maggie, shame churning in her stomach, as the woman shrugged and continued. “You did nothing wrong. In fact, I… I would like to kiss you, too.” With that, a small blush tinted the detective’s cheeks, yet Alex could barely notice that with the ringing in her ears. Did Maggie just say…? She hadn’t heard it wrong, right?

Oh God, she really hadn’t heard it wrong. Maggie said… She said she wanted to kiss Alex. She really did want to kiss her.

…but then why did she stop her?

Before Alex could even ask that question Maggie answered it. “But this isn’t the right time. I’m not here as a friend right now, Alex, I’m here as a detective. And I just gave you horrible news that…that must’ve hurt you.” It was an effort not to grimace at those words. “I don’t want our kiss to be tainted by a sad memory. I want it to be happy, okay? And we will get that happy kiss. Just not…not right now. Okay?” She searched Alex’s face tentatively, as if she was afraid of her reaction, but all Alex could do was stare back at her, feeling dumbfounded. Yet as she finally managed to register the words… A smile pulled her lips. because even though a part of her would gladly kiss Maggie right now to forget her problems… It wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be what she wanted, either. Maggie was right about that. Alex truly liked her, and she…she wanted their kiss to be real and happy, not…not caused by pain or hurt. And she appreciated Maggie all the more for stopping her from doing a big mistake.

“Okay,” she found herself whispering with a small nod. “Okay, I’ll… I’ll wait for that happy kiss. You’re right.” And the smile Maggie flashed her at that, a smile that made her heart flutter… It was even better than a kiss. And it made Alex realize once more that… That kiss would be worth waiting for, even if it took some time.

At the very least, it gave her something to look forward to other than pain, and she… Despite everything, she couldn’t help feeling hopeful about that.

* * *

“Look at you, dressed like a doctor from head-to-toe.” Mon-El flashed Kara a weak smile as she reentered the car, a medical kit in her hand, a mask over her face, and a cap over her head. This was the best she could come up with in that small as hell pharmacy, and even then, she didn’t even want to count the amount of lies she’d told. She’d started with a camping trip, continued with having a doctor with them that knew how to use all of the stuff she’d bought, and finished with saying that there wouldn’t be any place close for them to go if an emergency happened. But it _had_ gotten her the emergency medical kit, two bottles of an antiseptic for cleaning, gloves, a piece of cloth, and even a mask to minimize the possibility of contaminating the wound. Since neither of them had cell phones, she had to trust whatever she’d learned about first aid from Eliza, and…she was hoping she wouldn’t get anything wrong. It wouldn’t take a genius to guess that she was feeling anxious as hell.

Yet still, she rolled her eyes at Mon-El. “Shut up,” she muttered as she placed everything she bought on the middle seat. They’d pushed the front seats of the car as forward as possible, making enough room for his treatment, and they’d turned on the overheard light, yet she still felt utterly uncomfortable with the situation. There was just… There were a lot of things that could go wrong in a small space with dim lighting, and there really wasn’t room for error in what she was about to do. Yet still… Did they have another choice?

_Yes,_ her brain whispered to her, and despite discussing the whole thing before, she still found herself looking up at his eyes. The bleeding had stopped by now—thankfully—but he looked so, _so_ tired that she felt sick to her stomach. “We can still go to a hospital,” she said softly, clenching her fingers into a fist. “It’s still not too late.”

The small smile he offered her told exactly the opposite. “You can do this,” he said, reaching forward to tip her head up from her chin. “Okay? I believe in you.”

That made Kara want to roll her eyes all over again, wanting to say that she didn’t believe in herself _one bit,_ yet all she could do was nod. If she was going to do this anyway… Getting anxious over it wouldn’t help. What did they say? Fake it ‘till you make it, right?

“Fine,” she huffed as she reached for the medical kit and took out two gloves. “But don’t blame me if you lose your arm.” He managed a small chuckle at that as Kara reached forward, grabbing the sleeve of his jacket on his healthy arm. She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs as she tugged on it. She knew this would hurt. Well, okay, he was already hurting now, but taking off the jacket over his wound… Even the thought of it made her want to throw up. Yet Mon-El… He didn’t even say anything as he adjusted himself so that she could pull off the sleeve over his unwounded arm, wincing only once because of pain.

But that was the easy part. The hard part… It was taking off the other arm. And Kara could basically feel herself sweating with the thought of it. She gulped, looking at his face, only to see that he’d paled considerably. He still gave her a go ahead with a small nod, grabbing the back of the car seats tightly to keep himself together.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Kara could barely croak out as she reached forward, pulling the collar of the jacket down. She didn’t miss the way he tensed and shut his eyes with that, obviously hurting. It was an effort to keep her tears away from her eyes, trying to continue talking, to give him something to focus on other than what she was doing. “You’re gonna be fine. I’m not… I’m not letting you die in a stolen car. Especially not on my watch.” He couldn’t even laugh at that as she tugged down the sleeve, inch by inch, watching his face. He was holding on…barely, but he was. She saw sweat dotting his forehead and his eyes shut tightly, yet still…still he only groaned once, when the collar of his jacket accidentally brushed over his wound. Even she couldn’t help wincing with the sound.

She almost threw the jacket to the front seat once she’d gotten it off, not wanting to see it ever again. And then she turned around to look at the wound.

She wanted to throw up.

Not that… Not that seeing blood sickened her. She wasn’t like that. But this was Mon-El they were talking about. She… She knew him. This wasn’t just seeing a random stranger bleeding, this was…this was Mon-El. She remembered, when they’d been together, that every single bruise she saw on him was enough to sicken her. And seeing an actual bullet wound…

Though it seemed like he was right about the grazing part, because not only the bullet wasn’t in his wound, there was only a cut on the outside of his upper arm. It looked deep, but… At least she was glad she wouldn’t have to take out a bullet.

“You were right about the grazing part,” she said as she reached for one of the antiseptic bottles. The corner of his lips kicked up at that as he tried to calm down his breathing, yet he still hadn’t looked at her. He nodded slowly.

“See, I told you,” he mused, and it would’ve been fine if he sounded even a bit amused or something. Instead it just… It sounded so dry that it cracked something in her chest. She tried to ignore that as she poured the antiseptic on the cloth. She looked up at his face, fear coursing through her veins.

“This is gonna hurt,” she whispered, hesitating for a second—even though she was sure cleaning the wound would be for the best—until her eyes met Mon-El’s gray-blue ones. They almost looked stormy with his clenched teeth.

“Do it.” And that was all he could say before he ducked his chin, looking away from her, as if he didn’t want her to see him hurting. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying. Because even now, even when he must be hurting like hell, even when he had the right to shout all he wanted, he was holding back for her. So that… So that she didn’t feel bad for him. He was keeping all that pain in for her sake, selflessly, and she… She honestly didn’t know what to make of that. But she knew one thing: She would help him through it, no matter what. He wasn’t alone. He wouldn’t have to deal with this alone.

So she pulled at the first idea that came to her mind. “Have I told you about Amelia’s favorite toys?” she said, not even minding the fact that she’d called her daughter Amelia and not Alura. Mon-El’s surprised gaze snapped to her as she moved forward, cleaning around the wound with the cloth, hoping her hands would just _stop shaking_ if she gave herself some time.

“No,” Mon-El answered—almost choked out—a couple of seconds later, and she found herself laughing. She cleared her throat and shook her head.

“You’d imagine it’d be Barbie dolls or something, right? Or even Winx. But… But no. That’s not what Amelia is into.” She edged into the wound, holding his arm tightly to secure it, and then pressed it lightly to the side. He tensed under her grip, obviously hurting, yet he didn’t make a sound or moved away. Kara wasn’t even sure if he was breathing or not.

Yet she kept her sole focus on the wound as she continued, not letting herself get distracted. “She loves superheroes. All… All kinds of them. She even… She even dressed as Supergirl last Halloween, you know? Alex… She’d asked her what costume she wanted, expecting something along the lines of fairy or princess, but she said Supergirl, without hesitation.” A small smile pulled her lips at the thought of her daughter, even as she moved the cloth over Mon-El’s wound. She only continued when she grabbed the antiseptic bottle to pour more of it, turning over the cloth so she could use a cleaner side. “And she looked so cute in that little red cape too. Just like a… Just like a little superhero.” She heard Mon-El gasping painfully when she pressed the cloth lightly on the wound, yet he still didn’t move.

“That… That sounds beautiful,” he only rasped, his eyes tightly shut. She didn’t let her heart ache for him as she returned to her work.

“It is. She… She loves that costume. It’s a bit small for her now, but she still wears the cape sometimes, running around the house, pretending she’s Supergirl. She even… She even jumped down the couch once, screaming something about how she could fly, and then… And then, of course, fell to the floor.” She laughed at the memory, even though it wasn’t funny then. “Don’t think it was pretty because I’m laughing now. It was… It was pretty scary.” She wiped his wound again, eyeing the inside of it to see if she could see any rubble pieces or something. It looked clean, but still, to be sure, she poured more antiseptic, continuing to talk.

“Yet she still didn’t give up being Supergirl. She says that…that you couldn’t give up after one failure. That’s not… That’s not what superheroes do. They fight for what’s right, they fight to protect others, no matter how many times they fail. That’s what… That’s what makes them superheroes. I’m…” She smiled. “I was so proud of her when she said that. Her knee was cut, even bleeding, yet she was biting her lip, trying not to cry, telling me that superheroes were strong. Superheroes didn’t cry or show weakness.” She had to blink away her tears at that, putting the cloth aside when she decided the wound was clean enough. Luckily, it didn’t look deep enough to warrant stitches, and it didn’t look infected now that all the excess blood was cleaned, but still… She had to push back the sick feeling again to focus on her job.

“So she didn’t cry at all?” Mon-El asked when he saw her stop. She laughed and shook her head, reaching for the antibiotic cream.

“That definitely seemed like her plan,” she admitted as she poured it a bit on her fingers and applied it around her wound lightly. She tried to be as soft as possible as she spread the cream, making sure it touched every part of his wound. The last thing she’d want would be for it to get infected because she did something wrong. There was a reason she’d bought an excess of…everything. She’d need to change the bandages around his wound regularly to minimize the risk of infections, and she wasn’t about to take any risks. Not when his life depended on her.

“But then… I told her that it was okay to cry,” she continued as she cleaned the cream off of her hand and grabbed the bandage. She started to lightly wrap it around his wound. “That it was okay to show weakness from time to time, especially when you were hurting. You didn’t need to hold on all the time, pretending like everything was okay, especially when…” Her voice trailed off briefly at that. “Especially when it wasn’t. You could cry and still be a strong person, one didn’t cancel out the other.” She had to blink away her tears to put the bandage on properly, and then smoothed it out when her work was done. She found herself smiling. “And then she started crying her heart out over her wound.” She only turned to him then, still feeling her heart stutter, after she got rid of her gloves and put the supplies to the side.

That was when she noticed the tears tinting his eyes, one or two of them even streaming down his face. She felt her heart break as she reached forward. She… She couldn’t imagine just how much the dressing of his wound must’ve hurt, especially since she could barely get the proper supplies, so it…it shouldn’t be a surprise that he cried. Still… Still he’d held on so well. She wouldn’t have even realized he was in so much pain if she didn’t turn to him and see him cry.

She didn’t let herself hesitate as she reached forward to cup his cheeks, wiping his tears away. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s done now. It’s okay,” she repeated, over and over again, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. She was running her fingers through his hair to comfort him, and she felt herself shudder when he reached forward too, putting his hand on her waist and pulling her close. She didn’t stop him. Not even when her heart started to pound. Not even when his touch started burning her skin. Not even… Not even when she felt his breath on her lips, realizing just how close they were. So close that it reminded her of old times. They used to do this a lot. Just… Just resting their foreheads against each other, letting themselves relax, as a way to remind themselves that they were together. Yet this time… This time was different, because it wasn’t relaxing. In fact, Kara could feel her blood pounding in her veins as she opened her eyes, finding herself staring at Mon-El’s lips. And she wanted to kiss him.

Damn, she wanted to kiss him so badly that it was ridiculous at this point. But she…she missed this. She missed feeling this intense, this passionate, this… _loved._ She’d never had that with James, or anyone else. She never felt this… _alive_ with anyone else, and she wanted that feeling back. She wanted to feel him. Besides, there were merely two inches between them. If she just leaned down, if she pressed her lips on his—

She snapped out of her thoughts when Mon-El pulled back, yet she’d been so distracted that she almost toppled onto him. Still, she managed to regain her balance as he cleared his throat.

And then what she was about to do hit her. She was going to kiss him. No, it wasn’t even that. She _wanted_ to kiss him, forgetting… Forgetting everything that he’d done to her, everything she’d been through. She hadn’t even cared about that as she thought about kissing him. All she could think about was him, and how much…she wanted to kiss him.

Oh God, she wanted to kiss him. The thought brought her such shame that she was pretty sure she’d blushed as red as a tomato. She couldn’t even say anything as she watched Mon-El eye the bandage.

“Well, it seems like you did a great job.” A corner of his lips kicked up. “Thank you.”

All she could do as an answer to that was nod with a gulp. She tried to pull herself together—and keep her damn gaze away from her lips—as she stared at the front of the car. “It was… It was no problem.” Well, kind of, at least. She shut her eyes and shook her head, “But anyway, I think… I think we should get out of here as soon as possible,” she said just to change the subject, scrambling to tidy up the medical supplies. Her laugh sounded so hoarse that she couldn’t help wincing. “We wouldn’t want to be caught in the parking lot of a pharmacy with a stolen car and a bullet wound, right?”

She truly hoped her voice sounded believable as she glanced at Mon-El. He nodded slowly, biting his lip.

“Yeah, that’s… That’s probably a good idea.” He couldn’t even flash her a smile as he continued. “And if you want… I can drive—“

“No.” The word left her mouth before Kara could even think about it. Not that she had to think, though. She lifted her head to look at Mon-El, her glare harsh. “I’m so not letting you drive with that arm. You’re not moving it for some time now.” An amused look crossed his eyes at that as he nodded.

“Okay. Not driving. Fine.” He lifted his hands in defense. And that was the last thing either of them said before they adjusted themselves, Kara sitting on the driver seat and Mon-El taking the passenger seat. Silence engulfed the car as she started to drive, keeping her gaze on the street. At least until she realized that Mon-El was sleeping. And then she found herself glancing at him, not being able keep her eyes off of him, the memories from everything that had happened that day circling in her head. The breakfast, Mon-El getting shot and refusing to go to a hospital, her having to treat him… The almost kiss… And she realized that she didn’t regret it. She didn’t regret the almost kiss, and she doubted she’d regret it even if she truly had kissed him. Without even realizing it, she’d gotten closer to him than she intended.

And no matter how much she wished she could regret that too… She didn’t. No matter how much she tried…she just couldn’t find it in herself to hate him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	12. Amelia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all!!!
> 
> first of all, i wanted to apologize for not replying to all your comments. school had been really hectic lately, and i basically don't have time to do anything other than study when i get home. buttttt i read them all, and i have to tell you, i appreciate each and every one of them. you're the sweetest people in the world and i feel so proud to have readers like you :) thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
> 
> anyway, now, without further ado...i hope you enjoy this chapter!

“Just a little bit more,” Kara whispered as she tried to unlock the door of the motel room, tightening her grip on Mon-El’s waist to keep him from falling down. Even though he was mostly supporting himself, with only an arm haphazardly thrown around her shoulders, she still refused to let him go. They’d been walking for ten minutes to come here now, and with his bullet wound, the amount of blood he’d lost, and his sleeplessness… She wasn’t taking any risks. The last thing either of them needed at this point was for him to wound himself again.

And if that happened, they were _so_ going to the hospital, and nothing he said could stop her from dragging him there.

“Kara, I can walk by myself.” Mon-El’s voice took her out of her thoughts as she pushed open the door. She shot him a glare.

“Says the guy that just tripped and almost fell down walking up the stairs.” She arched her brow at him when he snorted.

“They were stairs,” he pointed out, glancing at her as she shut the door behind them. She couldn’t help rolling her eyes at his excuse. “Anyone can trip and fall walking up stairs, it doesn’t have anything to do with—“

“Getting shot?” she suggested. She only let him go when she was sure that he was standing on his own two feet. She crossed her arms over her chest when her eyes fell onto the bandage around his arm. It still made her feel sick to remember the bullet wound, despite it being hours since she treated it. She pressed her lips together and shook her head as she felt heaviness falling over them. Because…

They could joke and tease each other about this for as long as they wanted, yet it didn’t change how _serious_ it was. Mon-El had gotten shot. Whoever was behind them had shot him, and that… That wasn’t something they could take lightly.

“Because you’ve been shot, Mon-El,” she whispered, tearing her eyes away from the bandage to look at his eyes. No matter how many times she gulped, she couldn’t get rid of the knot in her throat. She saw that Mon-El wasn’t in much of a different situation as all humor disappeared from his face, replaced by a tense expression. Yet all he did was shrug as he turned to the bed and sat down on it.

“Yeah. But it’s over now, Kara. It’s—“

“If you finish that sentence with ‘okay’, I’m really gonna consider smacking some sense into you.” Kara’s words felt like a hiss as she stepped in front of him, her arms still crossed. Fortunately for him, Mon-El didn’t do anything other than look at her. “It is _not_ okay, do you understand me?” She didn’t wait for his answer as she continued. “ _None_ of this is okay. It’s… It’s insane, and crazy, and dangerous, as if it jumped out of some shitty crime show, but it isn’t okay. You’re shot, Mon-El! You have a…a damn bullet wound on your arm.” She shivered with those words, running her fingers through her hair harshly to keep her hands from shaking. “You got shot, and I had to play doctor with you, because…because going to a hospital would be too dangerous. Because revealing ourselves could get us _killed_. How is any of it okay to you, Mon-El? _How_ does it make any sense?” She was breathless by the time she ended her words, incapable of doing anything other than stare at him. She expected to see shock on his face, or maybe even agreement, but all that was there was…pain. Pain and… _submission?_ As if it made sense to him. As if this whole crazy thing was _understandable_ to him.

“You don’t know what I know, Kara,” he whispered with a shake of his head, turning his eyes to the floor. She lifted her brows as he continued, trying to process his words. “You’d understand if you’d known.” He almost looked like he was physically hurting—well, he might as well be physically hurting from the gunshot wound.

Kara cut in before he could open his mouth again. “Then tell me,” she begged, stepping forward. She could feel desperation tinting her voice. “Make me understand, Mon-El, please.”

There wasn’t even a hint of hesitation in his voice as he answered. “No.” Kara blinked and shook her head.

“Excuse me?”

“No, I can’t tell you.” There was a beat of silence before she shook her head.

“…you can’t tell me? After we’ve been followed out of a damn restaurant, after we were shot at, after you had to steal a car so that we could escape… You can’t tell me?”

“Kara…”

“No! To hell with that, Mon-El!” She couldn’t keep her anger inside anymore as she exploded. She saw him wince from the loudness of her voice, yet she didn’t even have it in her to care. “I almost died out there. Do you understand that? _I almost died_. I think I deserve to know what’s going on.”

“You don’t understand—“ he attempted to say, but she cut in before he could get far.

“Because you don’t tell me anything!” she yelled, without thinking. “Because you’re having me run around with you from motel to motel to some mysterious destination without giving me a reason! And if you think I’ll stay silent, if you think I’ll accept this from now on, you’re wrong. Because it’s not just your life on the line now. It’s my life too, and—“

“She wants me dead, okay?!” Her words were cut by his loud yell. Yet that wasn’t even what surprised Kara the most, that wasn’t what got her to step back. It was the furious and desperate look on his face. It was the way he jumped to his feet. It was his tone and his words. It was the way he didn’t even hesitate as he said them.

She couldn’t say anything as he continued, laughing humorlessly and running her hands through her hair. “She wants me dead,” he whispered, his voice considerably lower, albeit no less desperate. “I saw something I shouldn’t have, Kara. I witnessed something I shouldn’t have, and now…now she wants to kill me, because I know too much. Enough to put her in jail for her entire life, and she…doesn’t want to risk that. She’s trying to kill me.” By the time he said the last words, he had tears in his eyes. He was shaking so much that Kara didn’t even have it in her to ask him who “she” was.

She didn’t think he was in a position to answer. So she listened, frozen, feeling numb and limp as he furiously wiped his tears away. “That’s why I can’t tell you, Kara,” he croaked out, his voice shaking. “I can’t put you in any more danger than I already did. I can’t risk you being her target, too.” Only then he managed to look up and stare into her eyes. She felt air getting hitched in her throat. Not that she could breathe properly anyway, but to see the…the intensity of emotions in his expression, to see the deepness of his pain and desperation… It’d caught her off guard, so off guard that she couldn’t say anything, she couldn’t even think properly.

_I saw something I shouldn’t have, Kara. I witnessed something I shouldn’t have, and now…now she wants to kill me, because I know too much._

It sounded almost too crazy, too unbelievable to be true, if not for the honesty shining in Mon-El’s eyes. He was telling the truth. He wasn’t lying…and that was even scarier than his words being nothing but a made-up story.

She snapped out of her stupor only when she saw him whirling around without another word and turning to the bathroom. She found her voice just as he opened the door.

She knew she could’ve asked him a lot of things then, maybe starting with who this “she” was or what he’d witnessed, yet those weren’t the words that left her mouth. “Is this why you left me all those years ago?” she found herself saying, turning to face his back. His steps halted with her words, his hand on the door handle. She had to gulp to continue, trying to talk over the knot in her throat and her pounding heart. “Does this have anything to do with why you left me?”

She held her breath without even realizing it as she waited for the answer. And despite everything—all those promises she made to herself about forgetting him, or hating him, or never wanting to have anything to do with him again—she wanted the answer to be yes. She’d always believed that he left because he didn’t love her, but if he’d left to not put her in danger… If she’d been wrong all along… If he truly loved her like he claimed… She wasn’t sure what she would do with that knowledge, or how it could help her at this point, but damn, that didn’t stop her from wanting it to be true. That didn’t stop her from hoping that Mon-El had loved her, just as she’d loved him.

Yet that wasn’t the answer she got, even after waiting for what felt like minutes. “I left…” he started, almost sounding like he was choking on something, “because I didn’t love you.” And that was the last thing he said before he entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. It didn’t take long for Kara to hear the shower tap being turned on.

Yet she could barely hear it over the sound of her heart shattering in her chest. Because she’d been wrong. She’d been so wrong—or right, depending on how you looked at it. He really didn’t care about her. He didn’t love her.

Yet still, even as she told herself that she knew it all along, even as she told herself that he wouldn’t have left in the first place if he loved her, it didn’t hurt any less. It didn’t stop the burning in her chest, or the sobs lining her throat. In fact…hearing it somehow made it worse, because it had made it all the more real. He didn’t love her. It was simple. He didn’t love her.

And it hurt like hell.

* * *

_“And this is the last one,” Kara said as she almost threw the box in her hand on the floor, right next to all the other boxes. Her voice sounded tired, exasperated almost, which…wasn’t really much of a surprise. Moving into a brand new house was always a tiring experience, and with all the boxes she and Mon-El had to carry three floors up just because the elevator was out of order… He wouldn’t be surprised if she just threw herself on the blue couch they’d bought for the house._

_And that was exactly what happened right after she straightened up and wiped the sweat off of her forehead. Mon-El felt himself smile at that. Even with the messy bun she tied her hair into, even with no make up on her face, and even with her plain leggings and tank top, Kara looked beautiful. Not in the traditional sense—as in the way someone would call a fashion model beautiful—but beautiful nonetheless, with her carefree smile, relaxed posture, and natural attitude. She was beautiful inside for who she was._

_Even the way she rested her head on the back of the couch, the strands of her hair that managed to escape her hair tie falling on her face, couldn’t take away from her beauty. Mon-El set down the two boxes in his hand before moving to the couch too, plopping down by her side. She didn’t even open her eyes, yet she_ did _slip her fingers through his when he grabbed her hand._

_“You seem tired,” he mused a couple of seconds later, tugging her closer to him and pressing a small kiss on her knuckles. She snorted, opening her right eye to a thin slit just to look at him._

_“You don’t say,” she muttered dryly. He probably deserved the elbow he’d gotten to his side when he chuckled at her tone. “What made you realize that? The way I plopped down on the couch, or how I am lying here like a damn sloth?”_

_“You don’t look like a sloth.”_

_“Yeah, right.” Mon-El chuckled at that again, yet he didn’t say anything, instead just sitting down next to Kara in their new apartment. It was just a studio apartment, nothing too fancy or big, definitely nothing like his parents’ house, yet he couldn’t help thinking that this was so much better. It was intimate. Warm. Home. It felt like…home, in a way no other place he and his parents lived in felt like._

_Granted, that wasn’t much of a surprise either, considering Kara was by his side. And she…she was his home._

_“I can’t believe we did this,” he whispered a couple of seconds later, looking down at Kara, who’d laid her head down on his shoulder. He pressed a small kiss on her hair before she looked up._

_“Did what?” she asked sleepily, gathering up her legs underneath her. He smiled at her groggy tone, especially as he remembered how she was determined to start opening the boxes and settling down today._

_It seemed like that wasn’t happening._

_“Moved in together,” he answered Kara’s question, something like amusement flickering in his voice. “I never really thought that…that it could happen, you know. Not with…”_

_He didn’t need to finish his sentence for Kara to know he was talking about his parents. She squeezed his hand encouragingly to offer him her support. “I know,” she whispered. “But they let us. We did.”_

_“Well…” Mon-El started, remembering the fuss his mother had made when he told her about his plan. If he wasn’t legally an adult, he was pretty sure that she would never let him go._

_“Shh.” Kara shut him up by pressing a finger on his lips. “No bad thoughts, remember? This is a happy day. We should be happy.” He could only nod as an answer, yet still, Kara didn’t relax until she was 100% sure he was only thinking happy thoughts. And then she curled back to his side, this time wrapping an arm around his waist and snuggling up to the crook of his neck. He didn’t complain, only tugged her close, resting her cheek on his head._

_They stayed silent for a couple of seconds, Mon-El’s eyes traveling around the house to take it all in, before he broke the silence. “We’re gonna need a bigger place once we have a child,” he mused, not really thinking before he spoke. Kara almost froze at his side and lifted her head. She looked almost illegally cute with a frown on her face._

_“What?” she asked with an almost fearful chuckle. He smiled to reassure her as he tugged a strand of her hair behind her ear._

_“I mean, not right now, of course. Like, far off in the future, after we both graduate from college and have stable jobs and all. We would need a bigger place to raise a child. Preferably a house with a garden or something.” His smile widened as he imagined a little Kara, with her sunshine colored curls and blue eyes, jumping around in the garden following a butterfly, their little golden retriever puppy by her feet. It was a future he’d always wanted for himself, but never dared to hope for, not with the life he had. But now, he could see it all solidifying in his mind, turning from a dream to a possibility, and maybe, in the future, from a possibility to reality._

_He slipped away from his thoughts when he saw Kara smile at him shyly. “It’s like at least five years in the future,” she stated, her thumb making an absentminded circle on the back of his hand. “You really think we can make it till then?”_

_“I know we can make it,” he answered without hesitation in his voice. “You’ll see, we’ll have a little Amelia with golden curls and blue eyes running around our house in no time.”_

_He hadn’t even realized the name had slipped out of his lips until Kara arched her brow. “Amelia?” Confusion had tinted her voice as she ducked her chin to get a better look at his face. “Your babysitter from when you were seven?”_

_He opened his mouth almost immediately to find an excuse, cursing at himself for letting it slip in the first place. He didn’t even_ think _Kara remembered Amelia—but of course. She was really perceptive, and even from that one conversation they had God knew how many months ago, she must’ve seen that he’d really cared about Amelia. And she rarely forgot the things he cared about._

_“I meant…” he started, racking his brain to find something to say…but Kara’s eyes made him stop. They looked so genuinely curious and caring that he couldn’t lie to her. He couldn’t even make up an excuse or shrug it off. He’d… He’d never really told anyone how much Amelia meant to him, afraid that it would be tainted if he told anyone about the memory of a babysitter who’d been more of a mother to him than his own biological mother had ever been. Rhea had already fired Amelia when she realized how close the woman had gotten to Mon-El, and all he’d left of her was his memories. He couldn’t lose them too…_

_But he realized that he was being ridiculous by thinking that telling Kara about all of it would cause that. Kara loved him; she’d never take away something that was special to him. And he wanted to tell her too. He wanted her to know everything about her._

_“Yeah, my babysitter,” he found himself confessing a couple of seconds later, fixing his gaze to the floor. “I’ve told you that…that she was the only person from my childhood who ever showed me any bit of care.” Kara only nodded, presumably not wanting to interrupt him. He had to swallow hard before he continued, trying to get rid of the knot in his throat. He was frowning to keep himself together by the time he found the strength to open his mouth again. “And there’d been this day…right before my mother fired Amelia…when we were reading a story about a mother looking for an appropriate name for her daughter. At the end… She’d decided that she would give the baby her mother’s name, to honor the woman and everything she’d done for her. Her mother had cared for her and raised her; it was only appropriate that her daughter would carry the woman’s name.” He gulped when the memory started playing in his mind. It was an effort to get rid of his tears._

_“And when we finished the story… I couldn’t help feeling distraught.” he continued, trying to laugh to lighten the mood. That was when he felt Kara’s hand on his knee as a silent support. Gratitude filled his chest for that as he smiled at her. “I tried to hide it,” he managed to say finally, “but of cours,e Amelia noticed. She knew me well. She asked me what was wrong, and I remember telling her that…that I didn’t want to name my daughter after my mom, if I ever had a daughter. I told her that my mother never really cared about me like the mom in the book did for her daughter. I didn’t think she should be honored that way, not after what she’d done to me.” He smiled when he remembered Amelia stroking his hair at that comment, not even judging him for not caring about his mother. “So Amelia said, without even thinking about it, that I could name my daughter after her if I wanted. It was probably a joke on her part, but I…I can’t help thinking, even to this day, that it would be fitting. Because she truly showed me how a mother should care for her child. I think… I think I would want to honor her name like that. Honor…what she’d done for me. She was the first person that showed me the true meaning of love.” He stopped to search her face, seeing that her eyes were shining like comets with the curtain of tears that fell over them. “I hope that makes sense,” he whispered almost fearfully._

_Kara hadn’t even hesitated as she reached forward and took his hand in hers. “It does.” Her voice was genuine as she ducked her chin, tipping his head up with her free hand to get a better look at his face. She offered him a small smile that made his heart stutter. “It makes perfect sense, Mon-El.”_

_He felt a grateful smile pulling his lips with those words. All he could do was nod at that, worried that tears might spill down his cheeks if he opened his mouth. Instead, he pulled her close, wrapping his arm around her waist again as he let her rest her head on his chest. He could feel her fingers traveling on his chest, right over his heart._

_“Amelia Alura Gand,” she murmured a couple of minutes later. Mon-El couldn’t see her face, but he could definitely feel her smile._

_“Or Danvers,” he added almost jokingly. “You know, I heard somewhere that it could be done. And I’d prefer having your last name instead of my parents.” A smirk pulled his lips. He could almost imagine how furious his mother would be if that happened—if he took Kara’s surname, ending the Gand lineage in the process. Even that was enough reason for him to have the Danvers surname, but to be tied to Kara’s family… He’d want nothing more than that._

_Kara chuckled lightly, taking him out of his thoughts a couple of seconds later. “Amelia Alura Danvers, then,” she mused. Mon-El nodded lightly at that, playing with the ends of Kara’s hair as she snuggled up to him even more. “I like the sound of that.”_

_He couldn’t agree with her more as he closed his eyes, relaxing in her embrace._

* * *

Alex could do nothing but follow Maggie as the woman rushed into the police station, not even looking back for one second. They were at Alex’s house when she got the urgent call from the police station about a “stolen car”, which the police believed to be linked to Kara’s disappearance.

Maggie had to leave the house the moment she found out about it, and when Alex learned what was going on… She had to follow. Maybe it would turn out to be a dead end too, maybe at the end it wouldn’t bring the police any closer to finding Kara, but it was certainly better than sitting at home, hoping for something to happen. Hoping for her little sister to come back. Being with the police during the investigation… At least she felt like she was _doing_ something instead of sitting around.

Even though that something was nothing more than listening to the police talk about what sounded like gibberish to her. She tried to focus only on Maggie as the detective stopped next to one of her coworkers.

“Lowe, what do we have here?” The man—Detective Lowe, apparently—didn’t even spare a glance at Maggie before he opened something on his computer.

“This,” he pointed at it, as if it should explain everything. Alex frowned, wondering what security footage from an ordinary street could mean.

Until she saw a familiar face show up from the upper right corner of the screen. Her eyes widened as she looked at Maggie. Yet she didn’t even have the chance to say anything as the woman leaned forward, putting her hands on the desk. Alex could see that there was a frown on her face.

“Is that…”

“Mon-El Gand, yes. Kara’s ex-boyfriend.” Alex couldn’t help shivering when she heard the man’s full name. Even though it’d been six years since she last saw him… He somehow still managed to make her heart ache and her stomach boil with anger. Which…wasn’t much of a surprise, if she thought about it. Mon-El had broken Kara’s heart in the worst way. That kind of pain… It didn’t go away, no matter how much time had passed, and Alex saw the proof of that every single day in her sister’s eyes. She hadn’t forgotten him, no matter how much she tried to, no matter how much she tried to convince everyone that she did.

And for that, Alex would hate Mon-El forever. He’d abandoned Kara without a word, an explanation, or even a damn goodbye. He’d left her when she needed him the most—when _Amelia_ needed him.

She slipped away from her thoughts with Maggie’s question. “What’s he doing?” she asked, as they all watched Mon-El looking around, standing next to what looked like a black car. Detective Lowe almost sighed exasperatedly.

“What do you think?” He stopped for a second as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Stealing a car.”

Alex almost froze with those words as her eyes snapped to the footage again. And she saw that he was right about a minute later, when Mon-El opened the door of the car that so did not belong to him, got into the driver’s seat, and drove away in the span of about five minutes. She was so shocked that she couldn’t say anything, not even as Maggie stopped the footage.

“Did we get the plate?” she asked, her voice cold and clipped. Professional as always.

“Yes, and I put out a BOLO for the car, too,” Detective Lowe answered, handing Maggie something that Alex assumed was the plate number. “And our team is analyzing the footage from the security cameras around the area, to see if we could figure out where he went, but so far, there’s nothing.” Distress was visible on Maggie’s face.

“Great,” she muttered, almost throwing the file on the desk. “This case is a dead end after dead end.” That would’ve shaken Alex if Maggie had said it just minutes ago, before they watched the footage of Mon-El stealing a car, but right now… All she could do was stare at the screen, trying to wrap her mind around what was happening. Kara and Mon-El running away together… That she could understand to some extent. People were known to make bad choices when they were feeling extremely emotional, and Kara hadn’t been on the best mood that day. But this… Mon-El stealing a car… She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t think of a situation where he would resort to that. The Mon-El she knew… He’d been such a good person, which was a miracle in itself, considering how horrible his parents had been. Yet somehow, all that verbal and physical abuse he’d experienced in his childhood only made him kinder, and showed him what _not_ to be like. There had been a reason Kara had fallen head over heels for him: He’d been kind, generous, understanding, listening, caring… All the qualities one would look for in a partner. She’d never seen him do anything illegal or dangerous, not even underage drinking—except that one time Kara told her about. This whole…stealing a car thing… It didn’t make sense.

Not even thinking that he might’ve changed in the last six years helped her with her shock. Maybe she was being ridiculous and reading too much into something, but… This didn’t look like Mon-El. And she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something extremely wrong about this situation.

She was only distracted from the footage when Maggie put her hand on her arm. “You okay, Danvers?” she asked. Alex had to blink several times to get herself together, and she found herself opening her mouth before she even intended to speak.

“Yeah, I just…” she started, gesturing vaguely at the footage. “I just never really thought Mon-El could steal a car, you know.” Maggie knitted her brows at that, dropping whatever she was planning to do as she turned to Alex.

“What are you talking about?” She seemed so interested in Alex’s words that it caught the woman off guard. It took a couple of seconds for her to find her voice.

“Um… I mean, he was always a good guy,” she tried to explain it. “Despite his horrible childhood and abusive parents, he was always kind and unselfish, and I… I just can’t picture him stealing anything. Though granted, I haven’t seen him for six years, but… Maggie?” She called for the detective when she realized Maggie was staring at the wall for the last couple of seconds. She blinked when she heard her name. “What’s going on?”

Maggie could barely shake her head, obviously thinking about something. “Nothing. I just… I just thought about something.” Alex’s heart skipped a beat with that.

“What?” she couldn’t help asking, even as Maggie’s hand slipped down her arm. The detective didn’t even seem like she was listening to her. She shook her head again.

“I’ll tell you about it,” she promised Alex as she stepped back. “But I just… I just need to check something first. I’ll be right back.” And that was the last thing she said before spinning around and walking to her office.

All Alex could do was watch her leave, wondering what part of her words sparked something in Maggie…and not being able to stop herself from hoping that it might help them figure out what happened to Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	13. Victim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the angst, especially after that Supergirl episode, but........hope you like this?

Mon-El felt exhausted to his bones when he finally managed to pull himself together enough to get out of the shower. All that crying, especially after getting shot and bleeding out a substantial amount of blood, had been hard on him.

Yet he **still** had to blink several times to get rid of the tears as he grabbed a towel. It seemed like they were coming even after staying under the water for an hour. But at least he wasn’t sobbing anymore, since the sound of running water wouldn’t mask it. He was truly lucky that he didn’t break apart right in front of Kara, and he had managed to open the water tap before sobs started escaping his mouth. The last thing he wanted was for her to know how weak and vulnerable he was, how this whole thing affected him too much, and how he was barely holding himself together. It would only open up a wound that he so didn’t want to open, especially not in this situation, not when he needed to be stronger than he’d ever been.

That didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. He’d honestly thought just yesterday that there hadn’t been enough of him left to shatter, but boy, he’d been wrong. Because the moment he said—croaked out, really—those words…something had cracked in his chest. So badly that it almost _physically_ hurt.

 _I left…because I didn’t love you._ What a bunch of crap that was. As if he could ever stop loving her.

But she couldn’t know that. No matter… No matter how much he loved her, no matter how much he wanted her to know that he didn’t leave because he didn’t care about her—on the contrary, he left exactly because he cared—he couldn’t tell her that. She was… She was already involved in this situation way more than he would’ve liked. And if he confessed that he never stopped loving her, if he confessed that this whole thing was connected to _why_ he left… She was bound to ask more questions. And the more answers she got, the more danger she’d be in. Wasn’t too much knowledge what put him in this situation in the first place? He wasn’t about to put Kara in the same position.

Yet that was easier said than done. Because as he pulled the bathroom’s door open…all he wanted was to take Kara’s hands in his, kneel in front of her, confess everything, and beg her to have him back. Beg her to hold him in his arms just once at least, to put all his pieces together, to let him cry on her shoulder as she rubbed his back and whispered soothing words in his ear. He just… He just missed her comforting him when he was in a bad mood. He missed being in her embrace, wrapped up in her warmth. He used to share all his worries and problems with her, letting her ease the weight on his shoulders. And now…he was so tired of carrying this weight on his shoulders, alone, for six years. He just wanted her to be there for him. Damn, he needed her to be there for him.

Unfortunately, needing something didn’t mean you could always get it. And it was especially true in this situation.

He ran the towel over his face to dry his tears before he threw it on the direction of the armchair in the motel room, almost absentmindedly. He opened his eyes then…only to notice that something vital was missing in the room.

Kara.

His heart plummeted in his chest with the realization, and suddenly, all of his feelings were forgotten as he focused on one thing: Finding Kara. His gaze traveled around the room, looking at every nook and cranny, yet she was nowhere to be found—at least if she wasn’t hiding under she bed, which he really doubted. She’d have no reason to hide, right?

…unless something had happened when he was in the shower. Someone had come into the room…someone _she_ sent…and kidnapped Kara…

Or worse, killed her—

No. _No,_ he refused to believe that. He refused to even _consider_ the possibility of that. She couldn’t be gone. She couldn’t be kidnapped or…or… He couldn’t even think about the word. He just… He couldn’t lose Kara. Especially not to this. Especially not to… _her._ If she died because of this… If she died because _he_ put her in this situation… He would never forgive himself. Not only that, he’d...he’d die with her. Right then and there. If he caused her death… It would kill him. There was no way around it.

Granted, losing Kara would hurt in any situation, but it being his fault on top of that…

That was all he could think about as his shaky legs carried him to the door. He threw it open, ready to rush out and call for Kara…until he saw her right in front of himself, her hands resting on the railing of the motel’s hall, looking outside. Relief washed over him the instant he took her in and realized that she was okay. She wasn’t harmed, she wasn’t wounded, but most importantly, she was there and…and alive. She was alive.

“Kara,” he croaked out, stepping forward next to her, relief palpable in his voice. But it was short lived. Because the moment he saw the expression on Kara’s face… His blood went cold.

She didn’t even look at him as she spoke.

“You know, when we’d been together, you always said that you loved me.” Her voice was so level, almost emotionless, that Mon-El couldn’t help thinking she’d been thinking about all of this for some time now. And somehow…it made everything even worse. “Every day you said it, as if it was so easy for you, as if you were so _sure_ about your feelings that you didn’t even have to think about it. I couldn’t believe it at first…since it was so unlike guys that age…but I’d gotten used to it. I’d gotten used to all of it.” Mon-El couldn’t help wincing at her almost hysterical laugh there. He had an idea about where this conversation was going, and he didn’t like the direction at all, yet his tongue was tied so tightly that he couldn’t say a word. He couldn’t even move, damn it.

“I’d believed you. When you said that you loved me more than anything, that I was your salvation, that I saved you from your parents _and_ yourself… I’d believed you when you said I was your everything and you never wanted to lose me me. I believed all of it, Mon-El.” She stopped for a beat there, turning to look at him. Her eyes were shining with such a deep shade of blue that Mon-El _knew_ she must’ve cried. His heart cracked a bit.

Yet as her eyes traveled on his face, as she realized that he’d cried too—he knew it was all too obvious from his red-tinted eyes—her only reaction was tightening her jaw. And her eyes somehow turned even colder, like…two chips of ice. He honestly didn’t know how else to explain it.

“Was any of it true?” she asked finally, shaking her head. There was a hint of vulnerability in her voice that rendered Mon-El almost breathless. “Was it real?”

It took Mon-El a couple of seconds to find his voice. But then he answered without even thinking. He knew he could’ve said no, that it was all a game for him; that would certainly push her as far away from him as possible, but he… he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say any of that. Because it’d been real for him. It had been, and still was, the realest thing he’d felt in his life.

“Of course it was,” he whispered, trying desperately to keep his tears at bay. He leaned onto the railing when he felt like he could fall apart any moment. “Kara, of course…of course I loved you. You can’t be thinking that—“

“Well, I don’t know what to think, Mon-El!” she interrupted him with a yell. He couldn’t help wincing at her tone, even as she closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. “If you loved me,” she continued a couple of seconds later. The words were leaving her mouth slowly, deliberately, as if that was the only way for her to stay calm. “When did that stop and you decided to abandon me?” Her voice was shaking as she turned to him, yet still, her glare was harsh. “When did _everything_ we’d been through together become nothing to you?”

 _Never,_ he couldn’t help thinking as an answer. _Never. They’re everything to me. You are everything to me._ Yet he couldn’t voice those words, not even as Kara intently stared at him, waiting for him to say something. She only laughed when the silence stretched too long, a laugh that felt like a punch in the gut for Mon-El. “Of course,” she snorted, shaking her head. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised.” She whirled around, turning to the motel room, ready to walk away.

Mon-El’s hand shot forward to stop her before he could think about it. “Kara—“ Yet she yanked her arm away quickly as she fixed her fiery gaze on him.

“Don’t even bother, Mon-El. Nothing— _nothing—_ you say right now can make this better.” She pressed her lips together, laughing again. “And you know what the saddest thing is?” she asked. She didn’t even give him time to think as she continued. All he knew was he dreaded what she was about to say. “There was a time I’d thought you were the most amazing person I’d ever met, and I was just so _lucky_ to have someone like you. But right now, all I see when I look at you is a cruel, uncaring, ruthless man. And I wish I’d never met you, so that I wouldn’t have wasted all those years, and gone through all that pain, for someone who wasn’t worthy of it.” That was the last thing she said before she turned and walked into the motel room, not even sparing Mon-El a glance as she slammed the door behind her.

* * *

_Damn him,_ Kara thought as she furiously ran her hairbrush through her hair, willing the absolutely useless hair dryer in the motel to work. _Damn his words, damn his actions, damn him for making me care about him yet again._ She had to clench her teeth and blink several times to get rid of the tears threatening her eyes. _He doesn’t care. He never will. I should’ve seen that. Damn him, I should’ve seen that._

She wanted to scream with that thought as she slammed the hairdryer down on the counter next to the sink, giving up on drying her hair. It wasn’t going to work. She would have to go back to the bedroom looking like a half-demon with her pale face and wet, knotted curls falling over her shoulder. Oh, and let’s not forget her puffy, red eyes, caused by all that crying and sobbing. Not that she wanted to cry, but she just…couldn’t stop. And she’d tried too, but it was impossible. In fact, she could still feel her throat burning with the strain of holding her sobs back as she stared at herself in the mirror.

_Damn him. He could go to hell for all I care. I should’ve let him bleed out in that street from that bullet wound._

She tried to ignore her heart protesting at that. He would deserve it. He would deserve whatever came his way. She should’ve just gotten in the car and drove away, but…

She started caring. _Damn him,_ he made her care about him, enough that even the thought of seeing him dead sickened her. She couldn’t leave him. She had the opportunity; she could’ve run away, gone back to Amelia, and he wouldn’t have been able to do anything. But she couldn’t leave him to die. She had to save him.

…and where had that gotten her exactly? Crying in the shower alone? Feeling like her heart was ripped out of her chest again? Hearing him say what she always believed—what she never should’ve forgotten? _I left because I didn’t love you._ That was the truth. This wasn’t some…some crime show or romantic movie. It was real life. And in real life, Mon-El didn’t have a secret reason for abandoning her. He didn’t leave because he loved her, or was trying to protect her; he just…didn’t care. He didn’t love her.

Damn it, why did that still hurt so much?

She groaned as she ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to make herself look more presentable—it didn’t work—before she moved to the door. She had to take in several breaths to gather up enough courage to face Mon-El. She didn’t want to; in fact, the last thing she wanted to do was seeing him at this point, but she had no choice. She was really, really tired after the hell of a day she had, and she just wanted to go to sleep. She wanted to curl up under a blanket and go to sleep.

With that goal in mind, she left the bathroom. Her eyes inadvertently searched for Mon-El, no matter how much she tried to keep herself from doing it. She was hoping he was already asleep…but of course, as luck would have it, he was still very much awake as he sat on the armchair. He didn’t even spare a glance at her as she stood in front of the door.

She didn’t miss the way his eyes were shining with unshed tears, or how he’d quickly wiped one away when it slid down his cheek…yet all she did was turn the other cheek. She didn’t care about him. She didn’t care about why he was crying, or whether her previous words hurt him or not. He deserved it. He _deserved_ it.

She hoped that she’d eventually believe it if she said it enough.

Lifting her chin and straightening up her shoulders, she turned away from Mon-El and stomped to the bed. He seemed to notice her only when she grabbed the end of the blanket.

“Kara.” She could hear the desperation in his voice, she could hear him shuffling on the couch, yet she didn’t turn to him. Instead, she clenched her teeth and focused on the work at hand: puffing up the hard motel pillow to try and make it as comfortable as possible. It _was_ an important and difficult task.

He cleared his throat when he realized that she wouldn’t answer. She tried to ignore the way his voice shook as he spoke, as if he was trying hard not to fall apart—and failing. And she definitely didn’t pay any mind to her heart, which cracked at that realization.

“We need to wake up early tomorrow,” he croaked out. His voice was so quiet that she could barely hear it. “I talked to the receptionist about…about the closest car rental place. It’s not far, but it will require us to walk a little bit, so I… I want to be on our way as soon as possible.” He didn’t need to say anything else for her to hear the hidden meaning behind those words. _Before she finds us again._

She couldn’t help snorting as she perched on the edge of the bed. “Well, at least we aren’t stealing a car this time,” she joked, yet it fell dry, especially when she saw Mon-El wince. She balled the blanket in her hands as she pulled it over herself, suddenly feeling cold—and no, it didn’t have anything to do with the distance she was feeling between her and him. Especially when she was the one pushing him away.

Not that she hadn’t extended her hand. Not that she hadn’t tried to close the distance between them. But he…he just pushed her away, breaking her heart in the process. If she’d scurried back behind the steel walls of her heart, shutting him out, it was _his_ doing. Not hers.

“Kara, I…” he started, taking her out of her thoughts. Even before his voice trailed off, she interrupted him.

“Don’t bother, Mon-El.” She truly hoped that he couldn’t hear the shakiness in her voice. “There’s nothing you can say that can make this better.” She locked her jaw, making sure that her face was cold and emotionless. And from the way he almost closed into himself…it seemed like she’d succeeded.

She didn’t say another word as she dropped herself onto the bed, pulling her knees to her chest under the blanket. She pushed all the parts of her that told her that she should’ve left the bed for him, reminding her that he’d been shot and would need all the comfort he could get, down so deep inside her that she could almost feel her heart harden. She couldn’t let herself care.

Not even when she heard him whispering to her. “Good night, Kara.” She kept her eyes shut, repeating in her mind over and over again that he deserved this, that he didn’t care about her, and considering that, why should she?

Yet still it was an effort to keep her tears from sliding down her cheeks and pretend to be sleeping. And she wished it had worked, she wished she’d fallen asleep and not felt Mon-El turning off the lights, not heard his footsteps approach the bed, and especially not felt his shaky fingers over her cheek, pushing a strand of her hair that had been bothering her—but she didn’t dare move away and let him know that she was awake—away from her face. She hoped that he didn’t notice her shivering under his touch as he moved back, presumably to the armchair.

Even all her efforts couldn’t stop a single tear from slipping down her cheek.

* * *

“Damned coffee machine,” Alex muttered under her breath as she leaned down, glaring at the start button. She’d pressed it twice now, waiting for a minute for the thing to do its…thingamajig, but it wasn’t working. And the bad thing was, she wasn’t even _sure_ what she was doing wrong. She’d put in the filter paper and the coffee, following everything she’d seen Maggie do, yet still…

“Come on,” she begged, pressing on the start button furiously, as if doing that just strongly enough would make it work. “Come on, please. Mommy needs her coffee fix.” She looked at the machine almost pleadingly. But in her defense, it was 7 a.m., and she’d just woken up. If she wanted to function, she _needed_ a huge cup of black coffee.

Of course, if the coffee machine would be so _nice_ to give her that.

She almost jerked when the machine gave an alarming beep, indicating that no, it still wasn’t working. She cursed under her breath and kicked the counter. “Damn you!” She buried her face in her hands to keep herself from flinging the coffee machine out the break room’s window…or curl up in a ball and cry.

Why the hell did _everything_ insist on going bad anyway? Couldn’t just _one_ thing go smoothly, without any problem?

She was distracted from her thoughts when she heard footsteps approaching her. She only glanced sideways at who it was. Maggie.

She didn’t miss the way the detective was smiling at her, even as she buried her face back in her hands. She felt Maggie reach forward to flip a switch on the coffee machine when her arm brushed her shoulder.

And no, she so did not feel her heart stutter in her chest.

“You forgot to open the water port’s lid,” Maggie explained as the machine gave an affirmative beep and finally started working. Alex must’ve lifted her head so hopefully that she chuckled lightly under her breath.

She didn’t even have it in her to be annoyed with the detective as she straightened up and looked at her sheepishly. She was just too glad to have her coffee. “Thank you.”

Maggie just shrugged at that almost nonchalantly, at least before her face turned serious. And from only that, Alex knew that she wasn’t here to help her make coffee. “…but you didn’t come here to help me with the coffee machine, did you?” Maggie sighed almost exasperatedly and pushed her hair away from her face.

“No. I came to tell you something.” She rushed out the next words when she saw the alarmed look on Alex’s face. “Kara is okay. It isn’t about her.” Alex let out a relieved breath with that, even though this thing not being Kara meant that the police hadn’t found anything else about her. But… No news was better than bad news, right?

The beep from the coffee machine, indicating that Alex’s coffee was done, interrupted them briefly. She grabbed it before Maggie led her to the couch in the break room.

“It’s about Mon-El,” she said right after Alex sat down. Alex tightened her shoulders with the name, an icy feeling washing over her.

“What about him?” she managed to choke out, even though she was afraid to know the answer. Maggie put the tablet in her hand on her lap.

“Remember when I said I couldn’t find anything about Mon-El that was newer than six years old?” Alex could only nod hesitantly, watching with fascination—and slight fear—at the way Maggie’s hands flew over the tablet almost absentmindedly, pulling up something, as she continued to talk. “Well, it struck me as odd, because I should’ve been able to find _something_ about him, even if he lived his life as a straight arrow. But then…” A smile pulled her lips as she obviously found what she was looking for. “You told me how horrible his parents were, and it sparked something in my mind.”

“Oh?” That was all Alex could think of saying as Maggie lifted the tablet, showing her something. She frowned at first, until she realized what it was. “Is that…?” She couldn’t keep her voice from shaking.

“Yes,” Maggie nodded, putting down the tablet. “Lar Gand’s death certificate. He was found dead merely weeks after you said Mon-El left Kara, and by then, he’d been dead for _weeks._ ” She’d emphasized the last word to explain what she meant, but Alex had already connected the dots. Yet still, it took her a couple of seconds to pull herself together.

“You mean,” she started, enunciating every word, “that Mon-El’s father died right around the time he ran away from Kara?” Maggie’s nod was a bit too enthusiastic for someone who was talking about death—but, well, she was a detective who saw deaths on a daily basis, probably.

“Yes, and that isn’t even it.” _Oh God_. “After I found that out, I dug deeper into Mon-El and his mother, Rhea. And I discovered something.” She pulled up another file to show Alex. It was two documents side-by-side, one with Mon-El’s photo and the other with Rhea’s. And it wouldn’t be too strange…if all the writing on the documents wasn’t highlighted with black. Crossed out, almost, and there was no way to read any of it.

She looked up at Maggie with confusion. “I don’t understand.” She was pretty sure that the detective could hear the hint of desperation in her voice. But she couldn’t help herself. This whole thing about Mon-El was…interesting, yes, but it also brought them no closer to finding Kara. And all she wanted was to find her baby sister.

“Their files are _redacted,_ Alex,” Maggie explained, excitement flickering in her gaze. “I didn’t not find anything about Mon-El because nothing existed about him. I couldn’t, because somebody didn’t want this information to be found. Somebody powerful.” Alex couldn’t help arching her brow, causing Maggie to sigh. “Alex, this means that this isn’t a simple kidnapping case,” she said slowly.

Now _that_ had caught Alex’s attention.

“What do you mean?” she asked almost breathlessly.

“Mon-El abandoning Kara… He and his mother disappearing into thin air around the same time… His father being found dead not much later, and his time of death dating back to Mon-El and Rhea’s disappearance… I’d never really connected the dots—I wasn’t on the team investigating Lar Gand’s death—but I think they’re related. I think they’re all related.” Alex felt almost dizzy, absentmindedly squeezing the coffee cup in her hand, as Maggie shook her head. “Something happened six years ago, something that killed Lar and forced Rhea and Mon-El into hiding. From what, I don’t know, but something happened. Alex, I don’t think Mon-El left Kara willingly. I think he was forced into leaving her.”

Alex couldn’t breathe—couldn’t really say anything—as Maggie searched her face and said the next words.

“Mon-El might not be the kidnapper we thought he was. He might be a victim himself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	14. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an early update for Thanksgiving!!! even though technically it was yesterday (lol). but we got a day off from school (even though I live in Turkey and we don't celebrate Thanksgiving) so i thought...why not? besides, i am really excited about this chapter, so there's that ;)
> 
> anyway, hope you like this :)
> 
> p.s. and there's also a domestic Karamel aesthetic inspired purely from the flashback, because i needed to make something non-angsty lol :)

“I don’t know what I can tell you, Maggie,” Alex whispered as she stared at the half-full coffee cup in her hand and the black liquid swirling inside it. She’d been holding it tightly in both hands for some time now, using it as a tether to tie her to reality almost. Yet even the hot liquid wasn’t enough to warm her, let alone her hands.

The hand she felt on her shoulder, Maggie’s hand, wasn’t enough, either. She didn’t look at her as the detective leaned forward.

“Just… Anything you can think about Mon-El,” she said, her voice soft and soothing. “His personality, his feelings, his relationship with Kara, and especially his parents… Anything that could help us figure out what happened to him before he abandoned Kara.” Alex couldn’t help grimacing at that, ready to shoot back that Mon-El left Kara because he was an asshole, and nothing else. Yet the words got stuck in her throat. She couldn’t say that, could she? Not right now at least. Not when there was a question mark around what happened to him and why he left Kara. _He might be a victim himself._ That was what Maggie had said.

Still, it was hard to picture Mon-El as a victim of…anything. She’d considered him the villain in Kara’s life for so long that learning he might not be all evil was a hard pill to swallow. But…she had to do it, if she wanted to find her sister. And honestly, she was willing to do anything to bring Kara back.

So she opened her mouth, albeit hesitantly. “He… He wasn’t really close to his parents,” she started, racking her mind to remember the things she’d locked away years ago. She felt herself frown as she took a sip from her coffee, wishing there was some alcohol in it for liquid courage. “And…I don’t mean it in the way teenagers aren’t close to their parents. Mr. and Mrs. Gand… They were abusive—both mentally and physically.” She shuddered again at another reminder of Mon-El being a victim. She was so glad for the hand Maggie put on her shoulder—and hadn’t pulled away. “Kara told me that…that they beat him up whenever he did something they didn’t like. For the smallest things, too. So much so that… He believed he was worthless. That he could never be right. At least… At least he was like that when I first met him.” She hated herself for it, but she couldn’t stop her heart from aching for that boy she’d met years ago that was conditioned, by his own parents, to hate himself. “He changed later—with Kara’s help. With our help. He realized that…that his parents weren’t right, and he didn’t deserve their abusive treatment. He barely talked to them after he moved out of their house.” _And moved in with Kara,_ she thought, but didn’t voice it. It still hurt to remember how happy her sister had been that day—a happiness she couldn’t find after Mon-El left her. As much as she tried to pretend she was happy with James and Amelia, Alex could see it in her eyes that it wasn’t completely real. The light was missing in them.

Maggie’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Do you know if anything special happened around the times he left? Like…something with his parents?” Alex shook his head hesitantly. _Except that Kara had wanted to propose to him._ She ignored that too, not wanting to dwell on its emotional weight.

“But I can’t imagine a scenario he’d willingly leave Kara for them, or leave with them at all,” she added, almost as an afterthought. That seemed to have piqued Maggie’s interest. She gestured at Alex to continue.

The woman nibbled on her lower lip for a couple of seconds, trying to decide how much she wanted to reveal, before she opened her mouth again. “I’ve believed all those years that Mon-El left Kara because he didn’t love her, because he didn’t care about her at all,” she started quietly, watching her coffee swirl in her cup. “I never let myself consider an alternative, because I knew that if I thought about the situation… It wouldn’t make any sense. Mon-El leaving Kara just like that… He loved her, Maggie.” She lifted her head almost desperately to look at the detective. “When he looked at her… I could see it in his eyes. He couldn’t fake something like that.” She stopped to take a deep breath. “I chose to ignore that, because if I acknowledged it… I couldn’t believe why he’d just up and left someone he truly loved. And I needed to believe that he left Kara for no reason. But… I know him, Maggie. He loved her. He always loved her.” She furiously wiped away a tear that escaped her eyes. She was all too glad for Maggie’s comforting squeeze on her shoulder. Putting her hand over hers, she leaned into the detective’s touch.

They stayed silent for a couple of minutes, Maggie thinking and Alex relaxing under her touch, until the latter broke the silence. She lifted her head to look at the detective. “Maggie… What does this have anything to do with finding Kara?” she asked. Maggie sighed, debating for a second whether she should say anything or not. At the end it seemed like she’d decided to answer.

“We always thought of this as Mon-El kidnapping Kara and running away with her,” she began explaining. “But… What if it isn’t as simple as that?” Alex could only lift her brows, unable to come up with an answer to that. “What if they are running from someone too? Look, I know this sounds unbelievable, but all this hiding, stealing a car, and even someone presumably shooting at them… It isn’t the actions of someone who thinks he got what he wanted and he’s out of the woods. And if Mon-El loved Kara just as much as you said he did…” She took a deep breath, as if she was trying to gather up her thoughts. “Maybe he didn’t steal her away. Maybe he’s trying to protect her.”

Alex opened her mouth immediately at that, denial on the tip of her tongue. But she stopped himself. Because what Maggie was saying… It made sense. Damn it, it made too much sense. Kara would’ve never forgiven him or went with him if she didn’t think the alternative was too dangerous. If she wasn’t afraid for her life…or for Amelia’s, for that matter. If going with Mon-El wasn’t the best way to protect herself.

Yet still… A part of Alex wanted to close her mind to all of that. She didn’t want to admit that Maggie’s words might be the truth, because… It would complicate things in a way she didn’t want. Mon-El kidnapping Kara and forcing her to stay with him was simple. It made Mon-El the bad guy and Kara his victim. But admitting there might be more to it… Admitting that Mon-El might be trying to protect Kara from someone… It put everyone in a complex, gray area, and Alex truly didn’t know how to deal with that.

But unfortunately, it was a far more reasonable explanation. Life wasn’t a Disney fairytale in which there were only good guys and bad guys with no one in between. And branding Mon-El as the villain in this situation was just way too simple and shallow.

Alex was just about to say something along the lines of asking how exactly knowing they were in danger, possibly being targeted by someone, would help with the investigation when her phone started buzzing in her pocket. She sent Maggie an apologetic look before she took it out, assuming it was James asking something about Amelia—

_Unknown number._

A frown pulled her brows at that. Unknown number. Who could be calling her from an unknown number anyway?

She was just about to out her phone down, not wanting to answer a mysterious caller—you never knew—when Maggie leaned forward and gestured at the phone. “Answer it,” she urged her, her voice clipped and professional. The voice of a detective.

Alex knitted her brows at that, trying to read Maggie’s face to see what she was thinking, yet it was no use. Still, she obliged and answered the phone, bringing it to her ear.

“Hello?”

* * *

Kara couldn’t focus on the magazine in her hand. Not from the lack of trying, though, because she was pretty sure it was at least third or fourth time she was reading the same paragraph. But if someone asked her what it was about…she’d have nothing. She didn’t even _know_ the subject of the paragraph, let alone remembering the details.

Sighing, she finally gave up and closed the magazine, instead lifting her head to look at Mon-El. They were in the car rental place that he’d mentioned, and he was currently talking to the receptionist inside to decide which car he wanted to get. She? Well, she was sitting in the small waiting area, trying to read a magazine.

Well, she _had_ been doing that. Now she was just tapping her foot on the floor and glaring at Mon-El with her arms crossed over his chest. She suddenly found herself wishing that looks could kill people. She wouldn’t say no to some heat vision.

She shook away those thoughts, trying to ignore the way her chest tightened at the thought of Mon-El dying, and instead looked outside. It was really early, so the street wasn’t that crowded yet, with only a couple of people walking and a car or two passing every now and then. It didn’t seem like a busy place in town anyway, with only a couple of stores around. Kara’s eyes found a street cat walking around; a black one with blue eyes. A smile pulled her lips despite her intention. She didn’t know exactly _what_ it was about cats, but they managed to make her smile in any situation.

The cat swayed slowly next to a phone booth, rubbing its body on the pole before it curled up underneath it, at its shadow. A small giggle escaped Kara’s lips at the ridiculous way it was lying down, with its feet up in air—

_A phone booth._

Kara felt her shoulders tighten as the thought seeped into her head. She remembered Mon-El flinging her phone out of his car’s window—and yes, she still felt bitter about that, even more so now. Since then, she thought she’d never be able to call Alex or talk to Amelia, even if it was just so that she could tell them she was okay, but with a phone booth…

She reached inside her bag with shaky fingers to take out her wallet. She hadn’t even paid any mind to it, since credit cards were forbidden and Mon-El had basically been paying for everything in their journey, but now… She spared Mon-El a small glance to make sure he was distracted before she opened her wallet to see a bunch of coins shining at her. Coins…that she could use to operate the phone booth. To call Alex and…and talk to Amelia…

The thought made her heart ache. She’s missed Amelia. Damn it, she’d missed her so, _so_ much. She hadn’t realized it before, what with the rush of everything, but now, the thought of talking to her… Her heart yearned for it.

Maybe that was what clouded her thoughts and made her forget everything Mon-El warned her against. Or maybe she wanted to show Mon-El that he couldn’t just shove her around and make her do whatever he wanted. Or…maybe she was so angry and hurt with what he’d said about leaving her that she wanted to hurt him, too. But either way, she didn’t think as she stood up, when she saw Mon-El was facing away from her, and moved to the door. Her heart was slamming against her ribs as the automatic doors opened, letting her down the path to the phone booth.

Even as she took out enough coins to pay for the call, even as she typed in Alex’s number and brought the phone to her ear, she couldn’t believe she was doing this. She nibbled on her lower lip, tapping her foot anxiously, willing for Alex to answer. Willing for her to just _answer the damn call._

She heard the telltale click of the call starting just when she was about to give up. And then Alex’s voice filled her ears. “Hello?”

Relief washed over her like a heavy rain, so much so that she couldn’t even focus on anything else other than the fact that she was talking to Alex. She tightened her grip on the phone and brought it closer to her ear.

“Alex, it’s me,” she started, her voice shaky with unshed tears. “It’s Kara.”

There was a beat of silence before Alex spoke. “…Kara?” she whispered, as if she was afraid that the call wasn’t real. Afraid that she wasn’t talking to her little sister. Kara’s eyes filled with tears as she chuckled, her heart swelling in her chest with happiness. She knew Alex was too far away, and she was still in a messy situation, but somehow… Somehow she felt safe hearing her sister’s voice. She felt safer than she’d ever felt in the last couple of days.

“Yes, it’s me,” she said with a nod, shutting her eyes to get rid of her tears. She clung to the phone as if it was her lifeline. “Alex… Gosh, Alex, I missed you so much.” That must’ve been what made Alex snap out of her stupor, because the tap on her mouth opened and words flooded out.

“Oh my God… Kara, oh my God, it’s you!” Kara couldn’t stop another tearful chuckle at the excitement in Alex’s voice. God, it felt good to hear it. So good, so reassuring that her knees almost buckled. Only the phone in her hand kept her standing upright.

“Yes, Alex—“ she started, but her sister interrupted her.

“I was so worried about you, Kara. We were so worried about you. Where are you? Are you okay?” Alex sounded almost breathless, as if she was walking, yet Kara didn’t even care. She just bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying.

“I’m fine, I…” She grimaced, barely stopping herself from saying that she was with Mon-El. Instead, she changed the subject. “I don’t know where I am, but I’m okay.” _I’m great right now._ “I’m… Alex, where’s Amelia?” she couldn’t help asking. “Is she okay?”

“Yes,” Alex answered quickly, without even a hint of hesitation. Tears rushed into Kara’s eyes with the relief. “Yes, she’s…she’s perfectly fine, Kara. She…misses her mother.” Kara’s heart ached at that. _My little baby,_ she couldn’t help thinking. She’d never been separated from her for more than a day before. But now… _I miss you too, Amelia. More than you can believe._

“Can I… Can I speak to her? Please, Alex, I…” Her voice trailed off with the weight of the emotions. Even the thought of hearing Amelia’s voice for a second was enough to make her dizzy.

“She’s not here,” Alex said, sadness dripping from her voice. Kara’s stomach dropped with the disappointment. Yet still, she forced herself to focus on her sister’s voice, savoring every second of it. “But… You can talk to her when you come back. Just… Tell us where you are, Kara, and we’ll come and get you. _Please_.” She sounded so desperately hopeful that Kara tried to pull herself together. _We’ll come and get you._ That was what she’d said. She could go back… _home_. It felt like such a distant idea that it was almost believable, but… If she could just figure out where she was, she could tell Alex and…she’d be back home with Amelia. She’d be with her little girl.

She blinked her tears away and turned around, trying to find a road sign or something. She was pretty sure she’d seen one a while back, but she didn’t remember what was written on—

She was so wrapped around in her thoughts that she didn’t notice anyone approaching her. Yet before she could even say a word to Alex… Someone _yanked_ the phone out of her hand and slammed it into its place, with so much force that she could almost hear it crack. She jumped in her place, feeling her heart stop with fear momentarily as she whirled around, all kinds of thoughts about guns and bullet wounds and blood filling her mind…

Until she realized it was only Mon-El staring at her. And he looked absolutely _furious._

“What the _hell_ are you doing?” he asked—well, demanded really. He was so close that Kara could almost hear him clenching his teeth and see the fire burning in his gray eyes. Her blood went cold at the utter… _rage_ in them.

She’d been caught. He caught her trying to call her sister, and not only that… He cut the call before she could tell Alex her location. Before they could really talk about anything important.

She couldn’t imagine how much Alex must be freaking out because of that…but most importantly, she could see Mon-El freaking out as his gaze flickered to the phone and recognition seeped into his expression. His eyes looked as cold as steel when they turned to her.

“You _called_ someone?” he asked, as if he couldn’t believe she could do something so _stupid._ “Your _family?”_ Kara felt herself caving in…until she stopped. Wait. Why was she letting his words get to him? Yes, he might’ve told her not to call anyone and it might be dangerous, but… She was an adult. And she could very well make her own decisions without needing _him_ to order her around.

She squared her shoulders with that thought and stared back at Mon-El with as much ferocity as she could muster. “Yes, I did. So what?” She was so glad that her voice wasn’t shaking, despite the fear in her chest.

Mon-El lifted his brows at that and put his hands on his waist. “ _So what?_ ” he repeated her words with an almost mocking laugh. She couldn’t help wincing at that. Yet still, she refused to back down. She was _done_ with him pushing her around as if she was nothing but a doll.

Even though it was hard to think when there was barely any distance between them.

She refused to acknowledge that too.

“ _So what?_ Are you serious, Kara?” He searched her face for a second as she tried to stay as stoic as possible, and then he turned to the side, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he was trying to calm himself. She could take a proper breath now that he was a bit farther away. “I told you,” he said a couple of seconds later, turning to her. Kara clenched her jaw and lifted her chin.

“I know—“ she started, but he ignored her and continued.

“I told you not to call anyone,” he hissed between his clenched teeth.

“You did—“

“I told you that it was dangerous, Kara!” His voice was raised by then, so much so that he was almost yelling. “I told you it would put not only _our_ lives, but your family’s life in danger, too!”

“I know that, Mon-El!” She exploded finally, not being able to help herself. She saw an old couple walking with a dog give them weird looks, but she couldn’t even pay attention to that, especially as Mon-El spread his arms.

“Then why, Kara?” he asked. She couldn’t help noticing the desperation tinting the anger in his voice. “Why would you do that? Why would you call them?”

“Because I missed them, okay?” she shot back, without hesitation. He seemed taken aback with the strength in his voice. She forced herself to take a deep breath and calm down. “You _kidnapped_ me and took me away from my family without letting me say goodbye or explaining why. And you really expected me to _not_ use an opportunity to call them?” She hated the way her lower lip started trembling by the end, yet still, she didn’t back down. She blinked away her tears and stared down Mon-El.

He almost seemed deflated with his words. “I told you it was dangerous,” he said defeatedly, as if he didn’t even have the energy in him to fight. She pressed her lips together with that.

“Well, I’m sorry if I can’t trust you anymore.” She knew her words were cold and cruel, especially when she saw Mon-El flinch, yet… They were the truth. They were the damn truth. He had lost her trust the day he abandoned her.

He seemed to have given up reasoning with her as he shook his head. “We have to go,” he whispered, as if he was struggling to keep himself together, and was afraid he would break down if he talked louder. “Right now. And please don’t fight me this time, Kara.” He looked at her for one more second before grabbing her arm and pulling her to a parking lot filled with rental cars.

Kara couldn’t do anything other than follow him, having lost all the fire inside her. Yet still she couldn’t help glancing back at the phone booth, wondering what Alex thought about the call ending abruptly.

She truly hoped that her sister wouldn’t assume the worst.

* * *

I’m so stupid, _Kara couldn’t help thinking as she tightened her grip around the pillow in her arms. It was around 4 p.m., a time of the day she’d normally spend cooking for the night—when Mon-El wasn’t home at least, like right now, because he was much better at cooking than her—yet she didn’t even_ have _it in her to stand up and go to the kitchen that was barely four steps from her. Instead she was curled up on the couch, knees drawn up to her chest and a pillow on her lap, watching TV. Well, absentmindedly staring at it, because honestly she had no idea what was on it. She was too busy recounting the events of the day that led here._

_She’d failed it. She’d failed her first exam ever in college._

_She still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She knew the subject was hard, so she started studying pretty early on, and she’s studied a_ lot. _She’d probably studied more for this than any exam she took in high school. And yet… It hadn’t been enough._

_Or maybe_ she _wasn’t enough. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for college or being a reporter. Maybe she should’ve never tried this in the first place._

_She rested her chin on her pillow with that thought, trying desperately to push back her tears._ Stupid, stupid girl.

_She was distracted from her thoughts with the front door of the house being pushed open. “Honey, I’m hooome,” his voice rang in the house. She looked over her shoulder at him briefly before turning back to the front, not even mustering a smile at the joy in his voice. She focused her blurry vision on the TV, blinking the tears away, when she heard him chuckle. “I just love saying it like that.” His footsteps entered the house, approaching hwe, and then they slowed down. He must’ve noticed her less than enthusiastic greeting to his arrival, especially since she had a habit of singing out a “hello” and giving him a small peck on the lips._

_Yet right now, she didn’t even have it in her to get up from the couch._

_“…Kara?” he called for her asshe walked to the couch, stopping right behind her. She buried the lower half of her face to the pillow and tried desperately to blink her tears away._

_It didn’t work._

_She felt Mon-El lean forward on the back of the couch behind her, pressing a small kiss on her hair, before he lowered down what looked like a brown package right in front of her eyes. Kara perked up when the scent of chocolate and sugar filled her nose._

_“Are those doughnuts?” Mon-El laughed softly behind her, so much so that she couldn’t help leaning her head back and resting it on the back of the couch to look at him. He had a grin on his face._

_“Yep,” he answered almost smugly, and then lifted up his other hand. Red and white roses and a Starbucks bag came into view. “And I also have roses and latte too, just for you—well, okay, I got an Americano for myself too, but that’s not the point.” Despite herself, the corners of Kara’s lips quirked up. A proud look flashed in his eyes at managing to steal a smile from her, no matter how small._

_She loosened her death grip on her pillow to reach up for the doughnut bag, wanting to lose herself in the sugary goodness. Fortunately, instead of being all playful and pulling the package away from her like he always did, he let her take it. He walked around the couch and plopped down right next to her._

_She swung her legs down from the couch and put away the pillow to properly eat the doughnuts. Well, as much as you could call mushing one inside your mouth “proper”._

_She felt Mon-El’s fingers brushing through her hair, uncurling the knots patiently, as she grabbed the first one—a chocolate-glazed one, her favorite—and took a huge bite from it. Mon-El didn’t say anything for a while, letting her munch on her doughnut, before he opened his mouth._

_“I’m so sorry about the exam, Kara,” he said, leaning forward slightly to look at her face. She looked at him with surprise at first, but…of course. He must’ve heard about her exam results, even though she hadn’t told anyone about it. He just had a way of figuring out anything that upset her and offering her his unconditional comfort._

_Him knowing about the exam also explained the doughnuts, coffee, and flowers. Not that he didn’t randomly get her those, but not all of them together._

_She sighed and knitted her brows, fixing her gaze on the doughnut in her hand instead of him. He spoke again when he realized she wouldn’t say anything. “Do you want to…talk about it?” He rubbed the nape of her neck softly. His voice wasn’t demanding; on the contrary, it was gentle, as if telling her that he would always listen and be there for her. Tears filled her eyes again at that, and she didn’t even know why. She just felt so emotional._

_She dropped her half eaten doughnut onto the package with a huff. She could almost feel the alarm filling his eyes at that. Her dropping her food without finishing it, a doughnut at that, meant this was serious. Super serious._

_She picked off a piece from the doughnut, ignoring the way the chocolate stained her fingers, before she shook her head. Mon-El caught a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear before it fell over her doughnut. “I just feel so stupid,” she muttered, trying not to crush her doughnut in her hand. It would be a damn shame to waste a good sweet in her grief. Instead, she dropped it back on the package._

_Mon-El didn’t say anything as she continued, only opting to caress her hair soothingly. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying. “I studied so hard for this exam, and yet… I still failed.” She ducked her chin in shame, at least until she felt his hand on her cheek and turned to him. He wiped a tear away from her cheek before she even realized she was crying. He handed her a coffee cup that she took gratefully, letting it warm her fingers._

_“Kara, failing one exam won’t ruin the whole year. Contrary to popular belief, firsts dsn’t set the tone for the rest.” He offered her a small smile, stroking his cheek for comfort. She wasn’t even surprised that he’d seen through her and realized that she wasn’t sad just about failing_ one _exam, and she was worried it meant she wasn’t cut out for college. Yet still, even hearing those words didn’t help her._

_Sighing, she turned her head away and buried it in her hands. Her words sounded muffled because of it. “But what if it will?” she asked, feeling tears wetting her palms. “What if I’m not cut out for college? What if I can’t be a reporter?” She lifted her head and furiously blinked away her tears. “Maybe I should’ve never tried this. I should’ve just stayed as a waitress at Noonan’s. At least I was good at_ that—“

_“Hey, hey, hey,” Mon-El interrupted her words, getting off the couch and kneeling down in front of her so that they were face to face. He removed the doughnuts and coffee from her hands before she ruined them, and then fixed his gaze on her. His intense gray-blue eyes looked as honest as possible. “Don’t say that, Kara. Don’t even think that, okay?” He laced his fingers through hers and squeezed her hands. “You’re an incredibly smart woman. If anyone is cut out for college, it’s you. If anyone can be an amazing reporter, it’s you. One exam… One failure… It doesn’t change anything. You’ll do perfect in the next exam, Kara. You’ll pass it with flying colors. Just wait and see.” He offered her a small smile and pressed a small kiss on her knuckles. There was such belief and determination in his eyes—belief in_ her— _that she almost couldn’t believe it. But…it was real. He really did believe in her._

_“How can you be so sure?” she asked, her voice small. His smile didn’t even falter, though. It just widened._

_“Because I know you. And you, Kara Starr-Danvers, can do anything you put your mind to.” He rubbed the back of her hand softly, and she felt tension leaving her shoulders. It was like magic, but somehow, Mon-El’s confidence in her seeped into herself too, momentarily pushing away the bad feelings about failing an exam. A small smile pulled her lips._

_“Thank you,” she croaked out in a hoarse voice, finally managing to get rid of her tears. Mon-El just shrugged, as if it was his duty to be there for her and she didn’t need to thank him. As if he was_ happy _to be doing that for her._

_She was distracted from her thoughts when she heard him laugh. He stood up to sit back next to her and swiped his thumb over her cheekbone. “Chocolate,” he explained, a playful grin on his face, and licked his finger. Kara could only laugh and shake her head, gladly accepting the distraction._

_“You’re insufferable.” He just shrugged at those words and grabbed the doughnut package._

_“Now,” he changed the subject, “could I interest you in some doughnuts?”_

_She gladly accepted that too, especially when Mon-El handed her another chocolate-glazed doughnut. And as she laughed with a doughnut in one hand and her latte in other hand, talking with Mon-El about everything and nothing with her back resting on his side… She felt lighter than she did the whole day._

* * *

Kara couldn’t sleep.

She just couldn’t. It wasn’t from lack of trying, considering she’d been tossing and turning in an extremely uncomfortable motel bed for about an hour now. Or she assumed it had been an hour since she was frustrated enough to want to punch a wall or something.

Yet still, there wasn’t a _hint_ of sleepiness in her eyes.

She sighed with frustration and turned around on the bed, clutching her pillow tightly. She blamed Mon-El for it. She’d been so tense spending the whole day with him, including a lunch filled with awkward silence and a rushed dinner, that she _still_ couldn’t get rid of the tension. No matter how tired she was.

She hated him for that, too. She’d already had a long list of reasons to hate him, and she’d just added sleeplessness to the list. She was truly hoping that the list would grow in…whatever time they were going to spend together from now on. She’d come so close to forgiving him—to caring about him. She’d truly thought that…that he didn’t leave her because he didn’t love her, but there was some other reason for it. She’d wanted to believe it so badly, so she did…only to have it crumble down into bits and pieces. He didn’t love her. It was as simple as that. There wasn’t always a complex reason for every action. So whatever care or affection she’d developed for him in the last couple of days…she needed to crush it. He would only bring her pain.

She only needed him to get her back home, and then that was it.

With that, she tried to cast all thoughts about Mon-El out of her mind and finally, _finally_ get some needed sleep.

…at least until the front door of the motel room was slammed open and the lights were turned on, making her jump on the bed and sit up. She didn’t even have the time to process what was going on, especially with her pounding heart, when she saw Mon-El right next to her bed.

She could relax only for a second…until she saw the absolutely _frantic_ look on his face. He’d had the exact same look—lips pulled into a thin line, eyes wide, cheeks pale—when he came to her in that restaurant. When there was someone following them, and he’d gotten shot.

Even before he said the words she knew what was going on. “She found us.”

Her heart stopped for a brief second, her mind being slow to completely grasp the weight of the situation, before she went into action. She saw him throw a backpack over his shoulder—his backpack with all of their stuff in it—as she scrambled out of the bed. They hadn’t even unpacked in case they’d have to leave the room urgently…like they did right now. She quickly grabbed her purse without a word of objection, every problem she had with Mon-El forgotten—it was a life-or-death situation, in the end—as she grabbed his hand.

She only had a moment to thank God that she hadn’t taken off her bra—she was _so_ not doing that next to Mon-El—before they rushed out into the chilly night air. Though she could barely feel the cold with the blood pumping through her veins, making it hard to focus on anything else other than _getting the hell out of there_ as quickly as possible.

“This way,” Mon-El said, more to himself than her, as he pulled her into the street, leaving the motel, leading to where they’d parked their car. After the…incident…at the breakfast place, they were reluctant to leave the car close to where they were staying. According to Mon-El, you never knew what might happen, and he wasn’t about to risk them being found again.

And yet…they were found. But…how? They didn’t use their credit cards at all, they had fake IDs, and they avoided busy roads or anywhere they could be caught on cameras and be noticed. The only thing that came to her mind that could’ve hinted at their location was…

Her phone call to Alex.

Her heart lurched at her chest at that thought, so much so that she was pretty sure she would’ve stumbled if it wasn’t for Mon-El’s iron grip on her hand. This was her fault, wasn’t it? That phone call… Whoever was after them, she must’ve somehow traced it, and then from there, it mustn’t have been so hard to find the plate of their car and follow them to the motel. _She_ was the one that gave out their location…and maybe put Alex and Amelia in danger too. Fear tightened her chest. She’d been so, so stupid. She should’ve never called Alex. Yes, she’d missed her _and_ Amelia, more than she could imagine, yet…she couldn’t play it off as the only reason she’d made that call. Not right now at least, faced with the consequences of it. She just… She was angry at Mon-El, and she wanted to hurt him. She wanted to show him that she didn’t trust him, that she didn’t care about him or his thoughts. She wanted to stab him in the back just as he’d stabbed her in the back…and for that, she’d put them, and possibly her sister and daughter, in danger.

Desperation and anger at herself almost brought tears to her eyes. _You knew how serious this situation was,_ she scolded herself. _You’ve watched Mon-El get shot. You had to patch him up. You had armed men follow you. And you still made that call._ It was just…just so _stupid_ of her that she wanted to smack some sense into herself. This wasn’t some video game or movie, in which she could get away with doing mistakes. This was real life with real stakes— _deadly_ stakes.

She shivered with that thought, fear suddenly weighing on her shoulders. She had to distract herself to keep up with Mon-El—to not slow him down, especially as she turned around and saw a man rounding the corner, his eyes finding them. She gulped and turned to Mon-El instead, watching his face for a brief second, wondering what he was thinking. His face was almost unreadable.

Was he angry at her? Well, duh, he probably was, but… Would he just think that she was too much of a burden to carry? Would he leave her alone to deal with…with these people following her, so that maybe _he_ can make it out?

She didn’t even have time to ponder that, only knowing that she dreaded that thought, when Mon-El pulled her into another alley. She was distracted, she couldn’t think clearly, and her heart was thundering in her chest, yet she was almost 100% sure that their car wasn’t in that direction. She glanced over her shoulder, her feet slowing down involuntarily.

“Mon-El, the car…” She almost sounded breathless, yet he seemed like he knew what she was talking about.

“I know,” he said, equally out of breath, and pulled her behind what seemed like a dumpster. Their eyes met for the first time—her frantic ones with his fearful ones—and she almost gasped at the intensity of his gaze. His hands were on her arms, holding her tightly, checking her—wanting to make sure that she was alright. Only then he continued. “There are three of them. The other two rounded the motel to cut us off. We can’t reach the car that way.”

Her heart skipped a beat. She tried not to let fear get the best of her as she searched his face, trying to ignore the way she was clinging onto his shirt just as tightly as he was clinging onto her. “What are we gonna do?” she asked in a hushed voice. He briefly straightened up from his crouched positions to look behind the dumpster, and even in the dim light, she could see his face paling at whatever sight he’d seen. He crouched back down to look at her.

“There must be another way to the car from there, by rounding around or something,” he said, gesturing at another alley not too far away that was, yes, going to the direction of their car. Kara felt her shoulders relax. Good. They could do that. They could go there and…and reach the car, and it would be fine. They would run away.

She was so distracted with the thoughts of getting to safety that she barely noticed Mon-El tucking something in her hands when he closed his around them. She turned to him with confusion as she opened her palms.

The car keys.

She felt her blood go cold. “Wha—“ she started, looking up, yet he didn’t let her talk. He was swinging the backpack off of his shoulder, almost shoving it around her arm. She was so shocked that she couldn’t say anything—she barely even felt the weight of the bag. Yet her heart was beating fast enough that its beats were ringing in her ears.

“Go there,” he urged her. “Get the car and get away from here. As far away as possible. Get to safety.” He stopped for a second, watching her blink at him with shock, before he continued. “And don’t look back.”

She didn’t even know what to say at first as she searched his face. This was… This had been all she wanted. To get out of this situation. To run away. Yet…

What about him? He spoke as if _she_ was the only one that would be running away. But she couldn’t leave him behind, especially not when there were _armed men_ behind them. She couldn’t let them kill him.

“What about you?” she asked, her voice shaking because of her clanging teeth. And from the small, almost sad and defeated smile he offered her… She knew what he’d say. He wasn’t coming with her. He was _staying behind._

“We need a diversion,” he started, and even with those words, Kara started shaking her head frantically.

“No. _No.”_ It couldn’t happen. He couldn’t do that. It could get him hurt or…or worse, killed. It was stupid—ridiculously stupid and reckless.

“We don’t have a choice, Kara.” He didn’t let her continue, rushing forward when he saw her opening her mouth. “I need to create a distraction so that you can get away. I’m not letting them get to you.”

“Mon-El, you can’t—“ she interrupted him, feeling her resolve breaking. _No._ That was all she seemed to be able to think. No, she couldn’t lose him. She just couldn’t lose him.

“I have to,” he countered, yet she didn’t accept those words. She shook her head again.

“I’m not leaving you behind. I—“ Before she could get another word out, though, she felt him step forward, so much so that their toes were touching. Air got hitched in her throat and she was forced to stop, being unable to do anything other than stare in his eyes. Even with the streetlight shining on them, they still looked almost black. Almost, because he was so close that she could see his thin gray irises around his wide pupils. He was so close that she could feel her warm breath on his cheek. She couldn’t help shivering, from cold or from his closeness, she wasn’t even sure at this point.

He reached up slowly—at least it felt as if all of it was happening in slow motion to her—to cup her cheeks, swiping his thumbs over her cheekbones. She hadn’t even realized she was crying until he wiped away her tears. Not that it came as much of a surprise to her.

“Don’t go,” she found herself whispering before she even thought about it. A broken smile pulled his lips.

“This is the only way,” he whispered, pushing a couple of strands of her hair away from her face. If she didn’t know better, she’d call the gesture almost _loving_. “So long as you’re safe.”

_No. Don’t say that,_ she begged inside, yet she couldn’t say the words. _Don’t say it as if it’s final._

Yet all she could croak out was one word. “Mon-El…” And then she couldn’t talk anyway, because he was leaning forward, his lips pressing onto hers, and all thoughts scattered out of her mind as she realized what was happening. He was kissing her. Mon-El was _kissing_ her.

She knew there were a million reasons why this was wrong, and another million reasons why she shouldn’t be doing it, yet she found herself closing her eyes and reaching forward, fisting his shirt in her hands and pulling him to her. The kiss… It wasn’t passionate, per se, yet still she could feel fire coursing through her veins, almost setting her ablaze. God, she’d missed kissing him. She’d missed the feeling it brought to her: how her stomach churned, her heart pounded, and she felt like they were the only two people in the world—the only two people that mattered, at least. Nothing had ever made her feel that way in the last six years. Burning, but in the way that made you feel alive, not destroyed.

It ended almost too quickly. She blinked open her eyes, feeling her grip loosen with the dizziness and intoxication of the kiss, and she found herself looking at Mon-El. He looked… He looked almost at peace looking at her, smiling down at her—a smile that said _goodbye,_ almost. _This is the last time I’m seeing you._

She noticed too late that he’d loosened his grip around her and stepped back, putting some distance between them. She shivered with the absence of his warmth, and…only then her thoughts returned, hitting her like a train. What he wanted to do. What he was attempting.

He was going to sacrifice himself for her.

She looked up at him frantically right as he stepped out of the cover of the dumpster. “Run,” he whispered—his last word to her, and before she could reach forward…before she could even realize what was happening…he was gone. Running in the direction of the men after them, instead of running _away_ from them.

She opened her mouth to scream, yet her voice had left her, and all that left her mouth was a silent cry as she rushed forward, to the corner of the dumpster, peeking out her head to look at him. To see him. She had to blink her eyes furiously to focus on him—she needed to focus on him, to see that he was alright, even though she knew it wasn’t possible. “No…”

But it was too late. No word could save him now. No action could protect him from what he’d _run_ into. _A diversion,_ he’d said, and… _He_ was the diversion. He was giving her a change at running away, a chance at getting to safety. He was saving her life…at the expense of his.

And she realized only then that she’d been wrong. He wouldn’t leave her—ever. He wouldn’t let her deal with this alone. He’d gone on this journey only to save _her_ in the first place. All he did ever since he came back was to protect her, without a thought about himself. And at the end…he’d sacrificed his life for her.

Tears filled her eyes as she clung to the dumpster, another silent _no_ playing on her lips… But it was too late.

He was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	15. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey guys! i just wanted to thank you really quick for all your comments and support for this story. i've been working on a new fanfic (whose first couple of chapters WILL be coming today ;)))) just fyi lol) so i couldn't respond to many of you, but i want you to know how much it means to me. this story is like my baby, because it's the first huge AU that i've written, so i'm just so glad - and kinda floored lol - that you're actually interested in it. sooooo...thank you :)
> 
> i hope you like this chapter :)

The coffee in Alex’s hands looked blacker than ever. She moved her hands slightly to grip the cup better, watching the liquid swirl. Was it her third cup, or fourth? She had no idea.

Not that it mattered at this point. No matter how much coffee she drank, no matter how many blankets she wrapped around her shoulders, no matter how tightly she held the cup in her hands, it wouldn’t be enough to warm her. At first, she’d thought it was about the police station, yet when Jeremiah and Eliza brought Amelia—they thought Alex could use some support—in just a summer dress, Jeremiah wearing a t-shirt himself, and neither of them complained, she realized that it was about _her._

Yet after that phone conversation with Kara… How could she not feel cold?

She shut her eyes tightly with that thought. _She sounded fine,_ she reminded herself, and that was true. Except the obvious exhaustion and fear in the girl’s voice, Kara sounded physically okay. Alex was desperately trying to hold onto that thought, trying to ignore how abruptly the call was cut, but it proved to be harder than it should be. Yes, Kara might’ve sounded okay _then,_ but she had no idea what happened to her after the call, or why was it cut in the first place. Did someone interrupt them? Did…whoever it was hurt Kara? Or worse?

She had no idea, and it drove her _crazy._ Not knowing what happened to her little sister, and not being able to do anything other than sit around, drove her crazy. She should be out there, trying to find her. In fact, no. She should’ve protected her before she was kidnapped, preventing this…this whole mess. Kara was her _sister._ That was what sisters did, right?

Yet every time she tried to reach Kara, every time she tried to find her, it seemed like the girl was slipping farther and farther away from her fingers.

_And she was just about to tell me where she was. We could’ve saved her, we could’ve found her location, but instead…_ Instead they’d wasted all that time on Kara’s condition and…and Amelia. And because the call was cut too quickly, the police couldn’t even trace it. Maggie hadn’t even managed to set up the equipment when the telltale beep from Alex’s phone indicated that…that Kara ended the call.

Or someone forcefully ended it without Kara’s intention.

Somehow, that hurt more than anything else. The fact that they’d gotten so close to finding Kara…only to have the rug pulled right underneath them all over again. It seemed to be the pattern with them. Whatever evidence they found led them to one dead end after another. It’d come to such a point that…Alex wanted to give up. Not that she didn’t want to find her sister, but… She was tired. She was just so, so tired of feeling desperate and helpless.

She just wanted Kara back. She just wanted to close her eyes, and have her by her side when she opened them. Was that too much to ask for?

She pushed away her thoughts when she saw Amelia slip down the couch and stand in front of her. The girl had a curious—and somehow sad too—look on her face.

“Aunty?” Alex so hoped that the smile she forced on her face looked real.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Are you okay?” Amelia’s voice sounded almost too thin as she ducked her chin, her perceptive gray-blue eyes watching her aunt. “You look sad.”

“I—“ Alex’s first instinct was to lie to Amelia and say that everything was fine, she was just feeling physically tired. She didn’t want her niece to be involved in any of this mess, or God forbid even consider the possibility of losing her mother. She was just… She was too young for that.

Granted, Alex knew very well she might never be able to see Kara again, but… She’d deal with that if that happened. Right now, nothing was certain. And that was why she was lying in the first place, right? To protect Amelia from the grief _she_ was feeling in her heart? But…she couldn’t do it. She looked at the little girl, and she just felt too tired to even attempt to lie.

“I just miss Kara,” she admitted, feeling like someone had stabbed her and was twisting the knife. She expected Amelia to look at her with confusion, but instead, an understanding look passed the girl’s eyes.

Kara had always claimed that Amelia was forced to mature quickly, just as she had to when Mon-El abandoned her and she had to raise her daughter alone. Alex couldn’t help thinking that she had been right.

“Do you want chocolaye?” Amelia asked as she stepped forward, lifting a half-eaten… _Snickers…_ into the air. “Mommy always said chocolaye made eveything better.” Alex had arched her brow at first at the weird offer, but then her face melted into a compassionate smile. Amelia really was too selfless and perceptive for her age.

She was prepared to say no and tell her niece to have the chocolate by herself, but Amelia looked so hopeful as she stared at her that…she couldn’t. She quickly wiped away a tear that escaped her eyes and nodded.

“Yes, I’d… I’d like some chocolate. Thank you, kiddo.” She ruffled the girl’s hair, offering her a small smile, before she took the chocolate from her. Normally, Amelia would be so pissed off at anyone that messed up her hair, but this time, she only smiled back at Alex. Even that showed just how serious she knew the situation was.

She also jumped into Alex’s arms right after that, so…the serious part might not have been exactly true. Yet Alex didn’t even complain as she hugged her niece back, trying desperately to hold back her tears.

“I miss Mom too,” Amelia admitted in the small, helpless voice of a child, so much so that Alex felt something crack in her heart. She didn’t let herself think about uncertainties as she pushed Amelia back just enough so that they were face-to-face, and put her hands on the little girl’s shoulders.

“I know, Amelia,” she whispered and tucked the girl’s hair behind her ear. “But I promise you, Mommy will come back as soon as she can. Don’t you worry.” Amelia’s eyes lit up.

“Really?”

“Really.” Alex smiled at the girl—a smile that she hoped looked reassuring—before pulling her back into her arms. “Kara loves you too much to leave you.”

And she so hoped, as she stroked Amelia’s hair, that she could keep that promise.

* * *

_Breathe._ That was all Mon-El could think as he walked through the eerily empty alley out onto the less eerily empty street, his hands lifted into the air. _Breathe._ Freaking out right now wouldn’t help him one bit. He had to breathe, he had to keep calm…he had to divert the people behind them long enough for Kara to reach their car and get as far away from here as possible.

And he wouldn’t be able to do any of that if he couldn’t breathe or think. He had to keep himself together, no matter how hard it seemed right now. He had to gulp away his fear, go out there, lengthen the conversation as much as possible before he… Well, before he probably got a bullet to his head.

Even the thought was enough to chill his blood. It seemed like even knowing this was the right thing to do couldn’t help someone with fear. He’d come to terms with death; he’d come to terms with it years ago when he…when he first left Kara, but actually coming face-to-face with it was a whole other story. It was then that you realized that there were a lot of things you still wanted to do. It was then that you realized just how precious life actually was. It was then that every single problem that you over-dramatized in your mind seemed solvable.

It was then that you wanted to spend just one more minute with your loved ones. Kara, in his case. But… In this situation, he didn’t have any other choice. Trying to stick with Kara would only put her in danger. She should stay as far away from him as possible, so that she could be safe. And he needed to make sure she was alive and safe. Her daughter needed her. Her family needed her. And he…he needed her to be alive. He’d do anything to ensure that.

Even if it meant he had to create a diversion and die in the process.

And besides, he spent the last few days with her, as crazy and cold as things had been between them. And he’d…he’d also just kissed her. It was enough. It had to be enough.

_Breathe,_ he thought again as he forced himself to inhale, and went into the street, right out into the open. He noticed the people—he could see, thanks to the streetlights, that it was a brunette woman and two men—only a second before they noticed him.

And then three guns were pointed at him. His steps were halted. “Stop right there!”

“I’m unarmed,” he managed to say a couple of seconds later, lifting his hands higher into the air to emphasize his point. “I’m not here for a fight.”

He could see the confusion in all three of their faces as they shared glances, trying to decide what to do with him. He gulped back his fear again, taking several deep breaths, and stepped forward. “I’m here to surrender myself.”

He didn’t miss the shock splashed on the woman’s face. “…to turn yourself in?” She seemed suspicious, eyeing him as if he was a ticking time bomb and could kill all of them at any second.

That wouldn’t be such a bad idea, actually…if he had a bomb, you know.

“She wants me dead,” he said, risking taking another step forward. He couldn’t even bring her name to his mouth without feeling disgusted to his core. He saw one of the men taking his gun off of safety and stopped. “That’s why you’re here, right? To kill me?” None of them disagreed, proving his point. He ignored the way his heart jumped in his chest. “Here I am.”

“How do we know this isn’t a trick?” the woman asked, stepping forward as well. Now there were only a couple of feet between them, close enough for Mon-El to make out her features. “And where is the girl you were with? Kara Danvers?”

This time, there was no way he could stop the fear from filling his lungs. He clenched his jaw. _Breathe._

“She has nothing to do with this.” He hoped that he sounded stronger than he felt, and that the shakiness in his voice wasn’t too audible. If he blew this… If he failed to convince these people that Kara was completely innocent… They might go after her after they got rid of him. And he couldn’t have that. “She doesn’t know anything.”

“How do we know you’re telling the truth?” one of the men challenged him, yet the woman… She stopped them with an almost amused smile. Mon-El couldn’t help shivering.

“He is.” She stopped for a second, as if waiting for the full impact. “He loves her.”

Mon-El’s heart lurched in his chest, yet he couldn’t find any words to say to that. It wasn’t as if the woman was wrong. He only gulped and opened his mouth…

Only to be interrupted by a tire-screeching sound coming from behind him, and suddenly the woman and the man were illuminated with a bright white light, which could only be coming from…

A car.

He momentarily forgot about the fact that there were guns pointed at him—though he did see from the corner of his eyes that with the distraction of the light, both the men and the woman had lowered them—and looked behind him, blinking away to see through the light…and saw a car stopping right next to him, barely a feet or two between them. The car was black and, if he wasn’t wrong, was the exact model he’d rented.

Which could only mean…

Before he could even shake off the shock the door on the passenger side was pushed open, revealing a flash of blond hair and frantic blue eyes. “Get in, idiot!” Kara yelled, not giving him even one second to process what was going on.

He didn’t need to process it, either. His instincts kicked in as he realized that the woman and the men still had their guns lowered, and were too distracted to do anything. He darted into the car, pulling the door close immediately. He could feel his heart thundering in his chest as he gripped the side of the seat to steady himself.

Kara, on the other hand, didn’t seem like she needed steadying, as she immediately pushed on the gas pedal and the car almost flew on the street.

They were going so fast that they didn’t even hear the gunshots—and Mon-El was sure they must’ve come, because he knew _her._ She, and her people, would never back down without a fight, especially in this subject.

Yet…it didn’t matter, because they were too far away to hurt him or Kara. They were away…because Kara had swooped in at the last second and saved him. Kara, whom he’d told to run and get away, had come back to save him…putting herself in danger in the process.

He couldn’t help it as he whirled around to face her. “What were you thinking?” His voice cut through the silence and both of their heavy breathing. Kara almost jumped in her place, her grip on the steering wheel tightening, so much so that her knuckles looked as white as paper. She could only spare him a short glance before looking back at the road—they _were_ going fast. “Kara, why the hell did you come back? You could’ve gotten hurt! Or… Or worse, you—“

“I was saving your life,” Kara yelled, interjecting him, “you dumbass!”

“I didn’t need you to save me!”

“Yeah, the three guns pointed at your forehead definitely said that you _didn’t need saving._ You are _crazy_ if you actually believed I’d let you run into danger like that and _get killed._ ”

“You should’ve left to save your life! To let me go so that—“

“You don’t get to decide what I do or don’t do!” She stopped after those words to take a deep breath, silence engulfing the car once again. Mon-El couldn’t do anything other than stare at her, this…this woman who’d just drove into something that could’ve possibly gotten her killed to save him. He had to admit that it was fierce and brave…and very, very stupid. Yet he felt too breathless to say anything as Kara ran her fingers through her hair.

It was overwhelming, to be alive and safe, after thinking that you were going to die.

“You can’t risk your life trying to save me,” Kara continued. Her voice was so low that he barely heard it—so unlike how she’d been yelling at him before. But somehow, those words hit him harder than the previous ones. “Okay? You can’t die for me. I can’t live with myself if you die for me.” Mon-El’s heart stuttered in his chest with that, not so much for the honesty behind her voice, but for the meaning of the words. They indicated that… Kara didn’t hate him. How could she hate him if she couldn’t let him die, if she couldn’t _live with herself_ if he died? He’d been so sure, when he told her to run away, that she’d do it. She’d take that chance, because she had too many people she cared about, too many people that needed her, and he didn’t think one person she hated would matter to her. But…he’d been wrong. He’d been wrong, because…

Kara cared about him enough to save him, to risk her life doing that. He’d done everything in his power to keep her away from everything, so much so that he was sure she hated him, but…she didn’t. She came back.

“I just wanted to give you a chance at life,” he mumbled hoarsely a couple of seconds later. Kara could just nod at that, apparently at a loss of words, blinking desperately to push away her tears.

It was an effort to do that on his part, too. He quickly turned away so that she didn’t see how much he was affected by it, just how his heart was hammering in his chest with a newfound hope he shouldn’t be feeling. But…he couldn’t help himself. How could he, when he found out that even after everything he did, Kara didn’t hate him?

Kara could only break the silence a couple of seconds later. “You kissed me,” she blurted out, suddenly enough that Mon-El’s heart stopped momentarily. His eyes snapped at her. With the… With the rush and fear of everything, the kiss had completely escaped his mind, but now, with Kara’s words… He could almost feel his lips tingle. He clenched his fists to not touch them.

“Why did you do that?”

_Because I love you,_ Mon-El couldn’t help thinking. _Because I missed kissing you. Because I thought I was going to die, and I wanted to feel your lips one last time._ Yet those were easy things to accept right before your death. He would’ve had no problem admitting them if she asked him then. But now…when his life was stretching out in front of him…he just felt ashamed that he kissed her. Not that he didn’t want to, but…she probably didn’t. No, she definitely didn’t. And that would’ve been okay if he died, since she wouldn’t see him again, but now that she was confronting him about it…

He couldn’t say the truth. Yet he could barely find anything else to say, as he never really thought he’d have to confront her.

“I…I thought I was going to die,” he whispered way too long later. He turned his eyes to the road so that it wasn’t too obvious that he was lying. “I wasn’t thinking. It was the rush of adrenaline.”

What a dumb lie that was. He had to try so hard not to face-palm himself. He just hoped that Kara didn’t see through it…

But when he stole a glance at her way, he saw, from her eyes, that she didn’t believe a word. Yet still, she didn’t push him, seemingly realizing that there was more to it than a simple kiss. More than what he could explain to her probably.

So instead, she let the silence take over the car once again as Mon-El leaned his head against the back of his seat. Yet even then…the silence didn’t feel as uncomfortable as it did before.

And he didn’t know what to make of that.

* * *

_“Soooo…” Kara looked up from the she was making when she saw Alex approach her almost sneakily. She had an almost mischievous smile on her face._

_A smile that so did not help with her suspicions. Alex had been acting really weird the whole morning, ever since she and her girlfriend arrived at Kara’s house for a double breakfast date. And right now, after making sure Kylie was comfortably hanging out on the couch, watching some morning news, she’d sneaked into the kitchen, presumably, to talk to Kara._

_As indicated by her presence right next to the stove._

_Kara arched her brows. “Yes, Alex?” she asked, in a quiet voice like hers, and flipped the pancakes. She kept her eyes on them to make sure she wouldn’t burn them. She was so bad at cooking, but Mon-El had worked really late the previous night at the bar, and she wanted to give him some rest in the morning when she saw that he was sleeping so deeply. Even if that meant she’d have to be the one preparing the breakfast._

_She was just glad that Kylie had known them well enough to not to be offended by Mon-El’s sleeping. In fact,_ she _was the one that insisted to let him sleep when Kara wanted to wake him up._

_“Have you proposed to him yet?” Kara almost choked on air and dropped her spatula—and the pancake on it, effectively—back on the pan. She didn’t even know how she managed to save it and calmly place the pancake on the pancake stack._

_“Have I done what to who?” she asked, her voice almost too thin. If it was any other situation, she might’ve glared at her, but she was…too shocked for that._

_Oh, and let’s not forget her thundering heart. That was a problem, too._

_Alex giggled and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked like she was having the best time of her life. “Have you proposed to Mon-El, you dumbass?” she clarified…only to come face to face with Kara’s wide eyes. She couldn’t help sighing. “Weren’t you the one telling me you were ready to take the next step?”_

_“Yes, but—“_

_“And the next step is—“_

_“Proposal!” Kylie interrupted from the couch, turning to the sisters. Kara shot her a glare. Did that girl wanted to wake up the whole apartment—or God forbid, Mon-El? She so did not want him to hear this conversation._

_“See, even Kylie knows it,” Alex pointed out, getting her attention back. It took a couple of seconds, gulping hard several times, and gripping the spatula in her hand tightly for her to pull herself together._

_“I’m not proposing to Mon-El, Alex,” she said as she poured another batch of pancake batter on the pan. Alex arched her brow._

_“Why not?”_

_“Because…” Kara racked her brain to find an answer to that. “Because I don’t know if he wants it! Because we’re at a good point in our relationship now and I don’t want to ruin it. Because I don’t know if he’s ready or not.”_

_“You’ve been dating for seven years now, Kara. He’s ready, trust me.” Kara could only huff at that, focusing on her pancakes, waiting for the bubbles on the sides of it. Making pancakes was one thing that Mon-El managed to teach her properly about cooking, and she didn’t want to ruin it._

_Or she didn’t want to look at Alex right now, especially with her flaming cheeks. That might be it, too._

_“I thought you wanted this, Kara,” Alex, said, taking her out of her thoughts. Kara flipped one of the pancakes, running her fingers through her hair with her empty hand and glanced at Alex._

_“I do,” she sighed. “But I—“_

_“You know, nothing someone says before the word but really counts.” Kara couldn’t help gaping at her sister._

_“Did you just quote Game of Thrones to me?” Alex just shrugged as an answer, but before Kara could say anything else, she opened her mouth._

_“If you want it, Kara, then give me one good reason why you’re not proposing.” Silence engulfed the room for a couple of minutes as Kara glared at her sister—and then took the pancakes off the pan. She turned off the stove then and leaned over the counter._

_“Mon-El might not want to take the next step—“_

_“He does,” Alex objected. “Next question.” Kara narrowed her eyes at her sister, but still, she racked her brain to find something._

_“Aren’t guys supposed to be the ones proposing?”_

_“Kara, that is the most cliché and outdated thing in the world.”_

_“Agreed!” Kylie yelled from the couch, again, and when Kara glared at her, she just shrugged with a grin. Kara couldn’t help sighing as she looked back at Alex._

_“Is it such a bad thing that I want a cliché and outdated proposal?” she finally confessed, throwing her arms in the air. “Is it bad that I want roses and candles, a dinner at a fancy restaurant, a diamond ring, and Mon-El getting down on one knee like they do in the movies?” She knew it probably sounded ridiculous, but it didn’t change what she felt in her heart. She wanted Mon-El to propose to her, and she wanted it to be romantic and special and a day they would both look back at with love. And she knew that if Mon-El wanted to propose, he’d go all the way, just as he did with everything else. He’d make it the best day of her life—well, second best, if you counted the wedding. Or maybe even third best. They were planning on having kids, after all._

Amelia Alura Danvers, _she couldn’t help remembering fondly._

_Alex’s face softened with Kara’s words. She put her hand on her sister’s arm. “Of course it’s okay, Kara. It’s natural. I just… I just wanted you to be happy, you know. I—“_

_“Kara?” Alex’s words were interrupted with a very familiar and very groggy male voice coming from the bedroom. And then, in a matter of seconds, a shirtless Mon-El entered the living room._

_Kara wanted to face-palm herself, especially as the remote in Kylie’s hand fell to the floor and her mouth dropped._ Damn it, Mon-El.

_She dropped her face on her hand just as she saw his eyes widen with shock. Yet still, she didn’t miss the way Alex was grinning as she waved at him._

_“Good morning, Mon-El.”_

_“Alex,” Mon-El almost shrieked. “I didn’t know… You know what, I’m gonna go change. Yes. That’s a good idea. I’m…just…gonna…” And then he scurried inside the bedroom, shutting the door behind him quickly._

_“Damn he is hot.” Only with Kylie’s comment did Kara lift her head._

_“Seriously, Kylie?” The girl lifted her hands innocently._

_“What? He might have you, and I might have a girlfriend, but I have eyes too, you know. And my bisexual ass can admit that he’s hot as hell.” Kara rolled her eyes as she returned back to her pancakes and grabbed the maple syrup, ignoring the way Alex was giggling as she made her way to the couch, next to her girlfriend. She was at least glad that the proposal subject had changed._

_Still, as she stared at the direction of the bedroom, she couldn’t help thinking… Why not?_

* * *

The sun had barely begun to rise at the eastern side of the road when Kara woke up. The first thing she noticed was an ache in her back, coming from sleeping in the car the previous night, in the parking lot of some diner—basically the first place he and Mon-El saw on the side of the road. They had decided that it would be the best if they stayed off the radar for a while, and that meant motels or hotels were a no-go.

Besides, they were both too tired to find somewhere to stay, anyway. After the adrenaline of the situation subsided, exhaustion fell over both of them. Mon-El had even fallen asleep before Kara parked the car. And she…she’d went to sleep as soon as possible too, tilting her seat and curling to her side, watching Mon-El’s sleeping figure until her eyelids flickered close and she drifted off to sleep as well.

_Mon-El._

Her heart jumped in her chest when the memories of the last night filled her mind. She was so tired that she’d actually managed to sleep soundly, without being haunted by any nightmares, but now… She remembered him kissing her, she remembered him running off at the people following them to create a diversion…she remembered herself risking everything to get him out of that situation. She honestly thought, at one point, that she’d get a bullet in the head the moment she pulled up next to Mon-El, but everything had happened so unexpectedly that she’d gotten him out of there without a problem.

Or was it all a dream? Did she imagine all of that, and now she was at some motel, on her way back to National City, while Mon-El was lying down on some unknown street with a bullet wound in his head?

Her eyes flickered to the passenger seat…and she felt herself relax immediately when her gaze fell over his sleeping form. She was pretty sure that when he fell asleep last night, he was facing away from her, but she assumed he must’ve somehow turned in his sleep, because she had an almost perfect view of his face. She found herself slowly relaxing back into her seat, resting her cheek on her hands and gazing at him without her intention.

He looked much calmer when he was sleeping, without all that worry and…whatever had been haunting him weighing on his shoulders. His muscles were relaxed, so much so that he was almost slumped on his seat. His face looked like it’d regained its color, at least enough that he didn’t look pale or sickly anymore. And his hair… It was still messy, yes, with a couple of strands falling over his forehead and eyes, yet right now they looked more endearing than…heavy. He looked like the Mon-El she knew before he left, not the one who seemed to go through hell in the last six years.

Because if he was in this mess with gunned men following him for that long… She shivered, not even wanting to imagine what that might be like.

She didn’t stop herself as she reached forward to push back his hair. Normally, a couple of days ago, even the thought of getting close to him would be enough to make her feel revolted. But now… After being forced to face the possibility of losing him… She never wanted to leave his side. The fear she felt the other night… The absolute fear _for Mon-El’s life…_ It was unlike anything she’d felt before. She didn’t want to lose him. She didn’t want him to die. He might not love her, she might not be as important to him as before—though that was debatable, as he was willing to die for her just the previous night—but that didn’t mean _she_ didn’t love him, either. There was still a part of her that cared about him, so deeply that trying to cut away that part would be like killing who she was.

She couldn’t lose him. She knew that now. What that meant, after everything he’d done to her, she didn’t know, but she knew that she didn’t want to live in a world he wasn’t alive in.

She brushed his hair lightly with her fingertips, letting the soft strands curl around her fingers, before dropping her hand to his cheek. She traced the lines of his face, just as she did many times when they’d been dating. _God, he’s beautiful._ The thought seeped into her head almost involuntarily, but she had to admit that it was true. Mon-El was beautiful; despite his scars, bruises, and wounds, despite his collapsed cheeks and slumped shoulders, despite the obvious weight he was carrying, he was beautiful. At least that hadn’t changed in the last couple of years.

She pulled her hand back only when she felt her stomach grumble. It was only then she realized how hungry she actually was. She’d barely eaten anything last night, not having an appetite after the fight she had with Mon-El, and now she was feeling the effects of that.

She turned her eyes to the diner and…voila. It was open. A smile tugged at her lips. She glanced at Mon-El one last time—and yes, stroked his hair too, but whatever—before moving to grab her wallet and car keys and went out the car. Two sandwiches and two coffees. Yep. That sounded good. And God, did she need her coffee fix. It was the only thing that could push away her sleeplessness at this point.

She walked out of the diner merely minutes later with exactly that in her hands: two cups of coffee and two sandwiches. Oh, and one doughnut too, because they looked so good and Kara just couldn’t not buy one. She could share it with Mon-El…if he wanted. If she had to be honest, there was a part of her that just wanted to munch on the whole thing.

But…she would be selfless. Mon-El had made the ultimate sacrifice for her the previous night. She could very well give up half a doughnut.

Balancing the doughnut, sandwiches and coffees on one hand, she unlocked the car doors and opened it slowly. Mon-El was still sleeping soundly, in the same position that she left him, only with his lips parted now as well. Somehow, that made him look even more adorable. She smiled at him for a couple of seconds, feeling her chest flutter, before slipping into her seat.

She didn’t even try to fight the flutter. Something had changed inside him when she watched Mon-El run to his death the previous day. And…she was just so sick of fighting what she felt inside, especially when she realized how someone could be ripped away from you so easily. She just wanted to spend as much time with Mon-El as possible, without any hard feelings between them; she didn’t want to regret pushing him away if, God forbid, something bad happened to him.

She placed the food between her and Mon-El before she reached forward to wake him up, as softly as ever. Everyone hated waking up, but with what his parents put him through… The last thing she wanted was to startle him.

She gently cupped his cheek, trailing her fingers over his light scruff. “Mon-El?” she whispered. “You need to wake up. The sun is out.” _And I’d rather get on the road and get as far away from whoever is behind us as possible._ “We need to get going. And…” She grabbed one of the coffee cups and brought it right under her nose. “I got us coffee and sandwiches. It’d be a shame if they got cold.”

Pride flickered in her chest when he stirred awake instead of jerking up. So she really hadn’t forgotten how not to startle him. Guess you never forgot some habits.

She smiled as he blinked several times before finally opening his eyes. He seemed like he still couldn’t shake off his sleep fully, but somehow, it gave him an innocent air Kara couldn’t help adoring. Her smile widened as she brought the coffee cup down to her lap.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

“Kara?” Mon-El mumbled, pushing himself off the seat slowly. His eyes flickered around the parking lot. “Where are we?”

“At the parking lot of a diner. I… Well, we thought it’d be better if we slept in the car after…what happened last night.” He seemed confused at first, as if he didn’t remember…until panic filled his face. His eyes snapped at her.

She rushed forward to grab his hand before his thoughts got too far. “I’m fine. We’re fine. Nothing happened,” she reassured him, her finger drawing soothing circles on the back of his hand. “We’re not hurt. We got out.” She could almost feel her heart slamming against her ribs as she stared at him, searching his face, making sure he understood what she was saying. He seemed tense at first, but slowly, _very_ slowly, the tension eased from his shoulders and he nodded with a small gulp.

“You’re fine,” he repeated, as if he needed to hear the words again. “We’re fine.” She offered him a small smile.

“Yeah.” She stroked his arm, not even caring what he might think about it. He looked like he needed her support right now, and even common sense wouldn’t be able to stop Kara from offering him that.

She only changed the subject when she was sure Mon-El was fine. “But I didn’t wake you up to say that.” He arched his brow.

“Oh?”

“Nope. I got us breakfast.” She gestured at the stuff sitting in the middle of them, balanced awkwardly on the cup holder of the car. “Well, okay, it’s just two sandwiches, coffee, and a doughnut—which I will share with you, don’t worry—but I thought… I thought we could use some food before we started driving again.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “You know, for energy.” Only then she looked at Mon-El, only to see him staring at their breakfast with a dumbfounded expression, as if he’d never seen food before in his life. She knitted her brows. “Um, Mon-El?”

“…you got me breakfast?” he said before she could even ask him what was wrong. She blinked with his question.

“Uh… Yes? Is that… Is that such a weird thing?” It was just _breakfast,_ it wasn’t as if she showed up with a new iPhone or something.

But when she looked at Mon-El, _really_ looked at him, she realized… It was a big deal. At least for him. And…it was her fault, too.

She couldn’t help cringing with that thought. She’d done this. She’d been treating him so badly the last couple of days, pushing him away, insulting him and claiming he was a horrible person… Of course he was surprised that she bought him breakfast…or that she was treating him decently. Damn it, she hadn’t even been treating him like a decent person. Granted, he’d hurt her badly, yes, but just because of that, she pretended like every word that came out of his mouth was a lie. But it wasn’t, was it? He hadn’t been lying about the gravity of the situation. He hadn’t been lying about how serious this was…how dangerous and deadly it could get. She should’ve listened to him, she should’ve at least offered him the benefit of the doubt, but instead, she’d childishly acted out just to show him that he couldn’t control her. She called Alex, not just because she missed her and Amelia, but because… She wanted to get back at Mon-El for what he’d done to her. And because of that, they were found, and he…he almost died, sacrificing his life to save her.

She should’ve realized he was right long ago…but better late than never, right? At least right now…she had the chance to apologize.

“I’m sorry, Mon-El,” she started before he could say anything. His expression melted into an understanding one.

“Kara, it’s—“

“No, don’t say it’s okay. It’s _not_ okay.” She was really tired of him saying something was okay when it _clearly was not._ He blew off a lot of stuff, which would’ve made everyone scream in complaint, as if it was nothing. And she hated that. She hated how lowly he thought of himself that he actually believed this was okay, that he maybe even deserved it. But he didn’t. God, no one deserved this shit. “Mon-El, it was my stupidity that put you in danger yesterday. It was _my_ stupidity that…that almost got you killed. You shouldn’t think that it’s okay.” She stared at her hands, trying desperately to get rid of the knot in her throat. Yet no matter how much she gulped it didn’t seem to be working.

God, she’d messed up, hadn’t she? She’d totally messed up.

“Kara…” Mon-El reached forward, without even hesitating, taking her hands in his and uncurling her fists. He squeezed them lightly. “It might not be okay, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t understandable. I’d…I’d taken you away from your family without even giving you a chance at a goodbye.”

“You were trying to protect me—“ Kara tried to object, but he didn’t give her a chance.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to miss them.” He searched his face, no hint of anger or frustration in his eyes. “And… I hadn’t exactly treated you properly. I was… I was just so focused on protecting you that I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”

Kara felt something crack in her chest when he turned his eyes away at that. She found herself shaking her head almost immediately. No matter what might’ve happened between them, she’d never blame him for something that he’d done for her sake, so that she could be safe and alive.

“Mon-El, you were trying to keep me alive.” She ducked her chin to look at his face. “It was understandable—and no, I won’t accept an objection to that. If you’re allowed to call my actions understandable, I’m allowed to call yours, too. And besides… You weren’t the one who stupidly called her family and put both of us in danger.” She casted her gaze to the floor almost sheepishly. “You told me how dangerous it was and I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry.”

“Kara—“

“No, I have to say this.” She took a deep breath and lifted her head. “Please, just… I have to.” She bit her lip, trying to calm down her pounding heart before she opened her mouth. “I was so stupid, Mon-El. Even after you got shot… I hadn’t fully grasped the gravity of this situation, not until…not until I literally watched you run to your death.” Even the thought of that made her shiver. “And I should’ve. You warned me, several times. I should’ve taken you seriously. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done.” She pressed her lips together when she realized her voice had started shaking. It was an effort to keep the tears in, but she tried. Damn, she was trying so hard.

She only realized she failed when Mon-El reached forward and wiped one away. He offered her an understanding smile. “It wasn’t as if I explained the situation to you. You were right to be apprehensive about it all.” She almost wanted to roll her eyes. Damn it, couldn’t he just admit that he was right about _one damn thing_ instead of taking the blame on himself?

“Mon-El…”

“I’m not saying that it wasn’t the right choice, Kara,” he rushed forward when he saw that she was getting ready to object. “I just…could’ve been a bit more open about it.” Kara couldn’t help chuckling at his sheepish expression.

“Yeah, you could’ve been,” she admitted. “Just a tad bit more, you know.” Mon-El smiled back, no matter how surprised he looked that she was taking this well. It was one of those smiles that reaches his eyes and showed his dimples, bringing a flutter to Kara’s heart.

Her smile only dissipated with a serious look crossed his face. And somehow, she knew he’d start the being more open thing right now.

She felt almost tense when he opened his mouth. “The reason I’ve been so secretive and hidden throughout this whole thing… Why I didn’t want to go to the hospital or—or the police is because… When it first started, it was exactly what put me in danger. The woman behind me… She had people in the police force that I didn’t know about. And… And the moment I talked to the police, she found out, locating me, and she almost killed me.” Kara gasped at that. _Oh God…_ That explained a lot of his behavior, but somehow, as she watched him duck his chin and curl his fingers into fists… She wished that it didn’t. She wished what he said wasn’t true, so that he wouldn’t have gone through that. She wished he hadn’t gone through any of that.

“Mon-El…”

“I wasn’t hurt. Don’t worry,” he rushed, shaking his head. “But…after that incident, the police team that had been working for my protection… They decided that it wouldn’t be safe for me to contact anyone from the police force except them. They redacted all of my case files, my statements, my location, _everything._ They drilled in my brain that I could talk to them and only them. And… That’s what I’ve been trying to do. That’s where I’ve been trying to take us before it was too late so that… They could get us to safety. I didn’t want to risk your life trying anything else.” He looked up, and Kara couldn’t help seeing the desperation tinting his eyes. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you that before.”

It took a couple of seconds for Kara to process his words, but when she did, all she felt was…sympathy. There wasn’t an ounce of anger inside her. She didn’t feel angry at him for not telling her. She just… She was just so heartbroken that he had to go through something like that, coming to a point that he couldn’t even trust the people that were supposed to be protecting him. It was their job to protect him, but instead…

“Don’t be,” she found herself saying as she shook her head. “I understand. Mon-El, I…” She honestly couldn’t find anything else to say. She just hoped that her eyes communicated to him that she didn’t hold anything against him, that she was there for him. “Thank you for telling me about it.” She couldn’t even imagine how hard that must’ve been.

But when she searched his face… She only realized that he looked almost relieved. He shrugged with a smile. “You deserved to know.” That was the only thing he said, but she couldn’t help thinking that there was more to it. That maybe…maybe he wanted her to know too, and he was just feeling glad he could actually voice that. Granted, what he said didn’t explain everything, but it explained why he had to hide what he’d been hiding. Knowing would only put her in danger…and he would do anything to prevent that.

She was sure of that now. She didn’t know what it meant, but she knew that.

“Anyway,” Mon-El changed the subject then, taking her out of her thoughts in the process. “Weren’t you the one telling me you didn’t want our coffees to get cold?” Kara couldn’t help laughing as she nodded.

“Yes. That is so true.” She lifted her cup of coffee in the air. “And I might also be hungry.”

“You’re always hungry.”

“Hush it.” Kara tried to fight off the smile forcing its way on her lips, but she failed, especially as Mon-El touched his coffee cup to hers.

And somehow, at that moment, both of them forgot about the people following them, the danger they were in, and the possibility of death looming over them. They were just two young people enjoying a breakfast in a car in each others company, filling the air with genuine smiles and loud laughs, so much so that any passerby would think that they were nothing but a happy couple on a road trip.

They wouldn’t be too wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	16. Knife Wound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a slightly shorter chapter, but i hope you like it :)

Calm down _, Mon-El urged himself as he stood in front of the door. He took a deep breath—he took in_ several deep breaths _—in the hope that maybe it’d bring his body back to its resting state and keep his heart from slamming against his ribs._

_It didn’t work._

_He muttered a curse under his breath, yet still he couldn’t stop wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. He was wearing a black suit—just as he always did when he came to visit his parents—but now… It felt different. It_ was _different. This wasn’t one of his regular monthly visits that he did just to please his parents. This time… He had to ask them a question. A very, very important question._

_His hand inadvertently went to the inside pocket of his jacket with that thought. He slowly took out the small, dark blue box with shaky fingers. The box…holding a diamond ring. An engagement ring that he was planning to give Kara_ tomorrow.

_Yeah, that ought to be nerve-wracking. Not that he didn’t trust in his relationship with Kara, but…this was a big step. And there was no way of knowing if Kara wanted to take that step or not. He hoped that she did, because he certainly wanted it._

_Enough to risk asking his parents for their blessing. Though, he didn’t really think they could change his mind even if they said no._

_He took a deep breath again, tucking the ring back into his pocket, finally lifting his hand to knock on the door after five minutes of standing there…when he was startled with a loud crash coming from inside the house, followed by a thump. And he knew, from experience, what that was._

_Someone must’ve crashed into a drawer or something, falling down onto the floor afterwards. And the glass-shattering sound that followed the whole thing… It sounded a lot like a vase._

_Mon-El froze for a couple of seconds, staring at the door, feeling his chest tighten. The sounds… It was so familiar that he could feel the unpleasant memories from his childhood surfacing from the deep hole he buried them into, threatening to swallow him up. And the only way to push them away…at least as far as he could find…_

_Focus on something else. Like the coffee smell coming from the café he was walking by. Like the clinking of the glasses in the bar he worked in. Like the piano melody drifting off from the upper floor neighbor of his and Kara’s apartment. Like Kara’s hand in his, her fingers trailing up his arm, drawing soothing circles and bringing him back to reality. Focusing on those little sensations or thoughts helped ground him, reminded him that he wasn’t with his parents now, and that they couldn’t hurt him._

_But right now, it wasn’t a sensation that he focused on: it was a thought. Because in there, someone was being beaten up, someone was getting hurt, and he had to stop it. He knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of that, and he’d never wish that upon anyone._

_He didn’t let himself think as he grabbed his spare key for the house, unlocked the door—at his second attempt because of how shaky his hands were—and rushed inside, his eyes flickering around the living room. He didn’t know why—he knew it didn’t make any sense—but a part of him had expected to see a vulnerable young boy on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees as his little body shook like a leaf, trying not to cry. But that wasn’t what was in the room at all. He stopped dead the moment his eyes fell over what was going on._

_Sometimes change came slowly in life, like how Kara had changed Mon-El’s life. It wasn’t the instant he met her that he’d shed the role that his parents forced him into. It wasn’t the moment he met her that he managed to move past all the shit he’d been through in his childhood. It wasn’t their first meeting that made him realize he was worthy of love, it wasn’t instantly that he became confident and self-sufficient instead of relying on anyone else. It’d taken some time—and a lot of reminders from Kara about how amazing he was. And yet… There were also moments that changed you instantly, that made you question who you are, that smacked you upside down so badly that you started wondering who you’d been in the first place. And this…this was one of those defining moments for Mon-El._

_Seeing his mother standing in the middle of the living room with a knife in her hand, blood dripping from the edge of it, and his father lying in front of her in a pool of blood. There was_ so much blood, _enough to make someone wonder just how much of it was inside a human’s body. And more still came, staining Lar’s hand that was clutching the knife wound loosely, dripping down his fingers and elbow._

_Mon-El’s father was lying on the ground with a knife wound…inflicted by his_ mother. _Which could only mean…_

_She’d killed him. His mother…had killed his_ father.

_He didn’t even feel the keys slip from his fingers, until they fell onto the floor with a thump. And he wouldn’t have cared—honestly, he could barely focus on anything other than his father’s body—if the sound didn’t make Rhea whirl around and face him._

_He could barely register the shock splashed on the woman’s face. He could barely see through the veil of tears over his eyes. The man on the floor… He might never have been a good father, and he might’ve hurt him more than he actually loved him, but still… Mon-El had spent a good chunk of his life with him. He’d been with his father and mother for all his childhood. So to see him lying on the floor… To see that his own mother was the one that killed him…_

_It was bound to shake anyone. And Mon-El felt so shaken that he couldn’t even_ move. _He couldn’t do anything. He wanted to reach forward, to hold his father’s body in his arms in the hopes that maybe he could come back, but he couldn’t. All he could do was stare, stare at Lar’s body, stare at the bloody knife in his mother’s hand, stare at Rhea… Rhea, who had shaken off her shock and was now moving towards him._

_Rhea was moving towards him, knife raised, an icy look in his eyes._

_Maybe that was what made him snap out of his stupor. Maybe it was some other self-preservation instinct surfacing. Either way, he finally managed to unlock his muscles, feeling his heart thundering in his chest. He was trembling so badly that it was a miracle he could still stand…but he did. He managed to keep himself on his feet even as he stumbled back, trying to get away from his mother and her knife. The knife she was now pointing at_ him.

_That was when all thoughts left his mind. He turned around instinctively, rushing towards the front door, shutting it behind him to slow his mother down as he stumbled down the steps on the porch. He didn’t think as he ran._

_Even the ring in his pocket was forgotten as his life crumbled down around him. He just focused on getting out of there as quickly as possible. Because he knew… After today, nothing could ever be the same for him._

_Nothing._

* * *

The first thing Kara did, the moment Mon-El opened the motel room’s door, was throwing herself down on the bed. She felt like her whole body was aching—which said something, since Mon-El had been the one driving the car most of the way here. She’d offered to help him out—albeit reluctantly—yet he refused it.

Well, of course he’d refused. He’d do anything not to make her feel uncomfortable, no matter how tired he might be himself. And she knew he must be tired, because if _she_ felt like she could sleep any minute, he…

“You seem tired.” She slipped away from her thoughts with Mon-El’s words, yet still, as she threw her arm over her eyes, she didn’t even look at him.

“Oh, what gave you the idea? Was it me plopping down on the bed, or complaining all the way here about how _tired_ I was?” She didn’t even wait for Mon-El’s answer to that as she kicked off her shoes, bringing her feet up onto the bed and curling them to the side. Yet still, she couldn’t help smiling when his laugh filled her ears.

She loved hearing him laugh, as she’d decided today. It’d been so rare recently that she hadn’t even realized how much she missed it. But right now…seeing that he was more relaxed…more open… It was everything she could ask for. It was _everything._

“You’re not even gonna take a shower?” Mon-El asked. She turned on the bed again, burying her face to the pillow, and shook her head.

“Nuh-huh.”

“Brush your teeth?”

“Nuh-huh.”

“You could at least wash your face.”

“I did.” This time she looked up from the pillow at Mon-El, who had just dropped his backpack next to the armchair in the room and was looking at the bed with crossed arms and an amused smile. “In the gas station. Though, granted, the water felt more dirty than clean, but…” She just shrugged, snuggling back onto her pillow. “Sleeping is better than washing my face.” She had to cover her smile with her hand when she heard Mon-El chuckle.

“Well, as much as I agree with that, I’m gonna go freshen up a bit.”

Kara only opened her eyes and turned towards the bathroom door when she heard him close it. She could’ve gone to sleep; she knew that. She should probably sleep too, since today had been such a tiring day. But she also couldn’t help thinking… Just how normal everything had felt. She could’ve never imagined anything could become normal between her and Mon-El, but…it had. When she wasn’t thinking about the past, or worrying about the future…she’d realized it was exceptionally easy to be around Mon-El. She’d forgotten just how well they _fit_ together. There was a reason why they became close friends so quickly. Her expectations, wishes, hopes, ideals… Not only did he understand them all and act accordingly, but his personality aligned with them too. That was why they’d stayed together through high school _and_ college while many of the—okay, almost all of the—other couples broke up. That was why Kara couldn’t imagine herself with anyone else in the last six years, no matter how much she distanced herself from Mon-El. She could never find anyone that would fit around her curves, imperfections, flaws, good sides and bad sides as perfectly as Mon-El did.

It was a scary thought, really. Especially since she had no idea what would happen when they found this police team Mon-El mentioned. He’d said, multiple times, that it was too late for him to get out of this situation, and he was only trying to get _her_ out. And if that was the case… Would he leave her again? Would she lose him again?

She immediately discarded that thought when it made her shiver. She wouldn’t think about it now. When the time came, yes, but now… She was way too tired to prepare herself for another heartbreak.

Her heart jumped in her chest when she heard the bathroom door being unlocked. She immediately closed her eyes. Why, she really didn’t know, but somehow, thinking that Mon-El might catch her thinking about him—even though there was no way he could read her thoughts—was enough to bring a blush to her cheeks.

She was truly hoping that it wasn’t too visible.

She could feel her breath shortening as she fixed her ears to Mon-El’s movements. He stood in front of the bathroom door for a couple of seconds, doing…what, she didn’t know, but then she started hearing his footsteps. He moved around the bed towards the couch, and she heard something heavy being put to the side—she assumed it was the backpack—before a light poof sound came. Like someone had plopped down on the armchair.

She couldn’t help herself as she opened her eyes and turned on the bed. Her gaze fell onto the armchair, and…her eyes found Mon-El’s, staring at her as he tried to settle down. He froze when their gazes met.

“Kara. I… I thought you were asleep.” She opened her mouth to say that his movements had woken her up…but then she stopped. What was the point of lying? Especially when…

Wait, was that a jacket thrown on Mon-El’s shoulders…like a blanket? Was he going to sleep on an armchair—seriously, those armchairs were _deadly_ for someone’s back— _again?_

Well, of course he would. Duh. She’d immediately jumped on the bed without telling him anything. He must’ve assumed that…that she wouldn’t accept to sleep with him. Sleep _next to him._ Not with him. Next to him. _Next. To. Him._

…could she sleep _next to him?_

Even the thought of that was enough to make her heart stutter. It would be uncomfortable and awkward as hell; she could almost feel it now. But… Mon-El was really tired too, and there was no way he was getting a good night’s sleep there. He deserved a good night’s sleep.

She cleared her throat, ignoring her thundering heart as she shook her head. “Yeah, I… I was just thinking about…something.” Mon-El arched his brow.

“Oh?”

“That armchair can’t be comfortable.” She pushed herself off the bed slightly, resting her head on her hand. An emotionless smile pulled Mon-El’s lips.

She could guess what he’d say even before he opened his mouth. “I’ll manage.” And it was such a Mon-El thing to say—to pretend like it was okay when he was obviously not okay—she had to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

“I don’t want you to manage,” she said before she could change her mind, and scooted to the right side of the bed. “There’s enough space for both of us here.”

Granted, that wasn’t exactly true, since it was only a double bed and Kara had a queen size bed all for herself back home, but still… They’d manage. How hard could it be, right? It wasn’t as if they had never slept together before.

Slept _next to each other._ For the last time, slept _next to each other,_ not… Whatever.

Still, her heart was slamming against her ribs as she bit her lip and waited for his answer. He blinked once, and then twice, as if he couldn’t believe her offer, before shaking his head.

“Kara, you…”

“I won’t be uncomfortable, Mon-El,” she said, already guessing what he’d say. “And it wouldn’t be inappropriate. We’re two adults, we should be able to sleep _next to each other_ without a problem.” She stopped for a second to search his face. Her voice was almost too quiet for him to hear when she continued. “I know it’ll be awkward. Because of our past and all, but… You need sleep, Mon-El. After the last couple of days… You need a good night’s sleep, and you won’t get that on that armchair.” She took a deep breath to calm herself down. It would be fine. It was going to be fine.

She hoped that repeating it several times would actually make it true.

“But… What about James? You’re…” Kara tried not to grimace at the mention of her _fiancé’s_ name, not because she had a problem with James, but she hadn’t even considered _him_ in the last couple of days. She was so busy worrying about herself and Mon-El, and missing Alex and Amelia, that James hadn’t even crossed her mind.

Yet she was feeling beyond tired to feel guilty about that. So she merely shrugged.

“We’re…friends. And friends could share a bed. I’m….sure James wouldn’t mind if he knew.”

Actually, she could imagine him throwing a fit—he had a tendency to get incredibly jealous sometimes—but Mon-El didn’t need to know that. He already looked reluctant enough to actually sleep _next to her._

“Come on, Mon-El,” she tried as a last resort. “You wouldn’t want to wrap our car around a tree because of your sleeplessness, right?”

_That_ finally got him to push himself off the armchair, one corner of his lips kicking up. “Okay,” he said, his tone resigned. “Okay, you might be right. I might need a good sleep. But… Are you sure you’ll be…okay with this?” Something twisted in Kara’s stomach as she looked up at him, and she could only nod, afraid that she’d say the wrong thing if she opened her mouth.

“Mmh-hmm.” She scooted farther to the side. “Plenty of room for the both of us. Plenty of…space…everywhere.”

Yep, she’d said the wrong thing. Yet still… The only thing Mon-El did was offer her a strained smile before he slowly sat down on the bed, checking Kara’s face every other second to make sure she was okay, before he lied down and settled his head on the pillow. He seemed to be breathless by the time he crossed his arms over his stomach and stared at the ceiling. She could almost hear his heart pounding.

Or was it her heart? It was definitely her heart. Duh.

She knew she should look away from him. She knew she should turn away and face the other way, put as much distance between them as possible, but she couldn’t. Not even when he turned to her too, his lips parted, his deep gray eyes traveling on her face. Air got caught in her throat. He was so close. So close that if she leaned forward just a little bit she could kiss him. Just like that. It would be easy. She just had to reach up and…

She stopped that train of thought immediately before it got far, and finally managed to plop down on her back and stare at the ceiling. She hoped her blush wasn’t too visible in the dark room.

“G’night, Mon-El,” she mumbled quietly—the only way to keep her voice from trembling. And then she forced her eyes closed, counting numbers, reciting song lyrics, creating awkward abstract stories in her mind…basically doing whatever helped her fall asleep and forget that she was sleeping _next to Mon-El._

“Good night, Kara.” And then she felt him turn around too, facing away, presumably closing his eyes and trying to do the same thing as her.

Yet if at some point in the night she turned towards him to take a look and see if he was sleeping or not, if she _accidentally_ bumped her hand to his that was resting between them, and if she _accidentally_ slid her fingers through his and held his hand… She would feel no regrets about any of them.

Even if they’d happened while she was completely conscious and in control of her movements.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	17. The Love of His Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanna say, before you even read the chapter, that i'm really, really, REALLY sorry for the angst. i mean. just thought you should know, cause it is pretty angsty. like, i think my beta called this chapter the angstiest thing i've ever written, and if you know me, you know THAT'S serious. 
> 
> forgive me?
> 
> anyway, hope you still like this :)

He knew.

Even though what was about to happen was far away from where he was now, he knew.

He could feel his heart thundering in his chest as he pressed his hand on the wall to keep himself steady. His arms were shaking, his knees were shaking; hell, his whole _body_ felt like it was shaking. He could feel fear fillings his lungs whenever he tried to breathe. He knew what was coming, he knew what was waiting on the other side of the suffocating hallway, and it _terrified_ him.

Still he kept walking, he kept approaching the red door on the other side, not being able to stop his feet from moving. Something…some invisible force…was pushing him forward, even as he protested, even as he tried to run away. But…he couldn’t run away, could he? Not when he was asleep. He was never able to run away from this nightmare, not until he watched the bitter end.

He felt his heart jump in his chest when his fingers wrapped around the door’s handle. They were trembling so much that he could almost hear the door rattle. He just tightened his grip and pushed forward.

Only to come face to face with an utterly familiar sight.

He shouldn’t be surprised, really. He’d seen it way too many times, he’d woken up crying and sweating far too often to expect something different. Yet still, every single time he entered this room, air left his lungs and he felt a crushing weight falling over his shoulders.

His steps were shaky as he stepped inside, flinching when the door shut behind him. He didn’t care much about that, though. His eyes were focused on one point in the room—so much so that he didn’t even notice the fact that he was in the motel room he and Kara were staying in instead of Kara’s house. His nightmares had always happened in Kara’s house before.

Yet…registering that was hard, especially with the person standing right in front of him, holding Kara in her arms, with a knife pressed on the girl’s throat.

That same, bloody knife she’d used on her husband— _his father—_ all those years ago.

“Mother.” His voice was hoarse as he forced the words out, yet his eyes were fixed on Kara. Kara, who was staring at him with accusation and fear, whose eyes were wide with despair and helplessness, who was grasping his mother’s arms as if it could help with the situation. He felt his heart break at the sight all over again.

He’d done this. This was his fault. Kara, being in Rhea’s arms, having a knife pressed against her throat…it was his fault.

_No. This isn’t real. This isn’t real._

A cold smile pulled Rhea’s lips—the only movement in her otherwise still posture. “Mon-El,” she mused, tightening her grip on her knife and pressing it harder on Kara’s throat. His heart lurched when it drew blood—he didn’t know how exactly he distinguished Kara’s blood from his father’s, which was already staining the knife, but he could see it too clearly to be unsure. “And here I was wondering when you’d be coming—“

“Let her go,” he interrupted before his mother could even finish. There was no point in listening to what she had to say when he’d heard it many times before. He kept his eyes on Kara, hoping he didn’t look as terrified as he felt inside, and pressed his lips together. “Mother, please, let her go. She doesn’t have anything to do with this.”

He knew what his mother would say before she even opened her mouth. “She doesn’t have anything to do with it?” He couldn’t help wincing at her laugh, especially as she tightened her grip around Kara, enough to make her choke.

He couldn’t even cling onto the thought that this was just a nightmare at that. His heart jumped, and the only thing keeping him from lurching forward was the fact that Rhea would probably slit Kara’s throat before he could reach them. He had to talk his way out of it. He just had to convince his mother that there was no point in killing Kara, that she was innocent, that…he couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t live with himself if she died because of him.

Rhea was his mother, right? She should listen to him.

“Mother—“

“She is the reason I lost you, Mon-El,” Rhea interjected, before he could say anything. “She’s the reason you ran away from us.”

“She didn’t have anything—“

“She _poisoned_ you with her words of affection and love. She forced you away from us.”

“ _You_ forced me away!” he couldn’t help yelling, his hands clenching into fists. His voice was shaking by then; it was an effort to calm down and remind himself that his mother had Kara. He had to save her. Even if she hated him—she certainly seemed like she hated him right now, with the glare she was shooting in his direction—after this, he had to save her. He couldn’t… He couldn’t let her die. Ever.

Not even in a nightmare.

“But…I’ll come back to the house,” he offered, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “I’ll come back to live with you. I’ll do anything you want me to do. Just… Just let her go. Please, just, let her go.” He turned his gaze to Kara’s frantic eyes, and felt like something inside him shattered. “ _Please,_ mom…”

Rhea seemed like she was considering his proposal for a couple of seconds. He couldn’t stop the hope from blooming inside him. He knew what would happen, he knew what his mother’s decision would be, yet still… Maybe this time would be different. Maybe… Maybe she wouldn’t kill Kara right now. Maybe he could save her, instead of letting her die _over and over again._

It didn’t even matter at this point that it was just a nightmare. He couldn’t see Kara die again. Especially not because of him. Not again.

Yet still, when Rhea’s chin clenched… He knew there was nothing he could do to prevent what was about to happen. His heart jumped in his chest.

“It’s too late, Mon-El,” Rhea said and shook her head, pressing the knife on Kara’s throat. He shook his head frantically.

“No, mother—“

“You sealed her fate the moment you decided to go to the police.”

“Please, don’t—“

“It’s your fault. All of this is your fault.” A vicious smile pulled Rhea’s face as she pressed the knife on Kara’s throat, sliding it through. He couldn’t even do anything to prevent it. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t step forward, he could only _watch_ as the blade went through Kara’s throat, the woman he loved with all his heart, and blood spilled out of the wound. There was so much blood that it should’ve been impossible, yet still, more blood kept coming, as if there was an endless supply of it in her veins.

She slid off of Rhea’s arms, falling to the floor almost in slow motion. That was when Mon-El finally managed to snap out of his stupor. “No!” A silent scream left his mouth as he rushed forward, not even caring that his mother was still standing there with a knife in her hand, and caught Kara before her body could hit the floor. He could feel his heart thundering in his chest, the beats ringing in his ears. _No. No. No._ That was all he could think as he cradled her in his arms, pushing her hair away from her face with a shaky hand. The blonde curls were now stained with blood at the ends, enough that it looked like she’d dyed her hair.

She was bleeding. She was bleeding, and there was nothing he could do. She was dying in her arms, and…all he could do was _watch._

He desperately tried to press his hand on her wound to stop the bleeding, keeping his gaze on her face. Her eyes were fluttering—the only indication that she was alive at this point. He didn’t think he could even take her pulse if he tried, what with his shaky hands and erratic heartbeats.

“Kara,” he whispered, supporting her head with his empty arm so that she could look at him. She barely managed to focus her eyes on his face—her face had already started losing its color, which wasn’t helping with Mon-El’s worry at all. “Stay with me, okay?” he begged, holding her tightly, as if just holding her tightly would be enough to bring her back. “Stay with me. Stay with me. I’ll get you to safety. I promise, I’ll get you to safety. We’ll fix this. We’ll fix…this.” The words didn’t sound believable even to his own ears when he stared at the wound. There was no fixing that. There was no fixing something like that.

His hand was already stained with blood all over, and the bleeding still hadn’t stopped. He felt his heart lurch in his chest as he turned back to Kara.

“You’re not leaving me,” he continued, blinking away his tears and shaking his head. “Okay? I’m not letting you leave me. You’ll be fine.” _You have to be._ “You’ll be fine.” She had to be fine, right? She couldn’t just…die? He couldn’t live without her, and that meant…that meant she couldn’t leave him. Not like this. Not…

He slipped away from his thoughts when he saw Kara’s lips moving, as if he was trying to say something to him. It seemed like she couldn’t even make a sound. He focused on her, trying to read her last words—no, not last words, never last words. He was just trying to read her lips.

_Your…fault…your…fault…your…fault…_

Mon-El’s stomach coiled with a sick feeling. He shook his head no, vehemently trying to deny her words. Tears filled his eyes all over again and blurred his vision. “Kara, I’d never hurt you,” he tried to say. “I love you. I’d never hurt you. It’s not…” His voice trailed off before he could say the last word. Because…it was his fault, wasn’t it? At the end, it was _his actions_ that caused her death. He might not have slit her throat himself, but he surely had put the knife in his mother’s hand.

He pushed away his thoughts. No. _No._ He wouldn’t hurt her. He couldn’t hurt her. He loved her, and he’d do _everything_ in his power to keep her safe and alive. He couldn’t have…

He realized that Kara had gone still in his arms only then, when he blinked away his tears and looked at her. Her blue eyes that usually shone with such liveliness… now looked blank. Dead.

_Dead._

“Kara?” he whispered, feeling his hand go limp on her throat. There was no answer. _No._ “Kara? Baby? Hey, hey, hey, look at me.” He moved his hand to the back of her head, not even caring that it was stained with blood. “Look at me. I’m here. I’m right here. You’ll be okay. You’ll be safe. Just…look at me, and you’ll be safe.” He waited, holding his breath, feeling his heart rate increase with every second, but…there was no response. No movement. She was…

_No._

“…Kara?” His voice came out as merely a whisper. But it was too late. She was gone. _She was gone._

_No._

“…Baby?”

He felt tears spilling down his cheeks as he shook his head. He couldn’t stop them. He couldn’t even try to stop them. Kara was gone. She was dead. He knew that, he knew that deep in his heart, yet still he couldn’t let her go. Not even when he started sobbing, still shaking his head, still caressing Kara’s hair with shaky and bloody fingers. _No,_ he continued mouthing; he couldn’t even find his voice anymore. _No._ She couldn’t be—

The nightmare.

The thought seeped into his head slowly. _Of course._ He’d forgotten all about it with the rush of everything, with seeing Kara… But it was a nightmare. It was always a nightmare. He just needed to wake up, and it’d be over. He’d find Kara sleeping in the bed in the motel, her hair fallen over her face, as alive as ever. He just had to _wake up._

“This isn’t real,” he muttered to himself as he shook his head and shut his eyes. “This is just a nightmare. This is just a nightmare.” He counted to three before opening his eyes…

And found himself still staring at Kara’s body. _No._

He tried it again, and again, yet still the result was the same. He still found himself looking at Kara’s dead eyes.

_No. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up._

He felt something break in his chest. _No._

_Please._

_Wake up._

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t wake up. He lifted his head to pull himself together…and only then did he realize where he was.

He was in the motel room. In the motel room…that he hoped to find Kara alive in. He was there, and yet… Kara wasn’t on the bed. She wasn’t sleeping, she didn’t have her hair all over her face, she didn’t have the blanket twirled around her legs. She was in his arms, her body going cold already, covered with blood all over. Which could only mean…

This was real.

“No,” he choked out at the realization and his eyes snapped to Kara. This couldn’t be real. It had to be a dream. He was holding onto that thought; even as he watched Kara die, he was holding onto that thought. But…if it was real…that would mean…

“No. _No, Kara,”_ he said desperately, cupping her cheek again. “You’re not dead. Please. You can’t be dead.” _This can’t be real. This can’t be real. This can’t be real._ He willed her to open her eyes with everything that he had, not even looking away from her face. But…she didn’t. She just kept lying down on his lap.

And that was another indication that she was really dead, wasn’t it? Because usually, he managed to wake up the moment she was killed from the shock of the situation. But now…

“Please…” The word was nothing more than a desperate plea. He leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers, sobs tearing out his chest. “I love you. I love you. Please don’t leave me. I love you.” Her face looked blurry when he straightened up again, even as he brushed his thumb over her cheekbone, even as he blinked, even as he tried to focus himself. “I can’t live without you,” he whispered. “I can’t live in a world in which you aren’t alive. Please, Kara, I… _Please.”_ He stopped, searching, waiting for a sign that told him she was alive. But there was nothing. _“Please.”_

Yet he knew no amount of pleading could bring her back at this point.

He was so focused on Kara that he didn’t notice the person Rhea brought inside the room, not until a small voice tore through his agony. “…Mommy?” He whipped up his head, his heart jumping with the voice—it shouldn’t have been familiar, since he’d never really heard her speak in real life, but somehow it was—coming from right in front of him. His gaze found the little blond girl, looking at the body in the room with a shocked expression.

_Amelia._ Amelia was there. Rhea had brought Amelia.

He couldn’t even move as he watched the girl step forward, towards Kara, looking at her mother’s face. It took her a bit of time to register what had happened, yet when she processed it, she looked up at him, her eyes full of betrayal and accusation. Air left his lungs.

“You killed mommy?”

The words hit him harder than he thought, so much so that it was a miracle he didn’t throw up. He tried to shake his head, tried to tell his daughter that it wasn’t his fault, but it was a weak attempt. It was his fault. This whole thing…

“Amelia…” His voice was so low that he doubted Amelia heard him. Not that it really mattered, not when Rhea stepped forward again, the knife still in her hand. Mon-El felt what was left of his heart skip a beat. He couldn’t let Amelia die, he couldn’t let Rhea kill her too, but…he was so tired. He was so tired, so helpless, that he couldn’t even move. He just stared at his mother, shaking his head, hoping that she’d take pity on him. Hoping she’d see just how much he was already hurting and not take away the last person that was left on earth that he loved.

“Please,” he begged. “Kill me. They’re all I have.” It was an effort not to grimace when he realized one of the two people in that “they” was gone. “ _She’s_ all I have,” he corrected himself, feeling like bile was rising to his throat. He felt limp all over as he stared at his mother, begging with his eyes, the only thing he could do at this point.

Yet Rhea just smiled coldly. There wasn’t a trace of pity in her eyes as she stepped forward and pressed the knife against Amelia’s throat, sliding it before he could do anything. He could only watch as his world fell apart once again. He’d killed Kara…and he’d killed Amelia. He’d killed the two people that he claimed to love. He’d lost everything in a matter of minutes. What was the point of living anyway at this point?

Darkness fell over him then, as he stared blankly at Amelia’s body; a darkness that he could only hope was death. Weirdly, the thought didn’t scare him at all.

* * *

Kara wasn’t a light sleeper, per se. Her adoptive mother, Eliza, used to claim that she could even fall asleep during a party—which had happened once, but in her defense, it had been a really boring party. The only thing that could wake her up from a deep slumber would probably be Amelia crying. She didn’t know if that was a motherly instinct, but it seemed like her brain was wired to it.

But, of course, even the deepest sleeper would wake up if someone sleeping next to them suddenly jumped up from his sleep.

She startled awake when the weight on the bed shifted, even pushing her off more to her side and ripping the blanket off of her body. She blinked her eyes open immediately. Her mind was running a mile a minute as she tried to focus on her surroundings, wondering what had happened, trying not to think of the worst. Had someone attacked her—attacked _them,_ as Mon-El was next to her too—while they were sleeping? Had someone snuck in? Had—

She stopped when her eyes finally adjusted to the dark, and she realized that the disturbance to her sleep came from none other than Mon-El. He was sitting on the bed, his hands braced behind him in an attempt to keep himself upright, and he was breathing so _heavily_ that one could easily assume he was hyperventilating. Well, maybe he _was,_ and that was why he jumped up from his sleep, pushing her away in the process. She remembered vaguely that she’d been pressed to his side before she fully awoke.

She might’ve contemplated what that meant exactly…had it not been for Mon-El. He looked so _horrible,_ like a ghost sucked out his soul or something, that all thoughts about hugging him while he slept escaped her mind, and her sole focus became him. She scrambled up the bed too, scooting close enough to Mon-El to make him aware of her presence without touching him. Whatever had happened—whatever he must’ve seen in his nightmare—seemed like it had startled him enough; there was no need to put more pressure on him.

She put her hand right next to his, leaning forward to look at his face. “Mon-El?” Her voice was as low as she could muster while also letting him hear her, yet still, he jerked with her voice, pulling away from her so suddenly that…he fell off the bed with a thump.

Oh God. So…this was really bad, if even _her voice_ startled him… Usually, when he woke up from even the worst nightmare, he managed to recognize her voice and let it calm him down.

She didn’t lose time as she scrambled to his side of the bed, looking down. “Mon-El?” She didn’t miss the way he seemed to be panting, propped up on his elbows, looking at her with wide, fearful eyes. There was no recognition in them. Only utter desperation and fear.

Okay, this was really, _really_ bad.

She was ready to swing her legs down and kneel down in front of him, hoping that getting closer might help him through whatever he’d seen, yet before she could even move forward, he shot up to his feet. She couldn’t help jerking back, putting her hand over her heart to keep it from stuttering. Yet she didn’t move away, not really. She couldn’t. Mon-El obviously needed someone, some stability, and if she ran from him right now…if she scurried away as if she was scared… She was afraid he might not be able to keep himself together.

She scooted closer to him, slowly lifting her hands to hold his, never turning her gaze away from him. She gave him enough time to move away if he was startled, yet when she grabbed his hands, he didn’t do anything but shiver. He was trembling so badly that if she didn’t feel warm even in her sleep shorts and tank top, she might’ve thought the room was freezing.

She brought his hands closer to her chest, holding them tightly as she tried to ignore the ache in her chest. At this point she didn’t even want to know what he had seen in his nightmare, if _this_ was his reaction to it. She didn’t want to think about how _horrible_ it must’ve shaken him that he didn’t even _recognize_ her at first. It seemed like he knew who she was right now, especially as he opened and closed his quivering lips without making a sound, yet disbelief still shone in his eyes.

“I’m here,” she whispered, putting one of his hands over her chest so that he could feel her heartbeat, so he could use it to ground himself. He shivered as she moved his other hand to her cheek. “Mon-El, it’s Kara. I’m here. I’m with you.” She searched his face for a sign of understanding. “Do you understand me?”

She hoped that the way his fingers tightened around her hair meant that he did. His eyes flickered to her cheek, his thumb brushing over it slowly, as if he couldn’t exactly believe that she was there.

“Kara—“ he gasped, his voice hoarse and tear-strained, even though she was sure he hadn’t cried. But at least he recognized her, right? She offered him a tearful but encouraging—at least she hoped it looked encouraging—smile.

“Yes, it’s me. I’m with you.” She dropped her hand onto his wrist and rubbed it gently. “You’re okay. You’re safe. You… Mon-El?” She frowned when she realized Mon-El wasn’t even listening to her. His eyes were fixed on her… _throat_ …his hand resting on her shoulder, rubbing the nape of her neck. He couldn’t turn his eyes away, not even when his hand slipped off of her chest. She couldn’t even grab it from the shock. “Are you…” Her voice trailed off before she could say the last word. It was a stupid question anyway. He looked anything but fine.

“You’re…” Mon-El whispered, his voice breaking mid-sentence. “I thought… You…” He choked the last word out as a tear slipped down his cheek. He didn’t even bother wiping it away.

“Mon-El—“ Kara tried to interrupt him, worry blossoming in her chest, but he didn’t let her talk. He didn’t even let her put her hand on his shoulder; instead he pulled back, so much so that Kara almost fell down the bed. He shook his head fervently and clasped his hands over his chest, rubbing them, as if…he was trying to get rid of something, even though there was nothing on his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, shaking his head again—well, he croaked out, really. More tears spilled out of his eyes, breaking Kara’s heart all over again. Yet she was so shocked that she couldn’t even move. “I never meant… I tried…” He struggled over his words as a fresh wave of tears fell over his eyes. His shoulders slumped as he shook his head one last time. “I’m so sorry.”

That was the last thing he said before he whirled around and left the room, slamming the door behind him and making Kara jump. She couldn’t even do anything to stop him other than stare at the now closed door, eyes wide and mouth open, wondering what he could’ve seen that affected him like this. That made him think…he’d lost _everything._

* * *

_“…Witness protection program?”_

_The words came out of his mouth as barely a whisper. He stared at the files in his hand almost absentmindedly, trying to read the words…yet they looked like a scrambled mess that he couldn’t even separate them. He lifted his head to look at the police officer—Agent Charlie Layton of the FBI—sitting across from him in the interrogation room._

_He almost regretted going to the police after he ran away from his parents’ house…after seeing his mother kill his father. He wouldn’t have, either…if he hadn’t realized that someone had been following him all day yesterday. Maybe her was overreacting, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that the man was there for him—to kill him. Because he’d witnessed something he shouldn’t have. Because his statement could put Rhea in prison—at least according to the police. And now, because of that…they were thinking of putting him under a_ witness protection program.

_“You mean…” he tried to say, but he couldn’t even continue, yet the grave expression that pulled Agent Layton’s face was answer enough._

_“Yes. We need to put you under witness protection,” he said almost stoically—as if he wasn’t shattering someone’s life, but was merely stating a fact. As if a_ witness protection _was no more important than the results of a football game. He flipped the page of the file in front of Mon-El to show…what looked like an apartment building. “You’ll be moved to Jacksonville, Florida as soon as we can create a new identity for you. In the meantime you’ll have to stay in the police station.” Mon-El couldn’t say anything to that, staring at the apartment in front of him and the address underneath, feeling the beats of his heart ringing in his ears. He couldn’t even muster up an objection, not in the state he was in. Not when…he was about to lose everything. “Mon-El…” Layton leaned forward to look at his face. “You know we’re doing this for your safety, right?”_

Safety. _He almost laughed at that word—almost. This_ … This _was their meaning of “safety”? Flying him off to the other side of the country to a damn witness protection, where he couldn’t have_ any contact _with anyone from his previous life? Separating him from his family—Alex, and Eliza, and Jeremiah, and…Kara? Ripping him away from the love of his life, from the only person that made his life worth living, from the person he was thinking of_ proposing _to…just like that?_

_The ring in his pocket felt almost too heavy as tears blurred his vision. He shook his head._

_“I can’t,” he whispered. “I can’t go. I can’t…”_ I can’t leave Kara. _That was all he could think about. He loved Kara; he loved her more than he thought he was capable of loving anyone. He couldn’t just up and leave her. They were… They were supposed to be together. They were_ meant _for each other. They’d been dating for almost seven years. They’d survived through all the hardships life threw at them. He couldn’t…_

_“Mon-El—“ Layton tried to say, but he couldn’t even hear the detective as he dropped the file on the table and shook his head. It was an effort to push back his tears._

_“I’m not going under witness protection,” he insisted with a trembling voice. “I can’t. I’m not leaving Kara.” He desperately stared at the file in front of him, wishing it could disappear. “I’m not leaving her.”_

_He wished he was right with all of his heart. Yet when he looked up at Layton…the only thing the detective had on his face was pain._

_“We can’t let you stay here, Mon-El.” Mon-El shook his head fervently._

_“No—“_

_“It’s too dangerous. Your mother—“_

“I can’t—“ _Mon-El tried to interrupt Detective Layton’s words, but the man kept going, not even letting him get a word in._

_“Your mother already has her people hunting for you,” he reminded, every word cutting into Mon-El’s chest a little bit more. “She’s very influential, Mon-El.“_

_“No—“_

_“She has her hand on pretty much everything all over the US. If you stay…”_

_“No, you don’t—“_

_“You’ll die.” Detective Layton finished his words, ducking his chin to catch Mon-El’s gaze, no matter how much he tried to turn away. He could feel his heart thundering in his chest, every beat reminding him why he couldn’t leave, why he couldn’t go away. The only reason he was alive right now, the only reason he was happy with his life_ and _with himself, the only reason he was able to trust himself and know he was worthy of love was Kara. She’d taken a chance on him. While anyone else would probably turn the other cheek when they saw an abused child, she stayed, she supported him, and she guided him out of the deep, dark hole his parents put him into, showing him that yes, life could be beautiful and happy. She’d… She’d saved his life. Her love for him…his love for her… They’d saved his life._ How _could he leave her?_

_But it seemed like Layton didn’t understand that, because he continued, ignoring the way Mon-El was trembling all over. “She’ll kill you, Mon-El,” he said softly—at least Mon-El assumed it was softly. He wasn’t really at a point to care. “She’ll kill you just like she killed your father, without leaving any evidence behind, without giving us anything that could put her behind bars.” He stopped for a second, as if he wanted his words to have the impact he wanted. “Do you understand that?”_

_He did. Objectively he did, but in his heart… He couldn’t. He couldn’t understand._

_“No. I don’t. I can’t.” Layton almost looked exasperated as he pinched his nose._

_“Mon-El—“_

_“I don’t understand!” Mon-El exploded finally, not being able to keep his voice down anymore. He already felt like hyperventilating as he lifted his head. “I don’t want to understand. I’m not leaving Kara. I’m not…” He pushed away the file in front of him so harshly that the papers scattered around. “I’m not going to th-that stupid house in Florida. I’m not getting a stupid new ID. I’m not… I_ won’t _leave Kara.”_ I can’t leave her. _“She’s all I have. She’s… I can’t live without her.” He furiously wiped away a tear that escaped his eyes. “I don’t want to live without her.”_

_He sounded too desperate, even to his own ears, as if some part of him knew that the case was hopeless. The sad look on Layton’s face was just a proof of that._

_“You’ll put her in more danger if you don’t leave,” he said. Mon-El shut his eyes and ducked his chin. The detective as right. As much as he didn’t want him to be…he was. “This isn’t just about you, Mon-El. This is about everyone close to you.”_

_He couldn’t help it as a couple of tears slid down his cheek. He pushed himself off the chair so quickly that it rattled. Or_ he _was the one that was shaking, even as he leaned onto the table to keep himself standing, even as he desperately tried to blink his tears away. He could barely see the confused look Layton was giving him._

_“I’m sorry, I have to… I have to go. I have to…”_ Think about it. _That was what he wanted to say. To have_ time _to think. But…it wouldn’t change anything, would it? Because he didn’t have a choice. This really wasn’t about just him. If his mother wanted him dead… He really didn’t put it above her to use Kara against him. She didn’t know how much he loved Kara, as he was always too scared to give the woman anything that she could use against him, but if she found out… He couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk Kara. No matter how much he loved her, no matter how even the idea of being without her terrified him… Kara was much too important for that. He could handle being away from her—at least, he hoped he could—as long as she was alive. As long as he knew she was alive and safe. But…if she died because of him… If he lost her_ forever… _That, he couldn’t take._

_He didn’t wait for Layton’s answer as he whirled around to get out of the interrogation room. The agent didn’t even bother stopping him; it wasn’t like he could get out of the place. He just… He just needed to be alone. He just needed some semblance of peace from the screaming voices in his head and ever-growing void in his chest. Even if he knew the answer… He needed time to say it. He needed time to even gather the courage to voice those words._

_His hands were shaking so badly that he could only open the door of the restroom after a couple of tries, and the moment he locked himself in one of the stalls… He broke down. He sat onto the toilet lid, one hand covering his mouth in a desperate attempt to stop his sobs._

_It didn’t work. Not that he thought it would. He was losing Kara. He was losing the love of his life—and not just even that, he was losing his_ normal. _Kara was his normal. She was such a vital part of his life that he couldn’t imagine what it’d be like without her. He couldn’t do it. He didn’t think he could do it._

_He almost wanted to laugh at the irony of the whole situation. He always knew his parents would find a way to ruin his relationship with Kara. That thought subsided once he moved in with her; once he was finally free of them. But…at the end, they’d found a way to ruin his life again. His mother had found a way to ruin his life._

_And he was supposed to propose to her today._

_The thought almost made him choke on his tears. He couldn’t help reaching inside his pocket to take out the ring box—the ring that was supposed to symbolize his love for Kara. The ring that was supposed to seal the promise that yes, they were forever. But instead… It was nothing more than a rock on a circle. It didn’t represent anything, not when it wasn’t around Kara’s finger. It was only filled with broken hopes and shattered promises._

_It was only a reminder what he could’ve had…but wouldn’t be able to anymore._

_The first sob escaped his mouth then. He gripped the ring box tightly in his hand and rested his forehead on it, biting the inside of his cheek, his tongue, his finger to keep himself from crying, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop._

_What did it matter anyway? Stopping? It wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change the fact that he’d lost Kara._

_He’d lost her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	18. Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all your enthusiasm, comments, and excitement. i can't express just how much that means to me :)
> 
> but without further ado...hope you like this chapter :)

__

_He’s fine._ Kara repeated those words like a mantra in her head as she paced to the bathroom door before whirling around. _He’s fine. He has to be fine._ She bit her nails anxiously, curling her other hand into a fist to steady herself, and walked to the motel’s door this time. _He’ll come back soon. He’ll come back in a minute. And he’ll be fine._ She turned around again, facing the bathroom, feeling the knot in her throat grow. _He has to be fine._

She stopped abruptly, all her façade dropping as her eyes flickered to the clock in the room. 2:35 p.m. Which meant it had been about five hours since Mon-El stormed off…and still he hadn’t been back.

_He has to be fine._ It sounded too much like a lie to her ears.

She felt tears filling her eyes as she stared at her hands. _Damn you, Mon-El, why haven’t you come back yet?_

Something must’ve happened. She knew that, deep inside her heart. Mon-El… He might’ve been really shaken up when he left the room, but he certainly would’ve come back sooner rather than later, right? He’d never left her alone more than an hour or two in the last couple of days. He should’ve come…but he hadn’t.

Kara couldn’t stop the ideas from filling her mind. He could’ve gotten captured. The people after him… They could’ve gotten to him, and he might not have been able to run away. He could’ve… He could even be _dead_ right now.

No. _No._ She refused to believe that. He wouldn’t die just like that. He wouldn’t leave her. He had to be okay. He had to be out there somewhere, and…

She didn’t let herself think as she grabbed her cardigan from the armchair, sliding it on despite her shaky arms. She didn’t even care that it might be dangerous for her to leave the room right now. She had to look for him. She had to find him before…before it was too late. She knew that she shouldn’t care about him, not after what he did to her, but damn it, she did. She cared about him; after all this time, she still _cared,_ and she knew… She’d never be able to live with herself if she just let him die. She _couldn’t_ let him die.

She’d just grabbed the handle of the door and yanked it back, ready to rush out, when she came to a complete stop. Because… Mon-El was standing on the other side of the door. It seemed like he’d been standing there for quite some time now, from the way he was staring at her with wide eyes, his hand lifted into the air as if he wanted to knock. He didn’t look good, per se, not with his collapsed cheeks and red-tinted eyes, but he was there. _He was there,_ standing, perfectly fine, and, most importantly, alive.

“Mon-El.” Kara didn’t let herself think as she threw herself on him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him close. She could feel her heart thundering in her chest, she could feel that he wasn’t in a much different situation, yet still she held onto him. She didn’t let him go; she didn’t want to let him go. _He’s fine._ That was all she seemed to be able to think. _He’s fine._

She only realized she said the words out loud when she felt Mon-El’s hand moving along her back. “Hey, I’m here,” he whispered softly. Kara couldn’t help shivering when she felt his warm breath on her cheek. She tightened her grip around him and balled his shirt inside his hands. She wanted him close. She wanted him as close as possible, so that she could make sure he was really there, so that he wouldn’t just slip out of his fingers.

“You’re fine,” she whispered again, as if she needed a confirmation, before she pulled back to look at his face. She moved her fingers to his cheek, trailing them along the line of his chin—it was almost frightening just how right and easy that felt, as if she belonged there, right inside his arms. She discarded that thought immediately and instead focused on one fact: That he truly looked fine.

Well, except the fact that he seemed to have cried, but that was much better than a physical wound, so Kara could let it slide. _For now._

“I’m fine,” Mon-El said with a small nod, grabbing her hand lightly as if to show her that. She searched his face one last time—one could never be too sure. And when relief finally washed over every bit of worry… It was replaced by another emotion. _Anger._ “Kara—“

She didn’t even let him talk as she exploded. “Where the hell have you been?”

He seemed almost too shocked to answer as she removed herself from his arms and turned around, walking into the room. She was afraid that she would slap him or something if she stayed close to him. Not that he didn’t need some sense smacked into him, but knowing his past…hitting him was really not the best decision, in any case. She pinched her nose, taking deep breaths to calm herself down, as she listened to him close the door and step inside. “…Kara?” he said tentatively, almost _too_ tentatively. She didn’t know why, maybe it was the softness in his voice, but she couldn’t help feeling frustrated as she turned around to look at him again.

“Where were you, Mon-El?” she demanded again, trying hard not to raise her voice too much. She didn’t want everyone in this damn motel being an audience to their argument. “You… You stormed off after having an especially bad nightmare—and don’t tell me it wasn’t a nightmare, because I _know_ what your nightmares look like—and you haven’t returned for…for like… _5 hours!”_ She had to stop to check the time on the clock before continuing. “I thought something had happened to you! I thought… I thought this mysterious ‘she’ had found you and…and…” Her voice trailed off as the reality of the situation hit her. She couldn’t continue, yet from the way Mon-El winced, she knew that he’d gotten it. She could feel her lips quivering with the effort of holding back her tears. “Where were you?” she repeated with a quiet, trembling voice. Even she could hear the desperation behind her words.

“I was…” Mon-El started, struggling with his words. She could only listen and wait, hoping beyond hope that he would be truthful, that he wouldn’t just make up yet another excuse.

But when he shook his head…she almost knew what he would say.

“I was just…trying to pull myself together…after the nightmare. It was nothing, Kara. You shouldn’t have—“

“No,” she interrupted before he could get far and stepped forward. “You do not get to lie to me again. I might’ve accepted your dumbass excuses before, I might’ve been fine with it, but…not after today. You cannot expect me to just stay quiet after…after what I’d witnessed this morning.” She pressed her lips together and ducked her chin to search his face. “It wasn’t one of your regular nightmares, Mon-El. It was…different. Worse. Whatever you saw… It was bad.”

The way he shut his eyes and turned away was enough of an answer for her. She was right. A pang of pain hit her in her chest. She was hoping that she was wrong, just so that he wouldn’t be hurting as much as she thought he was, but seeing him now…

She stepped closer to him before he could say anything. “You have to tell me, Mon-El,” she whispered almost desperately. “You have to tell me what’s going on. You have to let me in, so that I can help you. So that I can be there for you—“

“I can’t.” She stopped when those two words left his mouth and he lifted his head. She threw her arms in the air.

“Why? I don’t understand. Why can’t you just _tell_ me?”

“Because it’s too dangerous, Kara!” She winced when he raised his voice, his eyes bearing into hers. Yet she didn’t back down, not this time.

“You know what, that excuse is getting really old.” She couldn’t help crossing her arms, even when she saw Mon-El’s face tighten with anger.

“You think I want this?” he asked incredulously. “You think I want to keep things from you? Because I don’t, okay? It hurts me that I have to lie to you—“

“Then tell me—“

“But I don’t have another choice! I don’t have another choice, not if I don’t want you to get involved in this more than—“

“I am already involved, Mon-El!” she objected, her voice loud enough to stop him. “I’m already involved in this. We’ve been on the run for God knows how long. We’ve faced armed men—people that were trying to _kill_ us.”

“Kara—“

“And I think,” she continued before he could interject, “I deserve to know what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. I think—“

“It’s too dangerous—“

“I deserve to know who’s after us, and why exactly she wants us dead.”

“Kara, please—“

“And I’m not accepting any of the ‘too dangerous’ excuses anymore! Okay? I’m not accepting that. Either you tell me right now, or I walk away, and there’s nothing you can do to stop—“

“She killed my father!” Mon-El’s words felt so much like a punch in the gut that Kara couldn’t help stopping, feeling dizzy for a second. She could feel her eyes widening. _She killed my father._ That was what he’d said. _She killed my father._

“…What?” That was the only thing she could come up with as she watched Mon-El bow his head and pinch his nose. She noticed that his hands were shaking as he shook his head.

“She killed my father,” he repeated, more quietly this time, so much so that she barely heard him. Yet still, the words squeezed her lungs, making it hard for her to breathe. She hadn’t heard it wrong. He really had said…

_Oh my God._

“She stabbed him in the…the chest and she killed him, and I…I witnessed it. I witnessed the whole thing.”

That was all he seemed to be able to come up with. Silence engulfed the room for a couple of seconds; the ringing in her ears was the only thing Kara could hear. Someone had killed Mon-El’s father. His father was dead, and she…she had no idea. She had _no idea_ about any of it.

“Why?” She didn’t even know what she was asking. She could only watch, her heart thundering in her chest, as Mon-El laughed humorlessly and shook his head.

“Some… Some business deal, the police said. He’d made a deal that…that _she_ didn’t like, and she…she killed him for it.” She could see the tears filling his eyes when he turned to her— _oh God,_ those were real tears in his eyes. And she knew that, because she could see him struggling to hold them back, yet it didn’t work. His voice was trembling as he continued. “And because I saw her…she tried to kill me, too. She came after me. She was… She was too powerful that I…I didn’t have any other choice other than leaving. I didn’t want to leave, I _never_ wanted to leave, but I…I couldn’t let her hurt anyone that I loved. I couldn’t let her hurt… _you_.”

Air got hitched in Kara’s throat with that. She could feel the missing pieces of the puzzle falling into place, creating a whole picture in her mind from unrelated pieces. She’d looked for those answers for years—six years, to be exact—but now that she was beginning to understand it…she was beginning to understand _Mon-El…_ She was almost scared to learn more. Because…

She’d been right. She’d been right, eveb when everyone told her that she’d been wrong. She’d been right when she claimed, despite all odds, that Mon-El loved her, and he’d never up and leave her. She’d lost her faith in him after some time, she had to accept that he might not have loved her as much as she thought he did, but…

He did. He loved her. He loved her…and that was why he left. To protect her. To keep her safe, from…

He continued before she could even get a grip on her thoughts. “I wanted to be with you,” he confessed, wrapping his arms around himself as if he needed that to hold himself together. She could only watch him as he rambled—his thoughts were all over the place, making it hard for her to put them together, but as the whole thing got clearer and clearer… “All I wanted was to be with you, but… I couldn’t risk you. If you died because of me… If my mother killed you because of me… I couldn’t—“

_“Wait.”_ It took Kara a couple of seconds to process his words, not just because she was too dazed with his confessions, but also…she thought she’d heard wrong at first. She thought it was just a slip of tongue, but when he continued, as if it was _ordinary_ to him… “Did you just say… _my mother?”_

It couldn’t be true. It shouldn’t be true. And yet…it was. She could see in his eyes that it was.

He deflated right in front of her eyes as he nodded. “It was when I went to see them,” he explained. Kara couldn’t stop the memories filling her mind: saying goodbye to Mon-El as he went to see his parents, how he didn’t come back home for four days, how she went to his parents house thinking something must’ve been wrong…only to find the place completely empty… She didn’t understand it then, she didn’t understand how he could abandon her _for his parents_. It never occurred to her that…he might be running from them. From his mother, who…

“I wasn’t going to go to the police.” Kara slipped away from her thoughts when Mon-El continued. “But…Rhea tried to get me killed. She sent people after me. I didn’t have any other choice. I didn’t have any choice other than leaving. Kara, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I messed up. I know I messed up.” Tears were streaming down his face by the time he ducked his chin, almost guiltily, and covered his mouth with his hand. Kara didn’t know exactly _what_ he felt guilty about, though: because he left her all those years ago, or because he was telling her all this now, despite knowing he shouldn’t.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She could only speak when the silence in the room became almost deafening. She could hear every sharp inhale Mon-El took, every attempt to bite back his sobs, and somehow…it hurt more than she could’ve imagined. Learning all of this… It hurt more than any scenario she’d created in her head—and there was a time she wondered whether his parents could’ve killed him and dumped his body somewhere. But witnessing the murder of your father…the murder of _anyone,_ really… She couldn’t even imagine how _traumatizing_ it must’ve been. And on top of that, being forced to leave behind everything you had and start over… “Why didn’t you let me know, Mon-El?” she continued, her voice tear-strained. “I would’ve…” _Waited for you._ The words seeped into her mind without her intention.

It was almost scary, though, how true they were. She would’ve waited for him. If she knew what happened…if she knew he was in some sort of a _witness protection_ thingy… She would’ve waited. Even if he was gone for more than ten years, she would’ve _waited_ for him. He was… He was the love of her life. He was _still_ the love of her life, after all those years. Her feelings had never faded, not even when she hated him, not even when she thought she never wanted to see him again. If that was the case…she knew that they would survive Mon-El’s witness protection too.

“I know,” Mon-El whispered, understanding her words without her needing to voice them. “That was why… That was why I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to ruin your life waiting for me. I wanted… I wanted you to live, even if I wasn’t in that life. I wanted to give you a chance to be happy.” He pressed his lips together, as if he was trying to gather his strength to continue. Kara felt something crack in her chest. _Of course._ She wasn’t even surprised with his explanation.

That didn’t mean it didn’t break her heart, though.

She would’ve said that too, she would’ve told him she would never have the life she wanted without him…if it wasn’t for his next words. It felt too much like a punch in the gut that she didn’t even think she could speak if she wanted to.

“I loved you, Kara.” She could almost feel her heart stopping in her chest as he stared at her. She saw his tears stream down his cheeks—as if he couldn’t hold them back anymore. “I loved you. I still… I still love you. I know it’s…too late, and you’ll never forgive me, but… I’ve never stopped loving you.”

She wasn’t even breathing as Mon-El turned his eyes away, the first in a long line of sobs involuntarily escaping his lips.

_Oh, Mon-El…_ She couldn’t help thinking. _I love you, too. With all that I have, I love you, I love you, I love you._ Yet she couldn’t voice those words. No matter how much her heart yearned for it—yearned for _him—_ she couldn’t even open her mouth. The nagging doubt in her mind, the part of it that still wasn’t over the pain of him leaving, was screaming at her, saying those words would only hurt more in the end. She was…scared. Scared that she’d get heartbroken all over again if she put herself out there, so much so that she only stood there, watching him try to hold back his sobs…unsuccessfully. She shivered when she heard another choked sob.

Her eyes closed shut just as Mon-El opened his mouth again. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I never… I didn’t mean to…” _What?_ Kara thought; he didn’t mean to leave her all those years ago, or tell her why he left in the first place? She didn’t know, and she didn’t have the courage to even open her eyes, let alone ask him about it.

“I’ll… I’ll just… I’ll be in the bathroom.” Kara’s eyes flickered open only then, just to see Mon-El furiously wipe his cheeks. “If you need anything, just…” He stared at her for a couple of seconds, struggling with his words, and then…he stormed off into the bathroom. She didn’t stop him. She couldn’t even try, not when every muscle in her body was frozen, not when a million thoughts were milling around in her head at the same time, not when her heart and head were clashing in what they wanted her to do.

She jumped as she heard Mon-El shut the bathroom door behind her. She felt dizzy— _no._ It was the tears filling her eyes that blurred her vision. Tears for what Mon-El had to go through, for the pain she’d felt in his absence, for how the universe forced them apart when they loved each other _so damn much._ They’d been… They’d been the “power couple”, as Alex so very happily dubbed them. They’d made it through high school _and_ college, not letting anything separate them. Those years… They’d been the best time of Kara’s life. She didn’t remember a time she felt as happy as when she was with Mon-El. He was…like a dream come true— _literally_. He was like those book boyfriends everyone yearned for but thought only existed in books. But with Mon-El…it seemed like his sole purpose in life was to make her happy. Everything and everyone else could be damned as long as she was happy, and he’d go to _incredible_ lengths to ensure that. He’d do… _anything…_ to make her happy.

…and that was what he’d done, didn’t he? He’d left her to make sure she didn’t die, to give her a chance at happiness. He loved her, he _wanted_ to be with her more than anything, yet still… He’d sacrificed all of that so that she could live, so that she could be safe. He must’ve known that there was a chance she could move on. Hell, maybe he was _sure_ that she would, maybe he knew for sure that he wouldn’t be getting her back, not even If he managed to return years later. But that didn’t stop him from leaving.

Only then Kara understood the difference between need and love. She always assumed they were the same: if you loved someone, you needed them, right? But…it wasn’t always the case. If Mon-El needed her more than he loved her… He would’ve stayed. He would’ve damned the consequences and refused to leave, putting her in unimaginable danger. But he didn’t. He left, because…he loved her more than he needed her. He loved her so much that the thought of her dying was much worse than leaving her. Even though, technically, he’d be losing her either way. But still… He’d chosen to leave her, he’d chosen to keep her alive and protected, because it was enough for him to know she was alive, even if he couldn’t be with her. If it came down to it… He’d rather stay away from her than let her die.

She couldn’t help turning around and looking at the bathroom door with that thought. She thought she would be hesitant to go inside, to get closer to him, just for the off chance that he might hurt her again, but…she didn’t have a flicker of doubt inside her. How could she? Mon-El loved her. He loved her. Even after all those years, even after every horrible thing she told him in the last few days, even knowing she’d been dating and engaged to someone else… He never stopped loving her. And on top of that, he tried to keep her safe; with everything that he had, he tried to keep her away from the danger. He wouldn’t hurt her again. He would never want to hurt her.

But that wasn’t even at the forefront of her mind. Not as she heard his muffled sobs—she knew he was trying to suppress them, because that was who he was, because he’d never want her to feel bad for him. Yet even the fact that he was failing indicated just _how_ _much_ he was hurting. And she… She only wanted to be there for him. She wanted to hug him, and she wanted to rest his head on her shoulder so that he could cry. She wanted to tell him that she understood him, she forgave him, and…she loved him.

She loved him. Even after all this time, even after all the pain she’d been through… She loved him, too. She’d been wrong when she thought she’d never care about him again, or that he’d changed too much. He hadn’t. He was still the caring, vulnerable guy she’d met in high school. He was still the guy she’d fallen in love with. He’d proved that, and she…

She didn’t let anything stop her as she moved to the bathroom, yanking the door open. She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs, especially when she saw Mon-El on the floor, curled into a small ball, his face buried in his hands as his body shook with sobs. He hadn’t even realized she’d opened the door.

She could feel the knot in her throat tighten as she moved forward and knelt down. “Mon-El?” she whispered softly, and only then he lifted his head. His cheeks were stained with tears and his hair looked messy, like he’d ran his hand through the strands several time, but that wasn’t what struck Kara the most. It was his eyes, looking utterly devastated, as if he thought he’d ruined everything.

Maybe he did think he’d ruined everything.

Pain filled her lungs, yet she didn’t let that distract her from her purpose as she reached forward and took his hands in hers. She pushed her tears back forcefully. _Not now,_ she thought to herself. Right now, Mon-El needed her more than she needed him. She could cry later, when he was better…and she knew that he would be right there to hold her when that happened.

She rubbed the back of his hand reassuringly and offered him a small smile. He looked so shocked that his sobs subsided—momentarily. She could still see the tears streaming down his face, though.

“I understand,” she whispered, making sure there was not a hint of doubt in her voice. She reached forward to stroke his cheek. “And I forgive you.”

That was all she could muster, yet she knew Mon-El understood her, especially as his eyes widened. He seemed like he couldn’t believe it at first, searching her face, looking for a sign of a joke…but he couldn’t find it. She could almost pinpoint the moment he realized this was real, from the way fresh tears filled his eyes and his shoulders sagged.

And then he pulled her into his arms anyway, burying his face into her shoulder as sobs once again escaped his mouth. She didn’t wait one second before hugging him back.

She let only a couple of tears fall down her cheeks, between whispering soothing words to Mon-El’s ear and him whispering apologies over and over again. It took him a couple of tries to get what he was saying because of his sobs, but then…each and every apology broke another piece off of her heart. What he did… It wasn’t his fault, at all, yet he was blaming himself for it. Somehow…that made it worse. Even when she knew she had to let him get all of that out, she couldn’t help tightening her grip around him, holding his hand with one hand, mumbling to him that it wasn’t his fault and he was forgiven. Gosh, he was _more than_ forgiven.

She pulled back to look at his eyes only when she was sure that he wasn’t shivering anymore and his sobs were reduced to occasional tears that were wetting her t-shirt. She moved the arm that was wrapped around him along his back to grip his shoulder, steadying herself. Her other hand was still in his—she doubted she’d be able to pull it back anytime soon from how tightly he was holding onto it anyway.

Not that she wanted to, per se, but still…

Their gazes met only when his eyes fluttered open, the tears that clung to his lashes sliding down his cheeks. Kara felt air leaving her lungs the moment his eyes found hers. Her heart had already felt like it was cracked all over, but now…she could almost _feel_ it shatter into pieces inside her. She’d never thought eyes could look this deep and bright at the same time, conveying all kinds of different, almost conflicting emotions. Granted, they’d probably be invisible to anyone who didn’t know Mon-El, but…she knew him. There was a time, after he’d left, that she’d doubted if she ever truly have known him or not, but now she was sure. She’d always known him.

And that was how she could see the vulnerability and brokenness in his eyes. They were shining brightly, more blue than gray with the tears glimmering in them, but they looked absolutely _broken,_ like he’d been beaten up and wounded too much for him to heal. It wasn’t only that, either. He almost looked like…he didn’t want to heal. Like he’d tried it, he’d failed, and now he was too tired for it. He’d given up on trying to heal. It ached Kara’s chest so much that she couldn’t breathe for a moment.

At least until she realized that wasn’t the only thing in his eyes. Deep down, way past his bleeding wounds, scars, broken pieces and jagged parts, there was…hope. A newfound hope flickering like a lonely star in the dark night sky. Hope…for her. Because of her, really. It was almost a plea, begging for her to stay with him, to pull him tightly into her embrace and put all his pieces together. He loved her, _of course_ he loved her, and it was so obvious in the deep parts of his eyes—she couldn’t help thinking that people were right when they called them windows to one’s soul—she felt something flutter inside her. He looked at her as if she held him in her hands, as if he was completely at her mercy. She could break him with one word out of her mouth…or she could take his broken pieces, glue them together, and make him whole again. She could bring the happiness that he couldn’t find without her back to him. She could make him happy, and that was what that hope in his eyes symbolized.

She didn’t hesitate as she moved her hand from his shoulder to the nape of his neck, turning her gaze to his parted lips. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of kissing him. It’d been such a long time since she’d last been in his arms, a long time since she felt anything close to this feeling inside her—like fire was coursing through her veins, but instead of burning her, it brought her back to life like a phoenix—that she felt almost intoxicated…in a good way. She never wanted to let that feeling go; she wanted to hold onto it as tightly as humanly possible, keeping it close to her heart. She’d missed it—feeling this many things all at once. It made her feel…alive, like one would feel alive on a rollercoaster ride. Alive, free, and…thrilled. Happy. She felt _happy…_ and it was all thanks to this man, who was looking at her so helplessly, so pleadingly, that it reminded her of the little boy who was made to believe, by his parents, that he was worth nothing. That no one could care about him or love him. The little boy who craved for love and physical affection so much that he’d cried in her arms when she offered to hold him in her embrace, right after she found out about his parents’ physical abuse. The little boy who looked at her almost disbelievingly when she told him she cared about him. The little boy who just wanted to be loved. The little boy who had such a big heart, who was so loyal to the ones he loved, who would do anything to protect them from harm and make sure they were safe and happy.

And he did exactly that, didn’t he? He’d sacrificed everything he had to keep her and his daughter out of harm’s way. He’d sacrificed a piece of himself by staying away from her, despite loving her with all his heart, so that they wouldn’t be in danger. All this time, she’d thought he left because he didn’t love her… He’d loved her. He didn’t leave her because he didn’t love her, but because he loved her _so very much._

And she loved him back just as fiercely.

That was why she didn’t hesitate as she leaned down and pressed her lips on his lightly. She ran her fingers through his hair to tug him close, wanting to feel more of him, _all_ of him. The kiss was sweet and slow, with Mon-El’s lips almost frozen underneath hers, yet she could still feel excitement buzzing through her veins. She moved her tongue through the seam of his lips, trying to pry them open, but she could almost feel him hesitate. His hand was on her arm, holding her sweater tightly, yet still his grip around her was loose. As if…he was giving her the opportunity to pull back. He was giving her the chance to stop the kiss and move away.

Yet that was the last thing in the world she wanted to do right now. She just tugged at his collar, trying to signal him that this was okay, that she _wanted_ the kiss, as her other hand moved through the strands of his hair, reveling in their softness. And finally, she felt his lips move underneath her. Finally, he moved his hand to her hair and let himself go, deepening the kiss, surrendering everything to her. It was so beautiful and so heartbreaking at the same time that it was almost overwhelming, yet Kara still didn’t move away. She stayed with him; through it all, she stayed with him. He’d been there for her many times when she was the one that needed him. It was only fair that she stayed with him, too.

She pulled back a couple of seconds later, only when the kiss slowed down, even though it felt like hours for her. She opened her eyes to look at him once again. She found him looking at her, with wide, tear-filled eyes. He seemed like he didn’t expect her to kiss him—at all. And…she had to give him that right. Not only had _she_ not actually plan it, there were a lot of reasons why she _shouldn’t_ kiss him, first of all that being they still hadn’t had a proper talk about everything that happened to both of them. They hadn’t even established what this was and where this was going.

Oh, and there was also James, her _fiancé,_ whom she seemed to forget about more often than not. But…she wasn’t even in a position to feel guilty about that. Mon-El’s mother, who also killed his father, was trying to _find_ and _kill_ them. James was, like, at the bottom of the list of things she worried about.

Yet even with all of that, Kara couldn’t help it as the corners of her lips kicked up. She felt happy; truly happy, for the first time in a long time. Yes, of course there’d been times when she’d been happy before, but even then, there was always this…this burden over her shoulders. But now… All of that was gone. She felt _unburdened_ and _weightless—_ which probably was a weird thing to say considering their situation, but that didn’t change the realness of her feelings.

And she couldn’t help thinking, as she watched Mon-El smile for almost the _first time_ since he came back… That he was feeling the same way.

_Kara’s hands were shaking as she walked up the utterly familiar—and utterly sickening—stairs of the porch, staring at the door in front of her._ He’s fine, _she thought. That was all she seemed to be thinking about._ It isn’t the first time he went to see his parents and couldn’t come back for a day or two. They’re…still very influential. Something must’ve happened, something that prevented him from calling me or coming back home.

_The words seemed like a bunch of ridiculous excuses, even as she repeated them like a mantra in her head. But she knew… She knew the inconsistencies behind them. Yes, there’d been times Mon-El visited his parents and stayed there for some time, but he always let her know he’d be late, he_ always _informed her about where he was. His parents was still a delicate issue; they both knew what Rhea and Lar was capable of, and to prevent them from hurting Mon-El again, transparency was the best way to go. But this time… Kara hadn’t gotten even one text from Mon-El. She’d been so wrapped up in studying for her finals that it took her some time to notice—she was still scolding herself for that._ Three days. _Mon-El had been gone for_ three days, _and she only now noticed that._

_Granted, she also had to spend some time with Alex, not wanting to leave her alone after Kylie broke up with her, but still… She should’ve realized something was wrong. She should’ve noticed his absence before this morning, when she opened her phone and realized there were no texts from him._ For three days.

_She’d immediately called him of course, her heart slamming against her ribs, yet…there was no answer. And_ that _was when she grabbed her purse, deciding without hesitation to go to his parents’ house._

His parents must’ve taken his phone. They must’ve forced him into something. That’s it. That’s why he hadn’t come back. That’s why I can’t reach him.

_She wished, with all of her heart, that that was the truth. Yet she knew if she chose to believe that now…it would only be because she_ wanted _to believe it, not because she truly thought it was the truth._

Please be okay. _The thought felt like one last plea as she stood in front of the door._ Please be okay, Mon-El. Please don’t leave me. _She couldn’t lose him. Not just because she loved him—which she did—but also… He was her normal. He was the person she spent the last seven years with, and he was the person she saw when she thought about her future. She knew that there was a time in her life that she was without him, but she couldn’t remember it. She couldn’t remember being without him, and honesty…she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to live without him._

_Those thoughts fueled her as she literally_ banged _her hand over the door. “Mon-El?” Even_ she _winced with the loudness of her voice._

_Yet still, she didn’t regret it one bit._

_She waited, tapping her foot on the floor, listening to any sound coming from inside. But there was nothing. She felt bile rising to her chest._

_Her hands were shaking so much that there was a chance her knocks were shaky even as she tried to steady herself. “Mon-El?” She stopped to listen for another couple of seconds. Nothing._

_She knocked again. “Mrs. Gand? Mr. Gand?” Nothing. Knock. “It’s Kara. Please… Please open the door. I need to…”_ see Mon-El. _She needed to see him. She needed to make sure he was okay._

_“I need to see Mon-El…” Still no answer. “Please. I need to see him.” She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs, trying to deny the blatant fact lying right in front of her eyes. They had to be in the house. They couldn’t be gone, right? They couldn’t be…_

_“Screw this,” she muttered under her breath as she reached for the door’s handle. If she had to kick down the door…somehow…to get inside, then she would—_

_She stumbled and almost fell down when she pushed the door and it opened unexpectedly. Her heart jumped in her chest even as she tried to straighten up and regain her composure._

_In any other situation, she might’ve been happy that the door was open. But right now… All she could think about was the fact that something was wrong here. Something was really,_ really _wrong here._

_Her footsteps echoed in the empty hallways as she tentatively entered the house, only illuminated by the light seeping from the windows. “…Mon-El?” she called out. Her voice wasn’t very loud, yet with the silence and her pounding heart, she still winced at just how_ loud _it sounded. She cleared her throat softly. “It’s Kara.”_ Well, duh. _She assumed Mon-El would be able to recognize her from her voice. “I was… I was worried about you. You didn’t come home and you weren’t answering my calls—_ Oh my God.” _She gasped the moment she entered the living room, coming to an immediate stop._

_Bagged. Everything was bagged in that…that transparent material you put around your furniture to prevent them from getting dusty if you were leaving the house for a long time. The couches, the drawers, the table, even the TV… It was all…bagged. Which meant…_

_She covered her mouth, in shock or to hold back a sob, she didn’t know. This… This could only mean one thing. Mon-El visiting his parents almost out of the blue, not calling or texting her, not answering her calls…disappearing from her life. He really did disappear from her life. With his parents, he’d…he’d left._

_He’d left her._

* * *

Never in a million years had Kara thought, especially after she convinced herself that Mon-El didn’t love her, that she’d have him in her arms again, cuddling on a bed, his head resting over her chest and their hands clasped together over her stomach. She never even thought they could see each other again.

They were in that exact position now, lying on the motel’s bed. After Mon-El managed to calm down enough, she’d half carried him out of the bathroom, and without bothering with anything else, they threw themselves on the bed. They were so tired that…anything else was out of question.

Even though, Kara assumed, that they both knew it would be the best for them if they didn’t stay in one place for too long.

But…it was neither the time nor the place for that. They needed stability right now. _She_ needed stability. A lot had happened in the last couple of hours—maybe not physically, but she felt like she’d been on an emotional rollercoaster. From worrying about Mon-El’s nightmare to worrying about his life, and then having life-changing information dumped on her shoulders… It was bound to affect anyone, considering what Mon-El told her. It was bound to put anyone on uneven ground.

She suspected that Mon-El was in the same position, too. The occasional shudder that swept over him every now and then was a proof of that. Oh, and there were the tears that were _still_ wetting her shirt. She couldn’t see his face, but that was indication enough that he was crying.

He needed stability. too. Not just from the exhaustion of these last few days, but from the weight of the last few years. He needed to relieve himself from that weight, for at least a couple of hours, and regain his strength.

He shivered in her arms again, taking her out of her thoughts. Her heart ached for him as she leaned forward to run her fingers gently through his hair, and press a kiss on his forehead. She wouldn’t stop holding him until she was sure he was completely fine.

“You’re all I have,” he murmured, so much so that Kara’s hand froze on his cheek. She tilted her head slightly to get a better look at his face.

“What?”

“You’re all I have,” he repeated, louder this time, even though she didn’t ask for a clarification because she couldn’t hear him. She just… It was just a hard pill to swallow; to hear the devotion in his voice. As if… As if he couldn’t live without her.

“Mon-El…don’t say that,” she pleaded, feeling the tears filling her eyes. “I’m not all you have. You’re…” Yet he couldn’t even finish her words before he interrupted.

“It’s the truth.” He seemed so sure of it that she couldn’t even disagree. “I’ve… I’ve seen who I am without you. I’ve seen who I became when I left you. And that…that’s not healthy. That’s not…who I want to be. It wasn’t… It wasn’t living, Kara.” He shivered again, in a way that cracked Kara’s heart. “It wasn’t living.”

She didn’t even know what to say to that. She just blinked, trying to push her tears away, and inadvertently tightened her embrace around Mon-El, as if a part of her wanted to protect him from his own destructive thoughts. She only refocused herself when he shifted to look at her.

“I’m not… I’m not dreaming, right? You really…forgave me?” She stared at him almost incredulously.

“Of course I did, Mon-El.” There wasn’t even a hint of hesitation in her voice as she brushed her fingers across his cheek. “You’ve… You’ve been trying to protect me all this time. Me and…and Amelia. By whatever means necessary. You sacrificed… _everything…_ to make sure we were safe.” A tear escaped her eyes, despite all her efforts. “How can I not forgive you?” Her voice was so thick with emotions that her words were almost unintelligible. Yet…from the way Mon-El’s eyes shone with a newfound hope and vulnerability…she knew that he must’ve understood.

“I left you,” he countered her words. “Kara, I abandoned you, without a word. You loved me, and I broke—“

“You left to _protect_ me.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you.” Kara’s silence was answer enough for him. He grimaced before he avoided her gaze. “And… And now… I put your life in danger. I promised myself that I’d never hurt you, and I tried, but I…I failed. I—“

“Mon-El,” Kara stopped him before he could get far. It was hard enough to see him in pain, she didn’t need the addition of his self-hatred. “You’re human too,” she continued and caressed his cheek. “You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re allowed to feel hurt, you’re allowed to have hopes and wishes, and you’re allowed to do what you want. After what you’ve been through for six years… It’s understandable that you couldn’t take it anymore. I’m not… I’d never hold that against you.”

“But I—“

“Bup bup bup bup bup.” Kara pressed a finger on his lips before he could even talk. “I don’t want any objections to that, especially since you can’t change how I feel.” She shifted on the bed to turn to her side, so that she was face to face with Mon-El. The tears had stopped streaming down his face, and she also couldn’t help realizing that his eyes didn’t look as broken as they did just that morning. He looked…hopeful. Happy.

Pride filled her chest as she smiled.

“I know you’re a good person, Mon-El,” she continued, reaching forward to cup his cheek. “I know your intentions were good, no matter what you did, and that’s enough for me to forgive you. Besides… Despite everything, I’m glad I know the truth now. I’m glad you’re back.” _You aren’t the only one who lost their direction when you left._

A small, almost unbelieving smile pulled Mon-El’s lips at that…but it was short lived. He bit the inside of his cheek. “What about… What about Amelia? Or…James? How will we figure—“

“Amelia is your daughter.” The words left Kara’s mouth without her intention. Yet…she didn’t even regret that. She wanted him to know.

She should’ve never lied to him about it. She should’ve told him, from the beginning. She’d thought… She’d thought he didn’t care, but…she was wrong. She’d been _so wrong_ , and it…it must’ve hurt him a lot. There was a chance that he already knew about Amelia anyway, but either way… It must’ve hurt.

She tried not to feel guilty about it as she instead focused on Mon-El’s wide eyes. She shook her head. “I’m… I’m sorry about lying about it. I thought you’d abandoned me, I was hurting, and I… I wanted to hurt you, too. But I… I never knew… I’m so sorry…” She could only glance at Mon-El through her lashes, a part of her thinking that he must be angry. He had that right. He’d… He’d sacrificed everything to protect her, and she…she did everything in her power to hurt him. He should’ve been angry…

But he just…he just smiled. One of his happy, weightless smiles; just like she imagined _he_ would be like if he had the chance to be with her when she was pregnant. If she could have him that they were having a baby together.

“Amelia,” he whispered, as if he was testing the name. “You really… You really named her…Amelia.” _Even after I was gone._ He didn’t voice those words, yet she could see him almost _thinking_ about them. She couldn’t help smiling with relief too.

“It was your daughter. It was only fair. And…” She rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. “And about James and her… We’ll figure that out once we get out of this situation, okay? When the time comes. We’ll figure it out…together.” Granted, she didn’t plan on leaving Mon-El at all, but still… She had to admit that James was a sensitive issue. This wasn’t the right time to think about it.

“Okay,” Mon-El whispered. He didn’t—no, he _couldn’t—_ say anything else, yet he didn’t need to. Kara knew exactly how he felt. She knew just how _happy_ he must’ve been, and deep inside, she was also completely confident that he’d be an amazing father to Amelia. If he had the chance, he’d make her the happiest little girl in the whole world.

And maybe…just maybe, he would be given that chance…soon. _Soon._

She held onto that thought as Mon-El lied on his back, pulling her to his chest. It didn’t take long for her to drift off to seep. For once, though… She didn’t feel uncomfortable.

* * *

Mon-El was in the middle of brushing his teeth when he heard the doorknob being turned. One corner of his lips immediately kicked up…especially as Kara struggled with the handle a bit before managing to push it open and appearing behind the door.

She looked almost too adorable to be true, especially with her bed-ridden blond curls and eyes that indicated she literally _just_ got out of bed. And he knew, for a fact, that that was true, because when _he_ slipped out from under the covers, she was sleeping so deeply that she hadn’t even moved.

She pushed her hair away from her face before she offered Mon-El a small smile. “G’morning,” she mumbled under her breath, almost inaudibly.

It was then that Mon-El remembered just how hard it was to brush your teeth while grinning. He forced himself to breathe properly to suppress his smile, and scooted to the side so that Kara could use the sink. She slipped right by his side as if it was second nature to her.

And…there had been a time this was second nature to them, wasn’t there? Waking up in each other’s arms, brushing their teeth together in the bathroom with their shoulders bumping into each other’s occasionally, changing their clothes and getting ready for another day in college… This had been their life; the happiest days of his life, if he had to be honest. It had been his home; _Kara_ had been his home. And now…having it back…

He had to force back his tears. “Good morning,” he told Kara, though because of the brush in his mouth, it sounded nothing more than a gurgling groan. She shot him an amused glance before turning back to her hair. She pulled it into a messy ponytail.

“Since that was completely unintelligible, I’m gonna assume that you said good morning,” she mused as she splashed some water on her face. It was an effort not to laugh at that, not without splattering toothpaste everywhere. He could just nod at her.

They stayed silent for a couple of seconds, as Kara tried to shake away her sleeplessness with ice cold water and Mon-El finished brushing his teeth and dumped the brush to the side of the sink. He was prepared to give her some privacy, letting her do her…private stuff…but before he could even open his mouth, he felt her hand on his waist. Something jumped in his chest at the contact, so familiar yet so…so new, too.

He loved it more than he thought he could.

“Hey,” she mumbled softly. “Are you feeling better?”

She didn’t need to say anything else for him to know what she was referring to, from the softness in her voice and the way her curious eyes were searching his face. The previous day… It had been hard on him—on both of them, really. Having that…that destructive nightmare, thinking that he’d truly lost Kara and Amelia… It had almost crushed him, so much so that it took him a couple of hours to properly pull himself together and remind himself that both Kara and Amelia were okay. And then, after that, confessing everything to Kara, going through the worst days— _years—_ of his life all over again… It would shake anyone, even the strongest person on earth.

One good thing that came out of the whole thing was that… He had Kara by his side now. He’d been bearing the weight of everything alone for years, but now… She was offering her support. She was there for him to pick up his pieces and put them together. He could’ve never imagined this—Kara understanding everything and giving him her forgiveness—even in his wildest dreams…which made it all the more surprising and _incredible_ that she was standing by his side now. Despite everything, despite all odds working against them, she stood with him, as if she wanted to show the universe that no matter what, it could not break the bond between them. It was unbreakable, strong enough to bear through everything, even separation, even lies, even pain and misunderstandings.

He had to push back his tears as he nodded. “Yeah, I… I had a good night’s sleep.” _Without any nightmares haunting me._ He didn’t need to voice those thoughts for her to understand, though. She just smiled and scooted forward, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“I’m glad,” she murmured. The corner of his lips kicked up.

“Yeah?”

“Hmm-hmm.” She reached up to press a small kiss on his lips. She pulled back only to look at his eyes. “I had a good night’s sleep, too.”

This time, it was Mon-El’s turn to smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad.”

She chuckled and rolled her eyes at his word choice, but there was happiness shining in her eyes, showing just how comfortable and relaxed she was with him. It should’ve been impossible, them going right back to their old habits in a matter of hours, yet here they were, flirting and kissing in the bathroom, wearing sweats and loose t-shirts, their hair messy and eyes sleepy. It seemed like…when you clicked with someone, when you belonged with them, neither time nor distance could break what you had.

“That’s good to know,” Kara said with a nod a couple of seconds later, “and I would like to talk about it, too, but I really need to pee right now, and it’s making it kind of hard for me to think.”

Mon-El’s laugh echoed in the motel room even as he left the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Kara emerged just a couple of seconds later, just as Mon-El was halfway through packing their bag, leaving out only Kara’s clothes for her to pick from. He lifted his head when he felt Kara standing right next to him. She had…

Was that the tampon package in her hand?

“You know what, I was really embarrassed when you bought me tampons, but right now I can literally kiss you for it,” she said as she dropped it inside the backpack. “Also, I’d thought at first that you’d only coincidentally bought the brand I used, but I’m assuming that it wasn’t by accident.” She looked up at him with such innocent eyes that he couldn’t help smiling.

So, they were really going back to their old habits. Not that he minded it! It wasn’t the first time he bought tampons for Kara, and no matter how many weird looks that received from some people, he would do it again and again if she needed it. There wasn’t anything weird about it. It was a normal bodily function, and being weirded out by it would only cause unnecessary discomfort. So yes, of course he would buy those tampons if he saw that Kara didn’t have any left in the bathroom cabinet, of course he’d rush to the market and grab them if she needed it, and of course if she called him and asked him to buy them before coming home, he would do it. He wanted Kara to be comfortable around him.

And…it seemed like even though years had passed, she was still comfortable enough to talk about her periods. Pride flickered in his chest as he smiled.

“So that explains your mood in the last couple of days.” That earned a scowl from Kara, even as she moved to the pile of clothes to grab black leggings and a white sweater with the silhouette of a cat’s face on it. “And no, it wasn’t a coincidence. _And_ , if the offer is still on the table, I wouldn’t mind having that kiss.”

She exasperatedly shook her head. “Greedy jerk.” She threw a t-shirt at his face that he barely caught before it hit him. He couldn’t help chuckling as he lowered it, opening his mouth—

Yet his words were interrupted by a loud thud. No… Not a thud. For anyone else, it might’ve sounded like a thud, but he’d heard that sound before. He’d heard it many times, in the…in the gun range that he went to in the witness protection program. When he was using the guns…with silencers.

It was a gunshot. The thud was a _gunshot._

His heart jumped with fear in his chest as he whirled around, facing the door, only to see a hole where the doorknob was supposed to be. He was frozen, so much so that he couldn’t do anything as the door was pushed open, revealing the one person in the world he was terrified of. Not just for himself, but…for the woman that was standing a couple of feet behind him; one of the two people in the world that he cared about the most.

Because standing behind that door was Rhea Gand, his mother, the person that had been trying to kill him for the last six years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	19. Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooo, i'm so sorry for making you wait after the cliffhanger, BUT isn't that the best part of a cliffhanger? the wait? (okay, i'm totally lying right now, because i've just finished a book with a cliffhanger and i can't buy the second one for a couple of weeks at least and i'm DYING) but the wait is over at least, right? (for YOU. damn books with cliffhangers. lol)
> 
> anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter :)

_Rhea._

Mon-El felt like his heart stopped beating the moment his eyes met the familiar light brown ones—the ones he still remembered so very clearly even though it had been _years_ since he last saw them in person. The eyes that had always been cold and emotionless, the eyes that he always feared one way or another…

Yet they’d never scared him as much as they did now, not even in those days of his early childhood when a certain look would indicate a beating would be coming. And he knew exactly the reason for it. At those times… At those times, he’d only been scared for _his_ life. Not even his life, he’d only been scared of the _pain_ that would be coming; he’d known that his own _mother_ wouldn’t kill him, no matter what. But now… Now, not only did he know that Rhea was here to kill him, but he also knew…

He also knew she’d be taking Kara’s life too. _His_ Kara’s life. The person he loved for years, with everything that he had. The person that saved him from his parents, from his mother, from himself. The person—the _only_ person—that made him feel like he was worthy of something. Rhea would kill her too, for she knew too much, for she was a witness too, which terrified him more than any threat to his life could. Kara couldn’t die. He couldn’t let Rhea take her.

With that, he snapped out of his stupor, and his hand instinctively shot forward to grab Kara’s and pull her behind him, as far away from Rhea as possible, trying to block her with his body. The beats of his thundering heart were ringing in his ears, so much so that it was almost impossible to hear anything else, yet he forced himself to focus, just _focus_. Focus on getting Kara out of there. Focus on making sure she was safe, that she was alive. That was all that mattered. That was all that was important. And then… And then Rhea could do anything she wanted to him. As long as Kara was safe, he didn’t care about what happened to him.

“Run,” he whispered to Kara as he tried to push her behind him, away, back to the corridor. The logical side of his brain, the side that wasn’t in complete freak out mode, provided him with the picture of a window—a window that was right down the hall behind him, on the opposite side of the room from where Rhea, and now his two men, were standing at. Kara could get out from there. She could get out. She could get away. She could be safe. He shoved her away again before she could even say anything.

“What—“

“ _Run_ ,” he ordered again, trying to ignore the way his voice shook, the way his hands trembled, the way he felt like he could fall apart any second. He couldn’t fall apart, not yet. He needed to hold on just a couple of seconds more, just until Kara got out of there.

He felt Kara step back behind him as he kept his eyes on Rhea, spotting the gun in her hand, and the guns in the hands of each of her men, as he swallowed hard and tried to get rid of the knot in his throat. _Run,_ he thought again, through his pounding heart and labored breaths. _Run, go, save yourself. Run._

Yet before Kara could take even one more step Rhea had raised her gun, the barrel pointing at Mon-El’s head. Mon-El’s muscles locked as he stared at the gun, his mind emptying for a second, at least before he heard Rhea talk. It was a miracle that he was even able to _hear_ her considering the ringing in his ears had just gotten ten times worse.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, dear,” she said, and somehow…somehow Mon-El knew she wasn’t saying that to him, even though her gaze was fixed on his eyes. “Take one more step and I’ll put a bullet in his head.”

The whole room went utterly silent for a second after her words, everyone frozen, at least until Mon-El saw Rhea smile. That snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Kara, go,” he whispered again, hoping he heard her, hoping she wasn’t frozen like he just had been. He tried to gulp to talk louder. “ _Go_.”

“No, Mon-El,” Kara croaked desperately, and Mon-El felt her grab his arm, clinging to it. He cursed inwardly as he tried to look at her over his shoulder. She _had to go._ Right now. She had to leave. She couldn’t stay, not if…

She couldn’t stay.

“I can’t, she’ll kill you,” Kara continued, desperation tinting her voice. Mon-El clenched his teeth. He knew Rhea would kill him the moment Kara rushed to the window; he didn’t have a single doubt about that. Yet he didn’t care about it half as much as making sure she got out safely.

“I know—“ he tried to say before Kara interrupted again.

“No—“

“She’ll kill me anyway.”

“ _No—“_

“ _Please_.” The last word came out of Mon-El’s mouth in utter desperation as he watched Rhea’s smile turn into a smirk, as if—as if she was enjoying watching them, seeing their fear, their desperation. He gulped, trying to calm his racing heart, to think straight—and he would be able to do that if Kara just _listened_ to him and _left._

“No,” Kara said one last time, squeezing his arm so harshly that Mon-El was sure the blood flow to his hand had been temporarily cut. Rhea lifted her chin proudly at that, as if she approved of Kara’s decision, and she didn’t give Mon-El time to answer as she stepped forward.

“That was the right decision,” she said slowly, her voice completely devoid of emotion, as she gestured one of the man behind her forward. “Devon, seize her.” Mon-El’s heart plummeted in his chest, fear gripping him when he saw the man— _Devon_ —step forward with the gun in his hand. No, _no,_ he couldn’t let him get to Kara. He had to—

“Don’t move,” Rhea ordered him when she saw him making a move towards Devon. Mon-El frantically turned to her, getting distracted for one second. “One more step and I’ll kill you right now.”

_I don’t care,_ Mon-El thought with Rhea’s words, his mind screaming at him to get to Kara, damn the consequences. He didn’t care, he wouldn’t care…if it wasn’t for Kara’s scream coming from behind him. He saw her rushing forward from the corner of his eyes at the last second.

“No, don’t!” she yelled, trying to grab Mon-El’s arm, trying to push him behind. Mon-El could barely register what she was doing, trying to keep her behind him, that he didn’t notice how close Devon was. He didn’t notice that his mother had taken a step forward. It all was happening so fast, _too_ fast for him to follow. And one second… One second, he was trying to shield Kara, trying to keep her away from his mother or her men, and the next second…

“No!” he wailed as he saw Devon grab Kara’s arm and rip her away from him. Kara’s fearful scream rang in his ears, feeling like a bullet through the chest. He saw Devon press the barrel of the gun on the side of Kara’s head, right at her temple. He saw it well enough, but it took him so long, almost too long to register, because it couldn’t be true, it couldn’t be happening, none of this could be happening. The arm around Kara’s neck couldn’t be real, the arm she was so helplessly trying to push away as tears streamed down her cheeks. The gun… The gun against her head couldn’t be real. It had to be a nightmare, it had to be one of those nightmares where he saw Rhea kill her, again, again, and again. It had to be, _it had to be_ because…because the alternative was just too terrifying, too… _painful_ to be true. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he looked at Kara, looked at the complete and utter fear in her eyes, shaking his head, trying to deny it, trying to wake up, just _wake up—_

All of his thoughts scattered around the moment he felt something cold press against the back of his head. And suddenly…suddenly he was pulled back into the reality. Or he finally realized that this was…this was reality. This was happening. _This was real._ His heart lurched in his chest all over again.

“Mon-El,” he heard Kara whisper, her voice cracking mid-sentence, and he felt something crack in his chest—permanently. He blinked several times, trying to keep his tears at bay and focus his vision, yet it was impossible, _it was impossible_.

“Richard, get the paper and the pen,” Rhea ordered to whom Mon-El assumed was her other man, yet he couldn’t pay attention to that. All he could focus on was Kara, and the gun…the gun pressed against her head. He could barely feel the gun against his own head.

_Focus,_ he told himself. He needed to focus. He needed to… He needed to find a way to get Kara out of here, unscathed, alive. He needed to find a way to save her, and he couldn’t do that if he couldn’t focus…

He needed time. Somehow, he needed to buy himself time. He needed to…

_Talk_. Talk. Say anything. Ask questions. Just…talk.

“Are you…” he started, hating how much his voice was shaking, yet he couldn’t help himself. “Are you gonna kill us now? Just like…that?” He could almost feel Rhea’s unamused gaze on him.

“I can’t very well let you go now, can I? I can’t let you go to the police and tell them what happened to your father.” Mon-El couldn’t see what she was doing because she was standing behind him, yet in a second, the man—Devon—was pushing Kara forward to the desk in the room. Mon-El’s body shot forward instinctively as his throat knotted with fear, especially when he heard Kara’s small yelp, yet his mother’s words rooted him in place.

“Take one more step, and Devon puts a bullet in her head.” He couldn’t even move as he stared, desperately, helplessly, at Kara, watching as Devon made her sit on the chair, his gun still against her head. She was shaking so badly as she grasped the table that even Mon-El could see it, standing at least eight feet away from her.

This was his fault. His fault. All of it… It was his fault. If anything happened to Kara…

No. _No._ He couldn’t think like that. He…He had to get her out of there. He would get her out of there, safely. _Focus, Mon-El. Focus._

“They’ll find out,” he whispered, the words having a bitter taste in his mouth. As if the police finding out that Rhea killed them would matter once Kara was dead. As if Rhea being behind bars would matter once Kara was gone. “The police… If you shoot us, they’ll find out and catch you. You can’t get away from them forever.” He was surprised that his voice sounded relatively normal, that he didn’t stumble over every single word. Yet Rhea… Rhea just _laughed_ at his words as Mon-El watched the other man, Richard, place the paper and pen next to Kara’s shaky hands.

He realized what it was one second before Rhea started talking. And he felt his heart stop beating in his chest. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe as Rhea started talking. His ears were ringing badly, the word _no, no, no_ echoing in them, yet still her voice somehow cut through all of those.

“Oh, but I’m not gonna kill you, Mon-El.” She stepped to the side, presumably to look at Kara, and Mon-El could feel the whole room spinning around her as his eyes met with Kara’s. From the way she was looking at him, fear twinkling in them, he saw that she realized what this whole thing was about too. “I’m gonna make it look like a suicide.”

_“No,”_ Mon-El stammered, the word leaving his mouth as a hoarse gasp. Tears filled his eyes all over again as he shook his head, as if denying what was happening, denying all of this, would somehow make it not real. “No, _please_ ,” he begged, trying to see Kara through his tears. He barely felt them streaming down his face, not even bothering to wipe them away. “Rhea— _Mother_ —don’t…don’t do this,” he stumbled over his words, his body going into full panic mode. He couldn’t even form coherent sentences as he kept shaking his head, watching Kara look at the paper in front of her.

It didn’t take a genius to guess what it was for.

The suicide note.

Rhea would make Kara write a suicide note _. Her own_ suicide note.

_No_.

“Please,” Mon-El croaked again, not even caring how weak he sounded. Rhea only chuckled again.

“Don’t bother, Mon-El. Nothing you can say can stop me. This is a brilliant plan, don’t you think?” She gestured at Kara as Richard shoved the pen in her hand, no matter how much Kara pulled back or shook her head. Mon-El jumped when the man jammed the gun into her head, his heart skipping a beat with horror as he watched Kara shut her eyes, shaking, trying to keep her sobs down by pressing her lips together. Yet a silent one escaped her lips, shattering Mon-El from the inside, followed by another one before Rhea spoke.

Mon-El felt utterly numb as he felt the cold barrel of the gun against his temple. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t do anything other than feel this…this gut-wrenching fear and pain that threatened to gut him, bleed him out, kill him slowly and painfully. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t watch her… He couldn’t watch her do this. He couldn’t. _He couldn’t._

“Ex boyfriend comes back to town when he finds out his ex girlfriend is getting married. Kidnaps her in a jealous rage, threatens her life, tortures her, manipulates her. And after some point, the girl just can’t take it and commits suicide. And with the suicide note, nobody will doubt the story.”

“Please,” Mon-El begged again, fear filling his lungs, making it hard to breathe. “Please don’t—don’t make her do this. Don’t…” _Don’t make her go through that. Please_. Kara… She didn’t deserve going through something like that. Writing your own suicide note, no matter how fake it was, with a gun against your head… It was bound to affect even the strongest person on earth, and she… She deserved better than that. She didn’t deserve to go through that. “Please.” His voice trailed off as pain grasped his heart and squeezed it, so much so that it almost physically hurt.

“I won’t,” Kara whispered before Rhea could continue, dropping the pen. The sound of her voice, the shakiness and the fear in it, hit Mon-El hard in the stomach, rendering him breathless for a moment. “I won’t write it,” she refused again, shaking her head fervently. “I won’t.”

“Yes, you will,” Devon hissed at that, jamming the gun to Kara’s head again. Mon-El’s heart lurched with fear as he moved forward again, barely stopping himself from lunging on Devon.

“No!” he yelled, his voice sounding so, so weak. He heard Kara whimper, which was way worse than any bullet in the head, and he had to close his eyes to recollect himself. _Focus._

“Mother, please,” he said again, hoping somehow…somehow, he could get through to her. He couldn’t let Kara go through something like that. He had to stop this. He had to end this.

Rhea ignored his words as he turned to Devon. “Devon, surely we don’t need all those theatrics, right? There are less violent ways to get her to obey. Like…” She made sure Kara was looking at him as she pressed the gun on Mon-El’s head, making him gulp. Not at the gun, but the utter fear that filled Kara’s eyes as she lurched forward, grasping the arms of the chair. He was pretty sure she would be on her feet if not for the gun pointed at her head. She nodded frantically.

“Okay! Okay. I’ll write it.”

“Kara, no—“ Mon-El tried to whisper, shaking his head, but she just continued, ignoring him.

“I’ll write it. I’ll do… I’ll do whatever you want.” She shut her eyes to take a deep breath. “Just please…please don’t hurt him. Please.”

Mon-El could almost feel the smug smirk on Rhea’s face, despite not looking at her, despite keeping his eyes on Kara as she turned back to the paper, her whole body shaking all over again. He shook his head. “Kara, don’t,” he said again, yet either he was speaking too quietly for her to hear, or she chose to ignore it, because she just grabbed the pen. She couldn’t even keep it steady as she pressed it on the paper.

“What do I need to write?” she asked, her voice so low that Mon-El barely heard her. Pain twisted his gut as he grimaced, gulping several times to get rid of the knot in his throat, yet it was impossible. He couldn’t save Kara. He couldn’t… He couldn’t protect Kara from this. He failed her. He failed her, and now…and now she was writing a suicide note. Her suicide note. And then…

He really didn’t want to think about it. He bit the inside of his cheek harshly to keep himself from breaking apart and blinked his tears away. _It’s still not too late,_ he tried to think. Kara… She first needed to write the suicide note for Rhea to kill her. And judging by how much her hand was shaking, it would take her some time. And during that time… Mon-El had to figure something out. He had to get her out. _Focus._

“That Mon-El kidnapped you and tortured you, kept you isolated, manipulated you emotionally. Make sure you include his name. And make it good and emotional; you’re a reporter, I’m sure you can do that.” Kara could only nod, and Mon-El could almost hear her gulp as she started writing. Devon had leaned forward at that, presumably checking her words.

_Think,_ Mon-El forced himself as he looked at Kara, his heart pounding in his chest. He tried to block out his thoughts, his feelings, as best as he can and focused on his training. Charlie had trained him for something like this, to save himself from this kind of a situation. And now… Now he just needed to _use_ that training and find something, _anything,_ that could save Kara. Anything that could provide her enough time to escape.

Maybe if he could grab Rhea’s gun…

He could do it. He knew he could. It was pressed on his temple, and Rhea was distracted, so focused on Kara, that he could easily grab it. But there was one problem with that: He wasn’t sure how Devon or Richard would react to that. The moment they saw him grab the gun, they might shoot Kara, and being caught off guard, she would…

That was a risk he couldn’t take.

And he also couldn’t just yell at her to duck without alerting the men. But… But if he could find a way to just tell her to duck and crawl away without giving it away…

The memory hit him in the head a couple of seconds later as the words filled his head. _Duck and crawl away._ Of course. _Of course._ That was it. That was… He could use that. And…she’d understand. Hopefully…Hopefully she’d understand.

“Kara?” he whispered, clearing his throat to get rid of the shakiness in his voice. Kara stopped at that, looking up and glancing at him briefly, until she felt the gun against her head. Wincing, she whirled around almost immediately.

“Ye-yeah?” she whispered, her voice so, so thin. Mon-El tried to ignore the gun against her head, ignore Rhea, ignore everything around them and he focused on Kara. Her blond hair and blue eyes, her illuminating smile and pink lips, her reddish cheeks… He focused on her, only her, and _saving_ her.

“Do you remember your birthday in freshman year?” he asked, at least before Devon shot him a look.

“Shut up,” he almost ordered, pressing the gun harshly on Kara’s forehead. Kara flinched again, stopping writing for one second, before she continued. It seemed like she was shaking even more as Rhea spoke.

“Let him speak, Devon,” she said almost nonchalantly. “Let him say his goodbye. It can’t hurt.”

_I’m so hoping you’re wrong about that._

He slipped away from his thoughts again as he forced himself to focus and turned to Kara. “We were playing hide and seek,” he continued, clenching and unclenching his fists in an attempt to keep himself focused. “You, me, Alex, and Winn. We were… We were at your house, and we were playing hide and seek.” He gulped to gather his words in coherent sentences before he continued. “Winn was counting in the living room, and you… You hid in the kitchen. You remember?” Kara’s answer came a couple seconds later.

“Yeah, I… Yeah.” Confusion was audible in her voice, yet she didn’t even look at him as she continued writing, now at the third line. Mon-El forced himself to smile, as sour as it felt on his face.

“You were the last one left. But you… You couldn’t just walk from the kitchen, because Winn would see you. And I…I knew where you hid. So to—to help you, I’d yelled ‘couch’. Remember…that?” This time, Kara’s only answer was a nod and a small whimper, as if she was slowly falling apart and it was getting harder and harder to keep everything together, to keep on going. He needed to be fast. So he gulped, his eyes briefly flickering at Rhea, before he continued. “I’d yelled ‘couch’ to tell you to…to duck and crawl behind it. To duck and crawl. And you…you understood that. I’d said ‘couch’, and you ducked and crawled away. You remember that, right? You ducked and crawled away, and managed to avoid Winn.” He pressed his lips together, holding his breath as Kara stopped writing, this time looking back at him. And the moment their gazes met…he saw that she understood. She understood what he was trying to do, what he meant. Her pen dropped on the table at the same time the word left Mon-El’s mouth.

“ _Couch_.”

After that, everything happened so fast, so _at once_ that Mon-El couldn’t even begin to follow it. He grabbed Rhea’s gun as he got his head out of the way, twisting her arm and whirling around to get it out of her grip. And once the gun was in his hand, he didn’t lose any time. He pointed at Devon, who was looking at the scene in front of him with wide eyes. To his relief, he saw that Kara was on the floor, hiding behind the chair.

He didn’t hesitate as he shot Devon in the head, making it a kill shot. He couldn’t hesitate, he couldn’t take chances, not right now, not when Kara’s life was in danger. Kara’s gasp was audible as he turned to Rhea this time, pointing the gun at her. From the corner of his eyes, he saw that Richard was pointing the gun at him.

“Move, and I’ll shoot,” he warned both of them, feeling glad that the turmoil of emotions going on inside him wasn’t reflected in his voice. “Don’t do anything.” And in that second, as he looked at Rhea’s eyes, now slightly tinted with fear, he realized…

It worked. _It worked._ He had the gun. The roles were reversed. Devon was down, Kara safe from his gun, and he had Rhea under his control. _It’d worked._

He didn’t let relief get into his head as he glanced at Kara from the corner of his eyes, seeing her scramble up her feet, her eyes on Devon. She covered her mouth with a shaky hand, endless tears still streaming down her face as she turned to Mon-El.

He tried not to get affected by the fear in her eyes. _Focus._ He needed to get her out of there. After that… It didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting her out.

“Kara,” he whispered softly, steadily. Kara’s attention turned to him, listening intently despite her wide eyes and shaking arms. “Kara, I need you to get Devon’s gun for me,” he said, trying to be as soothing as possible. Kara didn’t do anything at first, staring at him blankly, so he repeated himself, ignoring his pounding heart. “Can you get Devon’s gun?”

“Yes,” she muttered finally as she fell to her knees, her voice tear-strained. “I…I got it.” And surely enough, the gun was resting in her hand, looking so wrong, not just because she was holding it wrong, but it just…it didn’t fit her hands.

It didn’t matter. She’d need it… She’d need it in case Rhea had more men outside. She’d need it to protect herself. He gulped, forcing himself to focus again as he searched Rhea’s emotionless face. At least for once, there was no hint of smugness in her expression.

“Good. Now I need you to walk down the hall, open the window, and leave.” That stopped Kara. She gaped at him, shaking her head.

“No,” she refused too vehemently, too strongly, especially considering the situation. Mon-El cursed inwardly.

“Kara…”

“No, I’m not… I’m not leaving you here,” Kara whispered, probably biting back her fear. Mon-El felt his heart swell in his chest, and he briefly let that emotion wash over him before he refocused. He shook his head.

“I’ll be fine. As long as you’re…safe…I’ll be fine.” He took a deep breath, feeling desperation seep into his voice. Kara didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, clutching the gun as if it could help keep her together, before she nodded. Mon-El took a relieved breath.

“Good,” he breathed with a nod. “Good, now… Now go. Go as far away from here as possible.” She nodded again, yet still stood there for one more second before she turned around. Relief truly washed over Mon-El at that as he finally, finally could feel himself breathe. Kara was safe. She was safe, she was out of there, she was away. Now… Now, it didn’t matter what happened to him. Richard could shoot him in the head right now, and he wouldn’t care at all. He’d be happy. He’d be all too happy.

Anger twinkled in Rhea’s eyes, the first emotion she showed, as she looked after Kara. She shook her head.

“You shouldn’t have—“

Before she could finish her sentence, alarms started blazing inside the room, red light washing over it. Mon-El was caught so off guard that he couldn’t help jumping as he looked up at the flickering light.

And that one-second distraction was enough for Rhea to lurch forward and grab the gun from him. His grip instinctively tightened around the handle as his heart rate spiked, and he tried to keep the gun steady, to keep himself from shooting anything or anyone. Yet when Rhea pushed him forward, towards the bed, the gun went off, the sound making him wince again even with the silencer.

It went off a second time, this time when Mon-El pulled Rhea to him. And this time… This time he heard a grunt, and when he looked to the side, he saw Richard clutching the side of his stomach as he fell to his knees. His eyes widened at that as he tried to process it, process the fact that the stray bullet hit Richard, his grip loosening…

And Rhea used the opportunity to pull the gun from him, to push him so harshly that he fell down, and point the gun at his head all over again. She looked angry—very, very angry, just like how she used to look when he disappointed him. Fear twisted in his stomach as he lifted his hands, trying to scoot back, yet it was impossible. It was impossible to think straight with a gun pointed at his head and his adrenaline levels extremely high.

“You’re gonna regret doing this,” Rhea almost snarled as she stepped forward, her finger hovering over the trigger. And somehow… Mon-El didn’t feel the fear he thought he’d feel. He just felt…peace, and…acceptance. He knew this could happen when he first grabbed Rhea’s gun, he knew that things could go off the rails. But he still managed to get Kara out. She was out, she was safe, and that…that was enough for him. That was more than enough. As long as she was alive and safe, he could die, and he would die happily.

So he gave up struggling, letting his hands fall to the ground as Rhea took another step.

“I should’ve just killed you and been done with it. I should’ve—“

Her mother’s words were interrupted by two gunshots.

* * *

No amount of coffee she drank would make her feel better, Alex realized, as she grabbed her fourth cup that day—and it was a lot, considering it was just 3 p.m. Still, drinking coffee and gazing out the window was all that she seemed to be able to do lately—the only thing keeping the thoughts of Kara at the periphery of her mind.

But that wasn’t even the worst thing. The week-off she’d taken from the hospital was coming to an end, which meant sooner or later, she’d have to go back to work, and honestly… She had no idea how. She didn’t know how she was supposed to do her work properly when Kara was still lost. She didn’t know…

She didn’t know how to even _be herself_ without Kara. She’d never realized just how important her sister was to her…until she was gone. Until a part of her life was suddenly taken from her, like a rug being pulled from under her feet, and she didn’t know how to regain her balance or move on.

She needed Kara. She needed Kara back…and yet, it felt like Kara was moving farther and farther away from her with each passing minute.

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn’t even realize Maggie had rushed into the break room until the detective called for her.

“Alex.”

She turned around with a sigh, not expecting this visit to be different than any of the previous ones: Maggie checking on her and making sure she was fine. After being disappointed way too many times, she knew better.

But really, she should’ve known something was up just from the tightness in Maggie’s voice. Yet it was when she turned around and actually saw the detective’s face…saw the slight fear and confusion in her eyes…she knew something was wrong.

It was an effort to not drop her coffee cup on the floor. _No._

“…Kara?” That was all she could say, because honestly, she didn’t think she could ask out loud whether she was dead or not. She couldn’t voice those words.

“She’s alive,” Maggie started, as if she knew exactly what she was worried about the most. Alex felt relief washing over her. Kara was alive. She was alive—

But that relief was short-lived, because alive… She realized that “alive” wasn’t a point, but a spectrum, and even someone dying on a hospital bed would be technically alive. She could feel that her heart was slamming against her ribs as she waited for Maggie to continue.

“Kara is alive,” the detective repeated, pushing her hair away from her face. “But Alex… She… She and Mon-El… They’d been arrested for murder.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an early update!!! YAY!!! 
> 
> i actually wasn't going to post a chapter today (i really didn't have the energy to edit lol) but THENNNNN my fave youtubers did a live stream early just for today, and while i was watching that, i though, "huh, why not i edit that damn chapter and post it?" so you are very, very lucky lol :) 
> 
> anyway, hope you like this chapter

The first thing Kara realized was that the interrogation rooms in the police station weren’t nearly as fancy as they were shown on TV shows.

The second thing she realized was that… She absolutely hated every single part of it. The plastic, uncomfortable chair she was sitting on. The wooden table in front of her that looked like it would break apart with a kick. And the cuff wrapped around one of her wrists, chaining her to that table, making it impossible to run away.

Not that it would be smart for her to run, considering she was in a _police station_ filled with numerous officers, and not only that, _Mon-El_ was here somewhere too, and she certainly could not leave him. Not when it would just prove their guilt.

She was just thinking how much longer it would take for the police officer to come when the door was— _finally_ —pushed open, revealing a woman with dark skin and one of those hideous blue police uniforms. Kara had never really hated them, but after numerous people in those uniforms swarmed into that motel room and arrested her and Mon-El— _separating_ them from each other—a certain amount of apprehension had grown in the pit of her stomach.

She straightened up and adjusted the cuffs around her wrist as the woman dropped a huge file on the table. She sat across from her.

She remembered Mon-El once saying that her glare could be almost deadly if she wanted it. She truly hoped it was true.

“Robbery,” the woman started as she sat down across from Kara. “Using a fake I.D. Stealing a car. And murder.” It seemed like she was counting down the crimes her and Mon-El committed.

Well, how nice.

“I have enough in my hand to put you in jail for the rest of your life, Ms. Danvers.”

“It was in self defense,” Kara said before the detective could say anything else. “Everything I did… Everything _we_ did… It was in self defense. We were trying to _protect_ ourselves—“

“Excuse me if I have a hard time believing that,” the woman interrupted.

“What—“

“We found your finger prints on this gun. The gun that we confirmed killed Rhea Gand.” The woman placed the weapon on the table—the weapon that was in a transparent plastic bag, the weapon that made her shiver just from the sight of it. She still remembered her fingers on the trigger. She still remembered shooting Rhea—she’d shot her once in the head, once in the shoulder, and she hadn’t even hesitated. Her hope was that pulling that fire alarm would give Mon-El enough of a distraction to escape, but when she returned to the motel room and found Rhea standing over him… She didn’t think. She didn’t let herself think. All that mattered was getting him out of there _alive,_ and she’d done the only thing she could.

She tried to hold onto that thought as she stared at the detective. “And we found two other dead bodies in the room, whom we believe were killed by your boyfriend.”

“It was in _self defense,_ ” Kara repeated, leaning forward. “Rhea… Rhea wanted us dead. For days, she’d been following us. That was why we created those fake IDs. That was why we stole that…that car. We were trying to get away from her.”

“Why?” the woman asked, not about to let it go just yet. “Why would she want you dead? She doesn’t have any criminal record, and she’s always been a respectable businesswoman. I can’t see any reason for it.”

“Because…” Kara started as anger started boiling in her stomach. Hearing Rhea being called a “respectable businesswoman” had always made her sick, but this was…this was different. This was more than that. That woman… That _woman_ had ruined Mon-El’s life. She’d taken him away from Kara; she’d taken him away from the woman he loved and his daughter. Kara and he… They would’ve been married by now if it hadn’t been for Rhea. They would’ve married, and they would have raised Amelia together, having that perfect little family they always dreamed of. _We’re gonna need a bigger place once we have a child,_ he’d said the first day they moved into their house. By now, they probably would’ve had that. But Rhea had taken that from them. She’d taken six years of happiness from them.

Kara would be damned if she took more.

“Because _he_ witnessed her kill his husband, okay?” she finally said, hoping that this woman wasn’t on Rhea’s payroll. Though, if that had been the case, Kara doubted she’d be alive still. “It was six years ago,” she continued, trying to hunt for every single clue Mon-El told her about what happened that might help her now. “He was… He was in a witness protection program, but… Rhea discovered him. She discovered _us,”_ —she didn’t mention the fact that Mon-El kind of kidnapped her in the beginning—“and forced us to run. We were just trying to survive.” She could feel her tears building up in her eyes. “All those crimes we committed… It was because we were trying to survive.”

The woman didn’t say anything for a while, just stared at Kara coldly, as if she was trying to gauge whether she was telling the truth or not. She closed the file after that. “I’ll check your story through our database—“

“You won’t find anything.” Okay, now Kara could see her getting suspicious. She sighed with frustration. Damn, why was this whole thing so complex? “Mon-El or Rhea… They aren’t in the database. You said… You said Rhea was powerful. She had people in the police force. His case files had to be redacted for his protection.”

The room fell silent for a couple of seconds, so much so that Kara let herself hope, just for one moment, that the police officer would believe her, that she would let her and Mon-El go, that—

“Well… That seems like a very nice coincidence.”

But of course, they wouldn’t believe that. She almost ripped out her hair when she ran her fingers through the strands.

“It’s not—It’s _not_ a coincidence!” she almost yelled. “I’m telling the truth. As crazy as it sounds, it _is_ the truth.” In fact, she believed the crazy part added more credibility to the whole thing. She really couldn’t imagine anyone coming up with this story off the top of their head. “Please. You have to believe me.” _You have to. You have to. Please._ But even the way the woman crossed her arms over the table and leaned forward told her that _she absolutely didn’t._

“See, Ms. Danvers, I would believe you…if Mon-El Gand, your associate and Rhea Gand’s son, wasn’t telling a completely different story.” Kara felt dumbstruck as she stared at the woman. _A completely different story?_ But that was impossible. She’d told everything just as it were: how they started running, their fake IDs, the close calls they had with Rhea’s men, and how Rhea died… How could he be telling something different?

“What?” That was all she could think of. Yet it didn’t really matter anyway, because just as the detective was about to talk, the door of the interrogation room was pushed open. They both turned to see a blonde man come inside: a man who wore a police-style leather jacket and had a… _was that an FBI badge?_

The man flashed that badge to the detective. “Hi. I’m Special Agent Charlie Layton with the FBI.” Okay, so she wasn’t wrong about the FBI thingy. Still, her heart was slamming against her ribs as the man stepped forward and dropped a paper on the table. “I’m here for Ms. Kara Danvers.”

Before Kara could take a peek at the paper, the detective grabbed it from the table, reading it with furrowed brows. The anger on her face, though, was replaced with shock more and more each passing second, and at the end… She could only look up at Agent Layton.

“Is this true?” The agent just shrugged, as if it was just a normal thing for him.

“It has Director Henshaw’s signature on it, doesn’t it?” Director Henshaw. Kara’s eyes went wide. The _director of the FBI_ had signed something that was somehow associated with her and Mon-El?

Okay, this could either be really, really good, or really, really bad. She was leaning towards the latter when the woman put the paper down and leaned forward, but despite her fear… She only unlocked her handcuffs.

“Ms. Danvers, you’re free to leave. All charges against you are dropped.”

Her words… It was one of those sentences that you couldn’t believe at first—that was just _too good_ to be true—but when you _did_ believe… She didn’t lose any time before she stood up, moving towards the grinning Agent Layton. Even when the man led her out of the room… She couldn’t believe it.

Unless… Unless he was in that team that helped with Mon-El’s witness protection program. And it wouldn’t be a stretch too, considering Rhea was a major figure in America.

“So… You’re the famous Kara Danvers,” the man said before she could ponder on that, though, right after the interrogation room’s door closed behind them. She whipped her head around to look at him.

“The…famous?”

“Mon-El talked a lot about you,” he explained with a shrug. “And when I say a lot, I mean… _a lot._ I don’t think a day passed without him thinking about you and Amelia.” Kara’s heart broke at that, even though a smile was tugging at her lips at the reminder, from someone else no less, about just how much Mon-El loved he—

_Wait_. “…Amelia?” If he was thinking about Amelia… That must’ve meant he knew from the beginning, right? He must’ve known that Amelia was his daughter…from the beginning…and she doubted that her poorly crafted lie was enough to fool him. He knew…and yet he let her believe that he didn’t. He let her believe, so that it wouldn’t be another burden on her, so that she wouldn’t have to think about that on top of everything else, so that she didn’t feel like she was obligated to offer him anything about Amelia. It must’ve hurt him, and yet…

“Yes,” Agent Layton said with a nod, unaware of the emotional turmoil going on inside Kara. “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you what exactly he’s gone through… But I thought that you should know…leaving wasn’t easy for him. I thought you should know he never forgot about you…Kara?” Kara hadn’t realized that she had stopped until Agent Layton had to stop and turn around too. Worry pinched his brows. “Is something wrong?”

“You need to free him, too,” she whispered, the words repeating themselves in her mind over and over again. She lifted her head to look at the agent. “You need to free him. You need to get him out of this. You—“

“Hey, hey, hey,” Layton stopped her, getting ahold of her arms. His eyes looked genuine and soft—something she never imagined in a special agent, but somehow she felt like she could trust Layton. “I will. Don’t worry. I have a signed letter for him, too.” He winked at her, and Kara felt herself relax. She could only nod as Layton stepped back. “I was only bringing you to the break room before I do that.” He put his hand on Kara’s back and led her through a door.

The break room wasn’t too fancy, except a drab couch and a kitchen counter, and…

The man standing in front of a coffee machine turned around the moment he and Kara entered. He was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans, and even from his posture, Kara immediately knew he wasn’t a police officer. Layton confirmed her suspicions anyway as he stepped forward.

“Kara, this is my husband, Professor Tom Layton,” he introduced the man— _Tom._ Tom patted his hands with a towel before walking to meet them, a luminous grin on his face, and… She was in his embrace before she could even do anything. _Wow._

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Kara,” the man chirped. His voice was somehow exuberant and soothing at the same time. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Yeah,” was the only thing Kara could say. _How_ was this man dating a cop, she couldn’t understand, and yet…

“Tom is a psychiatrist,” Agent Layton said before she could even wonder about that. Kara’s eyes went wide slightly…and now, it made sense why he was here. She and Mon-El had been through a lot, and maybe…maybe they might need to talk to someone about it.

“A very trustworthy psychiatrist,” Tom chimed in with a smile. Agent Layton laughed with an exasperated nod.

“Yes, a very _trustworthy_ psychiatrist. I thought that… If you need to talk about anything… You can talk with him.”

“Without cost, too,” Tom added. “I don’t take money from my friends. Well, friend’s friends.” Kara could only arch her brow with confusion, looking back and forth between Tom and Agent Layton, listening to their almost continuous back and forth. She wondered briefly whether she and Mon-El had been like that before…before everything happened. She wondered whether they knew each other just like Tom and Layton knew each other, enough to not only complete each other’s sentences, but to voice what other was thinking as well.

“Tom also worked with Mon-El,” Agent Layton explained his husband’s earlier statement. That piqued Kara’s attention. She turned to the doctor with her heart slamming against her ribs. He… Tom must know what Mon-El had been through. If Mon-El really had talked with him, he must know, and… Could he help her? Could he help her get through to Mon-El, to bring him out of the darkness he’d plunged into? She knew he wouldn’t be able to say anything about his sessions with Mon-El, but any clue… _anything…_ could be helpful.

But even more than that, she could learn what he’d been through in the last six years. Knowing him had always been what allowed her to communicate with him, to help him in the best way possible. If she knew what happened now…

“Well, I mean, it was more like a friendship thing by the end, but yeah. I did.” The smile Tom offered Kara was a genuine one. “By the way, if Layton forgot to say that, I think you should know that he loved you very much. Not a day passed that he didn’t miss you.”

Kara could only nod, even as she let Tom take her arm and guide her to the couch. Agent Layton said something about getting Mon-El out of that despicable interrogation room before leaving, shutting the door behind him, leaving Kara and Tom alone.

“I know,” Kara whispered the moment they sat down. “He told me a little…about it. About everything.” Tom arched his brows, but he let her sort through her feelings without saying anything. She looked up a couple of seconds later.

“Can you… Can you help me understand…him?”

* * *

Mon-El didn’t know how many times he had to repeat what he said for the police to believe his story. He’d known, the moment they’d entered that motel room, what he had to do. He knew how the scene looked: three dead bodies, three guns (two of them having Kara’s and his prints on him) and then Kara and him, sitting in the middle of all that, huddled together, trying to process everything that had happened.

They’d been arrested, and the moment those prints were pulled from the guns… There was a good chance they’d be put in prison for murder, not even mentioning all the other crimes they had to commit in their attempt to escape Rhea and her men.

No. _Not them._ He’d never let Kara go to prison for something that _he_ did. If he’d never returned to her life… She would’ve been safe. She would’ve been free and safe. He had to save her.

Maybe that was why, the moment his interrogation started, his first words were: “Kara had nothing to do with this.”

It was believable, if you thought about it. He really did kind of kidnapped Kara _right before her wedding._ He forced her to come with him—even though it had been for her safety. Still, it was easy—almost too easy—to twist the story and make him seem like the bad guy. Too easy to claim that Kara had done everything she did because he threatened her and her daughter’s life, because he didn’t give her any other choice.

It probably would put him in even more danger than he was already in, but it would be worth it, as long as it got Kara out.

“I _forced_ her to do—to do all of this.” He gestured at the files in front of him—numerous photos and reports of everything they did, including two fake IDs, a gun, and plates of the cars they’d used. The police officer just stared at him almost exasperatedly. “I threatened her life. I threatened her daughter’s life. She was… She was _forced_ to do what I wanted.” He felt almost breathless as he lifted his head, hoping beyond hope that his story was believable enough. “You have to let her go. She had nothing to do with this.” _Please. Please. Don’t ruin her life because of me._

For a moment, he truly hoped that this time…just this time, the officer wouldn’t fight him. But…

“Mr. Gand, all of that would be believable, if we haven’t confirmed that Kara was the one that killed Rhea. She’d saved your life.”

“Because I told her to! I told her… I told her that if anything happened to me… Her daughter would be dead. She had to do it.” He hoped he didn’t sound too frantic.

“What about the way she was hugging you when we arrived at the crime scene? She was hugging you—“

“She was having a panic attack. I worried it would bring too much attention. I was trying to calm her down.” Technically—not wrong. But the fact that he was trying to calm her down had nothing to do with not alerting anyone.

“That still doesn’t explain these pictures.” She reached for the three of them, taken apparently from surveillance cameras, of them—Kara and him. Eating at a restaurant. In a car. Laughing—they were _laughing_ in one photo, and he didn’t even remember when it had happened. It didn’t change the truth. “She seems pretty happy to me here. That doesn’t look like someone who was forced to come with you.”

“She—“ Mon-El felt his voice trail off slightly as desperation overwhelmed him. He had to close his eyes and take deep breaths. “Even people who are in a horrible situation can smile every now and then.” And wasn’t it true? He should know. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t smiled once in the last six years.

That, at least, seemed to convince the officer a bit. But still, she shook her head, leaning forward and crossing her arms on the table.

“Mon-El… I would’ve believed you. Your story sounds true enough…if it wasn’t for the fact that Kara has been telling us a completely different one.” Mon-El felt himself freeze with those words. “According to her, you’d been in it together from the beginning. Everything you did, you did it together. So tell me, who should I believe?”

No. _No, Kara._ She should’ve never… Did she realize what she was doing? If she was arrested… If she was convicted… She’d be separated from her daughter. Her sister. Her life would be ruined. He was… He was trying to save her, and she…

“I made her say that,” he said as a last attempt, yet he knew that his lie was apparent now. “She’s saying it to keep me from getting arrested.” He could almost feel that the officer was about to face-palm with exhaustion.

At least until the door was knocked, and a familiar face—a very familiar one—showed up behind it. Mon-El froze with disbelief for a second as Agent Charlie Layton stepped into the room, a half smile on his face, looking at him. He couldn’t believe the agent was here—he couldn’t believe he would be _that lucky._ His luck had always failed him before.

And yet, Charlie offered him a small wink, as if he wanted to tell him that everything would be fine, and Mon-El… He believed him. He believed Charlie.

He was proved right when the agent led him out of the room only a couple of seconds later, all charges dropped against him. Charlie’s words only worked to increase his anticipation.

“I believe there’s someone who’s anxiously waiting to see you.”

* * *

The more Tom talked, the more he revealed about the last six years of Mon-El’s life, the more Kara realized just how _much_ he’d understated what happened to him. Yes, Mon-El told her that the last years had been like that. He told her that he missed her. He told her he couldn’t live without her, not anymore, and yet… Those were vague statements. As much as she chose to believe them, she didn’t know the _specifics_ of it.

She didn’t know that Mon-El had spent three months not talking to anyone, dodging every question with a fake “I’m okay,” yet still clutching one of her photos every single night as he slept.

She didn’t know that once he _finally_ started to open up, he was almost too broken to be put together properly—and you had to believe that when it came from a psychiatrist.

She didn’t know that he looked at her social media every single day, wanting, needing to know that she was okay, that she’d moved on, that she was happy.

She didn’t know that he’d started training with Charlie for martial arts just because he needed to blow off some steam, and the only thing that could keep him distracted from the pain in his heart was bloody knuckles, bruised ribs, and scarred arms.

She didn’t know he bought gifts for her—for her and _Amelia—_ every single birthday, every single anniversary, every special day they had, knowing that there was a chance neither she nor Amelia would ever see them.

She didn’t know that he tried to run away from the witness protection program several times—three months into it, when he found out she was pregnant, when Amelia was born, and finally when he heard about her wedding—and the only thing that kept him back was the fact that she would be _safer_ without him…until he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Even the strongest people have breaking points, Kara,” Tom had said to explain it. “And it seems like seeing you getting married to someone was it for him. He wasn’t trying to ruin your wedding. He was lost, and he didn’t know what to do.”

She believed that. _Of course_ she believed that. Mon-El was human too, he was allowed to make mistakes. He was allowed to want someone to be with him, want _her_ to be with him. And God knew she wanted to be with him, too. She’d wanted it before learning about everything Tom said, before she knew just how much he didn’t forget about her, before…before he even came back. She never had the courage to admit it to herself, but she’d always wanted him. Just like he never forgot about her, she never forgot about him either.

And yet… And yet she’d hurt him. She’d hurt him so much, so _horribly._ The things she told him…accused him of…the words and claims she’d uttered out without a thought… She couldn’t even _imagine_ just how _much_ it must’ve wounded him. It felt like she could even see the wounds if she saw him again, written all over his heart.

She didn’t even bother wiping away the tears that filled her eyes.

“He loved me,” she whispered, more to herself than Tom. Yet she could feel him listen silently, allowing her to process everything on her own. “He loved me all this time. And I… I said _horrible things_ to him.” Her voice was shaking even as she covered her mouth. “I told him he didn’t care about me. I told him he was ruthless, and I wished… I wished I never met him.”

“Kara—“ Tom tried to interrupt her, yet she didn’t even hear that.

“I messed up.” She looked up at Tom. “How can… How can he forgive me?” She expected Tom to say that it was too late—even though she doubted any psychiatrist would ever say that—but he just smiled, putting a tentative hand on her shoulder.

“I don’t think you need to worry about that, Kara. Mon-El wouldn’t blame you.”

“But I—“

“He’s aware of the situation,” Tom continued, not letting her self doubts get in the way. “He’s aware that he hurt you, and he’d never blame you for your reaction to that. Kara, it’s natural to be angry at something that wounded you like that. It’s natural to _want_ to hurt someone back that has hurt you, and Mon-El knows that. If you ask me, he’s already forgiven you.”

And Kara guessed that would’ve been enough…if there hadn’t been a teeny tiny problem. If she still didn’t blame herself for it.

“How can I make it up to him?” she asked, changing her question slightly—there was a lot she needed to make up for. Maybe she could cook for him—a whole dinner, with his favorite foods, enough to stuff him full. Or… Or she could take him to his favorite restaurant in National City—would it still be his favorite restaurant? They could have a trip, too. Somewhere far away, somewhere he always wanted to go. She’d pay for it. She’d pay for all of that. After what _he_ did for her…he deserved to have everything.

Yet Tom… Tom just shrugged, as if it was just _so simple_ to make it up to him. “Just remind him that you forgive him, too…and you love him. That’s all he needs to hear.”

Kara wanted to object at first, ready to say it wouldn’t be enough, but… It would be, right? It would be enough for her to hear that Mon-El forgave her. It would be more than enough—the best gift Mon-El could ever give her.

She clasped her hands on her lap and nodded before looking back up to the break room’s door, waiting for Mon-El and Charlie to show up. It was taking too long. Why was it taking too long? Had something—

Her thoughts were interrupted when a familiar figure turned around the corner— _Mon-El._ She’d recognize him anywhere. It was him—and Charlie, not that she was paying attention to that—walking towards the break room…without cuffs. Without anything.

She froze for a second, only for a second, from shock and elation, but then she was on her feet, rushing towards Mon-El. She must’ve uttered his name because his attention turned to her right before she flung her arms around him, pulling him in her embrace.

His arms caught her at the same time, wrapping around her, holding her tightly.

“You’re free?” That was all she could say—not that any other word was needed. He nodded.

“I’m free.”

Tears once again welled up in Kara’s eyes as she buried her face to Mon-El’s shoulder, balling his shirt in her fists, not letting him go. She was shaking all over—not from pain or desperation, though. From…relief. The relief of having him back, of being together again—after years and years of being apart, they were together again, and she was just…just so _happy_. She didn’t want to be anywhere but here, embraced in Mon-El’s warmth and safety, where she felt like nothing could go wrong. As long as they were together, nothing could go wrong.

She didn’t know how long they’d been hugging, but it was long enough that Tom, in the meantime, had walked next to Charlie, wrapped an arm around him, pressing a small kiss on his lips, and whispering something in his ear. She couldn’t hear what he said—she was much too focused on Mon-El—but even if she did…it would only confirm her thoughts: “See, I told you they would make it.”

Kara didn’t know for how long they hugged, how long it had been until she pulled back, yet still she didn’t let him go. She moved her hands to his cheeks, wiping away the two stray tears that managed to escape his eyes, and offered him a smile.

She only then remembered Tom’s words. _Just remind him that you forgive him, too…and you love him._ Yesterday, when Mon-El told her he loved her, she’d been too scared to say it. Too scared to voice those words again, only to lose Mon-El, _again._ But now she wasn’t afraid. She knew he wouldn’t leave her.

At least not because he didn’t love her. And if he ever thought about keeping a secret this big from her again, she’d make sure he regretted it.

Her voice was hoarse as she whispered. “I forgive you.” She didn’t need to explain what it was for; he knew it. “And I love you.”

He seemed like he couldn’t believe her words at first, but slowly, very slowly, a smile spread on his face—one of his smiles that showed his dimples and made butterflies fly in her chest. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers, wanting to get as close to her as possible.

“I love you,” he whispered back, so quietly that Kara barely heard it. _Barely,_ though, because she could feel it deep in her heart. The corners of her lips tugged up. She only managed to suppress her smile when he kissed her—to _not_ interrupt the kiss. It wasn’t soft—she didn’t think either of them wanted to be soft at this point. And it didn’t feel like a first kiss, either, unlike the previous night, when it felt like they were rediscovering themselves. This was…familiar. The way Mon-El’s fingers traced her cheek and went down to her shoulder, the way her fingertips brushed his hair, the way his arm circled her waist and pulled her to himself… They weren’t discovering each other. They weren’t trying to get comfortable with being together again. _This_ was already their comfort zone—who they’d been and who they wanted to be. This was… _home_.

Mon-El pulled back a couple of seconds later, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. He reached up to cup her cheek—and God, she could’ve never imagined how good it could feel. To be here with him. To be together. She leaned her head into his hand and smiled, smiled genuinely, for the first time, without anything weighing her down. She felt weightless for the first time in the last six years.

“Thank you,” Mon-El whispered, his voice hoarse. “For forgiving me. Thank… Thank you.” Kara just smiled and took his face in her hands, brushing his tears away softly.

“Thank you,” she repeated, “for coming back to me.” This time it was his turn to smile. He gripped her waist tightly as she continued. “Now let’s…let’s go home. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

The way Mon-El’s eyes started shining with those words was worth everything they’d been through to get here.

* * *

Alex’s heart was thumping in her chest as she waited in front of the elevators, Amelia by her side and her parents at her back. _Kara is coming back,_ Maggie had informed a couple of hours earlier. _The murder charges against her had been dropped. She’ll be flying in with an FBI helicopter._

That was all the detective could tell them, either because the case was still ongoing and the details couldn’t be revealed, or she didn’t know them, either. Not that Alex cared about that fact right now. Kara was coming. _Kara was coming._ After a week of not seeing her, after thinking that she might not see her sister again… She was coming back. And better yet, according to Maggie, she was unhurt and safe. Whatever happened to her… Whatever _Mon-El_ did to her… She was free of it now.

She would be back home. She would be safe. That was all that mattered.

She felt someone tugging her hand—Amelia. “When will mommy come?” the little girl asked. Her eyes were shining with expectation. The moment Alex told her that Kara would be coming back… The glint that had been missing from her had returned. Right now, she couldn’t even stand still for one moment, either rocking back and forth on her feet, jumping, or swinging her arms. She was excited; Alex really couldn’t blame her for it.

She smiled and ruffled her hair. “Anytime now, kiddo,” she said, looking at the elevator, watching the numbers. “She’ll—“ Yet she didn’t even have the time to finish the sentence before an elevator ding interrupted her. It was on their floor. Alex held her breath as the doors opened, waiting to see Kara, her heart slamming against her ribs…

And the blonde appeared behind the doors with a huge smile on her face. It was her. It was _really her._ Alex felt a smile spreading on her face as relief flooded her veins. She was ready to rush forward and embrace her sister when…

When she realized Kara wasn’t alone. There was someone standing next to her. They were so close that their shoulders were brushing each other, and—Wait, was Kara holding his hand?

It took Alex a second too long to realize who he was. But then… She felt air leaving her lungs with shock. Because it was him.

Mon-El.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! A NEW CHAPTER! 
> 
> but also noooooo, because there's only one chapter left till the end...
> 
> that got depressing fast. lol. BUT ANYWAY, i can do all my emotions in the last chapter. until then, hope you like this :)

Kara’s heart was already slamming against her ribs as she and Mon-El entered the elevator. _Amelia is here,_ her mind was repeating. _Amelia, Alex, my parents, they’re here. My whole family is here._ She realized just how true it was, especially as she glanced at Mon-El, no matter how pale he seemed or how his hands were twitching nervously. For the first time, her whole family was under the same roof.

She couldn’t help smiling as she reached forward and slid her hand into Mon-El’s. There was no way she couldn’t feel the sweatiness in his palms. Normally, it would really irk her, but now she just found it endearing that he was feeling nervous about meeting Amelia.

But he had nothing to be nervous about. She knew Amelia would forgive him. She knew Amelia would understand.

“Relax, Mon-El,” she whispered just as Charlie and Tom entered the elevator and pressed the floor they were going to. While they were willing to let Mon-El and Kara have a personal family reunion, they had stuff they need to sort out with the police—Detective Maggie Sawyer, Alex had told her on the phone when they talked. The woman had been crying so much that it had been hard to understand her words, but Kara was sure she’d gotten at least that right. “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” she continued.

He didn’t seem like he believed her.

“What if she doesn’t forgive me?” he asked with a shaky voice. “I left her. I let her grow up without a father. I don’t—“

“Mon-El,” she said, cutting his words off before he could get far. “She _will_ forgive you.” She could see the question in his eyes: _How can you be so sure?_ She squeezed his hand, hoping she would be able to transfer some of her strength and confidence to him. She answered his question before he could even ask it. “ _I_ forgave you, and trust me, there was a time I thought that was impossible. She’s… She’s much more forgiving than me.” A small laugh escaped from Mon-El’s lips at that, making her heart flutter. Well, at least she still had the ability to make him laugh even in the most stressful situations.

They turned around to find Tom staring at them with a huge grin, as if he was watching his favorite TV couple getting together. “You guys are cute,” he stated, earning a punch to his arm from Charlie. And even though Kara rolled her eyes at him—Tom, apparently, had been her and Mon-El’s primary supporter, if what Mon-El said was true—she had a smile on her face, too.

A smile that turned into an anxious bubbling in her stomach and excited stuttering of her heart as the elevator stopped. They were here. In a couple of seconds, she’d been seeing Amelia, her daughter, her little girl. She’d be able to hug her, to pull her into her embrace, to tell her that she loved her, she loved her, she loved her so much, and she would never leave her again. And she… She’d finally introduce her to her father, whom she knew would immediately become a hero in Amelia’s heart. She was already into superhero things, having a whole collection of superhero dolls at her house—she didn’t know if she should be glad that her daughter chose Supergirl or Wonder Woman over Barbie, but oh well—and the moment Amelia found out Mon-El did what he did to protect her…protect her and her mother… She’d forgive him. She wouldn’t be surprised if she even idolized him.

And honestly, she saw no problem with that. If she loved the people around her just as much as Mon-El loved her, she’d have the biggest heart in the world.

She was pressed on the elevator doors as they opened, pulling Mon-El out, wanting to be with Amelia as soon as possible. She could feel the strain in his muscles, but right now, all her focus was on Amelia, and…

There she was. Standing right in front of the elevators, one hand holding Alex’s, looking right at her. At the rush of being reunited, she didn’t even think about how Alex or her parents would react to seeing Mon-El. She didn’t even think about how much explaining she’d have to do before her sister would even _consider_ forgiving him. She didn’t care about anything else but Amelia, and that they were together again.

“Amelia,” she whispered, her hand sliding out of Mon-El’s as she rushed forward. She could hear Amelia’s shriek—“Mommy!” as the girl jumped forward, she could see the hem of her skirt fluttering on her thighs as she ran into her arms. She felt the childish, flowery scent of Amelia hitting her as she wrapped her arms around her mother. And then they were hugging—with the relief of finding each other again, with the relief of not having to be apart anymore, with the rush of happiness and comfort coming from reuniting. Kara felt tears filling her eyes as Amelia’s arms wrapped around her neck, her little hands digging into her hair and pulling the strands.

“I’m here,” Kara whispered, both to comfort Amelia and to remind herself that the nightmare was finally over. “I’m here.” She was here. They were together.

She only pulled back when she felt Amelia wiggling in her arms, struggling to look at her face. Amelia wasn’t an emotional child, per se. She rarely cried, even when she watched the kinds of movies that brought tears to Kara’s eyes. But now, the fact that her eyes were glassy told her just how much this must’ve weighed on the little girl. She might not have known how much danger her mother was in—she didn’t think Alex would ever reveal that—but still, she and Amelia had never been separated for more than a day or two.

“I missed you, mommy,” Amelia said, confirming her thoughts. She smiled at her through her shaky lips, pushing her blond curls away from her face and pressing a small kiss on her forehead.

“I’m here, honey,” she whispered, fixing her gaze on her daughter so that Amelia knew exactly what she was talking about. “I’m not leaving you again. Never.”

“Pyomise?”

“I promise.” A smile pulled Amelia’s lips at that as she nodded. Kara could’ve stayed there forever, watching her daughter, hugging her, kissing her, but there were three other people she needed to say hi to, three people who must’ve been crazy worried about her. Yet still, she made sure Amelia was right by her side as she stood up…

And then she was in Alex’s arms. She laughed as her sister embraced her, a choked sob escaping from her mouth. “Never do that to me again,” she said between her gritted teeth, trying to hold back her tears—classic Alex. Kara hugged her back as she nodded.

“I won’t. I’ll be right here, Alex.” She opened her eyes to look at her parents, standing right behind Alex, and extended one of her hands to hold her mother’s. “I’m staying right here.” _With my family,_ she thought. _With my entire family._

She only pulled back from Alex when someone tugged at her clothes—Amelia. She turned to her, wondering what had happened, until…until it hit her in the head. Of course. Mon-El was there. Tom and Charlie seemed like they’d already left to talk to Maggie, but Mon-El was standing right in front of the elevator, staring at Amelia with wide eyes and pale cheeks, as if he’d never seen a child before. A smile pulled her lips at that, even though she could feel the questions brewing in Alex’s eyes. She offered her sister a look that said _I’ll-explain-it-later._

“Mommy, who is he?” Amelia asked, her eyes confused and worried. Kara knelt down in front of her to explain everything properly—and God, she had a lot to explain. She…had painted Mon-El in a pretty bad light, and it might take a lot to change that.

“Amelia, I want you to meet someone very special.” She looked at Mon-El, who had knelt down as well. She offered him an encouraging smile. “This is Mon-El. Your father.”

Amelia’s eyes went wide as she spun around to face Mon-El. He was trying to smile through his tears, Kara could see, despite the fear shining in his eyes and shakiness of his hands as he reached forward, offering them to Amelia. “Hey, Amelia,” he whispered softly, as if he didn’t have it in him to talk louder. Amelia slowly stepped forward—Kara could feel her disbelief, yet she let her get closer to her father, because…well, partly because she felt like this was a special moment and she didn’t want to interrupt it, and also… She wanted to watch Mon-El and Amelia. She wanted to watch them hug, she wanted to see Mon-El’s expression when he held his daughter in his arms for the first time. He’d waited for this for five years. She couldn’t even imagine just how beautiful it would be.

“Dad?” Amelia mumbled, her hands limp at her sides. Mon-El nodded, hope glimmering in his eyes, waiting. Waiting for Amelia to step forward and open up to him. Just as he’d done with Kara, he’d never force Amelia to do anything either. He’d let her take the first step.

“Yes,” he said with a nod. “Yes, it’s…it’s me. I’m back.” Kara felt her heart flutter with his words. Because it was just another indication that this whole thing was real. She’d never get tired of thinking that.

Yet the whole thing felt like it shattered the moment Amelia stepped back and snuggled up to Kara. Her eyes were…fearful? Kara frowned as she held her daughter in her arms, wondering what was wrong—

“Mom, you said dad left us,” she whispered, loud enough that Mon-El would be able to hear it. “You said he didn’t love us.”

Kara grimaced, especially when she saw Mon-El wincing like someone had punched him in the gut. She had said that to Amelia, didn’t she? But…she didn’t know how wrong she was then. She grabbed Amelia’s shoulder lightly to make sure she got her attention.

“I was wrong,” she admitted, not a hint of hesitation in her voice. “Mon-El…your father…didn’t leave us because he didn’t love us. He left because there was some bad people after him, and he wanted to protect us.” She saw the way Amelia’s eyes lit up at that.

“Like the superheroes on TV?” Kara found herself laughing. She nodded.

“Exactly like the superheroes on TV.” She winked at Mon-El, no matter how surprised he seemed—she still couldn’t understand how he couldn’t see just how heroic what he did was—before turning to Amelia. And she could see it, right inside her eyes: forgiveness and love. Amelia had forgiven Mon-El, and all it took for her to do that was to learn what Mon-El did for them. She turned around and jumped into Mon-El’s arms, wrapping hers around his neck, just as she’d done with Kara a couple of minutes ago. Mon-El seemed like he was caught off guard, as if he didn’t expect that reaction, but then…then tears started streaming down his face, and he was hugging Amelia back, and Kara felt like her eyes were watering too just watching them. He closed his eyes and pressed a kiss on Amelia’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, Amelia,” he whispered, over and over again, so much so that Amelia pulled back with confusion in her eyes.

“Why?” she asked, looking at Kara as if she was trying to understand the reason. Kara answered when it seemed like Mon-El couldn’t speak.

“He’s apologizing for leaving us,” she tried to explain, which was a solid reason if she had to be honest, but Amelia just seemed more confused than before. Kara knew that for her, once she’d forgiven someone, they were fully forgiven. She didn’t need any more apologies; she must’ve already decided that they’d deserved that forgiveness. “But he doesn’t have to,” she continued to make Amelia understand, and to tell Mon-El that he didn’t need to do anything else to make up for the past. “Because he’s here now, and he’s coming home with us.” She couldn’t describe the words to explain just how brightly Amelia’s eyes lit up.

“Really?” she asked, turning to her father. Mon-El smiled—despite his tears—and nodded, reaching forward to take Amelia’s hands in his.

“Yes. I’m never leaving again.” A smile pulled at Amelia’s lips, a smile happier than Kara had ever seen, before she hugged Mon-El again. Mon-El let her in his arms, kissing her hair, holding her tightly as if he never wanted to let go again. His eyes met with Kara’s.

It took her a couple of moments to understand what he was mouthing, but when she understood… The corners of her lips tipped up. _Thank you._ She didn’t know what he was thanking her for—forgiving him or giving him his family back, but it didn’t matter. Not when she hugged both him and Amelia, feeling like she was complete for the first time in the last six years.

(Anyone that had been there at that moment—Alex, Eliza, and Jeremiah, who had watched the scene from the beginning to the end; Tom and Charlie, who returned right in time to hear Amelia calling Mon-El a superhero; Maggie, who joined them just as the three hugged—could see the love that they felt for each other, love that was so tangible that it tugged at your heart. And if even Alex was smiling—Alex, who had been adamant about hating Mon-El for breaking Kara’s heart—you could see just how real it was.)

* * *

The first thought Kara had as she watched Mon-El and Amelia lie down on her bed was that Mon-El had been right when he said they would need a bigger house. Her house might’ve been big enough for a mother and her daughter, but with the addition of Mon-El… She jotted that thought down in her mind before she turned her attention back to Amelia and her father.

It was a scene familiar to her, if she had to be honest. When James was at her house, there’d been numerous occasions he stayed with Amelia and read to her when she was too busy. But somehow…seeing Mon-El and Amelia felt utterly different than seeing James and Amelia. While the latter had just been a convenience to her, watching Mon-El smile at Amelia as he read her favorite book made her heart swell in a way that would be inexplicable with logic.

She’d imagined this far more than she’d like to admit—Mon-El taking care of his daughter, of Amelia, just like any father would do. There had come a point that she had had to let that dream go, but now, seeing it come to life… It was everything she could’ve asked for in life.

_Maybe a bigger house as well…_ She had some money on the side—as it turned out, when you didn’t really have anything to look forward to, you didn’t spend too much money—so she knew she could get a reasonably big house without creating too huge of a dent in her pocket.

“Daddy?” Amelia’s sleepy voice took her out of her thoughts. She knew, just from the sight of her, that she was close to sleep—give it a few minutes, and she’d be snoring already. Kara watched Mon-El turn to her and smile.

“Yes, sweetheart?” He softly pushed Amelia’s hair away from her face.

“Again,” she said, indicating the book…which must’ve been either the third or fourth time Mon-El would be reading the same thing. Kara thought he would be frustrated, but he just smiled, leaned forward, putting a small kiss on Amelia’s forehead before he opened the book again.

“Anything for my Supergirl,” he quipped as he flipped to the first page.

Kara’s smile widened as she tiptoed away from the door, closing it behind her, and went back to the living room to her sister’s side, who’d already prepared the coffees she’d promised and was sitting on the couch with them and a plate of Oreos.

God, she loved Alex.

“Thank you,” she murmured as she settled down next to her sister and grabbed the coffee cup. Even _before_ Alex leaned forward and looked at her, she knew a lot of explaining was on the way.

“Kara?”

“I have a lot to explain, right?” She took a sip from her coffee to give herself some time to think and prepare herself for it. She’d talked with Mon-El about it on the way here—how much they wanted to reveal to the others. He’d said it was okay, that he wasn’t ashamed of something that wasn’t even his fault in the first place. Kara respected that, but still… Some of the things that he’d been through were just too personal, too weighty. She had to respect that, too.

“Yeah, you kinda do,” Alex admitted, popping an Oreo in her mouth. “I’d thought you coming back with Mon-El would be the most shocking thing I’d seen today, but taking him into your house _with your daughter_ has to take the cake.”

“He didn’t leave because he didn’t love me, Alex,” Kara started, wanting to get that out there as soon as possible. Alex’s attention perked up…and from the way she didn’t immediately laugh or start questioning her made Kara wonder whether her sister had already suspected that. Still, she pushed her hair away from her face and continued.

“He was put in a witness protection program. He didn’t have any choice.” She stared at the dark liquid swirling in her cup. “And I know it sounds like something out of a crime novel, but this time, it’s actually true.”

“I believe you,” Alex said just as she was preparing to start ranting about how she knew the truth. Kara arched her brow.

“You do?”

That earned a glare from Alex. “I’m not _that_ stubborn, thank you very much,” she defended herself. “I might’ve insisted that Mon-El was a heartless bastard before, but… I didn’t know the whole story then. _We_ didn’t know the whole story then.” She stopped for a second to search Kara’s face. “But I have a feeling _you_ know it now.”

Kara didn’t need any more confirmation to explain the situation to Alex.

“You know his parents had never been good to him,” she started, a part of her just wanting to put it out there. Alex nodded. “And… And he left me right after he went to see _them.”_

“Yeah, when you say it like that, it does sound too suspicious to be coincidental.” Kara almost laughed at that— _almost_ , if what Mon-El actually saw at his parents’ house wasn’t utterly horrible. She took a sip from her coffee for liquid courage, wishing she could put just a little whiskey in it. She had a bottle in her cabinet…

“He saw his father being murdered, Alex,” she started before she could change her mind. She could hear Alex gasping quietly. “He saw Rhea…his mother…killing him.”

_“Oh my God.”_

Yeah, that was an appropriate reaction. Kara felt a single tear slide down her cheek at the weight of her words. She wiped it away before she could continue. “He told me that…the police thought it was some sort of business deal. That Rhea’s organization had ties with a bunch of criminal organizations and numerous illegal activities all over U.S., and she…she didn’t want her _husband_ getting in the way. She didn’t want _Mon-El_ getting in the way. The police had to place him under witness protection to keep Rhea from killing him.” She shot a glance at Alex, expecting to see disbelief in her eyes—her sister had never been the one to believe a crazy story without doubting every single part of it first—but there was only understanding there. Her hands were shaking as she ran her fingers through her hair.

“So that was why Maggie couldn’t find any files about the three of them,” she whispered, more to herself than to Kara. She only continued when she saw Kara’s confused face. “When we figured out you were… _taken…_ by Mon-El, Maggie—Detective Sawyer—tried to find out everything about him. But…she couldn’t. The files were redacted. There was nothing about Mon-El or his family in the last six years.”

“Right after he left,” Kara murmured. So Mon-El hadn’t been lying when he said there were corrupt cops in the police force. Another tear escaped her eyes, and she didn’t even bother wiping it away. She bit down on her lip. “He did it all to protect me, Alex. Me and Amelia. It wasn’t because he didn’t love us. He did, and he’d done everything in his power to make sure we were safe. Even if it meant he would be leaving us. And I thought…”

“You believed in him, Kara,” Alex cut her words, scooting closer to put a hand on her back. “For months, you believed something _must’ve_ happened, despite every evidence pointing in the other direction. You would’ve still believed in him, you would’ve continued looking for him if it wasn’t for Amelia. You wanted to give you daughter everything she could want, and I doubt Mon-El would blame you for _that_.”

_He doesn’t,_ Kara thought. _He would never._ But she…she couldn’t help blaming herself for it, even though a part of her knew she had no other choice. If she fixated on Mon-El, she’d never be able to be a good mother to Amelia. She had needed to let Mon-El go, she needed to move on, if she wanted Amelia to be happy.

She just hadn’t realized how _impossible_ it would be.

“Yeah, I know,” she whispered as she straightened up. “Still, I’m happy that he’s back.” When Alex smiled and pulled her into her arms, leaning her forehead to her temple.

“If you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.” And that was…that was all Kara could ask from Alex—trusting her, despite having her suspicions, because she knew for _sure_ that it would take a lot more than a couple of words for her sister to forgive Mon-El completely.

They only pulled back when there was a knock on the door. Kara felt her heart plummet. She knew who it was—she was the one that called him here in the first place—and she knew this had to be done, but still… It didn’t make any of this easy. It didn’t change the fact that she’d chosen Mon-El over him. It didn’t change the fact that she’d broken their engagement in her mind without even talking to him. Granted, there was a good chance she couldn’t survive Rhea—maybe that was what made it easier for her to be with Mon-El, even though she still had ties with someone else—but that didn’t make it okay. And that was what made this conversation all the more important.

Alex squeezed Kara’s hand when she saw the distraught expression on her sister’s face. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” Kara nodded, even though the last thing she wanted was to be alone with _him_ right now. Alex pressed a small kiss on her temple, making her promise to call if she needed anything.

And then, right before she grabbed her bag and left, she let James in.

* * *

Alex didn’t know why or how exactly she had Maggie’s cellphone number on her phone, but as it turned out, she _did._ And it turned out to be extremely helpful, as she was able to text her and find out where she was instead of just barging into the police station, hoping she was there.

Though, in hindsight, that would’ve been helpful too, since Maggie was indeed in the police station, wrapping up Mon-El’s case files. Alex found her in the break room, grabbing two cups of coffees from the coffee machine.

Now that the weight of Kara being missing was lifted off of her shoulders, she could truly appreciate just how beautiful the detective was. And now that Kara was home…there was nothing stopping the kiss that Maggie had promised her a couple of days ago.

Maggie lifted her head and smiled once she saw Alex. “Right on time, Danvers.” Alex gratefully took the cup of coffee the detective offered her. “So, what brings you here? I thought you’d be spending the night with your sister.”

Well, _that_ had certainly been Alex’s plan, but Kara had stuff to deal with on her own, namely James and Mon-El. She didn’t want to get in the way of that.

“I would, but… I wanted to come here and thank you,” she started, deciding not to get into the whole relationship drama. “For everything you did to find Kara.”

“I didn’t do anything… _technically,”_ Maggie corrected herself when she saw the flare in Alex’s eyes. “I wasn’t the one that found Kara.”

“But you were here for me,” Alex objected, which had been…more than she could ever ask for. If it wasn’t for Maggie’s calm, comforting presence, if it wasn’t for her keeping Alex up to date with the investigation… There was a good chance Alex would have plummeted into depression, spending the nights in the bar with a drink in her hand. But Maggie kept her spirit up. She kept her hopeful, she never let her give up, and for that…for that, she was grateful. “You kept me going, you made sure I didn’t give up completely, and for that, I’m so grateful, Maggie. So…thank you.”

Maggie’s eyes glimmered as she smiled. “It was my pleasure.” Alex nodded and gulped, trying to gather her courage to say the next words…when in fact, she didn’t even need it. She knew what Maggie wanted; she could see it in her eyes. In her pain and worry, her priorities and perception might’ve been altered, but now, with a clear head, the connection between them was so obvious that it was almost tangible. She cleared her head and stepped forward, putting her cup of coffee on the counter. It seemed like Maggie knew what she would say even before she opened her mouth.

“And if I’m not wrong… There was a kiss that you promised me once all of this was over, you know… Once I was happy.” She tapped her fingers on the counter and looked up at Maggie, her heart fluttering with hope. Maggie’s smile transformed into a grin.

“Come here, Danvers,” she said, their coffees long forgotten on the counter, as she grabbed Alex’s jacket to pull her close. Their lips crashed into each other, Alex’s hands finding their way to Maggie’s waist. Alex would’ve already been smiling with happiness if it wouldn’t break the kiss, and she really, _really_ didn’t want to break the kiss. Not when she’d been waiting for this for days, not when she’d wanted this more than she’d wanted anything else, not when she felt like she belonged here, especially as Maggie ran her fingers through her hair and brushed her cheek.

Yet she had to admit, by the time she pulled back, she couldn’t help smiling. She bit down on her lip as she gripped Maggie’s arms.

“It was about time,” she whispered.

The laugh that burst out of Maggie with those words echoed around the room.

* * *

Kara had thought that offering to have a walk with James would be a good idea. Mon-El was at home with Amelia, possibly reading to her—or they’d already fallen asleep, that was possible too—and the last thing Kara wanted was for James to see him there.

Yet now, walking down the street aimlessly, in silence, she felt more and more uncomfortable. She knew what had to be said. She knew she needed to break things off with James, to explain what had happened and how she felt, yet every time she opened her mouth, the words just got stuck in her throat. She would’ve had an infinitely easier time having this conversation if he had done something wrong. But he hadn’t. James…he’d been the perfect partner and the perfect father figure. It was just that…she didn’t want perfect. She wanted to be happy, and she was happiest when she was with Mon-El.

“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” James finally started talking even before she could gather her thoughts together. Kara stopped to look at him. His shoulders looked slumped, even as he tried to straighten up and tuck his hands to his pockets.

“James…” she could only mutter before he continued.

“Your ex-boyfriend was in the house with you, wasn’t he? That was why you didn’t want me to come in. Because he’s back, and you’re together again.”

“It’s not like that—“ Kara tried to say. It wasn’t like Mon-El had been gone for some time and she just used James to not be alone. It wasn’t like she knew everything Mon-El had been through. Maybe she’d always loved him, even before he came back, but she’d never get back together with him if he’d just dumped her for no reason. He’d been through hell and back, just like she had been, and knowing that… She couldn’t find it in herself not to love him. She understood him, and once that was the case… It was easy to fall back in love with him.

“I thought he hurt you,” James cut in. “I thought he left you.”

“James—“

“I don’t understand why you would want to go back to hi—“

“You don’t know him!” Kara yelled finally, not being able to stop herself. She pinched her nose and took several deep breaths to calm down. She needed to remember that James had every right to be angry. She was the one that was about to dump him. She was the one that chose someone else. But hearing him attack Mon-El… That she couldn’t take. “You don’t know what happened, James, so don’t claim to know what’s good for me and what’s not.” She clenched her fists and looked up. “I’m sorry that I’m ending our engagement, but I’m not sorry that I love Mon-El. I’m not sorry that I chose him.”

She expected James to lash out with another accusation, but instead, he just laughed humorlessly and shook his head. “You never told me that you loved me,” he said. Kara didn’t even have it in her to feel guilty about that, not when saying those words would be nothing more than a lie. “You didn’t, didn’t you?”

She had to shake her head no, despite the sick feeling in her stomach. “I wanted Amelia to have a father figure, James. If it wasn’t for her…”

“You would’ve never dated me. You would’ve never agreed to marry me.” Kara bit down on her lip and wrapped her arms around herself. Honestly, she didn’t know what to say to that. She just waited, hoping… Hoping James would speak instead of running away—not that he wouldn’t have the right to.

“The saddest thing is… I’m not even surprised.” James pinched his nose and shook his head. “I guess I always knew you didn’t love me. I just hoped that I could change your mind.”

“I’m really sorry, James.” And Kara meant it, too. She really was sorry that it had to be this way. “Maybe in another life, if I met you first… We could’ve worked. You are an amazing guy.” James’s shoulders slumped even more, if that was even possible.

“Maybe in another life,” he said, defeat and acceptance tinting his voice. Kara couldn’t help stepping forward to give him a short hug, grabbing his hand in the process to press the engagement ring on his palm. With the craziness of everything, Mon-El never had the chance to cash it out, and it was only fair that James had it back.

“Goodbye, James.”

“Goodbye, Kara.”

And somehow, as she watched him leave, Kara felt like the bond between them shattered permanently, and that nothing in the future would be enough to fix it.

Weirdly, she didn’t mind that as much as she should’ve.

She wrapped her cardigan around herself as she made her way home, silently opening the door and abandoning her phone and keys on the counter before making her way to the bedroom. She was planning on having a quick shower right after checking up on Mon-El and Amelia, but the moment she opened the bedroom’s door… She stopped in her tracks. A smile spread on her face slowly.

Mon-El and Amelia seemed like they’d both were fast asleep, curled up under the blanket. One of Mon-El’s arms was under his daughter, loosely wrapped around her waist, and Amelia seemed like she was using Mon-El as a pillow rather than her red pillow. Her hair fanned out on Mon-El’s chest, yet he either didn’t feel it or he was so comfortable that he didn’t mind it.

She really had been planning on taking a shower, but she changed her mind then, instead tiptoeing to the bed, getting rid of her socks, and quietly lied down on the empty spot right next to Mon-El. She immediately felt herself wrapped up in his warmth as she rested her head on his other shoulder, lightly tracing the lines of his face.

She couldn’t help thinking, right then and there, that this was what she wanted. And if she drifted off to sleep without taking a shower—without even changing out of her clothes—it was okay. For that day, it was okay.

She’d been more comfortable than she ever felt anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


	22. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo...the last chapter. who would've thought it'd come so quickly? i feel simultaneously excited and sad about it, because i'm so excited for you to read the ending, but i also don't want it to end lol. but i've always believed in every book that i've read: the story might've ended, but for the characters it continues, so this doesn't have to be the end of this AU ;)
> 
> also, i kinda have a future one-shot that i'm considering to write right now for this...so there's that.
> 
> but until that, i'll be starting to post a new Hunger Games AU this monday, so get excited for that!
> 
> last of all, i want to thank you all for reading and liking this story. it's my first huge AU that i've written, so it means a LOT that you've actually enjoyed it! you are the BEST readers that i could've asked for, and you've made this story all the better for me. thank you, thank you, thank you :)
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy this last chapter :)

**_3 years later_ **

It was about 9 a.m. when Mon-El quietly knocked on Amelia’s door, trying not to wake her up if she wasn’t already awake. She had a tendency to wake up early, no matter how late she slept, and considering she’d gone to bed at about ten the previous night…he assumed she must’ve woke up. On the contrary to her mother, who would sleep as long as she possibly can.

Which was why it was _so important_ that Mon-El do this right now. Early in the morning was one of the rare times he could have a conversation with Amelia without worrying about Kara interrupting them. He’d been planning today for about three weeks now, but before he could do all of that… He needed to talk to his daughter. Her opinion mattered the most to Mon-El. Yes, of course he’d talked with Kara’s parents and sister too, getting their blessing, but Amelia… Amelia was the one that would spend her life with him. She’d be the one he was living with. If she… If she didn’t want him to propose to Kara… If she didn’t want them to marry… How could he do it?

Even the thought of it broke his heart, but he tried not to show that as he pushed open the door. He found her sitting on her desk, her laptop open in front of her, playing the new Supergirl videogame Mon-El had bought. A smile pulled his lips, so much so that he didn’t even consider scolding her for sitting in front of a computer so early in the morning. It was Sunday, anyway.

“Hey, Supergirl,” he chirped as he entered the room and closed the door behind him. Amelia looked up from her game, and then a grin pulled her lips.

“Daddy, I beat the battle! Look!” She pointed at the screen just as a videogame melody filled the room, the one that indicated you won. He smiled as he walked behind Amelia to look at the screen…and indeed, it was Supergirl flying to the air with a huge YOU WON in the middle of the screen. He leaned forward to press a kiss to his daughter’s hair.

“Aren’t you just a little Supergirl? Should I be scared?” Amelia giggled and looked up before returning her attention to the game, ready to start the next battle…before Mon-El interrupted her. “But do you think you can spare me five minutes before you punch someone else through a wall?”

He had to gulp to get rid of the knot in his throat, trying to keep the smile on his face straight. “Okay,” Amelia chirped without hesitation, putting her console aside and spinning her chair to face her father. It probably would’ve been impossible to talk to her in the middle of the game, but now, right before starting a new battle…

He cleared his throat as Amelia looked at him curiously. “I wanted to ask you something about your mother,” he said, slowly kneeling down so that he was at eye-level with her. Amelia frowned, waiting for him to continue, confusion shining in her eyes. Mon-El could feel his fingers shaking as he reached for the pocket of his jeans and took out the small box there.

The red box with the engagement ring in it. He flipped it open for Amelia to see.

It took her two second to realize what it was, and then her eyes went wide. “Is that an engagement ring?”

Mon-El had to rush forward to shush her. Of course. He shouldn’t have been surprised that she knew about what it would mean, what with all those romance shows still all around.

“Shh, not so loud. I don’t want Kara to hear,” he whispered, putting his hand on her knee. Amelia hastily nodded, even though her eyes were fixed on the ring.

“Will you ask her to marry you?” she asked excitedly. Something like relief passed down Mon-El’s spine as he nodded.

“That’s the plan,” he said as he closed the ring box and squeezed it in his hand. “But I wanted to ask for your permission first. I wanted to know if that was okay for you.”

“Me?” she asked, as if she didn’t expect that, but when Mon-El nodded… A smile spread on her face.

“She’s your family. I thought it was only fair.”

There was no hesitation in Amelia’s eyes as she screamed, “Yes!” Lurching forward, she wrapped her arms around Mon-El so unexpectedly that she almost knocked him back. He held her to keep them from falling as a laugh burst out of his mouth. “Yes, yes, yes!” Honestly, at that moment, he couldn’t even care about just how loud Amelia was being.

“That’s good to know,” he said as he pulled back, trying not to burst into tears. Amelia giggled before she looked down at the ring again, grabbing one of his arms.

“Will it be romantic?” she asked almost too quickly for Mon-El to understand. “Will you take her to a restaurant? Will it be big? Will it be like they do in the movies? Will it—“

“Yes,” Mon-El answered before she could get far. “Yes, it will be big. It will be… It will be just what Kara deserves.” _I hope so._ He’d been planning this for some time now, considering every single possibility, and he believed that he’d found an idea perfect for Kara. He just hoped…she liked it, too.

Despite that fear churning in his stomach, he couldn’t help smiling when he saw Amelia grinning. She was just about to say something when they heard a crash coming from downstairs.

A crash that sounded too much like Kara’s usual clumsiness.

Amelia clamped her mouth shut and pressed her fingers on Mon-El’s lips. “Shh. Mommy is awake.” He nodded with a smile. “She can’t hear us. It must be a surprise.”

“I agree,” Mon-El whispered back, taking Amelia’s face in his hands as he pressed a kiss atop her head. “So how about I go down and prepare breakfast before she gets suspicious? It does seem like Supergirl is waiting for you, as well.” Amelia’s eyes lit up.

“Supergirl!” Amelia spun around to face her computer, her hands flying to the keyboard. “Can you make pancakes, daddy?” she asked without even looking back at Mon-El. And then she was back engrossed with her game.

Mon-El just laughed and stood up, trying not to disturb her as he left. He was just about to pull the door close when Amelia stopped him. “Dad?”

“Yes, kiddo?” She seemed like she paused the game just for him, and even that alone said this was important. She smiled.

“You’re my family, too,” she said, referencing what he said a couple of moments ago. Emotions clogged Mon-El’s throat. Even though it’d been close to three years since he’d been back, three years he had gotten to spend with his daughter and hear her call him dad, in moments like this…when things got serious—and Amelia knew it was serious—and she _still_ called him her family… It tugged a string in his heart. There had been a time he’d believed Amelia would never forgive him for leaving, so to hear her full acceptance…

“Thanks, Mellie,” he said, smiling back at her. She just returned back to her game with that, but her words stuck with Mon-El even as he made his way down the stairs.

* * *

_“A three hour horror-mystery fantasy,”_ Kara read from the brochure Mon-El gave her, her brows creeping up to her forehead. “ _Forbidden to people with heart disease, children below 18, and pregnant women._ Well, that sounds very romantic.” She lifted her head to look at her boyfriend. “You weren’t kidding when you said we’d be doing something very unique for our anniversary.”

Mon-El just arched his brow at her as he threw a piece of pancake in his mouth. “So what, you’re telling me you’d rather spend the whole night in an unnecessarily expensive restaurant, eating half of our money’s worth?” Kara glared at Mon-El with that, especially as he smugly took a sip from his coffee. “Besides,” he continued, “you can’t tell me that you don’t love horror attractions. Remember that haunted house we went to in Universal Studios?”

“The one where you actually walk around instead of sitting in a cart?”

“Yup. That one.” Kara had to smile at the memory, despite everything. She’d been scared there, yes, but…she _liked_ being scared. She liked having her heart slamming against her ribs, she liked her gaze flickering everywhere, trying to see everything, she liked suspense and adrenaline building up in her even before any jumpscare happened. And she also loved Mon-El’s reaction to all that. Mon-El knew that, too. There was a reason he’d bought her a series of horror games on her birthday two years ago…and played it with her, despite burying his face in her hair every time things got too intense or jumping up on the couch when a jumpscare happened.

“I do love me some horror,” she admitted, playing with her pancake. “But still, there’s one more issue.” Mon-El lifted his brow. “Amelia.”

Recognition flickered on his face.

“You know how she gets when she has to spend the whole day without us. And since this is _technically_ Alex and Maggie’s anniversary too, we can’t use them as a bait.” Which was _technically_ true, because _technically_ this wasn’t Kara and Mon-El’s first anniversary—it was what they dubbed as their _reunion_ anniversary, when Mon-El came back from his witness protection and after Rhea was gone. That day, unfortunately—in this situation, at least—coincided with the date Alex and Maggie started dating. Kara couldn’t possibly interrupt that so that Mon-El and her could have a nice anniversary.

“Yes, but Tom and Charlie are in town,” Mon-El said, while he took their plates and put it in the kitchen sink. “They apparently had a drug case or something, but since Charlie is busy, Tom agreed to take a day off and take care of Amelia. You know she loves Tom.”

“She does love Tom,” Kara had to admit. In fact, she even suspected that Amelia might have a child crush on him…not that she was surprised about that. Everybody who’d ever met Tom probably liked him. “That was a very nice coincidence, Mr. Gand.” Mon-El grinned at her over his shoulder as he placed their plates into the washing machine.

“I know, right?” He poured coffee in her cup when she pushed it his way. “But I doubt Amelia would have a problem with us leaving today, even without Tom and Charlie.”

“Oh?” Kara arched her brow in disbelief. She couldn’t imagine a situation Amelia would let them go without a tantrum. But Mon-El seemed almost _too_ confident of himself—suspiciously confident.

“She’s kind of into anything romantic right now. And she knows the meaning of today for us. She wouldn’t say no—“ He stopped when the door rang. “That must be Tom. I’ll get it.” He quickly brushed his fingers over Kara’s hand before he moved to let them in. Kara frowned after him, wondering what he was talking about when he said Amelia knew the importance of today. It wasn’t their first anniversary, or first birthday, or first special day. Even on those days Amelia wanted to spend time with them. Why would today be any different?

She shook away those thoughts to walk to the stairs. “Amelia! Tom came!” she called out. If anything could get her to leave that game of hers, it was him. “You wanna say hi?”

“Tooommm…” A scream came from upstairs before Kara heard the pitter patter of Amelia’s footsteps. She was just smiling when she saw the little girl literally _fly_ down the stairs.

Kara barely had time to say “be careful” before she jumped down the last two steps and rushed to the door. Well, Mon-El really wasn’t kidding when he said Amelia liked Tom.

A laugh came from the front door of the house as Kara made her way there, right behind Amelia, only to see the little girl in Tom’s arms.

“Hey, Mellie,” Tom cheered with a laugh, trying to balance the little girl and the huge bag that was in his left hand. “Wow. You’ve grown a whole lot since I last saw you.” Amelia giggled as she buried her face into Tom’s neck.

She’d latched on him so strongly that Kara could only hug him with one arm as a greeting. “Thank you for coming,” she said as she grabbed the bag from Tom’s hand. “I didn’t know that you were in town.”

“Charlie and I arrived just yesterday,” Tom explained. “I didn’t think we’d have time to meet with Charlie’s case and all, but when Mon-El told me today was your anniversary…” Tom flashed Mon-El a grin. “I cleared my schedule to take care of this little monster while you go do your cheesy couple-y stuff.”

Kara snorted at that. “Yeah, as cheesy and romantic as a horror house can get.” Tom just laughed at that, no hint of surprise in his voice. Maybe it was that, maybe it was the look Tom sent Mon-El’s way, maybe it was the way Mon-El blushed, but she couldn’t help thinking that this might’ve been planned for far longer than Mon-El claimed, that Tom being here to take care of Amelia might not have been as _coincidental_ as it seemed.

Yet she had to dismiss those thoughts when Mon-El moved to the kitchen, and Tom had to put Amelia down to rest his arms. “Do you need anything, or…?” Kara asked, but Tom just shook his head and waved her off.

“Kara, this isn’t the first time I took care of Amelia. I just need you to go out and have fun in your horror—whatever thingy.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, madam.”

“Amelia can be—“

“We’ll be fine.”

“But—“

“Kara,” Tom stopped her, nudging her to Mon-El’s side. Kara realized that he was already dressed, and even had her bag in his hand, before she could even say anything about it. “As I said, this isn’t the first time I’ll be taking care of Amelia. Go and celebrate your anniversary. Come on. Chop, chop.” Kara glared at him even as she felt Mon-El throwing his arm around her. “Go with your boyfriend.”

“Okay, fine, geez.” She lifted her hands in defeat. “I’m going. I’m going.”

“That’s the spirit.” Mon-El pressed a small kiss on her temple. “We wouldn’t want to be late, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, you jerk.” She shooed him away as she turned to Amelia, who was waiting by the kitchen counter, looking at Tom expectantly. She stroked her daughter’s hair to get her attention. “Be nice to Tom, sweetie, okay? We’ll be gone and back in a second.”

Amelia nodded almost enthusiastically, her eyes briefly finding Mon-El’s before she looked back at Kara. “Of course, mom.” She gave Kara a short hug before turning to Mon-El, hugging his leg too as he leaned down to whisper something to the girl’s ear. Amelia giggled as she pulled back.

Kara stood up, wanting to ask what he said, but when he extended his hand to hers… A smile tugged at her lips. She could deal with that later. Today… Today was about her and Mon-El. Nothing else.

“You ready?”

She nodded as she grabbed his hand, waving back at Tom and Amelia, and then letting him lead her outside.

* * *

Kara’s hands were shaking as she pulled the keyboard to herself, trying to steady herself to punch in the code. They were _so close_ to beating this hellhole of a horror game. _Three-hour horror-fantasy._ Well, the ad definitely wasn’t lying when it said it was _three hours._ They had barely minutes left to figure out how to get out of this haunted house setting, with its spider webs, dreary decorations, and life-like jumpscares.

But she also was hoping that once they punched in the code they found to the computer, a door would open, and…voila. They’d be free. Not that she didn’t enjoy this—it was _kinda_ fun to see Mon-El scream, and to be honest, it made it easier for her to feel calm—but it would be a lie if she claimed she didn’t want out.

“Gimme the code,” she told Mon-El as the computer screen lit up to reveal a black screen with an empty box. Three minutes. They had three minutes left.

She felt Mon-El leaning forward from her back. “Ten.” Kara pressed on the numbers the moment he told them. “Twenty-seven. Twenty. Zero. Three.” When she pressed the last number, the terrifying whirring sound in the room stopped. Kara clenched her muscles, reaching for Mon-El’s hand on her shoulder as she waited. The room was so silent that she could almost hear her heart pounding…at least until the dim lights of the room turned bright.

Kara’s whole body relaxed. They’d made it. _We made it._ She couldn’t help leaning back onto Mon-El’s chest with a laugh.

“We made it,” she whispered as she looked up at him through her lashes. Her heart was finally calming down, especially when he pressed a kiss on her hair.

“We made it,” he nodded. She laughed again, kissing his hand, waiting for a door to open or something so that they could walk out through a red carpet, but instead…a sound came from the computer. She realized that the screen had turned white.

She hushed Mon-El immediately, even though he wasn’t talking. “Hush, something’s happening.” A loading sign appeared on the screen, adding even more mystery to the situation.

A lot of thoughts had gone through her head about what could pop up on the screen. A congratulations sign. A ridiculous music video. Even a jumpscare. What she _didn’t_ expect was to see _herself_ in a winter hat, smiling at the camera.

Her smile slipped off of her face in confusion as her video self grinned widely. “So…” she started speaking in the video. “If you can’t see it from the white flecks all over my coat… It is snowing today!” She laughed and pointed the camera around. “I know, I know, we’re in National City and it does sound unbelievable—oh, there’s Mon-El.” A laugh came from the video as a black figure lying on the snow came into view. He lifted his head to look at Kara. “Yeah, I think he’s making a snow angel. Are you making a snow angel, Mon-El?”

“I don’t need to make a snow angel,” he said as he propped himself up. “I’m already an angel.” Kara laughed and turned the camera to herself.

“Yeah, an angel in the devil’s all black clothing—“ It was at _that_ moment a snowball hit her face, making her stumble back. Kara couldn’t help recalling the day—the first time snow actually coated the ground enough to make a snowman. The footage wasn’t perfect—cameras weren’t that good all those years ago—but she remembered that memory so very clearly. It was their senior year in high school, the first time they had a snow holiday from school, and they’d been enjoying it.

Still, she couldn’t understand why that video would be here.

“Hey!” The her in the video screamed at Mon-El. His laugh was ringing around the room as the footage became shaky. “Don’t you laugh, Mon-El Gand. I’m gonna get you right now.”

The scene went black before she could say anything else, a song starting to play in the background. A song very familiar to her. _True Love_ by P!nk, her and Mon-El’s favorite song from three years ago. She even remembered singing it around the house one time, when Amelia was staying with Alex, and dancing with Mon-El.

And that was exactly what appeared on the screen. The shaky video of her _dancing on the couch,_ a brush in her hand in place of a microphone, a laugh interrupting the melody of the song. Mon-El’s laugh.

“You’re doing great, babe,” Mon-El’s words rang in the video just as she burst into laughs, falling onto the couch, right as the screen went black. A sentence popped up.

_I feel like this song describes our relationship better than any other._

And then the video changed into another video—another memory of them, Kara recalled, from their first vacation together as a couple, alone. They were in Miami, right by the beach, and Kara was walking in her bikini and lace beach dress as he filmed her.

“Are you filming me, Mon-El?” she asked, looking over her shoulder. Mon-El softly chuckled.

“Maybe?”

“Are you really filming me _walking down the beach?”_

“You look beautiful,” Mon-El explained so nonchalantly. Kara didn’t need to see her face to know that she was smiling in the video. “Your beauty needs to be recorded in human history. Trust me, the next generations will thank us for this footage.”

Kara snorted as she turned to Mon-El, throwing her cardigan at the camera. Even though the screen turned black, she could still hear her laugh in the video.

She had to blink her tears away to read the next sentence, because…she’d just realized what was going on. She knew what was coming at the end of this video. Maybe that was why her throat was knotted and she felt like she could burst into tears any second. Maybe that was why, despite wanting to look back at Mon-El and make sure she got it right, she couldn’t bring herself to turn around. She could only watch the video, her hands shaking at her sides

_We’ve had our ups and downs_.

The screen changed into a more recent memory—from just a couple of months ago, when Mon-El convinced Kara to try ice-skating. (Pro tip: It wasn’t as easy as you would think.) She remembered that her heart was beating almost as fast as it was beating now. She was trying to skate to the side of the arena, straightening up her clothes in the process…and of course, she’d fallen on her butt. She’d glared at Mon-El then, especially when he started to laugh, but right now… She felt a corner of her lips tipped up.

_…okay, to be honest, we’ve had a lot of downs._

And then it was a compilation of them tripping and falling down…at least whatever they managed to catch on tape. Kara trying to walk in her prom heels and almost falling down. Mon-El dropping several kitchen utensils while trying to cook. Kara dropping her books on the ground while she studied… _multiple times._

_And we’ve created a lot of messes._

The scene turned to a microwave…an almost _burnt_ microwave. The memory—and the horrible scent—was so familiar to Kara. Mon-El had tried heating up a chocolate chip cookie he’d gotten from Starbucks…with its package on it. It’d smelled so bad then, and the cookie was burnt too badly to be edible, yet Kara still was laughing as she filmed Mon-El, even as he glared at him.

_And we’ve never learned to be mature._

There were so many videos after each sentence that Kara lost track. She couldn’t believe Mon-El kept all these stuff, especially because most of them were before smart phones were even out so that you could actually save your data without much work. But there was her pouring ice-cold water over him to wake him up on April fools day. There was them unpacking the boxes after they moved in together and making a mess of wrappers. There was them trying to bake a lava cake for the first time and spreading chocolate all over the pan.

_But that immaturity translated into fun…_

There was them trying to build a sand castle and failing, and ending up throwing sand at each other. There was them, in one of the more recent videos, playing with Amelia in the park. There was them playing bowling—and again, failing.

_Into happiness…_

There was them dancing in their high school senior prom. There was Kara making breakfast wearing only one of Mon-El’s plaid shirts. There was Mon-El and Amelia playing Just Dance in their newest PlayStation console.

_And finally into love._

There was them walking through a haunted house, huddled together. There was her studying for an exam with her hair in a messy bun, and Mon-El supporting her with chocolate glazed doughnuts and iced lattes. There was them watching The Notebook together with tears in their eyes.

_The happiest moments of my life were spent with you._

There was her trying to snowboard and Mon-El chuckling in the background. There was Mon-El petting and feeding a stray cat while Kara filmed. There was them dressed up as Supergirl and Superboy (their favorite superheroes—and also Superman was so cliché that they wanted something different) and going to a Halloween party.

_You’ve made my life worth living._

There was them building a fort from pillows and blankets. There was them playing Twister with Amelia. There was them celebrating the end of finals with a box of doughnuts.

_And you’ve made me realize I don’t want to live it without you._

_I can only hope you’re feeling the same way._

Kara had expected another video when the writing faded, but instead…a drawing came up. Not just a drawing, though. It was a drawing of Mon-El on his knee, with a box in his hand, looking up at…her. At Kara. With a ring box. On one knee.

She audible gasped as she spun around, only to find Mon-El on the same position as the drawing: On his knee with a…with an open ring box in his hand. He offered her a small smile. “Surprise.”

Kara’s hand came up to cover his mouth, yet still…still, the corners of her lips curled up into a smile. The tears filling her eyes might’ve indicated differently, but her heart… It was beating with only happiness.

“You did all of this?” _For me?_ she couldn’t help adding inside. She couldn’t imagine just how much time and planning this must’ve take, let alone actually preparing that video. Yet… Yet, he’d done it. For her, he’d done it.

She’d once told Alex that the reason she wasn’t proposing to Mon-El was that she wanted him to do it in a special way. Not that she would’ve minded it if they were, say, resting at home in their pajamas and he popped the question, but this… This was more than she could’ve ever hoped for.

Mon-El just shrugged as an answer to her question. “I didn’t draw the picture, since I can’t draw properly even if my life depended on it, but other than that…yeah.” He offered her a small smile. “I told you today would be uniquely romantic.”

A laugh burst out of her at that. Well, uniquely romantic it was. Uniquely, incredibly, unexpectedly romantic. “Yeah,” she nodded, wiping away her tears quickly. “Yeah, it…it was.”

“I’m glad.” He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath, as if getting ready to say the words. “Here we go.”

Kara couldn’t help smiling as Mon-El started. “I know… I know I tell you everyday how important you are to me. And I hope that you also know just how happy you make me. I never want to let go of that happiness.

“Kara Danvers, will you marry me?”

She didn’t hesitate for _one second_ as she said the word. “Yes.” She nodded with a laugh. “Yes, a thousand times ye—“

Her words were cut when Mon-El jumped to his feet and pressed his lips on hers. She giggled into the kiss as her eyes fluttered close and she moved her hands over his back and through his hair. _You make me the happiest girl in the world. too,_ she wanted to tell him. _I don’t want to live without you either._ Yet her mouth was occupied, and she hoped that the kiss was enough to express everything she’d been feeling inside.

She pulled back only when she felt breathless, locking her eyes with Mon-El’s. “I love you,” she whispered, her fingertips brushing the ends of his hair. “I mean, if you…if you couldn’t tell from my yes.”

Mon-El choked out a laugh. “I love you too,” he whispered, his hand traveling down her arm to her left hand. He already had the ring in his other hand—Kara had no idea when or how he’d managed that. His smile widened as he slipped it on her finger.

It fit perfectly.

“It’s so beautiful,” Kara couldn’t help saying. Mon-El nodded.

“It looks beautiful on you.”

“You only say that because I said yes.”

“That’s not—“

“And we’re engaged now.”

“No, I didn—“

“And we’ll be—we’ll be spending the rest of our lives together.” Suddenly, with those words, all the teasing disappeared from her voice. Even biting down on her lip couldn’t stop her from smiling. “We’re getting married.”

“We’re getting married.”

A laugh burst out of Kara’s chest as Mon-El wrapped his arms around her and spun her around. She had a feeling…that laugh would be plastered on her face for a long, long time to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my beta @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain for her love and support of this story :)))
> 
> if you have any questions about this story or anything else, please leave them in the comments, or ask me on my Tumblr, @busysciencegeek
> 
> love y'all :)


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